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Bonfire Of The Vanities - Week 26

The Bonfire Of The Vanities is now a traveling show. Next weeks edition will be at Boots And Sabers. Entries should still be sent to bonfire at wizbangblog.com. The upcoming Bonfire schedule and signup information is listed here.

Bonfire of the Vanities

If you want to be reminded to enter the Bonfire each week via e-mail, subscribe to the Bonfire mailing list.

On with the Bonfire...

New Crap
  • Josh has the rest of us figured out, we're all greeting card company pod people.

  • Elliot is NOT a guest blogger at IMAO. Here's the proof.

  • Lair has some thoughts on giving to the disaster relief effort in Iran. For this he has been beaten about the head and shoulders throughout the blogosphere. Well not at the Bonfire, we welcome that which annoys others. Usually we just welcome that which bores others to tears, but we've made an exception in this case...

  • Susie sums up 6 months worth of Bonfire entries in one post...

  • Kiril blogs a bike ride. We need to take up a collection effort to get him some cable TV.

  • Owen picked his own all star Bonfire entry, and he picked well. Never has so much time been wasted, by so few, for such a boring post.

  • Andrew picked his all star Bonfire entry as well where he wonders about proper wine choosing etiquette for cannibals. The Bonfire recomends You serve favre beans and a nice Chianti...

  • Jim share his latent homosexual tree trimming fantasies, not that there's anything wrong with it...

  • Bryan waxes poetic about bouncy and jigglier times gone by.

We're just getting started with the suckiness. As Warner Wolf use to say, "Let's go to the videotape" and rehash some of the low-lights of previous Bonfires...

