I endorse . . .

Move over Donald Trump (your hair, too).  I have my own endorsement to make. Now that the GOP field of contenders has been narrowed to just three people – Romney, Gingrich and Santorum – I feel comfortable enough to present the hightly-coveted Melmacian endorsement to . . .

Yeah, yeah. luaP noR is still technically in the GOP race. Wake me up when he actually wins a state contest.

Now, where was I?

Oh, yes. As I was saying . . .

I feel comfortable enough to present the highly-coveted Melmacian endorsement for the 2012 presidential race. As my fans already know . . .

Yes, the word “fans” is plural. It only takes two to have “fans”. If you don’t believe me, then ask MSNBC.

Anyway, as my fans . . . and Wizbang! regulars . . . already know, I am absolutley opposed to Barack Obama having a second term in the White House. Contrary to what trolls might claim (before being struck by Olaf’s hammer), my absolute opposition to Obama has nothing to do with his racial/ethnic background.  Egads, my daughter is blacker than Obama.

So, who do I want to win? Well, let’s look at the pros and cons of each of the remaining GOP contenders.

[Uh, has luaP noR won a state yet? . . . I didn't think so.]

Romney: Well, he has been the governor of a state, and somehow he salvaged the Olympic Games in Salt Lake City. So, he has executive experience.   Yet, that experience is not enough; otherwise Rick Perry would still be the darling of the GOP.  Romney doesn’t excite me.  He comes across to me as being a default candidate, supported by GOP leaders because it’s Romney’s turn at bat.  The GOP tried that in 1996 with Bob Dole, and then in 2008 with McCain. I still don’t know if Romney could win a debate with Obama.

Gingrich: I remember well why Gingrich left Congress.  He was bedding his mistress while he worked to get President Clinton impeached. Sure, Clinton was impeached for committing perjury while in the Oval Office. Apparently Gingrich’s wedding vows to his wife Marianne were another kind of lie. Gingrich’s desire for arm candy overrode his duty to his ill wife. If Gingrich were to win the presidential election this November, then the White House wouldn’t have another “First Lady”. Instead, the White House would have a “First Trophy”.

Yet, Gingrich’s affair with (now marriage to) the woman from Stepford, Connecticut isn’t enough to turn me against him. What matters to me is who in Congress is endorsing Gingrich . . .

Who in Congress is endorsing Gingrich? He was the Speaker of the House. If he had been a great GOP leader back then, then the people who worked with him would be endorsing him. So, besides former congressman J.C. Watts, who is endorsing Gingrich?

Santorum:  Dr. Huxtable would love Santorum’s sweaters. It’s too bad that the citizens of Pennsylvania don’t, otherwise Santorum may not have been voted out of office. If the citizens of Santorum’s home state didn’t want Santorum to remain in the U.S. Senate, then what reason would they have for wanting him in the White House? Don’t think that people will automatically vote for a native of their state, because in 2000 Al Gore lost in Tennessee.

Still, Santorum has been gaining momentum, what with his recent wins in Colorado, Minnesota and Missouri, but is that enough? If the general election were some kind of giant caucus, then perhaps Santorum would have a chance to win it.  Sure, he would win the “not-Romney and not-Obama” vote, but moderate and independent voters don’t necessarily want someone who is just not-Romney and not-Obama. They might vote for someone who would clearly do a better job than Obama, if such a person were on the ballot, but what has Santorum said or done to convince moderates and independents that he would be better? Except for a recent Rasmussen poll, Obama leads Santorum in the polls by a margin greater than Obama’s lead over Romney. Santorum has to do more than sell himself to GOP voters. He has to sell himself to the general public, which is something that he has yet to do. Santorum may wear great-looking sweaters, but he is no Dr. Huxtable.

So, who should get the coveted Melmacian endorsement?

The winner already has the endorsements of Slublog and Erick Erickson at Red State. Laura W. at Ace of Spades is impressed by the winner. As I see it, the winner is the one most likely to make a huge impact on the USA’s future.

And the winner is . . .

 

. . . my choice is absolut. It is  . . .

 

Erick Erickson states, “I would honestly prefer Ace of Spades’ sweet meteor of death than any of the candidates left in the race.”

Slublog states, “This has been an awful primary season. Again. After only a couple of primaries, Republicans have a choice between three politicians who have embraced big government solutions in the past, and Ron Paul.  After much thought, I’ve finally decided which candidate I can wholeheartedly support.”

Ace of Spades has published SMOD’s stump speech, which is this:

Howdy! I am an enormous chunk of rock hurtling through space for now, but hoping for a chance to profoundly change the world for the better. I want to stop the partisan sniping and bickering of rivals that characterizes the political process. And I want you to never have to vote for the lesser of two evils ever again.

