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Stupidest Names Ever

In honor of the birth of Gwyneth Paltrow's daughter Apple, I'm wondering if Wizbang readers have any personal examples of really bad baby names? Maybe they are ones that your friends or neighbors have used.


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Comments (42)

I had a client once who was... (Below threshold)
Jim:

I had a client once who was named Weiner Cadet. He was from South Africa and it's a perfectly normal name there. His son (born in the USA) is Weiner Cadet Junior.

I know this couple who name... (Below threshold)

I know this couple who named their baby Laurence with a U instead of a W...

When my mother was a teache... (Below threshold)

When my mother was a teacher, she had a girl named Tina in her class. Tina's siblings were Twyla, BeeBop, and Boink.

Not a personal friend, but ... (Below threshold)

Not a personal friend, but "Moon Unit" Zappa has to be the best.

I once knew someone who had... (Below threshold)

I once knew someone who had the name Sunshine.

Kevin, thanks for recycling... (Below threshold)
Jay Tea:

Kevin, thanks for recycling my topic from an earlier posting. It gives me a chance to mention the bank teller I met two days after that one.

Sandy C. Shore.

She embraces it, though. Collects shells, has little dioramas at her desk, etc. etc.

J.

Friend of a friend named he... (Below threshold)
Mike:

Friend of a friend named her son ESPN.

My sisters-in-law: One's s... (Below threshold)
DrSteve:

My sisters-in-law: One's second child is Pascal Romero (Lastname). The other's first child is Iggy. Not short for anything, mind you, just Iggy. My wife and I have simply made up our own names for these children.

There are actually people i... (Below threshold)

There are actually people in the world named "Kevin."

What's up with that?

TOOL... (Below threshold)

TOOL

I've got a cousin by name o... (Below threshold)

I've got a cousin by name of Harry Bitsch. As with Jim's client, though, not a particularly amusing name in Germany.

went to school with a girl ... (Below threshold)
Geri:

went to school with a girl who named her first child Misty Sunshine...we all waited for the second child to be named Partly Cloudy

I posted these fictional ce... (Below threshold)
Fritz:

I posted these fictional celebrity "fruit trend" names on my blog:

Sarah Jessica Parker & Matthew Broderick - Cantaloupe Broderick

Jennifer Aniston & Brad Pitt - Peach Pitt, Apricot Pitt (twins)

Courteney Cox & David Arquette - Banana Cox Arquette

Catherine Zeta-Jones & Michael Douglas - Mango Zeta-Jones-Douglas

Jada Pinkett Smith & Will Smith - Tangerine Smith

Jessica Simpson & Nick Lachey - Skittles Lachey (Simpson defended this choice and asked, “Skittles are fruit, right?” )

My sister-in-law teaches in... (Below threshold)

My sister-in-law teaches in Glendale, CA (which has the second highest Armenian population in the world); here are her two best:

Asskick, pronounced As-keek.
Shithead, pronounced Shi-theed.

You can't make this stuff up.

A co-worker's nephew is nam... (Below threshold)

A co-worker's nephew is named Don Corleone.

Here's my favorite...... (Below threshold)

Here's my favorite...

VaGina (pronounced 'va GEENA' of course)

As I have an obvious confli... (Below threshold)

As I have an obvious conflict of interest here, I cannot comment on this thread.

I met a lady named Trudy Li... (Below threshold)

I met a lady named Trudy Light once. She was actually quite nice.

Might as well go for the go... (Below threshold)

Might as well go for the gold here:

http://notwithoutmyhandbag.com/babynames/

A boy named Taylynn. His s... (Below threshold)

A boy named Taylynn. His sister? Genyphyr. I say stupid spelling is just as bad as a stupid name.

God - and I was teased for MY name?

I have one thing to say to parents who do this - start saving for therapy NOW.

Hehehe... SNL with Nicolas ... (Below threshold)

Hehehe... SNL with Nicolas Cage where he and his "wife" were sitting around trying to come up with baby names. He vetoed every single one. (I wish I could remember the list) As soon as his "wife" said a name, he would rattle off every conceivable way that little kids could make fun of it. At the end of the skit, a delivery-dude was at the front door with a pizza for... Mr Asswipe [oz-weep-ay]!! LMAO!!!

My brother was an mp in Ger... (Below threshold)
deros:

My brother was an mp in Germany and the lady in a car accident was named Anita Dick. TRUE STORY!!

