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Stupidest Names Ever

Posted by Kevin
Published: May 17, 2004 - 10:48 AM

In honor of the birth of Gwyneth Paltrow's daughter Apple, I'm wondering if Wizbang readers have any personal examples of really bad baby names? Maybe they are ones that your friends or neighbors have used.

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Comments (41)

I had a client once who was... (Below threshold)

1. Posted by Jim | May 17, 2004 10:55 AM | Score: 1 (1 votes cast)
Jim:

I had a client once who was named Weiner Cadet. He was from South Africa and it's a perfectly normal name there. His son (born in the USA) is Weiner Cadet Junior.

1. Posted by Jim | May 17, 2004 10:55 AM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 1 (1 votes cast)

Posted on May 17, 2004 10:55

I know this couple who name... (Below threshold)

2. Posted by Laurence Simon | May 17, 2004 11:08 AM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Laurence Simon:

I know this couple who named their baby Laurence with a U instead of a W...

2. Posted by Laurence Simon | May 17, 2004 11:08 AM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Posted on May 17, 2004 11:08

When my mother was a teache... (Below threshold)

3. Posted by Spoons | May 17, 2004 11:33 AM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Spoons:

When my mother was a teacher, she had a girl named Tina in her class. Tina's siblings were Twyla, BeeBop, and Boink.

3. Posted by Spoons | May 17, 2004 11:33 AM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Posted on May 17, 2004 11:33

Not a personal friend, but ... (Below threshold)

4. Posted by The Commissar | May 17, 2004 11:36 AM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
The Commissar:

Not a personal friend, but "Moon Unit" Zappa has to be the best.

4. Posted by The Commissar | May 17, 2004 11:36 AM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Posted on May 17, 2004 11:36

I once knew someone who had... (Below threshold)

5. Posted by shelli | May 17, 2004 11:47 AM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
shelli:

I once knew someone who had the name Sunshine.

5. Posted by shelli | May 17, 2004 11:47 AM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Posted on May 17, 2004 11:47

Kevin, thanks for recycling... (Below threshold)

6. Posted by Jay Tea | May 17, 2004 12:36 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Jay Tea:

Kevin, thanks for recycling my topic from an earlier posting. It gives me a chance to mention the bank teller I met two days after that one.

Sandy C. Shore.

She embraces it, though. Collects shells, has little dioramas at her desk, etc. etc.

J.

6. Posted by Jay Tea | May 17, 2004 12:36 PM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Posted on May 17, 2004 12:36

Friend of a friend named he... (Below threshold)

7. Posted by Mike | May 17, 2004 12:42 PM | Score: -1 (1 votes cast)
Mike:

Friend of a friend named her son ESPN.

7. Posted by Mike | May 17, 2004 12:42 PM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: -1 (1 votes cast)

Posted on May 17, 2004 12:42

My sisters-in-law: One's s... (Below threshold)

8. Posted by DrSteve | May 17, 2004 1:01 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
DrSteve:

My sisters-in-law: One's second child is Pascal Romero (Lastname). The other's first child is Iggy. Not short for anything, mind you, just Iggy. My wife and I have simply made up our own names for these children.

8. Posted by DrSteve | May 17, 2004 1:01 PM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Posted on May 17, 2004 13:01

There are actually people i... (Below threshold)

9. Posted by McGehee | May 17, 2004 1:06 PM | Score: -2 (2 votes cast)
McGehee:

There are actually people in the world named "Kevin."

What's up with that?

9. Posted by McGehee | May 17, 2004 1:06 PM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: -2 (2 votes cast)

Posted on May 17, 2004 13:06

TOOL... (Below threshold)

10. Posted by TC-LeatherPenguin | May 17, 2004 1:30 PM | Score: -1 (1 votes cast)
TC-LeatherPenguin:

TOOL

10. Posted by TC-LeatherPenguin | May 17, 2004 1:30 PM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: -1 (1 votes cast)

Posted on May 17, 2004 13:30

I've got a cousin by name o... (Below threshold)

11. Posted by James Joyner | May 17, 2004 2:09 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
James Joyner:

I've got a cousin by name of Harry Bitsch. As with Jim's client, though, not a particularly amusing name in Germany.