Old Crap
  • Trey is doing his impression of the crazy homeless preacher.
  • Kin is talking about hard wood floors; Jen's décor of choice.
  • Eric and his readers are having a great debate, but what it all boils down to is that everyone loves lesbians.
  • Jack has the no shit story of the day, except in this case there was certainly lots of actual shitting going on.
  • Madfish Willie has carries the weather forecast pun too far. There's a 50% chance of hurling caused by reading the post.
  • Anastasia swears no sexual favors where traded. Sure, sure…
  • Interested Participant is not the shit
  • Daniel obviously got lumps of coal for Christmas growing up. I can hear Mom saying, " No video game is going to help you get a job when you grow up…" Note to Daniel's mom - One of Bill Gates early projects was a video game called Olympic Decathlon.
  • tinklebelle laments the lack of a man around the house. Get a teenage babysitter and one of these.
  • The Commissar had grand visions of creating a visual monument to frustrations of Palestinians after 36 years of Israeli occupation. Too bad his picture was 36 years old. To use a basketball analogy, "Airball!"
  • Jack is going to France and will miss his pulled pork barbeque. Give it a while Jack, you'll miss girls who shave their pits way more than down home cooking - guaranteed…
  • John is taking joke submissions. It's all a part of his evil plan to turn his blog into the lynchpin of a marginal standup comedy career which will ultimately lead to a sitcom pilot for UPN.
  • The Patriot proposes a little blog episodic writing challenge. As a special bonus we've translated the Korean entry as follows: "He opens the door to find Paris Hilton naked and holding night vision camcorder…" Gawker wants to talk to that Korean guy about a job.
  • Matthew is trying to lure porn *ahem* readers. Something tells me Kate's not going to be too pleased with her company in that post. The Bonfire endeavors to help those have been wronged, so visit Electric Venom for hot steaming naked man pictures of Matthew J. Stinson, did we mention that Matthew J. Stinson strips buck ass naked for you? Google That!
  • Chris needs to lay off the Internet porn and get out and visit the real world more often.
  • Alex manages a rare feat, a review worse than the awful movie being reviewed. Bravo!
  • Joe provides this week's lesson in how to write a pretentiously bad post. First begin with some obscure book references and quotes. Then make an immediate transition that fails to, well, transition. Next let the post drift and sputter aimlessly. Finally, end with a question no one really cares to answer.
  • Harvey got blogrolled at ErosBlog? For what, pictures of money? Don't they know I'm the king of blogging celebrity porn?
  • McGehee offers free love, and only dudes take him up on the offer. Eeew.
  • Flea brings you Lord of the Nipple Rings.
  • BoiFromTroy is ghost writing Best Of The Web. I'm down with that, James Lileks has been taking my ideas for years.
  • Professor Bainbridge is whining wine-ing.
  • Paterico is shamelessly whoring. Who ever could have given him such an idea?
  • Tiger manages to piss of everyone, Hall of Fame material. I bet he wishes he never posted that...
  • Serenity had a cold and blogged it. Alert the media. Whining about illness is always a good entry for the Bonfire.
  • David (zombyboy) continues a Bonfire tradition of posting a worthless piece of news about a celebrity mega babe and failing to accompany it with a picture of said celebrity in a see through top. For shame...
  • Margi Lowry sent Toe Porn to Acidman, then made the Toe Porn available to all. It was the pinnacle of link whoredom. Shamefully good. Also note that she includes a full size version of the Toe Porn in question, which means she's been paying attention to past complaints for other Bonfire entries not having gratuitous porn shots.
  • It's never a good sign when the commenter's recommend your post for inclusion in the Bonfire of the Vanities. Dave Tepper wins the coveted drug induced stupor award this week. I'm sure it makes perfectly good sense to readers on hallucinogenic drugs. When someone decodes this post, please tell me what it means…
  • James Joyner, Jr. PhD, Esq., CPA, DDS, MCSE, ETC proves that having advanced degrees (sorry I gave him a few extra just for fun) doesn't exempt you from reading the story you are about to start a rant over. Had he even read the part of the story he had quoted, he would have not needed to rant. Instead, he went off on a tangent - Bravo!
  • Nathan shares this joke with us. I think he stole it from Woody Allen. I don't get the part about the hamster, but it's probably just me. I'm sure everyone else will be laughing their asses off.
  • Jen does talk about the minutiae of her life a lot, but this was scraping the bottom of the barrel, even for her. Please do let us know when you paint your toenails, as toe porn is always welcome at the Bonfire.
  • Pietro has the bad taste to mention me in the company of Larry Flint, James Traficant, and Saddam Hussein. Wow, I'm like honored, I think. Pure evil genius and quality Bonfire material...
  • David (Zombyboy) fucks with the wrong Trekkie... Taunting the higher beings is a risky proposition, as he quickly learned.
  • Adam milks his two minutes of infamy for the 100th time. He does however remember to include pictures, although he fails to include or link to some hot pictures of the Hilton sisters. Slacker..
  • Shelli treats us to blogging about talking on the phone. At least she has the decency to rub our faces it. Not quite up to toe porn standards, but still Bonfire material.
  • Kelley search through here archives and found this stinker. She's quite the vitriolic one isn't she? Since it's her first time here she can play the archive card, but next week we expect some fresh doo doo.
  • Jay's family can't decide if he's a bitch ass punk or a punk ass bitch for whining about lunch at a Thai restaurant
  • Tim blogs sneezing. Since it was just a single sneeze covered in four paragraphs he might just have hit a new all time Bonfire low. Bravo!
  • Jim allows you to join him on a narcotic laced blogging journey. I'm no doctor but I think promethazine is a teen slang word for crank or ludes.
  • Jane learns an important medical lesson from a banner ad: It's not always that "special itch".
  • In the midst of the biggest blackout since 1965, Rue writes about a haircut, cheese, and cartwheels. Hundreds of millions of people are glad they are without power.
  • Greg at Begging to Differ was brought in specifically to attract the stoned college student audience. He does not disappoint.
  • Fritz takes the egging of Arnold to the extreme. Extreme level of beating a dead joke into the ground that is
  • Steven is captured by Al Gore drones and beaten into submission. After days of intensive browbeating Steven admits that Gore did not invent the Internet, evidence notwithstanding. He also says something about Gore and FEMA, but we all know Al invented FEMA too.
  • Pixy Misa dares to denigrate Vanilla Coke, while wondering about the taste of Cherry Coke. The gods of the Bonfire will tolerate all sorts of affronts to man and beast, but will not stand for the besmirching of the character of Vanilla Coke (more specifically Diet Vanilla Coke). The gods of the Bonfire suggest that he hire a bodyguard.
  • Kate finally finds a Bonfire worthy post! Readers are advised to hold the snickering to a low roar so as not to alarm "ear hair boy" in the next cubicle. Anyway a thorough analysis of this post reveals that Kate is oddly attracted to German tourists sporting marble baggers (aka banana hammocks), her protests notwithstanding.
  • Phelps mocks the giver of Instalanches. Apparently no one ever explained to Phelps that the BlogFather nickname is not just another of the many names Glenn goes by. You think he got all that traffic by accident? That new stadium the Titans play in isn't known as the Tennessee Meadowlands for nothing
  • The Indymedia voodoo dolls finally work. Michele is forced to act out all their twisted forms of ASV torture. It's like a train wreck, only bloggy-er.
  • For some reason Norbizness thought that it would be funny to go off on Wim Duisenberg, the EU finance minister, for no other reason that he's the most freakishly hideous, haunting person he had seen since Goldie Hawn got her 14th lip collagen injection. You'll get no argument from me there, but how dare you pick on a dignified member of the European Union government (or whatever they're calling themselves these days). For shame…
  • Brian is under the delusion that Glenn examines his referrer logs 24/7 and would actually be watching for the nanosecond that his site appears. As others have proven, mercilessly bashing Frank J is a much sounder strategy.
  • Deb faces the Bonfire conundrum of the chicken and the egg problem (which came first) with a post about why she wrote a sucky posts. Which one to torch on the Bonfire, the original or the post that calls out the original? You be the judge.
  • Heather is leaving Blogger. Unfortunately for single male Bonfire readers she appears to be staying with her husband. Here's the first post at the new site.
  • Mog notes that the Icelandic Phallological Museum is looking for a whale and a male member. She claims to have casually run across the site via Technorati. Sure, sure...
  • Tanya shamelessy blegs for comments to no avail. Did I mention she used to be a stripper? That ought to light up the comment section.
  • Jason is cornering the market on 4 year old blog readers. I sense a TV deal in his future...
  • Jen and Frank; sitting in a tree; k-i-s-s-i-n-g. At least that's my guess. ***
  • Finally, The Dead Pool 2004 is calling you. You've got until the ball drops in Times Square to get your rosters in.
    Ask not for whom the blog tolls...

