In Case You Missed It…

Miss Teen USA South Carolina Lauren Caitlin Upton is a YouTube hit. The video of her bumbling answer to why one-fifth of Americans can’t locate our country on a world map has been viewed over 1.5 million times since Friday. Let this be an example to our young people; trying to B.S. your way through an question you don’t understand or know the answer on a live primetime TV broadcast is a bad idea…

Upton finished the competition as third runner-up.

Weekend Caption Contest™ Winners
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  • GianiD

    Make her a Dem presidential candidate. Can’t be any dumber than what they already have, AND, she has just as much ‘useful experience’ as the Hildebeast and Osama B.

  • Oh, wow. I heard this clip on Fox Sports Radio a bit ago and have been looking for a story on it.

    Basically she said, “I don’t have any idea what your question is about, what you’re talking about or even if I can locate the United States on a map. But, I’ll throw in some feel good ideas and hope every one thinks I know what I’m talking about.”

    How on Earth did she make it to Miss Teen South Carolina?

    It’s a good thing she’s good looking. She’s going to need all the advantages she can get.

    I hope she doesn’t aspire to be a teacher.

  • Coming to a highway near you:

    Miss Teen USA South Carolina Lauren Caitlin Upton in a drunken car chase with cocaine in her pocket that’s not hers.

  • Lauren Caitlin Upton: “I’m so smart! S-M-R-T! Smart!”

  • Lledowynn

    Is it just me, or did anyone else have issues even understanding the empty-headed pablum that came out of her mouth?

  • dickdee

    I thought I understood all of it. Something about how we should look to South Africa for help. And if they don’t help then Obama will see to it that we invade them. Completely understandable…man, her parents much be proud huh? Bet she wasn’t home schooled.

  • kim

    Maps? Maps? I don’t look at maps. I know where I am.

  • FreedomFries

    hmmmm, lemme see; S. Carolina & impeccably white, vapid southern babe and beauty contestant….

    What are the odds THAT SHE IS NOT ONE of your home grown Republicans???? About 1 in 20,000,000.

  • Oh my, that was painful. Almost as painful as FF’s inane comment.

  • Mac Lorry

    Regardless of the hype, it’s really a beauty contest, or at least a beauty first contest. What’s stupid is to ask questions that apparently not even the nation’s best educators can answer in a meaningful way.

  • WildWillie

    She makes more sense then most of the liberal trolls here. I do agree with Oyster, that was painful to watch. ww

  • Pretzel_Logic

    It is painful. Humongous future as a hostess at Luby’s.

  • Paul

    Cause she’s a blonde B-L-O-N-D

  • Paul

    BTW if this was a caption contest marc would have won it going away…..

  • cirby


    She wants to be a graphic artist, she’s not very bright, and volunteers with a couple of “progressive” groups.

    Not exactly a right-wing profile.

  • spurwing plover

    Becuase too many of them went to these rotten public schools run by the Nazis Educators Association

  • FreedomFries

    cirby, in S. Carolina “progressive” causes are just a hair to the left of “Jim Crowe lynchings.”

  • wave man

    cirby, in S. Carolina “progressive” causes are just a hair to the left of “Jim Crowe lynchings.”

    17. Posted by FreedomFries | August 27, 2007 10:02 AM

    You continue to show your idiocy and prejudices with every stupid thing that you type with your stubby fingers. You must really be the life of any party. /sarcasm

    I’m sitting here trying to decide whether to tell you to kiss the left or the right cheek of my South Carolina butt. What I really want to say to you would get me banned.

    Why don’t you go over to DU or Kos and spew your venom with all the other hate-filled kiddies? Crap like this is why I rarely read the comments or participate on Wizbang anymore. Why you haven’t already been banned is beyond me.

  • Oh really, FreedomFries. If you’d care to check before you spout off with your hateful rhetoric, Ms. Upton’s “causes” include volunteering for:

    * Sistercare, shelter for abused women.
    * Pets, Incorporated, animal shelter.
    * Respite Care, for children with disabilities.
    * March of Dimes Dorn Veterans Hospital.

    If this is indicative of a “homegrown Republican” and causes just to the left of “Jim Crowe lynchings”, we’ll claim her; in spite of her answer to the question posed to her. Vapid? Maybe, but her actions speak louder than your inane ramblings.

  • Tim in PA

    I feel bad for her, since I can make out the gist of what she’s saying (no shit). Due to my continuing education, I’m highly fluent in ditzy-blondese.

  • FreedomFries

    Hey, Ms S. Carolina Upton would make a great new addition to Wizbang, partnered with her erudite sister, Ms. Florida, Fiano.

  • Sheik Yur Bouty


    Anything Ms. Upton has to say would still make more sense than anything you’ve said on this blog, um, well, prety much EVER.