11. Posted by James Joyner | May 17, 2004 2:09 PM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Posted on May 17, 2004 14:09

went to school with a girl ... (Below threshold)

12. Posted by Geri | May 17, 2004 2:23 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Geri:

went to school with a girl who named her first child Misty Sunshine...we all waited for the second child to be named Partly Cloudy

12. Posted by Geri | May 17, 2004 2:23 PM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Posted on May 17, 2004 14:23

I posted these fictional ce... (Below threshold)

13. Posted by Fritz | May 17, 2004 2:43 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Fritz:

I posted these fictional celebrity "fruit trend" names on my blog:

Sarah Jessica Parker & Matthew Broderick - Cantaloupe Broderick

Jennifer Aniston & Brad Pitt - Peach Pitt, Apricot Pitt (twins)

Courteney Cox & David Arquette - Banana Cox Arquette

Catherine Zeta-Jones & Michael Douglas - Mango Zeta-Jones-Douglas

Jada Pinkett Smith & Will Smith - Tangerine Smith

Jessica Simpson & Nick Lachey - Skittles Lachey (Simpson defended this choice and asked, “Skittles are fruit, right?” )

13. Posted by Fritz | May 17, 2004 2:43 PM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Posted on May 17, 2004 14:43

My sister-in-law teaches in... (Below threshold)

14. Posted by Mud Blood & Beer | May 17, 2004 5:02 PM | Score: -1 (3 votes cast)
Mud Blood & Beer:

My sister-in-law teaches in Glendale, CA (which has the second highest Armenian population in the world); here are her two best:

Asskick, pronounced As-keek.
Shithead, pronounced Shi-theed.

You can't make this stuff up.

14. Posted by Mud Blood & Beer | May 17, 2004 5:02 PM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: -1 (3 votes cast)

Posted on May 17, 2004 17:02

A co-worker's nephew is nam... (Below threshold)

15. Posted by Jennifer | May 17, 2004 5:27 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Jennifer:

A co-worker's nephew is named Don Corleone.

15. Posted by Jennifer | May 17, 2004 5:27 PM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Posted on May 17, 2004 17:27

Here's my favorite...... (Below threshold)

16. Posted by Moxie | May 17, 2004 5:51 PM | Score: -1 (1 votes cast)
Moxie:

Here's my favorite...

VaGina (pronounced 'va GEENA' of course)

16. Posted by Moxie | May 17, 2004 5:51 PM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: -1 (1 votes cast)

Posted on May 17, 2004 17:51

As I have an obvious confli... (Below threshold)

17. Posted by Christopher Cross | May 17, 2004 6:10 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Christopher Cross:

As I have an obvious conflict of interest here, I cannot comment on this thread.

17. Posted by Christopher Cross | May 17, 2004 6:10 PM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Posted on May 17, 2004 18:10

I met a lady named Trudy Li... (Below threshold)

18. Posted by Kevin Murphy | May 17, 2004 6:59 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Kevin Murphy:

I met a lady named Trudy Light once. She was actually quite nice.

18. Posted by Kevin Murphy | May 17, 2004 6:59 PM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Posted on May 17, 2004 18:59

Might as well go for the go... (Below threshold)

19. Posted by Harvey | May 17, 2004 7:15 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Harvey:

Might as well go for the gold here:

http://notwithoutmyhandbag.com/babynames/

19. Posted by Harvey | May 17, 2004 7:15 PM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Posted on May 17, 2004 19:15

A boy named Taylynn. His s... (Below threshold)

20. Posted by maura | May 17, 2004 8:11 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
maura:

A boy named Taylynn. His sister? Genyphyr. I say stupid spelling is just as bad as a stupid name.

God - and I was teased for MY name?

I have one thing to say to parents who do this - start saving for therapy NOW.

20. Posted by maura | May 17, 2004 8:11 PM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Posted on May 17, 2004 20:11

Hehehe... SNL with Nicolas ... (Below threshold)

21. Posted by Madfish Willie | May 17, 2004 8:16 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Madfish Willie:

Hehehe... SNL with Nicolas Cage where he and his "wife" were sitting around trying to come up with baby names. He vetoed every single one. (I wish I could remember the list) As soon as his "wife" said a name, he would rattle off every conceivable way that little kids could make fun of it. At the end of the skit, a delivery-dude was at the front door with a pizza for... Mr Asswipe [oz-weep-ay]!! LMAO!!!

