This morning, while digging around in my closet, I found another fairy tale from the land of Usania. Alas, this one was incomplete as well. What is it about the author of these that he/she/it couldn't actually FINISH a story?
Once upon a time there lived a little man. This man had a name, but everyone called him the Resolutely Clueless Moron, or RCM for short.
RCM loved to talk. He talked and talked all the time, and was dearly in love with the sound of his own voice. He even wrote down everything he said in a little book, and showed it to everyone he could. "Look at my book!" he would shout. "See the wondrously clever and profound things I have said!"
Most people ignored RCM, because they found him annoying. But a few people would occasionally look at RCM's book, out of a sense of pity.
But RCM's book was not filled with his clever and profound thoughts. It was filled with pages cut out of other books and magazines. RCM had glued them into his own book, and then wrote "this is good!" or "this is bad!" (in crayon, of course) next to them. RCM's book was largely made up of him praising or mocking others' writings.
RCM had one other obsession. He lived next to the land of Usania, and it was ruled by King Walter. Now RCM hated King Walter, hated him with a passion. His heart seethed at the mere mention of King Walter, and denounced him at every opportunity. Why, he would even go so far as to turn conversations about anything else into politics just so he could denounce King Walter.
Now, one day Lord Forrest rose up to challenge King Walter for the throne. But he did not do this through force of arms. In the land of Usania, every four years the people voted on who would be their king. Two groups had grown to back their person for King. They were known as the Righteous Ones (King Walter's backers) and the Dudes and Dudettes (Forrest's supporters). King Walter was drawing near the end of his four-year reign, and was seeking the people's approval to continue. Lord Forrest, of the High Council, was chosen by his party to face King Walter before the people.
Everyone, it seemed, wanted to discuss the merits of the two men. Some people got together and asked each other to discuss Lord Forrest's worthiness for the throne. His past actions and statements were duly considered and weighed, to see what kind of king he would make.
RCM heard this conversation, and could not restrain himself. "But King Walter is stupid! He is an idiot! He is a liar and a cheat!"
The group turned to RCM. "Please, RCM, we are not discussing Walter right now. We are discussing Forrest. Would you kindly limit your comments to Forrest, and save your comments about Walter for when we discuss him?"
But there was no stopping RCM. "But Walter is a usurper who stole the throne! He is a bloodthirsty warmonger! He is greedy, and only interested in lining the pockets of himself and his rich friends!"
At this point one of the group picked up a large wooden clue-by-four and waved it at RCM. "RCM, this is your last warning. If you do not behave in a civilized fashion, and stop shouting your irrelevant, repetitive rants at us and writing your graffiti all over our walls, we will be forced to exile you from this room."
It was at this point that the story ended. Someone had torn out the concluding pages. One can only hope that RCM took the advice of the man wielding the Clue Bat and started behaving himself, and there was no violence or banishing.
J.
Permalink | E-mail This | Technorati Links | Sphere: Related Content | Digg this! | FARK It!
Filed under:
Satire
Comments (14)
For the .1% of us who get i... (Below threshold)1. Posted by Paul | October 9, 2004 1:24 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
For the .1% of us who get it, it was indeed hysterical Jay Tea.
Well done.
1. Posted by Paul | October 9, 2004 1:24 PM |
Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Posted on October 9, 2004 13:24
2. Posted by Jay Tea | October 9, 2004 1:41 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Paul, I'm ashamed to admit this, but this had a target audience of exactly one person, and you weren't it. I'm a little ashamed to have put up for public consumption something so narrowly targeted (but not ashamed enough to take it down). Nonetheless, I'm glad you appreciated it, and hope a few others I could name (but won't) also "get it."
My biggest fear is that the target will either never see it or, more likely, not "get" it.
But it was fun writing...
J.
2. Posted by Jay Tea | October 9, 2004 1:41 PM |
Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Posted on October 9, 2004 13:41
3. Posted by Randy Charles Morin | October 9, 2004 1:58 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Ah, so if you have an opinion contrary to your own, then you are muzzled. And by the way, awesome namecalling. It's one of the 3 Ns of good debating.
3. Posted by Randy Charles Morin | October 9, 2004 1:58 PM |
Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Posted on October 9, 2004 13:58
4. Posted by Randy Charles Morin | October 9, 2004 2:02 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
And I forgot. This is really funny! I really enjoyed it. Thanks!
