Pelosium – the heaviest element known to science

Locutisprime sends us the following in email:

Lawrence Livermore National Laboratory in California  has now identified with certainty the heaviest element known to science.

The new element, Pelosium (PL), has one neutron, 25 assistant neutrons, 88 deputy neutrons, and 198 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312.

These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons.

Pelosium is inert, and has no charge and no magnetism.  Nevertheless, it can be detected because it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact.  A tiny amount of Pelosium can cause a reaction that would normally take less than a second, to take from 4 days to 4 years to complete.

Pelosium has a normal half-life of 2 years.  It does not decay, but instead undergoes a biennial reorganization in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places.

Pelosium mass will increase over time, since each reorganization will promote many morons to become isodopes.

This characteristic of moron promotion leads some scientists to believe that Pelosium is formed whenever morons reach a critical concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as critical morass.
  
When catalyzed with money, Pelosium becomes Senatorium, an element that radiates just as much energy as Pelosium since it has half as many peons but twice as many morons.

That’s settled science right there.

Crossposted(*).

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  • http://albanymediabias.blogspot.com Falze

    Pelosium is inert, and has no charge

    I have to disagree…evidence indicates Pelosium has an extremely negative charge.

  • iwogisdead

    Pelosium is difficult to observe for extended periods due to the regular occurrence of what is known as a Botoxus Event, which causes the element to take on a strange, disturbing appearance. Between Botoxus Events, Pelosium actually does appear to decay, and this progresses until the next Botoxus Event.

  • http://www.outsidethebeltway.com rodney dill

    At least the densest.

  • http://www.outsidethebeltway.com rodney dill

    For being so dense the end product is an amazing lightweight

  • 914

    Pelosium is believed to have originated from the core of a black hole

  • http://www.outsidethebeltway.com rodney dill

    Pelosium is believed to have originated from the core of a black hole
    The enormous gravitational field causes it to suck the most.

  • 914

    Botoxium is the only known substance capable of temporarily minimizing surface cracks on pelosium..

  • epador

    An a new lightest element, consisting of one deemed electron and one neutron, has the designation o.

  • Mac Lorry

    Another strange property of Pelosium is that it turns wealth into debt. It does this by drawing in taxium particles and mutating each one into two debtium particles. It’s feared that over time the weight of the debtium particles will cause a catastrophic collapse of the local region of space.

  • Justrand

    914: “Pelosium is believed to have originated from the core of a black hole

    Update: new research confirms Pelosium was DEEMED into existence…though without intelligent design.

  • SCSIwuzzy

    914,@#5
    Let me channel Steve Green for you

    RACIST!!!!!!

  • GarandFan

    Got to hand it to Pelosi. Under her Speakership, the Congress has arrived at it’s LOWEST ratings ever.

  • Justrand

    GarandFan, Queen Piglosi worked HARD for those ratings…and she’s damn proud of them!

  • JAT

    I just fell off my chair at work – science settled!

  • 914

    Barry lackluster and his hoodlum administration are dumber then a box of pelosium laden rocks.

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