21. Posted by Madfish Willie | May 17, 2004 8:16 PM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Posted on May 17, 2004 20:16

My brother was an mp in Ger... (Below threshold)

22. Posted by deros | May 18, 2004 1:04 AM | Score: -1 (1 votes cast)
deros:

My brother was an mp in Germany and the lady in a car accident was named Anita Dick. TRUE STORY!!

22. Posted by deros | May 18, 2004 1:04 AM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: -1 (1 votes cast)

Posted on May 18, 2004 01:04

I knew a medical supply sal... (Below threshold)

23. Posted by Chris | May 18, 2004 1:25 AM | Score: -1 (1 votes cast)
Chris:

I knew a medical supply salesman in Woburn Mass. named "Palmer Dinkel."

23. Posted by Chris | May 18, 2004 1:25 AM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: -1 (1 votes cast)

Posted on May 18, 2004 01:25

Confronted with much skepti... (Below threshold)

24. Posted by bains | May 18, 2004 2:56 AM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
bains:

Confronted with much skepticism, both stand by their story:

My sister spoke of a schoolmate - Nick Knox

A good friend (former teacher) had a female student - Fonda Dix

24. Posted by bains | May 18, 2004 2:56 AM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Posted on May 18, 2004 02:56

Ohhh no no...Jodie... (Below threshold)

25. Posted by izkold | May 18, 2004 9:45 AM | Score: 0 (2 votes cast)
izkold:

Ohhh no no...

Jodie Swallow - UK Triathlete - featured on www.getupstayup.com
choose UK version
see athletes...

:)
izkold

25. Posted by izkold | May 18, 2004 9:45 AM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (2 votes cast)

Posted on May 18, 2004 09:45

Two boys in St. Pete, Flori... (Below threshold)

26. Posted by hobgoblin | May 18, 2004 1:05 PM | Score: -1 (1 votes cast)
hobgoblin:

Two boys in St. Pete, Florida named Lemonjello (le-MON-gel-o) and Orangejello (or-RANG-ell-o)

No foolin. They were in the 2nd or 3rd grade in 1995-1996, taught in school by my friend and given food stamps by my wife.

26. Posted by hobgoblin | May 18, 2004 1:05 PM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: -1 (1 votes cast)

Posted on May 18, 2004 13:05

I know a guy named Bobby Bu... (Below threshold)

27. Posted by Leroy Jones | May 18, 2004 9:05 PM | Score: -1 (1 votes cast)
Leroy Jones:

I know a guy named Bobby Bush.
He has 3 children, 2 boys, & a girl.
Briar, Cactus, & Rose.

27. Posted by Leroy Jones | May 18, 2004 9:05 PM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: -1 (1 votes cast)

Posted on May 18, 2004 21:05

My sister used to work in h... (Below threshold)

28. Posted by Omnibus Driver | May 19, 2004 5:44 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Omnibus Driver:

My sister used to work in healthcare audit for a Big 6 firm. Going through birth records, she found the following:

Baby girl named "Female" (rhymes with "Tamale")
Twin boys named Lemonjello and Oranjello.

Also, went to church with a woman who threatened to divorce her husband when he wanted to name their new baby girl "Polly Esther".

What possesses these whack jobs?

28. Posted by Omnibus Driver | May 19, 2004 5:44 PM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Posted on May 19, 2004 17:44

I run a print shop, and am ... (Below threshold)

29. Posted by BoDiddly | May 20, 2004 11:07 AM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
BoDiddly:

I run a print shop, and am routinely exposed to some particularly strange names---truth IS usually stranger than fiction!

One of the most --er-- unique(?) names I've personally verified was at my son's baseball game. One of the kids on the other team had a first name of "Tunt". Think for a minute how that came out over the P.A. system . . .

