Prostitution Scandal Where?

In case you missed it, a prostitution scandal involving the U.S. Secret Service has occurred in a place named Columbia. At least that is what the FoxNews.com website keeps saying in its stories.

For example, a FoxNews.com story dated 24 April 2012 starts with the following statement:

Three more Secret Service employees are being forced out in connection with the  prostitution scandal in Columbia, agency assistant Director Paul S. Morrissey  said Tuesday evening.

As it turns out, there is more than one place named Columbia. So, which Columbia is the site of the scandal being reported by FoxNews.com?

Is it Columbia, Alabama, or Columbia, California, or Columbia, Connecticut, or Columbia, Illinois, or Columbia, Iowa, or Columbia, Kentucky, or Columbia, Louisiana, or Columbia, Maine, or Columbia, Maryland, or Columbia, Mississippi, or Columbia, Missouri, or Columbia, New Hampshire, or Columbia, New Jersey, or Columbia, New York, or Columbia, North Carolina, or Columbia, Pennsylvania, or Columbia, South Carolina, or Columbia, South Dakota, or Columbia, Tennessee, or Columbia, Virginia, or Columbia, Wisconsin?

Perhaps the FoxNews.com website is onto something.  A recent Washington Post story states the following:

The prospect of Secret Service agents sharing embarrassing tales about rank-and-file employees and superiors partying to the hilt could bring more anguish to an agency reeling from scandal.

Those close to the accused employees said that in an effort to fight for their jobs they could opt to divulge details of how colleagues spent some of their downtime on presidential trips — drinking heavily, visiting strip clubs and cavorting with women for hire.

“Of course it has happened before” said one agent not implicated in the matter, remarking on the Secret Service’s history of occasionally licentious partying. “This is not the first time. It really only blew up in this case because the [U.S. Embassy] was alerted.”

This additional information prompts me to ask:

Is the Secret Service prostitution scandal limited to the nation of Colombia, or does it also involve other places, such as places named Columbia?

When was the last time that the POTUS visited a place named Columbia?

Are Secret Service agents charged a $30-rate by prostitutes while the POTUS is visiting a place named Columbia?

As in the GSA scandal (more of your tax dollars “at work”), I doubt that the Secret Service agents involved in the prostitution scandal would have participated in such a scandal if there were not already a culture within the U.S. Secret Service that looks the other way whenever Secret Service agents live la vida loca while on a business trip.

To make matters worse, this scandal involving the U.S. Secret Service – as reported by the Washington Post – took place in Colombia. Had the scandal taken place in Columbia – as reported by FoxNews.com – then those prostitutes would have been U.S. citizens. It’s no wonder that President Obama called the guilty Secret Service agents knuckleheads. He can’t take credit for creating/saving U.S. jobs.

All of this brouhaha is the result of someone refusing to pay his fair share. Instead of spreading his wealth around, the unnamed agent (who henceforth will be referred to as John) tried to get away with paying only $30, as if the woman were some kind of cheap whore. Just where did John think he was, Columbia?  The woman (who henceforth will be referred to as Trix) was hoping to receive more than change from John. Perhaps now Trix will understand what U.S. citizens mean when they claim to be screwed by the Obama Administration.

Of course, it wouldn’t be fair to blame President Obama for what John did. In order to be fair, Obama would have to be out of the Oval Office, and his successor would have to blame Obama – that’s according to the rules that Obama has been playing by.

None of this would have happened if Bill Clinton were still POTUS. Employees of FoxNews.com would not be misspelling the location of a sex scandal, because those employees know the correct spelling of the English translation of La Casa Blanca.

However, Clinton is no longer POTUS, and the current POTUS is making campaign stops throughout the USA. So, it’s reasonable to ask “Prostitution scandal where?” because Secret Service agents have to go wherever the POTUS goes. It’s even possible that the current POTUS will make a campaign stop in a place named Columbia.

P.S.: You can credit (or blame) Fox News personality Greg Gutfeld for my attempt at satire in the above post. He influences me whenever I listen to his monologues on the Fox News show The Five. Greg’s co-hosts on the show (Andrea Tantaros, Bob Beckel, Dana Perino, Eric Bolling, Juan Williams, Kimberly Guilfoyle) all have interesting things to say, but none of them is quite the wordsmith that Greg is.

 

 

 

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Posted by on April 26, 2012.
Filed under Media, Odd News, Satire.
A refugee from Planet Melmac masquerading as a human. Loves cats*. In fair condition. A fixer-upper. Warranty still good. Not necessarily sane.[*Joke in reference to the TV sit-com "Alf", which featured a space alien who liked to eat cats. Disclaimer: No cats were harmed in the writing and posting of this profile.]

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  • MunDane68

    Umm…typos are now humor?

    Iz thys reel funnie than?

    Come on, be better than that!  I mean are we gonna laugh now every time someone talks about Uranus?

    • herddog505

      Heh-heh-m-heh-heh… You said ‘uranus’… uh-huh-huh-huh

    • http://www.wizbangblog.com David Robertson

      The misspelling wasn’t necessarily a typo. Plenty of people in the USA regularly misspell the name of the nation of Colombia.

      • MunDane68

         /facepalm

        Is there some quota thing to being a writer here?  You have to post one message a week or get dropped?  With all that is happening in the world Columbia =/= Colombia was the best thing you got?

        You got a tips address David?  I can shoot you some links every now and then, and maybe they will let you write about Lolcats the next week.

        • http://wizbangblog.com/author/rodney-graves/ Rodney G. Graves

          You should really punish David by not reading his posts anymore…

          • MunDane68

             You think yourself quite a wit, Rodney.

            Too bad you are only half right…:P

      • jim_m

         Plenty of people in the USA regularly misspell the name of the nation of Colombia.

        That may make it sad, being so commonplace, but it does not make it funny or newsworthy.

        Now if it were the obama admin doing this regularly (or referring to the Falkland Islands as the “Maldives” which made them doubly incorrect as they really meant “Malvinas” which is still wrong) there would be something funny or interesting to say on the matter.

  • herddog505

    I guess Fox gets their layers of editors and fact checkers from the same place that the rest of MiniTru does!

  • jim_m

    I think it is obvious that they are talking about obama visiting Columbia University where he got his degree.

  • Brian_R_Allen

    Andrea Tantaros, Bob Beckel, Dana Perino, Eric Bolling, Juan Williams, Kimberly Guilfoyle: all have things to say but none of them is quite the wordsmith that Greg is …. 
    Averaging around 65 fewer IQ points apiece — and likely more — has that effect. 

    And it’s for sure none of Andrea Tantaros, Bob Beckel, Dana Perino, Eric Bolling, Juan Williams and Kimberly Guilfoyle will ever know — as does Mr Gutfeld — just how tough it can be to be a Brain in a no-brain world. 

    When Miss Coulter’s not visiting FoxNews, it’s pretty much a sure thing poor Mr Gutfeld has no-one to talk to, unless Ms Megyn Kelly’s in the building. 

    • MunDane68

       Patti Ann Brown can hold her own with Greg