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A call for suggestions

Posted by Jay Tea
Published: April 26, 2005 - 8:44 PM

I heard on the radio earlier that Bill Clinton is going to be at our local Barnes & Noble Thursday night, signing copies of his book. I probably won't get out of work in time to attend, but I'm toying with how I could properly recognize this momentous event.

1) Show up in a blue dress, black beret, and kneepads, and say I'd rather have a DNA sample than an autograph;

2) In accordance with recent trends, show up with a meringue pie and nail him with it;

3) Slip him a business card and tell him that if he needs a good lawyer to get his disbarment overturned, I'm his man;

4) Ask him to make the autograph out to "Ray Reggie;"

5) Ask him to make the autograph out to "Juanita Broaddrick."

Again, the odds of me actually being able to get to the signing are negligible, and of me going are non-existent. This is strictly for fun. If you had a chance to attend a Bill Clinton book signing, what would you love to do?

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Comments (26)

Sign the book..."To: Disap... (Below threshold)

1. Posted by -S- | April 26, 2005 8:57 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
-S-:

Sign the book..."To: Disappointed,"

Signed, "Impeached."

1. Posted by -S- | April 26, 2005 8:57 PM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Posted on April 26, 2005 20:57

Hire a Chinese guy to show ... (Below threshold)

2. Posted by OregonMuse | April 26, 2005 8:58 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
OregonMuse:

Hire a Chinese guy to show and up demand his "usual cut".

2. Posted by OregonMuse | April 26, 2005 8:58 PM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Posted on April 26, 2005 20:58

Take that tobacco spitting ... (Below threshold)

3. Posted by bullwinkle | April 26, 2005 9:08 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
bullwinkle:

Take that tobacco spitting Viet Nam vet with you, that should take care of everything.

3. Posted by bullwinkle | April 26, 2005 9:08 PM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Posted on April 26, 2005 21:08

Have my copy dedicated to t... (Below threshold)

4. Posted by tee bee | April 26, 2005 9:16 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
tee bee:

Have my copy dedicated to the wife and children of Vince Foster. How could he refuse? It's for the children!

4. Posted by tee bee | April 26, 2005 9:16 PM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Posted on April 26, 2005 21:16

Show up, then leave after m... (Below threshold)

5. Posted by The Babaganoosh | April 26, 2005 9:20 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
The Babaganoosh:

Show up, then leave after making a fuss saying that you thought it was going to be Richard Nixon.

Or show up with the copy of his book stuffed in your pants a la Sandy.

5. Posted by The Babaganoosh | April 26, 2005 9:20 PM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Posted on April 26, 2005 21:20

I would suggest Bubba read ... (Below threshold)

6. Posted by Patriccio | April 26, 2005 9:26 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Patriccio:

I would suggest Bubba read this accurate review of his book.

6. Posted by Patriccio | April 26, 2005 9:26 PM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Posted on April 26, 2005 21:26

Show up in a blue dress,... (Below threshold)

7. Posted by Bill from INDC | April 26, 2005 9:36 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Bill from INDC:

Show up in a blue dress, black beret, and kneepads, and say I'd rather have a DNA sample than an autograph;

You would be as a God.

7. Posted by Bill from INDC | April 26, 2005 9:36 PM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Posted on April 26, 2005 21:36

The dude's book has been ou... (Below threshold)

8. Posted by wavemaker | April 26, 2005 9:38 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
wavemaker:

The dude's book has been out for nearly a year and he's doing book signings in Manchester NH now?

This sounds like a grudging contractualy obligation, doesn't it?

So treat it as such. Bring the pie.

8. Posted by wavemaker | April 26, 2005 9:38 PM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Posted on April 26, 2005 21:38

Offer him a cigar.... (Below threshold)

9. Posted by SilverBubble | April 26, 2005 9:58 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
SilverBubble:

Offer him a cigar.

9. Posted by SilverBubble | April 26, 2005 9:58 PM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Posted on April 26, 2005 21:58

Ask him if he's "Ron Mexico... (Below threshold)

10. Posted by FreakyBoy | April 26, 2005 10:05 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
FreakyBoy:

Ask him if he's "Ron Mexico".

10. Posted by FreakyBoy | April 26, 2005 10:05 PM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Posted on April 26, 2005 22:05

Get Al Gore to accompany yo... (Below threshold)

11. Posted by -S- | April 26, 2005 10:25 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
-S-:

Get Al Gore to accompany you and yell, "he LIED to you, he LIIIEEEDDD to you!"

11. Posted by -S- | April 26, 2005 10:25 PM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Posted on April 26, 2005 22:25

Avoid the shower and the de... (Below threshold)

12. Posted by jmaster | April 26, 2005 11:02 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
jmaster:

Avoid the shower and the deodorant till the signing, put on some big head phones and an iPod (or walkman), and present him with a Parliament CD.

Ask him to sign it “Make my funk the P-Funk, man.”

Then casually walk away, smiling and grooving.

