So you want to be a Massachusettes Senator

Well it’s down to the last week of the special election campaign for The Glenlivet Memorial seat in the United States Senate. Improbably, a Republican is within spitting distance of the Democrat for a statewide seat in Massachusettes. Brown is closing on Coakley according to several polls, and there’s a lot of anecdotal evidence being reported about the enthusiasm of the Brown campaign as they sprint toward Tuesday’s vote.

Ah, the delicious irony of Massachusettes voters handing “Ted Kennedy’s Seat” to a Republican and breaking the Democrats’ filibuster-proof majority. Maybe, but color me skeptical and pessimistic as hell. There’s just no way I can get too emotionally invested in the idea of a Brown victory. The Democrats’ stranglehold on the Bay State is just too strong, Democrats outnumber Republicans by a 3 to 1 margin, and now that the race has tightened Democrats are cranking up the machine.

Throw in the Obama appointees running Justice and I just can’t conceive of a way Coakley doesn’t get dragged across the finish line with a surprisingly large margin of victory. Not trying to rain on any parades here, but I’ve seen it and come away disappointed too many times.

Admittedly, Coakley has run a terrible campaign. Running out the clock in a state where it’s almost impossible for a Democrat to lose. Forced to actually campaign over the past two weeks, she shown awful political instincts and a sense of entitlement to “Teddy’s Seat”. There’s no doubt she’s vulnerable, but this is Massachusettes we’re talking about. A Democrat can drown a bitch in Massachusettes and the voters will send him to the Senate for the rest of his natural born life. She may not be a Kennedy, but she hasn’t actually killed anyone either. So she’s got that going for her.

Not too long ago Texas elected a Democrat, Ann Richards, as Governor against all odds and popular wisdom. Texas is to Republicans what Massachusettes is to Democrats ever since 1980. Hell, LBJ’s political machine even had to steal Texas for JFK back in 1960 although that may have been more of a Baptist/Catholic thing. LBJ, now there was a Democrat we don’t talk enough about. If you’re appalled at Reid’s comments about Obama then LBJ’s private ruminations on race would make your testicles re-ascend back into your body. Or your ovaries drop like testicles. YMMV.

While I’m off on a tangent here, yesterday I mentioned the happiest man on Earth – George W. Bush. Now I don’t know if any of y’all caught it, but he was at the Cowboys game in Arlington last Saturday. They showed a shot of him on NBC before the game sitting in a box next to Emmitt Smith. Fast forward in the game a bit, and as the camera is zoomed in on the pile after a play…all of a sudden this huge bullfighter cheer roars out in the stadium. After a few seconds of puzzled silence, Al Michaels says, if you’re wondering about the cheering they’re showing Emmitt Smith on the big screen. Well yeah, Emmitt and W. Al couldn’t get his head around the fact that Bush would get a standing ovation from ~100,000 people. The guys on local sports radio were totally bagging on Al over it.

We like Bush here in Dallas. Another reason to love or hate the Cowboys, Dallas and/or Texas.

Where I’m going with all this is that Texas is a very red state. A Democrat winning a major state-wide office is pretty much unheard of anymore. So how did Ann Richards pull it off? Well, she was running against a wealthy west Texas oilman by the name of Clayton Williams. Republican, self-made millionaire, pilot of what may be the greatest slow-motion train wreck campaign of all time.

Disclaimer – it took me a couple of years of searching to find a couple of mint condition Clayton Williams for Governor bumper stickers, my old ’82 F250 4×4 is festooned with one. I’d buy a couple more if anyone has any ratholed anywhere. Looks sweet next to the Long Live Longnecks sticker.

Clayton was up 20+ in the polls once the candidates were decided. All he had to do was run out the clock and he’d have waltzed into the Governor’s mansion. Which means George Bush wouldn’t have defeated Ann Richards, and wouldn’t have then gone on to the White House. Reason number one I searched high and low for those bumper stickers.

Poor Clayton was kind of like Ross Perot if Ross Perot had worked all his life in an oil field instead of a white collar environment. Think a less refined Jerry Jones. Claytie’s having some kind of off-the-record shindig at one of his spreads and it starts to rain. So he comments,

Rain is whole lot like rape. You can’t do anything about it, so you might as well sit back and enjoy it.

Reason number two for those bumper stickers. The sheer gut-wrenching dog’s nuts crazy shock value of Clayton Williams. It may drive someone to vote Democrat for all I know but it’s so worth it for those priceless looks I get from some dingleberry driving a Prius sporting Obama and COEXIST stickers.

Of course, I get that look at the next light once they catch up after I’ve blown by and given them a little taste of the 351w and Magnaflows.

That’s the kind of insanity it’s going to take for Brown to pull this out. Massachusettes is just too liberal and too reflexively Democrat for Coakley to die by a thousand pricks. It’s going to take a Chernobyl scale event. I’d love to see it, but can’t shake the feeling it’s a bridge too far.

Pants On the Ground!
Strike 3 for Coakley?