Being that the month of June is a popular month for weddings, it is fitting that there be a post about a wedding. So, here is a story about the wildest wedding that I have ever been to – my own.
Once while being interviewed for a blog, the blog’s web master asked me to describe my wedding. Here is how the interview went.
WM: How was your wedding?
Me: The wedding lasted much longer than I expected. During the ceremony, the minister made the customary statement, “If there be anyone here who has an objection to this marriage, let him speak now.” Right then members of my wife’s family started a filibuster.
WM: Your wife’s family didn’t approve of you?
Me: Let me put it this way. One of my wife’s relatives served as the photographer. When the photos were developed, I discovered that my head was cut off in every photo.*
WM: Was there any other trouble during your wedding?
Me: Before or after the police showed up in riot gear?
WM: Uh, before.
Me: Well, there was the incident that set off the riot.
WM: What happened?
Me: It happened at the end of the ceremony. The minister made the customary statement: “Now you may kiss the bride.” Before I could make my move, my wife was in a lip-lock with my best man. Behind him were all the other men, standing in a line.
WM: Is that when you started the riot?
Me: I didn’t start the riot. The minister did. He cut in line.
WM: How did your wife react?
Me: She left before the police arrived. When I asked her where she was going, she replied, “I have a date.”
WM: Didn’t you object?
Me: Of course I objected. I told her that I deserved her respect. She replied, “If I wanted to marry a man who was respectable, I would have married Rodney Dangerfield.”
WM: Ouch! That must have hurt. Did anything else go wrong?
Me: Well, after the wedding, I didn’t see my wife again for several days. The next time that I had contact with her was when she sent me a post card. On the back of it, she had written, “Having a wonderful honeymoon.”
WM: Gee, that is awful. Why did your wife marry you in the first place?
Me: She said that marrying me was the penance that her confessor assigned to her.
WM: Changing the subject, what does your wife think about you joining this blog?
Me: She says that if this blog were a village, then I would be its idiot.
WM: She has a point. Do you think that she would be interested in joining this blog, too?
Me: I don’t know. I will have to ask her when she gets back from her second honeymoon.
Sadly, my wife later died from complications related to cancer.* I then learned what she thought about our marriage by reading her tombstone. On it are the words FREE AT LAST!
*This part is true.
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