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Get your motor running, head out on the highway

Posted by Jay Tea
Published: July 23, 2005 - 2:00 PM

Well, I finally did it. I retired the JayTeaMobile this last week, and upgraded to a better class of vehicle than my 11-year-old Cavalier. She'd served me well for a while, but she was getting a lot of problems (including a water pump that was on the verge of spontaneously disintegrating). From what I could figure out, repairs would've been a significant portion of its actual trade-in value, so I bit the bullet and traded her in.

I really, really like my new ride. Plenty of power, yet comfortable, too. Lots of cool electronic toys, including automatic climate control, power everything, and an Alpine 6-CD changer in the rear.

Not to mention that I, as a swinging, single guy, need a car that's a real babe magnet. Something that'll drive all the chicks crazy. And I think I have just the wheels.

Front


Front Quarter


Fender


Rear Quarter


Rear

I'm at the age (37) where I can pretty much write off the hot co-eds. With that in mind, I chose my car to appeal to the lonely soccer moms. (I watch "Desperate Housewives." I know they're out there.)

I'm gonna be paying this one off for a while, but I think it'll be worth it.

The next step is to come up with a name for her. "The Shaggin' Wagon" is my leading candidate, but "Moby Dick, the Great White Whale" has been suggested. Anyone else have any suggestions?

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Comments (38)

Nothing could top "Shaggin'... (Below threshold)

1. Posted by Mark | July 23, 2005 2:47 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Mark:

Nothing could top "Shaggin' Wagon!"

1. Posted by Mark | July 23, 2005 2:47 PM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Posted on July 23, 2005 14:47

WHAT WERE YOU THINKIN?... (Below threshold)

2. Posted by DAVE | July 23, 2005 3:58 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
DAVE:

WHAT WERE YOU THINKIN?

2. Posted by DAVE | July 23, 2005 3:58 PM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Posted on July 23, 2005 15:58

Woah.Ever take it ... (Below threshold)

3. Posted by Will Franklin | July 23, 2005 4:03 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Will Franklin:

Woah.

Ever take it off any sweet jumps?

3. Posted by Will Franklin | July 23, 2005 4:03 PM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Posted on July 23, 2005 16:03

WOW, it's the Griswold Fami... (Below threshold)

4. Posted by J - Ho | July 23, 2005 5:11 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
J - Ho:

WOW, it's the Griswold Family Truckster!

4. Posted by J - Ho | July 23, 2005 5:11 PM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Posted on July 23, 2005 17:11

What women are looking for ... (Below threshold)

5. Posted by Lew Clark | July 23, 2005 5:14 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Lew Clark:

What women are looking for is financial stability - that car just screams Financial Stability!!!!!!!!!

5. Posted by Lew Clark | July 23, 2005 5:14 PM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Posted on July 23, 2005 17:14

LOL I am asuming you nixed ... (Below threshold)

6. Posted by Just Me | July 23, 2005 5:18 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Just Me:

LOL I am asuming you nixed a mini van for gas mileage purposes?

Back when my husband was trying to appeal to the coed set (before we dated and married) he drove a station wagon with the wood panels. Not exactly a cool ride-although he could haul lots of friends around.

6. Posted by Just Me | July 23, 2005 5:18 PM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Posted on July 23, 2005 17:18

All I see is "Chitty-Chitty... (Below threshold)

7. Posted by JAT0 | July 23, 2005 5:23 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
JAT0:

All I see is "Chitty-Chitty-Bang-Bang!"

7. Posted by JAT0 | July 23, 2005 5:23 PM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Posted on July 23, 2005 17:23

Once you get climate contro... (Below threshold)

8. Posted by George | July 23, 2005 5:41 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
George:

Once you get climate control, you never go back.

8. Posted by George | July 23, 2005 5:41 PM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Posted on July 23, 2005 17:41

"With a car like that, you ... (Below threshold)

9. Posted by The Tensor | July 23, 2005 5:48 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
The Tensor:

"With a car like that, you must be knee deep in whores." - Fez on That 70's Show

9. Posted by The Tensor | July 23, 2005 5:48 PM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Posted on July 23, 2005 17:48

Tea's Baggin' & Shaggin' Wa... (Below threshold)

10. Posted by FreakyBoy | July 23, 2005 5:50 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
FreakyBoy:

Tea's Baggin' & Shaggin' Wagon.

