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Weekend Caption Contest™

Posted by Kevin
Published: October 15, 2004 - 5:11 PM

It's Friday, which of course means it's time for the Wizbang Weekend Caption Contest™.

Marilyn Newton/Marilyn Newton HEINZ KERRY IN RENO: Teresa Heinz Kerry makes a point Thursday at the Neil Road Recreation Center.


Update: Winners announced. Comments now closed.

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Comments (161)

In the name of Christopher ... (Below threshold)

1. Posted by leelu | October 15, 2004 5:17 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
leelu:

In the name of Christopher Reeve, *ARISE*!

(Except you litle people. God, I'm tired of this shit....)

1. Posted by leelu | October 15, 2004 5:17 PM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Posted on October 15, 2004 17:17

"The stack of money to pay ... (Below threshold)

2. Posted by Stephen Swanson | October 15, 2004 5:17 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Stephen Swanson:

"The stack of money to pay your taxes is going to need to be about this high."

2. Posted by Stephen Swanson | October 15, 2004 5:17 PM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Posted on October 15, 2004 17:17

"I’ve got a special cure fo... (Below threshold)

3. Posted by jmaster | October 15, 2004 5:18 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
jmaster:

"I’ve got a special cure for dealing with John. Put six raisins in a bottle of gin, drink the gin, and throw out the raisins"

3. Posted by jmaster | October 15, 2004 5:18 PM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Posted on October 15, 2004 17:18

"Mrs Kerry! Can you ell us ... (Below threshold)

4. Posted by Joel (No Pundit Intended) | October 15, 2004 5:18 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Joel (No Pundit Intended):

"Mrs Kerry! Can you ell us how the senator performs in bed?"

4. Posted by Joel (No Pundit Intended) | October 15, 2004 5:18 PM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Posted on October 15, 2004 17:18

I should have used a stack ... (Below threshold)

5. Posted by Joe R. | October 15, 2004 5:20 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Joe R.:

I should have used a stack of hairspray cans this tall.

5. Posted by Joe R. | October 15, 2004 5:20 PM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Posted on October 15, 2004 17:20

An zen you... uh... *hic* e... (Below threshold)

6. Posted by Neo | October 15, 2004 5:21 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Neo:

An zen you... uh... *hic* eet zee rasins zat you soaked in gin and uh... what was I saying?

6. Posted by Neo | October 15, 2004 5:21 PM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Posted on October 15, 2004 17:21

"Living in a material world... (Below threshold)

7. Posted by Sean | October 15, 2004 5:21 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Sean:

"Living in a material world, And I am a material girl."

7. Posted by Sean | October 15, 2004 5:21 PM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Posted on October 15, 2004 17:21

So, you put the raisins, wh... (Below threshold)

8. Posted by Jim in Chicago | October 15, 2004 5:23 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Jim in Chicago:

So, you put the raisins, white raisins, in about a liter of gin, and then you throw the f***in' raisins out, drink the gin, all of it, washing down an elephant tranquilizer, and, bob's your uncle, no more arthritis pain! I just did the very thing before coming out on stage, and boy do I feel good. What was I saying again?

8. Posted by Jim in Chicago | October 15, 2004 5:23 PM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Posted on October 15, 2004 17:23

"SHOVE IT! YOU SCUM... (Below threshold)

9. Posted by MahaRichie | October 15, 2004 5:25 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
MahaRichie:


"SHOVE IT! YOU SCUMBAG IDIOT",and how did my monogrammed panties wind up on YOUR HEAD?
Oh my God, I think I ate too many white raisins...

9. Posted by MahaRichie | October 15, 2004 5:25 PM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Posted on October 15, 2004 17:25

I THINK SHE A DEFINITE CAN... (Below threshold)

10. Posted by HOTROD | October 15, 2004 5:25 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
HOTROD:

I THINK SHE A DEFINITE CANDIDATE FOR EXTREME MAKEOVER............IS THIS THE KIND OF 1ST LADY WE REALLY WANT TO LOOK AT EVERY DAY...........BABARA BUSH COULD HER A FEW POINTERS ON WHAT TO DO WHEN U WAKE UP IN THE MORNING STARTING WITH A NICE SHOWER.

10. Posted by HOTROD | October 15, 2004 5:25 PM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Posted on October 15, 2004 17:25

I am so over.... (Below threshold)

11. Posted by Orville | October 15, 2004 5:26 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Orville:

I am so over.

11. Posted by Orville | October 15, 2004 5:26 PM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Posted on October 15, 2004 17:26

It is I, Strong Woman. Make... (Below threshold)

12. Posted by David Hamilton | October 15, 2004 5:27 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
David Hamilton:

It is I, Strong Woman. Make that Strong, Rich Woman.
I'm going to give John an allowance just as soon as
he's old enough.

