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Weekend Caption Contest™

It's Friday, which means it's time for the Wizbang Weekend Caption Contest™. Winners to be announced Sunday.


Update: Winners announced. Comments are now closed. Discussion can continue in the announcement post.


Comments (52)

"Don't worry! John Kerry's ... (Below threshold)
Rodney Dill:

"Don't worry! John Kerry's alright, and he says its not his fault, a Secret Service Agent kicked the back of his seat."

The next day, the Congress ... (Below threshold)

The next day, the Congress voted 382-89 to ban Hot Wheels.

Women drivers!... (Below threshold)

Women drivers!

This is what we have to loo... (Below threshold)

This is what we have to look forward to when hovercars are invented.

After "Sporty" was kicked o... (Below threshold)

After "Sporty" was kicked off the Autobots squad for leaving his parking break off, he joined the Decepticons and began his bloody reign of terror.

(That one was for Rodney...... (Below threshold)

(That one was for Rodney... it sucks, it has a spelling error, and it wasn't first.)

Tell the McDonald's girl do... (Below threshold)
Rob:

Tell the McDonald's girl downstairs that he wants a number one, super-sized with a coke.

That's not my car. It's my ... (Below threshold)

That's not my car. It's my family's.

"San Dimas High School foot... (Below threshold)

"San Dimas High School football rules!"

The Lizzie Grubman Parking ... (Below threshold)
Jeff:

The Lizzie Grubman Parking Garage opened today.

Well, duh. It's a BMW. The ... (Below threshold)
Jay Tea:

Well, duh. It's a BMW. The slogan is "Ultimate Driving Machine," not "ultimate parking machine."

J.

"Damn. Of all the times to ... (Below threshold)
Jay Tea:

"Damn. Of all the times to NOT have front-wheel drive..."

J.

In a sequel to Guy Ritchie'... (Below threshold)
Fritz:

In a sequel to Guy Ritchie's BMWfilms.com short film "The Superstar", Clive Owen (The Driver) panics and takes a wrong turn when Madonna sticks her 50-year old tongue in his ear.

Mr. Joel is reportedly in s... (Below threshold)

Mr. Joel is reportedly in stable condition, authorities are awaiting the resultes of his tox screen before...

Damn. I hate it when buildi... (Below threshold)

Damn. I hate it when buildings jump in my way.

A recent study has shown th... (Below threshold)

A recent study has shown that BWM driver have sex more often than drivers of other car types, clocking in at 2.2 times per week. Apparently, while driving.

"OK, whose brilliant idea w... (Below threshold)
Jay Tea:

"OK, whose brilliant idea was it to hire Halle Berry to represent BMW?"

J.

"Well, at least this time S... (Below threshold)
Jay Tea:

"Well, at least this time Senator Kennedy avoided the water."

J.

"OK, maybe it does stand fo... (Below threshold)
Jay Tea:

"OK, maybe it does stand for 'Bust My Wall.'"

J.

"GOD DAMN IT, I told you no... (Below threshold)
Jay Tea:

"GOD DAMN IT, I told you not to pull Rodney's finger in enclosed spaces!"

J.

Bob was not happy when he f... (Below threshold)
Jay Tea:

Bob was not happy when he found out just why his parking space was costing him only half the going rate.

J.

... THIS time Police summon... (Below threshold)
Havoc:

... THIS time Police summoned Firefighters to rescue Hugh Grant and Ms. Devine from his BMW.
Police then arrested Mr. Grant and Ms. Devine, while Firefighters looked on, refering to her as "The Jaws of Life".

According to Janet Jackson,... (Below threshold)
Jay Tea:

According to Janet Jackson, it wasn't an accident -- it was a "steering malfunction."

J.

"Yes, this is Hertz...yes, ... (Below threshold)
Fritz:

"Yes, this is Hertz...yes, officer. Uh huh, we did rent a silver BMW to Mr. Joel as an insurance replacement for his 1967 CitroŽn."

EARN BIG MONEY E-Z L... (Below threshold)
Rodney Dill:

EARN BIG MONEY E-Z Learn to be a New York Cabby in your spare time, all while sitting down. All cabs come with chrome fender dents, fully factory air conditioned air, and doors to match. Just sign up for the Zacarias Moussaoui School of Taxi Driving.

Need insurance? Accidents? ... (Below threshold)
Fritz:

Need insurance? Accidents? A few tickets? No problem!

At Atlanta Auto Insurance Specialists we've got you covered...EEEEERK...my God! That guy just ran over our cameraman and crashed through the side of the building!

No problem!

(That one was for Rodney... (Below threshold)
Rodney Dill:

(That one was for Rodney... it sucks, it has a spelling error, and it wasn't first.)

Not all my captions suck, having spelling errors, and aren't first. This time I got one that is first.

___

Nice Billy Joel reference Timmer, you have me wishing I'd come up with that angle.