4. Posted by Randy Charles Morin | October 9, 2004 2:02 PM |
Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Posted on October 9, 2004 14:02
5. Posted by McGehee | October 9, 2004 2:50 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Ah, so if you have an opinion contrary to your own, then you are muzzled.
Typical moonbat stupidity. RCM, what happens when you express (ineptly) an opinion having no basis in fact, is that you're held up to public ridicule -- as in this post.
You get muzzled when you constantly repeat assertions that have already been discredited in multiple venues, for the sole apparent purpose of annoying the grownups.
At least, that's how I do it on my blog -- though I will count offenses on other blogs, not just on mine. Not everyone will do that.
5. Posted by McGehee | October 9, 2004 2:50 PM |
Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Posted on October 9, 2004 14:50
6. Posted by Randy Charles Morin | October 9, 2004 2:55 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Another great argument. Namecalling. Namecalling. No substance. BRING IT ON!
6. Posted by Randy Charles Morin | October 9, 2004 2:55 PM |
Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Posted on October 9, 2004 14:55
7. Posted by Patrick Chester | October 9, 2004 7:53 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Yep, and the RCM immediately plays the poor oppressed martyr in response. Typical.
7. Posted by Patrick Chester | October 9, 2004 7:53 PM |
Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Posted on October 9, 2004 19:53
8. Posted by Jay Tea | October 9, 2004 8:07 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Sheesh, for a man who's been "censored" and "muzzled," he sure has a lot to say.
The problem isn't your "opinions," Randy, it's your "opinion." It seems every single comment you post boils down to the same thing: "Bush is a doodyhead! Bush is a doodyhead!"
Well, that's changed now. Now you get to add a Monty Python-esque "Help! Help! I'm being oppressed! Come and see the violence inherent in the system!" whine to your repertoire.
There's nothing wrong with disagreeing with the posters here. I've picked up my share of grief, and even admitted when I've been wrong. I'm still ashamed of my math error on my piece about the economy, and appreciated being caught. But you don't disagree, you just keep spewing the same old tired gibberish over and over. It's the blog equivalent of graffitti, and contributes nothing to the level of discourse. In fact, it has just the opposite effect.
I called my story a "cautionary tale." You might want to take the "cautionary" part as a warning that your continued presence on this site is very, very tenuous. Find something germane to say or shut up. We all know that you think Bush is a doodyhead.
BTW, I note you're from Canada. Are your own politics so dull that you need to come down here?
J.
8. Posted by Jay Tea | October 9, 2004 8:07 PM |
Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Posted on October 9, 2004 20:07
9. Posted by OneDrummer | October 10, 2004 12:04 AM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
No, Jay. He's got nothing better to do while he waits to get treated in a hospital emergency room up there.....
(that's what I get for drinkin' Moosehead....)
9. Posted by OneDrummer | October 10, 2004 12:04 AM |
Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Posted on October 10, 2004 00:04
10. Posted by Randy Charles Morin | October 10, 2004 2:25 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
test post
10. Posted by Randy Charles Morin | October 10, 2004 2:25 PM |
Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Posted on October 10, 2004 14:25
11. Posted by Jay Tea | October 10, 2004 3:53 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Randy, that's probably the least moronic thing you've ever posted.
Keep up the good work.
J.
11. Posted by Jay Tea | October 10, 2004 3:53 PM |
Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Posted on October 10, 2004 15:53
12. Posted by firstbrokenangel | October 11, 2004 8:02 AM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
:-)
12. Posted by firstbrokenangel | October 11, 2004 8:02 AM |
Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Posted on October 11, 2004 08:02
13. Posted by Oleg | October 12, 2004 6:33 AM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Did you know that RCM is friends with John Kerry ?
http://www.olegdulin.com/index.php/archives/2004/10/12/official-sources-are-not-recognized-by-wizbang/
13. Posted by Oleg | October 12, 2004 6:33 AM |
Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Posted on October 12, 2004 06:33
14. Posted by Oleg | October 12, 2004 6:34 AM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Uh oh, sorry about the link above.
Here is the proper link
14. Posted by Oleg | October 12, 2004 6:34 AM |
Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Posted on October 12, 2004 06:34