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To Ensure Domestic Tranquility

While I've never actually officially cohabitated with a woman (in the sense of sharing sleeping arrangements), I have spent enough time with women and known enough men who have done so to learn a few lessons about such things (some learned the hard way) that I feel obligated to pass along.

When it's that "certain time of the calendar" (to put it delicately), there are certain things that men should absolutely not do, under any circumstances. Here are a few:

1) Do NOT put Peter Gabriel's "Red Rain" on loop.

2) Do NOT jump up and down and triumph and shout "YEAH! Dodged the bullet yet AGAIN!"

3) Likewise, do NOT shout "Who's a daddy? NOT ME!"

4) Do NOT use such phrases as "oh, bloody hell" or the like.

5) Do NOT say such things as "Well, I guess I won't be getting any tonight" or "Hey, hon, just because you're out of action down there doesn't mean..."

I sincerely hope this helps other men out there. I also invite others to offer their own tips.

J.


Comments (4)

Uh-uh. I ain't touchin' ... (Below threshold)
Boyd:

Uh-uh. I ain't touchin' that. So to speak.

And here we perhaps see one... (Below threshold)
Timmer:

And here we perhaps see one of the reasons WHY you haven't officially cohabitated with a woman. J J J J J J J.... (picture older man shaking his head with each and every J.)

Here's my tip:

NEVER, that's NE (pause) VER make jokes, or sophmoric blog posts about the ladies' monthly visitor. They find absolutely nothing funny about it.

I'm a man raised by my Gramma, my Mom, my older sister and my Dad. Dad and I were outnumbered by about mmmmmmmm 10 to one on a good day. (It's family math, it's not supposed to make sense.) I learned at a very young age there are some things you just don't make fun of. You will get hurt. Pain will be inflicted. Dad can't/won't protect you. Gramma will be helping inflict the pain.

That was my point, Timmer! ... (Below threshold)

That was my point, Timmer! DON'T make those jokes! Avoid 'em at all costs!

Sigh... I never win.

J.

It's okay...I seem to be mi... (Below threshold)
Timmer:

It's okay...I seem to be missing the point on a lot of things these days myself. I think I'll just go back to the caption contests and making odd comments now and then.




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