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It's Friday, that means it time for the Wizbang Weekend Caption Contest™. Winners to be announced Sunday.
Update: Winners announced. Comments on this post are closed - discussion should move to the announcement post.
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Weekend Caption Contest
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Comments (27)
"... and this is when I'm g... (Below threshold)1. Posted by Laurence Simon | March 5, 2004 4:33 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
"... and this is when I'm getting raped by a guard with a broom handle. Although, in a pinch, a mop handle will do."
1. Posted by Laurence Simon | March 5, 2004 4:33 PM |
Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Posted on March 5, 2004 16:33
2. Posted by Adam | March 5, 2004 5:11 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Martha Stewart shocked the nation by using a chart to illustrate where she would be classified under the federal sentencing guidlines during her weekly show, "Martha Stewrt Living."
2. Posted by Adam | March 5, 2004 5:11 PM |
Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Posted on March 5, 2004 17:11
3. Posted by Fritz | March 5, 2004 5:12 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
"Rather than making a mark on the prison cell wall as the days pass, I suggest creating a brightly colored calendar in the prison printshop. For this calendar, I've included entertaining recreational activities for each day. Here, I plan on sculpting a gun out of a bar of soap -- always a jailhouse favorite..."
3. Posted by Fritz | March 5, 2004 5:12 PM |
Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Posted on March 5, 2004 17:12
4. Posted by BoiFromTroy | March 5, 2004 5:14 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
"On June 19th, 2025, I will be returning to the air where I will show you how to cut doylies without using any sharp edges."
4. Posted by BoiFromTroy | March 5, 2004 5:14 PM |
Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Posted on March 5, 2004 17:14
5. Posted by Martha Stewart Inc. | March 5, 2004 5:24 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
The Inc. stands for Incarcerated! I've got some stock to sell right here. (love that jailhouse posterboard)
5. Posted by Martha Stewart Inc. | March 5, 2004 5:24 PM |
Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Posted on March 5, 2004 17:24
6. Posted by judi | March 5, 2004 5:42 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
I'm hoping that the paint colors in my jail cell will match my huge vintage jadite collection.
6. Posted by judi | March 5, 2004 5:42 PM |
Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Posted on March 5, 2004 17:42
7. Posted by Claire | March 5, 2004 6:23 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
These big stripes show how much Ken Lay ...er, weaseled and that's not a flyspeck -- it's how much I ...er, finagled. Can I decorate Ken's cell, too? Hnnn?
7. Posted by Claire | March 5, 2004 6:23 PM |
Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Posted on March 5, 2004 18:23
8. Posted by McGehee | March 5, 2004 6:38 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
"By the ninth day of my sentence, I expect everyone in my cell block to be working fulltime on my escape tunnel, each worker bee wearing a cute little smock that I'll make out of the skins of all the finks who testified against me."
8. Posted by McGehee | March 5, 2004 6:38 PM |
Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Posted on March 5, 2004 18:38
9. Posted by Kymera | March 5, 2004 6:42 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
On todays show I will be showing you my fool-proof seven day guide to insider trading... and yes, it was devised after I sold my shares... It was all in the name of research, honest!
9. Posted by Kymera | March 5, 2004 6:42 PM |
Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Posted on March 5, 2004 18:42
10. Posted by Val Prieto | March 5, 2004 7:20 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Marthe Stewart, ever the organizer, prepares for her correctional sojourn by developing her "I'm Your Bitch" monthly calendar. Fellow convicts will take daily turns for "Tea with Martha."
10. Posted by Val Prieto | March 5, 2004 7:20 PM |
Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Posted on March 5, 2004 19:20
11. Posted by Rodney Dill | March 5, 2004 7:46 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Martha Stewart Stock Tips
11. Posted by Rodney Dill | March 5, 2004 7:46 PM |
Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Posted on March 5, 2004 19:46
12. Posted by Frank | March 6, 2004 12:49 AM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
“Well, as you can see, I’ve just completed my hit list in the most delightful periwinkle and eggshell tones. Here are the prosecutors, who I intend to run over with my Range Rover numerous times. The jurors are next. I have a sinfully decadent strawberry almond trifle for each one—loaded with the freshest whipped cream, and arsenic, of course. It’s a good thing.”
12. Posted by Frank | March 6, 2004 12:49 AM |
Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Posted on March 6, 2004 00:49
13. Posted by Jennifer | March 6, 2004 12:51 AM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
“Now warden, you KNOW I can’t work like this…if you don’t mind, I propose that by THIS day, and no later, the prison kitchen is brought up to MY acceptable standards….”
13. Posted by Jennifer | March 6, 2004 12:51 AM |
Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Posted on March 6, 2004 00:51
14. Posted by charles | March 6, 2004 1:19 AM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
...and this is the day doug screwed me over.