12. Posted by David Hamilton | October 15, 2004 5:27 PM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Posted on October 15, 2004 17:27

Coming soon to a theatre ne... (Below threshold)

13. Posted by Sean | October 15, 2004 5:28 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Sean:

Coming soon to a theatre near you - Austin Powers Incognito.

13. Posted by Sean | October 15, 2004 5:28 PM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Posted on October 15, 2004 17:28

Dustin Hoffman attempts to ... (Below threshold)

14. Posted by Sean | October 15, 2004 5:29 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Sean:

Dustin Hoffman attempts to reprise his award winning role.

14. Posted by Sean | October 15, 2004 5:29 PM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Posted on October 15, 2004 17:29

Man or Woman - only the bra... (Below threshold)

15. Posted by Sean | October 15, 2004 5:30 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Sean:

Man or Woman - only the bravest will ever know.

15. Posted by Sean | October 15, 2004 5:30 PM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Posted on October 15, 2004 17:30

- I've been trying to screw... (Below threshold)

16. Posted by Hunter | October 15, 2004 5:33 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Hunter:

- I've been trying to screw a Republican since I was thisssss tall -

- All you little people in the front row move back....I just put fresh batteries in this French mike -

- Sooooo all you scumbags keep sayng my John boy does every position....Why the hell do you think I married him you idiots -

16. Posted by Hunter | October 15, 2004 5:33 PM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Posted on October 15, 2004 17:33

"Christopher Reeves died so... (Below threshold)

17. Posted by Chad Evans | October 15, 2004 5:33 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Chad Evans:

"Christopher Reeves died so he didn't have to get drafted under a second Bush Administration. Too bad, because my husband has a plan that would have cured him."

17. Posted by Chad Evans | October 15, 2004 5:33 PM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Posted on October 15, 2004 17:33

Actually, I have been told ... (Below threshold)

18. Posted by david K | October 15, 2004 5:36 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
david K:

Actually, I have been told I look a little like Michael Jackson....perhaps thats because we're both black...or at least he was once....

18. Posted by david K | October 15, 2004 5:36 PM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Posted on October 15, 2004 17:36

Proving conclusively that s... (Below threshold)

19. Posted by Patrick Lasswell | October 15, 2004 5:40 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Patrick Lasswell:

Proving conclusively that she will be a change of pace from Laura Bush, Ms. Heinz-Kerry championed her new look, "Rode Hard and Put Up Wet!"

19. Posted by Patrick Lasswell | October 15, 2004 5:40 PM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Posted on October 15, 2004 17:40

Zig Heil! Zig Heil!... (Below threshold)

20. Posted by Conservatie Revolution | October 15, 2004 5:42 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Conservatie Revolution:

Zig Heil! Zig Heil!

20. Posted by Conservatie Revolution | October 15, 2004 5:42 PM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Posted on October 15, 2004 17:42

This getting up at 11:00am ... (Below threshold)

21. Posted by Mark | October 15, 2004 5:42 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Mark:

This getting up at 11:00am is cutting down on my detoxification time !

21. Posted by Mark | October 15, 2004 5:42 PM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Posted on October 15, 2004 17:42

So, when my Johnny couldn't... (Below threshold)

22. Posted by OneDrummer | October 15, 2004 5:43 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
OneDrummer:

So, when my Johnny couldn't think of anything nice to say about me to Schaffer at the debate Wednesday, I bitch slapped his ass, attached the dog collar to his feeble neck and put my strap-on to him....

22. Posted by OneDrummer | October 15, 2004 5:43 PM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Posted on October 15, 2004 17:43

No, but thanks for asking. ... (Below threshold)

23. Posted by OneDrummer | October 15, 2004 5:44 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
OneDrummer:

No, but thanks for asking. I do get mistaken for Andrew Sullivan quite a bit actually.....

23. Posted by OneDrummer | October 15, 2004 5:44 PM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Posted on October 15, 2004 17:44

"You doubt the raisins? Loo... (Below threshold)

24. Posted by TC-LeatherPenguin | October 15, 2004 5:44 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
TC-LeatherPenguin:

"You doubt the raisins? Look at my hand ... solid like a rock."

24. Posted by TC-LeatherPenguin | October 15, 2004 5:44 PM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Posted on October 15, 2004 17:44

Those Bush girls really do ... (Below threshold)

25. Posted by rorochub | October 15, 2004 5:46 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
rorochub:

Those Bush girls really do have nice legs.