I knew a medical supply sal... (Below threshold)

I knew a medical supply salesman in Woburn Mass. named "Palmer Dinkel."

Confronted with much skepti... (Below threshold)
bains:

Confronted with much skepticism, both stand by their story:

My sister spoke of a schoolmate - Nick Knox

A good friend (former teacher) had a female student - Fonda Dix

Ohhh no no...Jodie... (Below threshold)

Ohhh no no...

Jodie Swallow - UK Triathlete - featured on www.getupstayup.com
choose UK version
see athletes...

:)
izkold

Two boys in St. Pete, Flori... (Below threshold)
hobgoblin:

Two boys in St. Pete, Florida named Lemonjello (le-MON-gel-o) and Orangejello (or-RANG-ell-o)

No foolin. They were in the 2nd or 3rd grade in 1995-1996, taught in school by my friend and given food stamps by my wife.

I know a guy named Bobby Bu... (Below threshold)
Leroy Jones:

I know a guy named Bobby Bush.
He has 3 children, 2 boys, & a girl.
Briar, Cactus, & Rose.

My sister used to work in h... (Below threshold)
Omnibus Driver:

My sister used to work in healthcare audit for a Big 6 firm. Going through birth records, she found the following:

Baby girl named "Female" (rhymes with "Tamale")
Twin boys named Lemonjello and Oranjello.

Also, went to church with a woman who threatened to divorce her husband when he wanted to name their new baby girl "Polly Esther".

What possesses these whack jobs?

I run a print shop, and am ... (Below threshold)
BoDiddly:

I run a print shop, and am routinely exposed to some particularly strange names---truth IS usually stranger than fiction!

One of the most --er-- unique(?) names I've personally verified was at my son's baseball game. One of the kids on the other team had a first name of "Tunt". Think for a minute how that came out over the P.A. system . . .

Also, congratulations to anyone who can make heads or tails out of this child's first and middle names, appearing on a graduation program I printed this month: Trisainis Vhalavjuan

I just ran across this toda... (Below threshold)
Fritz:

I just ran across this today and had to add it to the list of stupid names:

http://www.mercurynews.com/mld/mercurynews/news/local/8771851.htm

This is from a news story in the San Jose Mercury News.

"At the meeting Tuesday, council member King Lear put forth a different perspective. Lear said his favorite philosopher, John Stuart Mill, reasoned that governments shouldn't interfere with issues that don't harm their citizens."

That's right. A city council member in Los Altos, CA is named KING LEAR!

<a href="http://www.igwanar... (Below threshold)

Manmeet - yes, I swear.

There is a young man named... (Below threshold)
Alex:

There is a young man named SHITHEAD (pronounced SHUH-THEED) that graduated at a school here in my town. The school is LaGrange and its address and number is:

LaGrange High School
3420 Louisiana Ave
Lake Charles La 70605
(337) 562-9438

The gynecologist that deliv... (Below threshold)
Roger:

The gynecologist that delivered my daughter was Harold Beaver, but he went by Harry

what's wrong with the name ... (Below threshold)

what's wrong with the name sunshine???? from personal experince not such a bad name to have. i love my name!!!!

I had a roommate (female) n... (Below threshold)
Alex:

I had a roommate (female) named Questian Morelock.
I also heard of someone naming their daughter Tarantula, thinking it was pronounced TAR-an-TU-la

What kind of name is Alex f... (Below threshold)
Questian Morelock:

What kind of name is Alex for a girl?

Speck Wildhorse (the kid of... (Below threshold)
nick:

Speck Wildhorse (the kid of John Mellencamp)

Speck Wildhorse (the kid of... (Below threshold)
nick:

Speck Wildhorse (the kid of John Mellencamp)

my baby cousins name is iri... (Below threshold)
Bryan:

my baby cousins name is irigh (eye-ree) and her brother is Oz, not short for anything (we call him ozzy of course)

There is a gynecologist in ... (Below threshold)
siouxxxzennn:

There is a gynecologist in Virginia named Harry C. Beaver, MD

I have a friend who had two... (Below threshold)
Emma:

I have a friend who had two aunts name Winky and Pinky. Pinky I could see.......but Winky? I mean c'mon!

I met a guy named Soda. Th... (Below threshold)
Amanda:

I met a guy named Soda. Thats his real name, no joke




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