(ducks)

10. Posted by FreakyBoy | July 23, 2005 5:50 PM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Posted on July 23, 2005 17:50

I'm gonna have to get reall... (Below threshold)

11. Posted by McCain | July 23, 2005 5:58 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
McCain:

I'm gonna have to get really drunk to appreciate her looks, so as of now I'm chalking the photos up to a bad hair day.

11. Posted by McCain | July 23, 2005 5:58 PM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Posted on July 23, 2005 17:58

You know I love ya (love yo... (Below threshold)

12. Posted by arb | July 23, 2005 6:27 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
arb:

You know I love ya (love you)
I need ya (need you)
I want to, got to have you child
Great God in heaven, you know I love you

12. Posted by arb | July 23, 2005 6:27 PM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Posted on July 23, 2005 18:27

There is supposedly a "comp... (Below threshold)

13. Posted by tony | July 23, 2005 6:42 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
tony:

There is supposedly a "company" around Indy that drives a beat up old van that will pick up your pet, take them to the back of the van and clean them up. "The Shaggin' Wagon" is painted on the side.

13. Posted by tony | July 23, 2005 6:42 PM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Posted on July 23, 2005 18:42

"The Road Beluga"... (Below threshold)

14. Posted by joe | July 23, 2005 6:57 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
joe:

"The Road Beluga"

14. Posted by joe | July 23, 2005 6:57 PM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Posted on July 23, 2005 18:57

I vote as follows:... (Below threshold)

15. Posted by Mark | July 23, 2005 8:03 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Mark:

I vote as follows:

DAVE's and Will Franklin's responses are best.

I wonder how many sweet insane jump points you could get with that (mixing video games and movies here)? Come to think of it, another beer might prompt me to conjur up a version of GTA San Andreas featuring Napoleon Dynamite as the main character. Hmmmm....

The soccer moms I know long for the days of Boxters and little Merceds before they had to trade 'em in for the Volvos and Suburbans. Financial security (prudence?) is nice, but evidence that you're whacky enough to blow some on fun and women is also attractive, I've been told.

15. Posted by Mark | July 23, 2005 8:03 PM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Posted on July 23, 2005 20:03

Jay Tea,Have you suf... (Below threshold)

16. Posted by Steve L. | July 23, 2005 8:15 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Steve L.:

Jay Tea,
Have you suffered a recent head injury?

16. Posted by Steve L. | July 23, 2005 8:15 PM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Posted on July 23, 2005 20:15

Oh my.In a fit of ... (Below threshold)

17. Posted by Nessie | July 23, 2005 9:59 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Nessie:

Oh my.

In a fit of delusion, you might refer to it as "Partymobile" if so inclined.

17. Posted by Nessie | July 23, 2005 9:59 PM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Posted on July 23, 2005 21:59

Shitty Shitty Wizbang!” see... (Below threshold)

18. Posted by jmaster | July 23, 2005 10:53 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
jmaster:

Shitty Shitty Wizbang!” seems best to me.

And here's a little song....


O, you, pretty Shitty Wizbang!
Shitty Shitty Wizbang!, we love you
And, in, Shitty Shitty Wizbang!
Shitty Shitty Wizbang!, what we'll do
Near, far, in our motor car
O what a happy time we'll spend
Wizbang!, Shitty Shitty Wizbang!
Our fine four fendered friend
Wizbang!, Shitty Shitty Wizbang!
Our fine four fendered friend


You're sleek as a thoroughbred
You're seats are a feather bed
You'll turn everybody's head today
We'll glide on our motor trip
With pride in our ownership
The envy of all we survey


O, you, pretty Shitty Wizbang!
Shitty Shitty Wizbang!, we love you
And, our, Shitty Shitty Wizbang!
Shitty Shitty Wizbang! loves us too
High, low, anywhere we go
On Shitty Shitty we depend
Wizbang!, Shitty Shitty Wizbang!
Our fine four fendered friend
Wizbang!, Shitty Shitty Wizbang!
Our fine four fendered friend

It's uncategorical
A fuel burning oracle
A phantasmagorical machine
It's more than spectacular
To use the vernacular
It's wizard, it's smashing, it's keen

O Shitty, you Shitty, pretty Shitty Wizbang!
Shitty Shitty Wizbang!, we love you
And Shitty, in Shitty, pretty Shitty Wizbang!
Shitty Shitty Wizbang!, what we'll do
Near Shitty, far Shitty, in our motor car
O what a happy time we'll spend
Wizbang!, Shitty Shitty Wizbang!
Our fine four fendered friend
Wizbang!, Shitty Shitty Wizbang!
Our fine four fendered friend...

