My demented labor of love The Bonfire of the Vanities returns to bash you over the head with the worst the the blogosphere has to offer. The motto this week is "How To Tell You've Got Too Much Time On Your Hands." This weeks entries prove that you should never hit the Canel button when making a post. All of this weeks entries have been gladdy offered up to the raging inferno that is the Bonfire...

If you want to be reminded to enter the Bonfire each week via e-mail, subscribe to the Bonfire mailing list. If you want to send e-mail to Glenn Reynolds for the love of God; please, please, please leave my name out of all correspondence bound for Glenn Reynolds. Contrary to what the voices in your head may be whispering to you - I did not tell you to send a message to InstaPundit. Frank J, on the other hand, did.

On with the "Very Special Episode of the Bonfire"...

• Harvey reveals that his wife is the real talent behind Bad Money. Like a twisted stage mother he keeps hoisting her out onto the Bonfire stage.
• Paige chastises visitors looking for porn. HE is obviously new at the blogging game, how do you think I get all my hits?
• Susie whores out the Bonfire for another contest.
• King of Fools lives up to his moniker. Perhaps that should be Knig of Folos?
• Margi vividly illustrates the lamest meme from last week.
• Doc Rock sent me a link to edit her Bonfire submission, which even though it was a unique entry didn't exactly make for interesting Bonfire reading. One word: Permalink. I'll go out on a limb here and guess that the bleeding handyman story was what she meant to send. Of course it could have been part II of the bleeding handyman story.
• Heather (aka Helen without vowels) discovers that Frank J's Ethel nickname may be more accurate than we ever knew.
• Jen has a candid admission about her preference in *cough* size. Small handed men have formed a line that wraps around the building at this point.
• McGehee thinks ABC killing off the John Ritter character may not work. What he fails to note is the "big surprise". The hot daughter, so overcome by grief, takes a job as a lap dancer. Hilarity and ratings ensure.
• Phelps mocks the giver of Instalanches. Apparently no one ever explained to Phelps that the BlogFather nickname is not just another of the many names Glenn goes by. You think he got all that traffic by accident? That new stadium the Titans play in isn't known as the Tennessee Meadowlands for nothing…
• Pete notes the loss of his virginity. By the way, The Smarter Cop is moving, I've wisely linked to the new non BlogSpot site.
• Adam can't find a decent cup of coffee in Atlanta. He did however run into a dish. Adam - I though Goody's was the hangover medication of choice in the South.
• Owen shows his fine public school education at work in counting to 1000. Pay extra close attention to the archive numbering in the URL (1005), and the title of the previous post ("1000"). The blog is called Boots and Sabers not Penny Loafers and Slide Rules so cut him a little slack.
• Tim regales Bonfire readers with toe nail clippings. Is the stink coming from the post or the toe nails? Not really sure…
• Jeff explains why he will be getting the Brady Bunch Astroturf yard installed any day now. Lazy is as lazy does, or something like that…
• Bryan deep in a drunken lovefest with all things Miss America posts a stunning self portrait. Remember how they told you your palms would grow hair? They forgot to mention this other under reported side effect.
• David (Zombyboy) looks away from the Girls Gone Wild retrospective long enough to note the relavance of the Pageant as well.
• Brian is under the delusion that Glenn examines his referrer logs 24/7 and would actually be watching for the nanosecond that his site appears. As others have proven, mercilessly bashing Frank J is a much sounder strategy.
• Jay appears in the Knoxville News Sentinel newspaper. All blogging ceases as he charters a plane to Knoxville and buys 1000 copies of the print edition. I guess we all know what we're getting for birthday presents now…
• The Indymedia voodoo dolls finally work. Michele is forced to act out all their twisted forms of ASV torture. It's like a train wreck, only bloggy-er.
• I offer up this post where I note the existance of Nair for Men. Obviously I was just pissed that Costco isn't carrying it yet so I can get a 3 month supply. I wonder if it works on ears?

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