A Mr. Billy Joel was tradin... (Below threshold)
Steve the Llamabutchers:

A Mr. Billy Joel was tradin in his Chevy for a Cad-a-lack-lack-lack

But he oughta know by now
if he can't drive with a broken back,
at least he can polish the fenders....


with a ladder.

It took several hours, but ... (Below threshold)
Jay Tea:

It took several hours, but finally negotiators were able to persuade the despondent BMW to not jump after it's owner filled it with generic motor oil.

J.

Now that GM has cancelled t... (Below threshold)
Jay Tea:

Now that GM has cancelled the Firebird and Trans Am, David Hasslehoff has been auditioning new cars to play KITT in the new Knight Rider series. First to fail in the "Turbo Boost" test: the BMW 330i.

J.

(Another knock against the BMW's chances of winning was the unavailability of Arnold Schwarzenegger to provide the appropriately-German voice of the car.)

"Hey, you! You can'... (Below threshold)

"Hey, you! You can't park here!"

"Honest, Officer, I don't k... (Below threshold)

"Honest, Officer, I don't know what happened. I was just driving along, and I stopped for a cat crossing the street, and the next thing I knew the sunroof popped open and the car was chasing the cat!"

"Goddammit, they told me th... (Below threshold)

"Goddammit, they told me they'd fixed the traction control!"

College students find it di... (Below threshold)

College students find it difficult to make a low budget version of Black Rain.

As Mr. Kerry explained, he ... (Below threshold)
Mike:

As Mr. Kerry explained, he was going forward before he went backward.

Shown above: the incident t... (Below threshold)
Jay Tea:

Shown above: the incident that led to BMW's reworking of the classic warning:
"Objects in the rear view mirror, including edges of buildings, may be closer than they appear."

J.

Dude, where's my car?... (Below threshold)
Rick:

Dude, where's my car?

Or maybe better:As... (Below threshold)
Mike:

Or maybe better:

As Mr. Kerry explained, he was going forward before he went backward; but he would have been F-ing killed if he would have been driving one of his family's vehicles!

The high demand and low sup... (Below threshold)

The high demand and low supply of parking causes Manhattanites to improvise just a little too creatively.

Wincing at Rodney's ZM refe... (Below threshold)

Wincing at Rodney's ZM reference. Oooooh, wicked funny.

". . . and when you get to ... (Below threshold)

". . . and when you get to Main, take a right . . ."

"Chitty Chitty Bang Bang" m... (Below threshold)
Jay Tea:

"Chitty Chitty Bang Bang" meets "Shitty Shitty Parking."

J.

Bumper Sticker on back:<br ... (Below threshold)
Rodney Dill:

Bumper Sticker on back:
If you don't like my drivin'
stay off the freakin' elevator

To Bubba Lee's astonishment... (Below threshold)

To Bubba Lee's astonishment, the Rapture came and took his car instead of him.

Despite it's stellar reputa... (Below threshold)
Jay Tea:

Despite it's stellar reputation, Pete was disappointed when it was proven his vaunted Beemer could not, indeed, tell it's ass end from a hole in the wall.

J.

"Day-um, Bubba, you almost ... (Below threshold)
Jay Tea:

"Day-um, Bubba, you almost made it! Let's just haul the Gen'ral Rommel outta this here wall and give it another go. Just go a mite faster when you hit the ramp this time."

J.

Proof that Beemers, like We... (Below threshold)
Jay Tea:

Proof that Beemers, like Weebuls, wobble, but they don't fall down.

J.

You just may be a redneck i... (Below threshold)
Rodney Dill:

You just may be a redneck if you ever had a relative die right after saying, "Hey y'all, Watch this!!!

Just another day in Townsvi... (Below threshold)

Just another day in Townsville for the State Farm represenative.

"Who's the F14 Tomcat Aviat... (Below threshold)
Rodney Dill:

"Who's the F14 Tomcat Aviator?"

(think Risky Business, Who's the U-boat commander?)

"You put your ass end in... (Below threshold)
Jay Tea:

"You put your ass end in,
You put your ass end out,
You put your ass end in,
And you shake it all about.
You do the hokey pokey
And you turn your car around,
That's what it's all about!"

J.

(Come on, people! Two more entries and we'll break the 50 mark! We can do it!)

After the 187th replay of A... (Below threshold)
Jay Tea:

After the 187th replay of Aerosmith's "Living On The Edge," Bill's car couldn't take any more.

J.




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Credits

Section Editor: Maggie Whitton

Editors: Jay Tea, Lorie Byrd, Kim Priestap, DJ Drummond, Michael Laprarie, Baron Von Ottomatic, Shawn Mallow, Rick, Dan Karipides, Michael Avitablile, Charlie Quidnunc, Steve Schippert

Emeritus: Paul, Mary Katherine Ham, Jim Addison, Alexander K. McClure, Cassy Fiano, Bill Jempty, John Stansbury, Rob Port

In Memorium: HughS

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