Shitty Shitty Wizbang!
Shitty Shitty Wizbang!

Fine four fendered Shitty Shitty friend!

18. Posted by jmaster | July 23, 2005 10:53 PM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Posted on July 23, 2005 22:53

There is nothing I could sa... (Below threshold)

19. Posted by SilverBubble | July 24, 2005 12:18 AM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
SilverBubble:

There is nothing I could say that would trump what has already been said.

19. Posted by SilverBubble | July 24, 2005 12:18 AM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Posted on July 24, 2005 00:18

Were they out of Yugos that... (Below threshold)

20. Posted by Old Coot | July 24, 2005 12:34 AM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Old Coot:

Were they out of Yugos that day?

20. Posted by Old Coot | July 24, 2005 12:34 AM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Posted on July 24, 2005 00:34

what kind of pussy gets a s... (Below threshold)

21. Posted by Gabriel Chapman | July 24, 2005 1:34 AM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Gabriel Chapman:

what kind of pussy gets a station wagon?

21. Posted by Gabriel Chapman | July 24, 2005 1:34 AM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Posted on July 24, 2005 01:34

Is that a chokin' chicken h... (Below threshold)

22. Posted by Mark | July 24, 2005 4:18 AM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Mark:

Is that a chokin' chicken hanging in the windshield? Might come in handy if that chick "magnet" turns out to have the polarity reversed.

Heh, and it's a white car, too. Ewwwww.

22. Posted by Mark | July 24, 2005 4:18 AM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Posted on July 24, 2005 04:18

Mark, that "chokin' chicken... (Below threshold)

23. Posted by Jay Tea | July 24, 2005 6:38 AM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Jay Tea:

Mark, that "chokin' chicken" is a genuine fake Beanie Baby that I got almost ten years ago to serve as my car's co-pilot. Mr. Duckie has kept me accident- and ticket-free since then. Do Not Dis The Duck.

(Admittedly, I referred to him as a "punk duck" for a while before I realized he was supposed to be a chick, not a duck, and the Mohawk was a tuft of newborn feathers, but by then he'd already been named.)

J.

23. Posted by Jay Tea | July 24, 2005 6:38 AM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Posted on July 24, 2005 06:38

You voluntarily bought a st... (Below threshold)

24. Posted by Beck | July 24, 2005 7:01 AM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Beck:

You voluntarily bought a statoin wagon? Must be a New England thing.

24. Posted by Beck | July 24, 2005 7:01 AM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Posted on July 24, 2005 07:01

"Repairs would've been a si... (Below threshold)

25. Posted by Palmateer | July 24, 2005 8:57 AM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Palmateer:

"Repairs would've been a significant portion of its actual trade-in value..."

Are you kidding? You doubled the value of that heap everytime you filled the gas tank!

25. Posted by Palmateer | July 24, 2005 8:57 AM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Posted on July 24, 2005 08:57

Lift that sucker up about f... (Below threshold)

26. Posted by McGehee | July 24, 2005 9:21 AM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
McGehee:

Lift that sucker up about four inches and replace the muffler with Cherry Bombs.

26. Posted by McGehee | July 24, 2005 9:21 AM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Posted on July 24, 2005 09:21

If you put "HARRISON" on th... (Below threshold)

27. Posted by -S- | July 24, 2005 9:33 AM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
-S-:

If you put "HARRISON" on that Ford's tag, I bet you'd get more than a few double-takes.

Or, (if it's a Taurus...can't tell):

"RAGING BULL"....

Or,

"I'M A STEED"


....um...something about the last one makes me laugh aloud, on a Ford wagon, ha.

Go, Jay Tea, car is sweet.

