...than to open one's mouth and remove all doubt."
I happen to work with a rather nice woman. She's friendly and polite and talented and so gosh-darn nice that occasionally I'm tempted to trip her or poke her or say something mean just to prove she's really human. She basically fits all those good stereotypes about the young, devout, Christian bible student, without the annoying evangelical streak. I like to think of her and her husband as good friends, as well as good people.
But there's one thing about her that bugs me. It just drives me nuts. Around her, I tend to say incredibly stupid things.
And I'm not talking about faux pas, about insensitive or rude comments, or "TMI" moments. I mean instances of such rank idiocy and sheer cluelessness on the magnitude of "hey, where's the sun?" "It's midnight, you moron" events.
A while ago I was verbally jousting with yet another colleague by the name of Bob, and he came out ahead. My friend happened to catch the tail end of my defeat, and I was grumbling to her about it. Among my other whines and complaints was "what can you expect from someone who has their name spelled the same backwards and forwards? They're too dense to be able to handle a NORMAL name."
Anna did not agree.
Yesterday I did it again. I was telling her that I'd just bought some books online -- one by David Gerrold, two by Peter David (about whom I've been meaning to write for months). After mentioning that these purchases will fill out three series I've been meaning to complete for a while, I couldn't just shut up and leave it at that. I noted the similarities in the names and MEANT to say, "I guess I'm really into books written by people named David." What came out of my mouth was, "I guess I'm just into guys named David."
Anna said nothing, just gave me that head-tilt of hers that says "Now, Jay, I know you've repeatedly said you're straight, but don't you remember that my husband is named David, your roommate is named David, and one of your regular on-line sparring partners is also named David? Is there something you're trying to tell me?"
Sigmund Freud, kindly wrap your cigar in your slip and shove it up your anal-retentive tendencies.
I think I really need to spend less time talking to Anna...
J.
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Comments (16)
ROTFLMAO. I had a ... (Below threshold)1. Posted by Remy Logan | October 3, 2004 7:15 AM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
ROTFLMAO.
I had a girlfriend that did that to me. Unfortunately, she didn't stick around to find out what a smart guy I could actually be when she wasn't around. I am still traumatized.
1. Posted by Remy Logan | October 3, 2004 7:15 AM |
Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Posted on October 3, 2004 07:15
2. Posted by Alone Star | October 3, 2004 8:37 AM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
I can get amazingly insightful commentary and brilliant investigative analysis anywhere.
But this stuff! This stuff is free Therapy!
Congrats - just added to my Favorites.
2. Posted by Alone Star | October 3, 2004 8:37 AM |
Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Posted on October 3, 2004 08:37
3. Posted by McGehee | October 3, 2004 9:06 AM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Now you see the advantage of socializing only in written text. Most (though certainly not all) of the time, one can catch and edit out (or simply not post) the really stupid things that pop into one's mind at inopportune times.
Like, for example, the paragraph above, originally written in the first person. LOL.
3. Posted by McGehee | October 3, 2004 9:06 AM |
Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Posted on October 3, 2004 09:06
4. Posted by TEM | October 3, 2004 11:10 AM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Hey Jay,
Sorry to hear, but we all have that one wonderful person around whom we can never say anything right. It is part of being human, it is not that bad once that person is gone, and you have moped around about it for a while.
Keep coming with the funny anecdotes! =D
4. Posted by TEM | October 3, 2004 11:10 AM |
Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Posted on October 3, 2004 11:10
5. Posted by Jeff Harrell | October 3, 2004 11:59 AM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Jay and Anna sittin in a tree … k-i-s-s-i-n-g …
5. Posted by Jeff Harrell | October 3, 2004 11:59 AM |
Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Posted on October 3, 2004 11:59
6. Posted by leelu | October 3, 2004 2:07 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
...power to "... cloud men's minds" anyone?
If it's any consolation to you, my rational brain has more than once said "See, ya...bye! Let me know how it works out!!" when I was faced with an attractive MOS.
Duh.
I hate when that happens.
6. Posted by leelu | October 3, 2004 2:07 PM |
Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Posted on October 3, 2004 14:07
7. Posted by Harvey | October 3, 2004 4:36 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
"what can you expect from someone who has their name spelled the same backwards and forwards?"
Bob... Anna... Palindrome people are just EVIL, I tells ya :-)
7. Posted by Harvey | October 3, 2004 4:36 PM |
Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Posted on October 3, 2004 16:36
8. Posted by Jinx McHue | October 3, 2004 4:53 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
"Jay and Anna sittin in a tree … k-i-s-s-i-n-g …"
Um... Shouldn't that be "Jay and David sittin in a tree...?"