14. Posted by charles | March 6, 2004 1:19 AM |
Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Posted on March 6, 2004 01:19
15. Posted by charles | March 6, 2004 2:45 AM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Martha Stewart Living in the Penitentiary
15. Posted by charles | March 6, 2004 2:45 AM |
Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Posted on March 6, 2004 02:45
16. Posted by Jay Tea | March 6, 2004 7:13 AM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
I've spent WAY too many years cultivating my apathy towards Martha Stewart to throw it away for the sake of a caption contest. I think I'll give this week a bye.
That said, if I had my druthers, I'd vote for Lair's. It's got his quintessential vileness and brutality, with the Martha-specific "in a pinch" twist.
One final thought: maybe I've looked at too many fake nude photos of celebrities, but her head looks like it does NOT fit with her body in this shot. Just a little too big and a little too off-center.
J.
16. Posted by Jay Tea | March 6, 2004 7:13 AM |
Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Posted on March 6, 2004 07:13
17. Posted by McGehee | March 6, 2004 7:47 AM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
"Pull my pointer."
17. Posted by McGehee | March 6, 2004 7:47 AM |
Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Posted on March 6, 2004 07:47
18. Posted by Ricky Vandal | March 6, 2004 12:30 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
This is no tragedy. It is an opportunity to teach some of society's most underprivilaged people about good home keeping.
18. Posted by Ricky Vandal | March 6, 2004 12:30 PM |
Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Posted on March 6, 2004 12:30
19. Posted by Fritz | March 6, 2004 12:38 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Several years ago, I made a negative comment about Martha at a cocktail party. Big mistake. Some of the women wanted to kill me. It was as if I spit in the hors d’oeuvres or something.
19. Posted by Fritz | March 6, 2004 12:38 PM |
Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Posted on March 6, 2004 12:38
20. Posted by feste | March 6, 2004 1:05 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Prior to sentencing Martha addresses her staff:
"...and this is the date I'll return from prison, and let me tell you; scores will be settled."
20. Posted by feste | March 6, 2004 1:05 PM |
Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Posted on March 6, 2004 13:05
21. Posted by Rodney Dill | March 6, 2004 1:07 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
"...and on Friday I'm making a holiday favorite, that I hope you will agree is one of the best. Chocolate Cell Block Bars. Its a good thing."
(I somewhat agree with J. on Martha, though not to the extent that I'd sit out entirely. She doesn't evoke much response one way or the other for me. Laurence Simons is good and McGeehee's got finger pulling covered.)
21. Posted by Rodney Dill | March 6, 2004 1:07 PM |
Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Posted on March 6, 2004 13:07
22. Posted by Evan Schaeffer | March 6, 2004 1:20 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Showing no remorse, her steely resolve still in check despite her stunning defeat, Ms. Stewart stands at the front of her "war room" and briefs her new legal team on the idea she hopes will win over the judges who will decide her appeal: Gifts of tiny bags of expensive Swiss chocolates, each tasty treat fashioned into the shape of a tiny gavel and containing a stunning half-karat diamond at its center. Remarked the lion-hearted diva, “It’s about time we tried out some new ideas."
22. Posted by Evan Schaeffer | March 6, 2004 1:20 PM |
Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Posted on March 6, 2004 13:20
23. Posted by McGehee | March 6, 2004 8:25 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
I only used that one because Jay Tea is sitting it out.
23. Posted by McGehee | March 6, 2004 8:25 PM |
Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Posted on March 6, 2004 20:25
24. Posted by Jay Tea | March 7, 2004 3:36 AM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Man, I GOTTA get known for something besides fart jokes...
Kevin, I have a piece all ready for the next time you decide to let the inmates take a whack at running this asylum again.
J.
24. Posted by Jay Tea | March 7, 2004 3:36 AM |
Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Posted on March 7, 2004 03:36
25. Posted by Rodney Dill | March 7, 2004 7:45 AM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
After a short stint in the big house Martha picks up her career pretty much where she left off with only a few minor hiccups. Such as, Be My Bitch Fridays.
25. Posted by Rodney Dill | March 7, 2004 7:45 AM |
Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Posted on March 7, 2004 07:45
26. Posted by Rodney Dill | March 7, 2004 2:11 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Martha is extremely pleased with herself as she indicates the date when she'll be sent to the place, that she thinks means, she'll have season tickets to all the University of Michigan football games.
26. Posted by Rodney Dill | March 7, 2004 2:11 PM |
Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Posted on March 7, 2004 14:11
27. Posted by Rodney Dill | March 7, 2004 9:00 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
The years of botched plastic surgeries having taken their toll, it was only natural that Michael Jackson complete the transformation and fill in as Martha's double during her incarceration .
27. Posted by Rodney Dill | March 7, 2004 9:00 PM |
Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Posted on March 7, 2004 21:00