27. Posted by -S- | July 24, 2005 9:33 AM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Posted on July 24, 2005 09:33

On second thought, "HARRISO... (Below threshold)

28. Posted by -S- | July 24, 2005 9:35 AM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
-S-:

On second thought, "HARRISON" might get you looks from the non-target audience, I'm now thinking.

28. Posted by -S- | July 24, 2005 9:35 AM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Posted on July 24, 2005 09:35

I love my Taurus.</p... (Below threshold)

29. Posted by Nicholas | July 24, 2005 10:02 AM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Nicholas:

I love my Taurus.

29. Posted by Nicholas | July 24, 2005 10:02 AM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Posted on July 24, 2005 10:02

yeah my buddy brian had a b... (Below threshold)

30. Posted by pylorns | July 24, 2005 10:42 AM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
pylorns:

yeah my buddy brian had a beat up car like that he called the shaggin waggin but he never got laid when he had it. Then he bought a volkswagon Jetta.. and bamn, he got laid.. something is to be said for german cars. Now if you want to appeal to soccer moms, yet still have bragging rights about having a powerful car: http://www.subaru.com/shop/overview.jsp?model=IMPREZA&trim=WRX_SPORT_WAGON

I suggest the Subaru WRX Sport Wagon.
227-hp 2.0-liter boxer engine that does 0-60 in 5.4 seconds. And you can pick one up for 24.5k

30. Posted by pylorns | July 24, 2005 10:42 AM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Posted on July 24, 2005 10:42

That's HOT!... (Below threshold)

31. Posted by Paris | July 24, 2005 11:08 AM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Paris:

That's HOT!

31. Posted by Paris | July 24, 2005 11:08 AM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Posted on July 24, 2005 11:08

personally, I like it. For... (Below threshold)

32. Posted by socks tossed out of bedroom | July 24, 2005 12:22 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
socks tossed out of bedroom:

personally, I like it. For good or bad, I would not only drive a car like that, I would drive even more conservative stuff. I moved up to minivans before I had a family. The reason? I like cars with lots of space, just in case I get kicked out of my house, I want a place with room for a decent matress. Eventually I want to work up to camper, the highlite of my twilight

32. Posted by socks tossed out of bedroom | July 24, 2005 12:22 PM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Posted on July 24, 2005 12:22

I'd rather push a Ford than... (Below threshold)

33. Posted by fatman | July 24, 2005 7:34 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
fatman:

I'd rather push a Ford than drive a Chevy. (but a station wagon???!!!)

33. Posted by fatman | July 24, 2005 7:34 PM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Posted on July 24, 2005 19:34

Dude. You live in Cow Hamp... (Below threshold)

34. Posted by JD | July 24, 2005 8:16 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
JD:

Dude. You live in Cow Hampshire, and you got a WHITE car?!?

WTF were you thinking?

34. Posted by JD | July 24, 2005 8:16 PM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Posted on July 24, 2005 20:16

I used to have a Taurus wag... (Below threshold)

35. Posted by zipity | July 24, 2005 9:52 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
zipity:

I used to have a Taurus wagon exactly like that. I called it "Shamu"...after the killer whale.

35. Posted by zipity | July 24, 2005 9:52 PM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Posted on July 24, 2005 21:52

Wow!!! You got the Yahama e... (Below threshold)

36. Posted by frankR | July 25, 2005 3:46 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
frankR:

Wow!!! You got the Yahama engine???? Did I see a DOHC 6 cylinder??? How many miles??? See if you can get this puppy on "pimp my ride" or overhauling!! Seriously, I love fords. Got my son a ZX2 escort. The 4 banger beats my 6 cylinder chrysler sebring convertable. It's really a mazda in Ford clothing.

36. Posted by frankR | July 25, 2005 3:46 PM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Posted on July 25, 2005 15:46

Does it float?... (Below threshold)

37. Posted by Ted | July 26, 2005 3:39 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Ted:

Does it float?

37. Posted by Ted | July 26, 2005 3:39 PM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Posted on July 26, 2005 15:39

The Pale Whale...... (Below threshold)

38. Posted by mesablue | July 27, 2005 12:29 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
mesablue:

The Pale Whale...

38. Posted by mesablue | July 27, 2005 12:29 PM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Posted on July 27, 2005 12:29


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