*** Earned Jen the title Queen Of Suck and she was forced to remove the revolting post. She replaced it with something much prettier.

Postscript

Given all of these examples, I think some new light has been shed on this discussion at Jessica's Well on bloggers vs. journalists. They've got Jason Blair and we've got the Bonfire...


TrackBack

Listed below are links to weblogs that reference Bonfire Of The Vanities - Week 26:

» Sneakeasy's Joint linked with Last Bonfire of 2003

» Electric Venom linked with Ready? Set? Burn! (And Google-bait defined)

» Jennifer's History and Stuff linked with Bonfire - Year in Review

» Amish Tech Support linked with Bonfire

» The American Mind linked with Warm Up with Something Bad

» Snooze Button Dreams linked with No time to waste!

» Dodgeblogium linked with The BestofMe

» Boots and Sabers linked with The Bonfire Has Been Lit

» blogoSFERICS linked with Ring of (Bon)fire

» d-42.com: the electronic home of Josh Cohen linked with http://www.d-42.com/archives/000284.html

» OUTSIDE THE BELTWAY linked with END OF YEAR LISTS

» Matthew J. Stinson | weblog linked with Paying Tribute To Vanities

» Practical Penumbra linked with Check the sitemeter on your way out...

» Resonance linked with Year-End Bonfire

» angelweave linked with Roasting

» Electric Venom linked with Dubious Distinctions

Comments (1)

LOL!28 miles ain't... (Below threshold)

LOL!

28 miles ain't nothin' for me. :-)
And I've lost 15 lbs. this year since I couldn't afford cable anymore.

For me that's a good thing. :-)

For anyone who enjoyed it, this year, my blog THE CYCLING DUDE, where I did nothing BUT blog bicyling, and cycling issues, WILL return sometime next year. :-)





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