  • Peter F.

    New Democrat Presidential platform item: A map in every glove compartment! (Provided individuals can locate his/her car’s glove compartment.)

  • John F Not Kerry

    Before I watched this, I was prepared to mock her, because I was under the impression that she went on some anti-war rant. But now I feel sorry for her. I know very few teenagers that know much of anything, and the smart ones I know aren’t in beauty pageants.

  • The correct answer, of course, was “Because our pathetic public education system is an abject failure.”

    Naturally, she couldn’t give the correct answer, being a product of that very system – Catch 22, more or less.

    Incidentally, our South Carolina public schools typically rank 49th out of 50 states, which accounts for our “educators” supporting statehood for DC as well as the SC Department of Education motto: “Thank God for Mississippi!”

  • FreedomFries

    “The correct answer, of course, was “Because our pathetic public education system is an abject failure.”

    How could that be in such a conservative Republican state? You must be conserving public ignorance.

  • John F Not Kerry

    FreedomFries apparently isn’t aware of the NEA and its state affiliates, liberal education unions devoted to teachers, not students. Nor must he/she be aware of the zeal with which they support Democrats. But then why would we be surprised about FF not knowing facts?

  • Ken

    how the hell did the A.C. Slater not drop that microphone and fall to the floor dying of laughter?

    he could have at least given her a little “GONG” tap on the head to let her know what an idiot she is.

    absolutely amazing

  • FreedomFries

    “FreedomFries apparently isn’t aware of the NEA and its state affiliates, liberal education unions devoted to teachers, not students”

    Hey John F Not Kerry, all the same, your drooling above still would not explain why that great bastion of conservative governing, SC, ranks 49th out of all the others. If what you drooled had the slightest bearing, SC would be in the middle of a bad pack, not the bottom.

  • FryGuy,

    The only thing that “conservative governing” will ever do to public education is spend a little less than “liberal governing.” In the end, education establishments nationwide are filled with liberals. A governor serving a 4 or 8 year term can do very little against it because many in the liberal public education establishment hang around for decades, irrespective of how well they do their jobs. Why do you think teacher’s unions fight so hard to avoid merit pay systems? To reward the vast mediocrity that has swelled their ranks. Being ranked first in such a sy7stem should not be a source of much pride.

    Besides, why do you think homeschoolers always win the spelling and geography bees?


  • Mike G in Corvallis

    Good grief! She’s the walking, talking personification of Julie Brown’s song!

    ‘Cause I’m a Blond

    Because I’m blond, I don’t have to think
    I talk like a baby, and I never pay for drinks
    Don’t have to worry about gettin’ a man
    If I keep this blond, and I keep these tan!
    ‘Cause I’m a blond, yeah yeah yeah!
    ‘Cause I’m a blond, yeah yeah yeah!

    I see people workin’, it just makes me giggle
    ‘Cause I don’t have to work, I just have to jiggle!
    ‘Cause I’m blond, B-L-O-N-D
    ‘Cause I’m a blond, don’t you wish you were me?

    I never learned to read and I never learned to cook
    Why should I bother when I look like I look?
    I know lots of people are smarter than me
    But I have this philosophy —
    So what?!
    ‘Cause I’m a blond, yeah yeah yeah!
    ‘Cause I’m a blond, yeah yeah yeah!

    –[ snip! ]–

    I took an IQ test and I flunked it of course
    I can’t spell VW, but I got a Porsche!
    ‘Cause I’m a blond, B-L-A-N-D
    ‘Cause I’m a blond, don’t you wish you were me?

    I just want to say that being chosen as this month’s Miss August is, like, a compliment I’ll remember for as long as I can! Right now I’m a freshman in my fourth year at UCLA, but my goal is to become a veterinarian ’cause I love children!

    ‘Cause I’m a blond, yeah yeah yeah!
    ‘Cause we’re all blond, yeah yeah yeah!

    Girls think I’m snotty and maybe its true —
    With my hair and body, you would be too!
    ‘Cause I’m a blond, B-L … I don’t know!
    ‘Cause I’m a blond, yeah yeah yeah!
    ‘Cause I’m a blond, yeah yeah yeah!
    ‘Cause I’m a blond, yeah yeah yeah!

  • epador

    I pity those that think that lass is hot. Pretty paper over a brick does not alter the brick.

  • Susy

    All of you are reprehensible.

    I suppose that everything in your lives has been perfect?

    This gal graduated with a 3.5 average, is an outstanding athlete and lucky her, she’s beautiful.

    Easy to laugh at others low moments isn’t it? That way you don’t have to reflect on your own.

    At least her weakness is public speaking. Everyone else who is busting on this girl are weak in morality.

    Too bad.