Weekend Caption Contest™

It’s Friday, so it must be time for the Wizbang Weekend Caption Contest™. This week I’m pimping out the contest to the Beltway Traffic Jam, as invited. Winners to be announced Sunday.

Update: Winners announced.

Draft Dodging Dean?
Brining Out The Big Guns
  • R to L

    Ted Allen, Food & Wine Expert: “I will sip only the finest wine, and not before their time mind you, from this VICTORY chalice! My cup runneth over and over again, oh my!”

    Kyan Douglas, Grooming: “It has handles and knobs ~ can this new toy be any more diverse?? And it can be converted into a diffuser. Do not forget to shuuzz your locks all you fair haired men!”

    Jai Rodgriguez, Culture: “I will be your hero baby. I just want to say: Mami, Papi: Gracias. Mwah! Mi amigos: por la raza!”

    Thom Filicia, Design: “Okay, I am just having such a moment here. This is the culmination of so much work, you have no idea how much this means to us. We deserve so much more but this is a start, a beginning. We aim to conquer, you know? We are so out of the closet that like the closet is like a walk in closet. No, like the closet is a whole room. Like this trophy will be the mock up for a new line of floor lamps, designed by me and like no, you will take this home Carson and throw clothes over it…”

    Carson Kressley, Fashion: “I am so over this gay thing, you people do not even know how tiresome talking with an overblown affected speech is all the f-in time. The whole lisp thing ~ I feel like such a fraud. But I needed a gig because I am such a gifted clothes jockey you know? Oh my god, I just outed myself as a METROSEXUAL!”

  • “Never seen a dildo with handles before!”

    (can I SAY that word?!? If not, I am sorry and please delete this entry.)

  • “Queer Eye For the Straight Guy” awarded 2003 Bukaki Cup

  • Rodney Dill


    I don’t see why you should have any problems using the word handles.

  • Well, it isn’t the Tiger Blogotarian Award, but a trophy is a trophy.

  • Rodney Dill

    Much as Justin Timberlake, members, of the ‘Queer Eye’, suffer atrophy.

  • Jay Tea

    “Hey, there are only four gerbils in here! Anyone seen Raggot Junior? Don’t step on him!”

  • After a prolonged controversy where Tom Cruise’s and Big Gay Al’s votes were undercounted, the QEFTSG crew walks away with the “Biggest Gay Hero” award.

  • Jay Tea

    “You know, if we turned it upside down, it’d be a LOT more phallic… “

  • Little did the producers at VH1 know that their award was made from the exact metal the Crab People underground empire needed to complete their nuclear doomsday weapon. Will the Queer Eye guys be stopped in time, or will the Crab People emerge victorious?

  • Lee

    It’s nice to see five unknowns overcome their obstacles, make it big, and finally have a pot to piss in.

  • “No no no, this trophy is MUCH too gaudy for our living room! It’ll have to go in the front hall, under the track lighting!”

  • “Now that you’ve won the Big In 2003 VH1 Award, what will you do next?”
    “We’re going to Gay Days at Disney World!”

  • Timothy L

    The winning tribe on Survivor: Catalina Island happily hoist their trophy.

  • Rodney Dill

    “Thank you, Thank you, and now, will everyone please rise for the singing of our national anthem…