My platform: Death. To expunge. The annihilation of all life on Earth. Some say I am naive and doomed to failure, since bacteria, certain ocean creatures, and some insects will surely survive my planet-wracking onslaught. I concede that my critics may technically have a point.

But the truth is, I’ve always been a ‘half-a-loaf-of-bread-is-better-than-none’ kind of guy.

My choice of SMOD is quite reasonable. After all,  I’m an independent, and the state that I live in doesn’t have open primaries. So, it would do no good for me to endorse any current GOP contender. Besides, SMOD has all the qualities that a Melmacian likes. SMOD is a showy extraterrestrial promising to make a crash landing.

Seriously, the GOP has a problem when the November election is the GOP’s to lose, and yet people prone to favor a GOP candidate are wishing that a meteor would strike the Earth before the November election takes place. That is absolute.

Now, excuse me. Thinking about the current GOP presidential contenders gives me the desire for a drink.

 

I told you that my choice is absolut. I’m Melmacian. What else would I have been talking about?

 

 

 

Shortlink:

Posted by on February 8, 2012.
Filed under 2012 Presidential Race, Politicians, Politics, Republicans.
A refugee from Planet Melmac masquerading as a human. Loves cats*. In fair condition. A fixer-upper. Warranty still good. Not necessarily sane. [*Joke in reference to the TV sit-com "Alf", which featured a space alien who liked to eat cats. Disclaimer: No cats were harmed in the writing and posting of this profile.]

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  • http://otisthehand.blogspot.com/ OTIS the hand

    Making perfect the enemy of the good seems to be a Republican specialty.

    Take the candidate matching quiz to see which candidate aligns closest with your views.

    http://otisthehand.blogspot.com/2012/01/2012-political-candidate-matching-quiz.html

    My results are posted. It’s an interesting exercise.

    Congrats to Santorum on his sweep.

  • Pretzel__Logic

    can we not have this guy on here any more?

    • http://www.rustedsky.net JLawson

      Why?  Because he laughs at all the political crap that folks take so seriously?

      Can’t have that, can we?

      • Pretzel__Logic

        Its not funny.

        • jim_m

          Agreed.  A joke should be short and concise.  I can’t read these ramblings.

          • http://www.rustedsky.net JLawson

            Terry Pratchett’s work (The Discworld novels) are neither short or concise, and to call Douglas Adam’s Hitchhiker’s Guide trilogy (all five books) brief and to the point would be just plain wrong.

            Sometimes the best humor takes a while to set up.

    • http://www.wizbangblog.com David Robertson

      Erick Erickson’s commentary about the Sweet Meteor Of Death was featured on Real Clear Politics, and Red State is favored by Republicans. So, how do you respond when Republicans begin wishing that a meteor strike would prevent the 2012 presidential election from taking place? What does such wishing by Republicans say about the current crop of GOP presidential contenders?

      Sure, my sense of humor is not for everyone, but what is wrong with an occasional injection of humor? Laughter has the ability to build bridges across political and philosophical divides, which is my goal.

      • Brucehenry

        Don’t listen to ‘em, Mr Robertson. These folks need to lighten up. There’s no need to be angry ALL the time, Jim, and Pretz!

  • EricSteel

    I know it is an attempt to be facetious, but hoping for the destruction of the planet, even jokingly, because the perfect candidate isn’t running makes you look ridiculous and not to be taken seriously on ANY topic.  How would you view Democrats who did the same thing during Bush’s term?  I suspect you would view them as a bunch of dumbasses.  

    • http://www.wizbangblog.com David Robertson

      See my above response to Pretzel. The meteor didn’t originate with me.

      • EricSteel

        I already knew that.  However, as I said, try to imagine that several Democrats proposed the same thing in 2004.   Would you consider it funny and witty, or that somebody was so wacked out that they would rather see the end of the planet because John Kerry was running for President.

        Well guess what, it’s not funny, it’s not witty and makes you look like a crazy person.  I don’t give a shit if you want to look like a crazy person.  But what you, Ace and Erick Erickson are doing is feeding into the perception by Democrats that Republicans as a whole are crazy.

        http://www.dailykos.com/story/2012/02/07/1062578/-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA-?via=tag

        • Brucehenry

          Actually, what it does is COUNTER the meme that Republican “humorists” aren’t funny. Most ain’t. Mr Robertson here is.

          • Pretzel__Logic

            No anger. Its just not funny.

          • Pretzel__Logic

  • 914

    I endorse ABO!!!

  • Gmacr1

    I second ABO in 2012!!!

    SMOD can go sit on it and spin…. I shake my fist of futility at it!
    Shouldn’t you be swilling Valu-Rite the prefered drink of Ace?

    • http://wizbangblog.com/author/rodney-graves/ Rodney G. Graves

       I call for the vote!