12. Posted by jmaster | April 26, 2005 11:02 PM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Posted on April 26, 2005 23:02

Secret service guys have no... (Below threshold)

13. Posted by Half Sigma | April 26, 2005 11:07 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Half Sigma:

Secret service guys have no sense of humor. Keep that in mind, because Clinton still has them around.

13. Posted by Half Sigma | April 26, 2005 11:07 PM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Posted on April 26, 2005 23:07

I would have him sign my ci... (Below threshold)

14. Posted by McCain | April 26, 2005 11:24 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
McCain:

I would have him sign my cigar, a nice fat 50x6 torpedo.

14. Posted by McCain | April 26, 2005 11:24 PM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Posted on April 26, 2005 23:24

Read <a href="http://libert... (Below threshold)

15. Posted by Tom | April 26, 2005 11:31 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Tom:

Read this to him.

15. Posted by Tom | April 26, 2005 11:31 PM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Posted on April 26, 2005 23:31

Buy 2 books and switch the ... (Below threshold)

16. Posted by The WASP | April 26, 2005 11:51 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
The WASP:

Buy 2 books and switch the covers so that he would actually be signing a copy of High Crimes and Misdimeanors by Ann Coulter, then send it to her as a present.

16. Posted by The WASP | April 26, 2005 11:51 PM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Posted on April 26, 2005 23:51

EXXXcellent (^^) !... (Below threshold)

17. Posted by -S- | April 27, 2005 12:07 AM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
-S-:

EXXXcellent (^^) !

17. Posted by -S- | April 27, 2005 12:07 AM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Posted on April 27, 2005 00:07

Tell him he wasn't properly... (Below threshold)

18. Posted by Just John | April 27, 2005 7:54 AM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Just John:

Tell him he wasn't properly appreciated until his successor took over.

18. Posted by Just John | April 27, 2005 7:54 AM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Posted on April 27, 2005 07:54

If I had the opportunity...... (Below threshold)

19. Posted by Danny Carlton | April 27, 2005 8:50 AM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Danny Carlton:

If I had the opportunity...I'd not go.

I met the slime-wad back in the early eighties when he was governor of Arkansas and made a speech at the college I was attending. I had no dsire to meet him, but he grabbed my hand and shook it as I was heading to class.

I stood about 20 yards from Ronald Reagan once. Now THAT I'm proud of.

19. Posted by Danny Carlton | April 27, 2005 8:50 AM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Posted on April 27, 2005 08:50

Try #1 - you should be used... (Below threshold)

20. Posted by trollee | April 27, 2005 9:08 AM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
trollee:

Try #1 - you should be used to that.

20. Posted by trollee | April 27, 2005 9:08 AM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Posted on April 27, 2005 09:08

Buy 2 books and switch t... (Below threshold)

21. Posted by McGehee | April 27, 2005 12:27 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
McGehee:

Buy 2 books and switch the covers so that he would actually be signing a copy of High Crimes and Misdimeanors by Ann Coulter, then send it to her as a present.

Wasp wins.

21. Posted by McGehee | April 27, 2005 12:27 PM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Posted on April 27, 2005 12:27

The rules are that he will ... (Below threshold)

22. Posted by kevino | April 27, 2005 1:59 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
kevino:

The rules are that he will only sign his name, you have to buy the book in advance, and you can't carry in anything but the book (i.e. no cigars).

Therefore, I'd pay a group of girls from the local strip club to walk in with copies of his book to sign. Then I'd photograph him leering at the girls and maybe chatting them up.

Thursday night, eh?

22. Posted by kevino | April 27, 2005 1:59 PM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Posted on April 27, 2005 13:59

Ask him: "Mr Preside... (Below threshold)

23. Posted by LouisianaLightning | April 27, 2005 3:14 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
LouisianaLightning:

Ask him:
"Mr President, since Hillary's book was called Living History, Why wasn't your book called Oral History?

23. Posted by LouisianaLightning | April 27, 2005 3:14 PM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Posted on April 27, 2005 15:14

You mean he won't sign a co... (Below threshold)

24. Posted by Rick DeMent | April 27, 2005 3:48 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Rick DeMent:

You mean he won't sign a copy of a 2000 federal budget spreadsheet, you know the one without any red on it? That's something we won't see again for a long, long, time.

24. Posted by Rick DeMent | April 27, 2005 3:48 PM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Posted on April 27, 2005 15:48

And about as true as his au... (Below threshold)

25. Posted by McGehee | April 27, 2005 4:18 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
McGehee:

And about as true as his autobiography, eh Rick?

25. Posted by McGehee | April 27, 2005 4:18 PM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Posted on April 27, 2005 16:18

I'd thank him for balancing... (Below threshold)

26. Posted by Ted | April 27, 2005 6:50 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Ted:

I'd thank him for balancing the budget and for presiding over the greatest economic expansion in US history.

26. Posted by Ted | April 27, 2005 6:50 PM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Posted on April 27, 2005 18:50


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