Also, congratulations to anyone who can make heads or tails out of this child's first and middle names, appearing on a graduation program I printed this month: Trisainis Vhalavjuan

29. Posted by BoDiddly | May 20, 2004 11:07 AM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Posted on May 20, 2004 11:07

I just ran across this toda... (Below threshold)

30. Posted by Fritz | May 27, 2004 5:09 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Fritz:

I just ran across this today and had to add it to the list of stupid names:

http://www.mercurynews.com/mld/mercurynews/news/local/8771851.htm

This is from a news story in the San Jose Mercury News.

"At the meeting Tuesday, council member King Lear put forth a different perspective. Lear said his favorite philosopher, John Stuart Mill, reasoned that governments shouldn't interfere with issues that don't harm their citizens."

That's right. A city council member in Los Altos, CA is named KING LEAR!

30. Posted by Fritz | May 27, 2004 5:09 PM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Posted on May 27, 2004 17:09

<a href="http://www.igwanar... (Below threshold)

31. Posted by IgwanaRob | May 28, 2004 10:57 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
IgwanaRob:

Manmeet - yes, I swear.

31. Posted by IgwanaRob | May 28, 2004 10:57 PM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Posted on May 28, 2004 22:57

There is a young man named... (Below threshold)

32. Posted by Alex | June 11, 2004 7:15 AM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Alex:

There is a young man named SHITHEAD (pronounced SHUH-THEED) that graduated at a school here in my town. The school is LaGrange and its address and number is:

LaGrange High School
3420 Louisiana Ave
Lake Charles La 70605
(337) 562-9438

32. Posted by Alex | June 11, 2004 7:15 AM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Posted on June 11, 2004 07:15

The gynecologist that deliv... (Below threshold)

33. Posted by Roger | June 25, 2004 9:35 AM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Roger:

The gynecologist that delivered my daughter was Harold Beaver, but he went by Harry

33. Posted by Roger | June 25, 2004 9:35 AM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Posted on June 25, 2004 09:35

what's wrong with the name ... (Below threshold)

34. Posted by sunshine | July 2, 2004 6:22 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
sunshine:

what's wrong with the name sunshine???? from personal experince not such a bad name to have. i love my name!!!!

34. Posted by sunshine | July 2, 2004 6:22 PM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Posted on July 2, 2004 18:22

I had a roommate (female) n... (Below threshold)

35. Posted by Alex | July 7, 2004 8:23 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Alex:

I had a roommate (female) named Questian Morelock.
I also heard of someone naming their daughter Tarantula, thinking it was pronounced TAR-an-TU-la

35. Posted by Alex | July 7, 2004 8:23 PM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Posted on July 7, 2004 20:23

What kind of name is Alex f... (Below threshold)

36. Posted by Questian Morelock | August 15, 2004 1:30 AM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Questian Morelock:

What kind of name is Alex for a girl?

36. Posted by Questian Morelock | August 15, 2004 1:30 AM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Posted on August 15, 2004 01:30

Speck Wildhorse (the kid of... (Below threshold)

37. Posted by nick | October 5, 2004 2:19 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
nick:

Speck Wildhorse (the kid of John Mellencamp)

37. Posted by nick | October 5, 2004 2:19 PM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Posted on October 5, 2004 14:19

Speck Wildhorse (the kid of... (Below threshold)

38. Posted by nick | October 5, 2004 2:19 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
nick:

Speck Wildhorse (the kid of John Mellencamp)

38. Posted by nick | October 5, 2004 2:19 PM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Posted on October 5, 2004 14:19

my baby cousins name is iri... (Below threshold)

39. Posted by Bryan | March 17, 2008 4:47 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Bryan:

my baby cousins name is irigh (eye-ree) and her brother is Oz, not short for anything (we call him ozzy of course)

39. Posted by Bryan | March 17, 2008 4:47 PM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Posted on March 17, 2008 16:47

There is a gynecologist in ... (Below threshold)

40. Posted by siouxxxzennn | March 18, 2008 10:50 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
siouxxxzennn:

There is a gynecologist in Virginia named Harry C. Beaver, MD

40. Posted by siouxxxzennn | March 18, 2008 10:50 PM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Posted on March 18, 2008 22:50

I have a friend who had two... (Below threshold)

41. Posted by Emma | March 25, 2008 1:30 AM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Emma:

I have a friend who had two aunts name Winky and Pinky. Pinky I could see.......but Winky? I mean c'mon!