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_R7FMXY3DZP7JF7SGSPIOSLLXNE Stephen

    For all of this talk about ABO — You gotta admit, Mitt Romney RESONATES with the Common Man… he’s got that ‘special something’….

    TAMPA, FL—From coast to coast, town to town, and in nearly every
    public meeting place and private residence across America, millions have
    been captivated, inspired, and in some cases moved to tears by
    presidential candidate Mitt Romney, the former Massachusetts governor
    who now finds himself campaigning before a nation in the throes of
    full-scale Romneymania.

    “The raw energy and enthusiasm Mitt Romney stirs inside people is
    like nothing I’ve ever seen,” Youngstown, OH auto mechanic Chris
    Ritenour said Wednesday. “Everything he says resonates with Americans.
    His moving story of growing up privileged, his inspiring rise from
    moderate wealth to overwhelming riches, his thrilling work in the
    highest echelons of corporate finance—he really speaks to the heart and
    mind of the common man.”

    Collectibles Tell the Story:

    As Romneymania has grown, the Republican candidate has crossed over
    from political figure to cultural phenomenon. Countless reverent
    portraits of Romney have appeared in storefront windows and on building
    facades throughout the country, often accompanied by one of the
    candidate’s signature inspirational phrases, like “Let Detroit go
    bankrupt” or “Corporations are people, my friend.”

    Internet sources confirmed “Mitt” has become the top search term of
    2012, while the blogosphere and social media sites have been dominated
    by discussions of the star candidate’s endearing personality quirks,
    gossip about the relationship statuses of his five sons, and continual
    chatter over which designers his wife, Ann, wears.

    In addition, commemorative plates and various other trinkets
    featuring Romney’s likeness have reportedly been sold out for weeks.

    Is the Romney Wave about  to crash  down on Obama’s head?

    You betcha!

    • http://otisthehand.blogspot.com/ OTIS the hand

      Sounds like the same kind of idolatrous nonsense written by Obama worshipers.

      -I see. Because that’s what it is. The onion jokes, but that stuff is actually written about Obama.

      • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_R7FMXY3DZP7JF7SGSPIOSLLXNE Stephen

         Except this adoration is fake and Romney hasn’t a prayer of winning…

        Aside from that, very similar…

        • http://otisthehand.blogspot.com/ OTIS the hand

          If the adoration was real, I’d find it sick and a little disturbing. Another reason I’ll never be a Democrat.

          • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_R7FMXY3DZP7JF7SGSPIOSLLXNE Stephen

            If it was real it would indicate Romney might have a chance of winning…

            But it isn’t.

            And he doesn’t.

      • http://wizbangblog.com/author/rodney-graves/ Rodney G. Graves

        OTIS, ya know, I do believe that there pig is enjoying being wrassled.

        • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_R7FMXY3DZP7JF7SGSPIOSLLXNE Stephen

          I’d take Wodney’s advice on this. I can’t think of anyone more knowledgeable about getting on top of a pig than Wodney…

  • http://profiles.yahoo.com/u/EU5DQWQTTHTPO4A4ZYSL3AAV2U Adjoran

    As a Catholic, I oppose suicide in all cases. 

    As an objective observer, though, I have to ask:  if so many of you prefer death to any of the choices, and you know it’s going to be one of those choices, aren’t you just showing more of the limited mental capacity which renders you unable to choose between imperfect alternatives when you wish that the Earth and everyone else be destroyed for your own inadequacy?

    There are guns, blades, poisons, carbon monoxide, self-immolation, drug ODs – any number of ways to kill yourselves and not harm innocents in the process – why not just choose one and be done with it?

    OH?  It’s supposed to be FUNNY?  Well, I guess that goes right back to the limited mental faculties, doesn’t it?

    • Brucehenry

      Everybody’s a critic!

  • http://www.wizbangblog.com David Robertson

    Erick Erickson’s commentary explains well my view of the current presidential campaign.

  • http://www.wizbangblog.com David Robertson

    OK, I get it. The meteor is a case of jumping the shark. I apologize.

    • http://www.rustedsky.net JLawson

      No shark jumped that I can see.  Besides, don’t you prefer cats?  

      Seriously, there needs to be some humor in this process.  We’ve got a long way to go until November, and there’s going to be plenty of chances to be dark and ugly.  Too much of that, and you get ulcers (or wish you had them just so you could feel better…)

      A lighter view of the whole process would do us all a SMOD of good…  

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_W6UJJOM4PP4XLSBG6N4LROVSQE Retired Military

    I wonder if the Mayans had a crystal ball and saw 4 years of Obama ending in 2012.

    • Digg34

      Or maybe they saw 4more years of Obama and that’s where everything ends.

  • Brian_R_Allen

    Bring back Mister-Tea!