*ducks*
(Whoops! Guess what I almost typed there. Seriously.)
8. Posted by Jinx McHue | October 3, 2004 4:53 PM |
Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Posted on October 3, 2004 16:53
9. Posted by Jack Lewis | October 3, 2004 5:12 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Is the "annoying evangelical streak" something you've observed in others -- or another stereotype the Liberal media has foisted on the unsuspecting public?
9. Posted by Jack Lewis | October 3, 2004 5:12 PM |
Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Posted on October 3, 2004 17:12
10. Posted by Jay Tea | October 3, 2004 5:23 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Jack, I once knew an evangelical so gung-ho that he tried to convince me I could NOT be agnostic because he heard me use "Jesus Christ!" as an exclamation. "You just said it, so you MUST believe it!" was his position.
An ex-girlfriend of mine, when told about this line of reasoning, found it hysterically stupid. That's one of her favorite phrases of disbelief/disgust, and she's Jewish.
So yeah, Jack, I've known many people of solid, good, decent faith, and I've known assholes who wanted to jam their beliefs down my throat at any opportunity (to the point of engineering those opportunities).
And for the record: I have NEVER kissed ANYONE in a tree, and certainly not either David or Anna.
I won't speculate about those two kissing in a tree, but it would be entirely appropriate if they did...
J.
10. Posted by Jay Tea | October 3, 2004 5:23 PM |
Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Posted on October 3, 2004 17:23
11. Posted by firstbrokenangel | October 3, 2004 7:02 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Definitely ROTHFMAO - Jay you have too much time on your hands...
~C
11. Posted by firstbrokenangel | October 3, 2004 7:02 PM |
Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Posted on October 3, 2004 19:02
12. Posted by Steve Poling | October 3, 2004 11:38 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Yaknow. I've learned that if you're a Christian and you fail to live up to the stereotype, you can get into trouble. Like the time my friend said he was going to Chicago with his 22-year-old girlfriend to meet his 20-year-old daughter. I thought his wife might not approve, but I bit my tongue and didn't say anything, "Baptist."
After the weekend when my friend's life collapsed, he was served with divorce papers, his daughter wouldn't talk to him, and his girlfriend broke up with him, he said, "Why didn't you say anything?"
That "annoying evangelical streak" makes me smile. I think that a lot of people look for some excuse to dismiss the reality of someone's faith. (I'm not talking about the content of the religion, but that the person in question actually adheres to that faith.) Thus, someone like Anna has to live up to a unfairly high standard. You might want to cut her a little slack.
12. Posted by Steve Poling | October 3, 2004 11:38 PM |
Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Posted on October 3, 2004 23:38
13. Posted by Nic | October 4, 2004 5:04 AM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Hi Jay
Was that boB, Bob, daviD or David ?
Sounds cory to me
Nic
13. Posted by Nic | October 4, 2004 5:04 AM |
Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Posted on October 4, 2004 05:04
14. Posted by firstbrokenangel | October 4, 2004 7:36 AM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Why let women get to you? They are the perfect compliment to a poor man's mind. :-) Well, in my experience, it's been the other way around and Remy,I'm still traumatized myself - actually they continue to traumatize me sometimes.
Don't like to see Jay tongue-tied.
~C
14. Posted by firstbrokenangel | October 4, 2004 7:36 AM |
Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Posted on October 4, 2004 07:36
15. Posted by firstbrokenangel | October 4, 2004 8:08 AM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
I have found that here in cow hampshire, there is more damn weird religion than anywhere else in these states. I swear they flock here, knock on my door - I live in the middle of no place in Barrington - why knock on my door?? I live on a dirt road - GO AWAY!! And once they start talking, they never stop.Mind you I can't stand, so end up sitting on the floor going "will you please leave?" All Evangelists. Yegads. Even UPS knows better than to wait for me to get to the door. Man, some people have no class. Why don't we pick you up in our van, lay our hands on you and pray? NO THANK YOU. Don't that, been there. Go away!!! And then they make excuses to come by...argh!! I'm gonna sic a llama on one the next time except they don't like people either.
~Cindy
15. Posted by firstbrokenangel | October 4, 2004 8:08 AM |
Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Posted on October 4, 2004 08:08
16. Posted by physics geek | October 4, 2004 12:34 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
David Gerrold wrote one of the best time travel paradox stories that I've ever read: The Man Who Folded Himself. Is that book on your list?
16. Posted by physics geek | October 4, 2004 12:34 PM |
Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Posted on October 4, 2004 12:34