25. Posted by rorochub | October 15, 2004 5:46 PM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Posted on October 15, 2004 17:46

Look at how steady my hand ... (Below threshold)

26. Posted by Brian Beatty | October 15, 2004 5:49 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Brian Beatty:

Look at how steady my hand is after having my raisins and gin. I'm invincible!

26. Posted by Brian Beatty | October 15, 2004 5:49 PM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Posted on October 15, 2004 17:49

"Oh God, my hand is bluring... (Below threshold)

27. Posted by The Hort | October 15, 2004 5:49 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
The Hort:

"Oh God, my hand is bluring again. Johnny!! Johnny!!! Get me my damn raisins!!!"

27. Posted by The Hort | October 15, 2004 5:49 PM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Posted on October 15, 2004 17:49

Well, I can't release my ta... (Below threshold)

28. Posted by OneDrummer | October 15, 2004 5:51 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
OneDrummer:

Well, I can't release my tax returns to the public; the stack is this tall according to my accountant.....

28. Posted by OneDrummer | October 15, 2004 5:51 PM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Posted on October 15, 2004 17:51

Fat guy near my elbow makes... (Below threshold)

29. Posted by Aaron's Rantblog | October 15, 2004 5:52 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Aaron's Rantblog:

Fat guy near my elbow makes me happy
Fat guy voting Bush would make me cry
Fat guy near my elbow looks so homely
Fat guy inheritances always makes me high

If I had a tax that I could tax you
I’d give to you a tax that I won't pay
If I had a tax that I could force on you
I'd sing a song that Mary Cheney's gay

[original John Denver]

29. Posted by Aaron's Rantblog | October 15, 2004 5:52 PM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Posted on October 15, 2004 17:52

Just take nine Gin soaked r... (Below threshold)

30. Posted by J.Murphy | October 15, 2004 5:54 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
J.Murphy:

Just take nine Gin soaked raisins and call me in the morning.

30. Posted by J.Murphy | October 15, 2004 5:54 PM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Posted on October 15, 2004 17:54

Then <a href="http://www.co... (Below threshold)

31. Posted by Aaron's Rantblog | October 15, 2004 5:54 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Aaron's Rantblog:

Then John tried to kiss me so I pushed his head down like this.

31. Posted by Aaron's Rantblog | October 15, 2004 5:54 PM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Posted on October 15, 2004 17:54

And this shaky hand is the ... (Below threshold)

32. Posted by Aaron's Rantblog | October 15, 2004 5:55 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Aaron's Rantblog:

And this shaky hand is the one I use to brush my hair.

32. Posted by Aaron's Rantblog | October 15, 2004 5:55 PM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Posted on October 15, 2004 17:55

"And if you elect my husban... (Below threshold)

33. Posted by Clay Jarr | October 15, 2004 5:56 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Clay Jarr:

"And if you elect my husband as President, people like Mary Cheney will become straight."

33. Posted by Clay Jarr | October 15, 2004 5:56 PM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Posted on October 15, 2004 17:56

Ladiesh and zhentlemen - ur... (Below threshold)

34. Posted by Stephen Macklin | October 15, 2004 6:01 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Stephen Macklin:

Ladiesh and zhentlemen - urrrp

Mr. Michel Moore.

34. Posted by Stephen Macklin | October 15, 2004 6:01 PM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Posted on October 15, 2004 18:01

All the people on this side... (Below threshold)

35. Posted by Stephen Macklin | October 15, 2004 6:02 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Stephen Macklin:

All the people on this side of the room look like they make about $40k.

35. Posted by Stephen Macklin | October 15, 2004 6:02 PM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Posted on October 15, 2004 18:02

"This song is for all you p... (Below threshold)

36. Posted by daniel | October 15, 2004 6:06 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
daniel:

"This song is for all you peasants and peons out there who think my second hubby will make a fine Prime Minister; HIT IT JOE:

[SINGING]

Allons enfants de la Patrie
Le jour de gloire est arrivé!"

[La Marseillaise] http://marseillaise.org/audio/marseillaise.wav-

36. Posted by daniel | October 15, 2004 6:06 PM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Posted on October 15, 2004 18:06

"Yes Heinz Ketchup ... (Below threshold)

37. Posted by MahaRichie | October 15, 2004 6:07 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
MahaRichie:


"Yes Heinz Ketchup IS thick and rich...The easiest way to get it out,is to give a sharp smack on the "bottom" like this"..."It works every time...Just ask John."

37. Posted by MahaRichie | October 15, 2004 6:07 PM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Posted on October 15, 2004 18:07

... and then, we had this c... (Below threshold)

38. Posted by OneDrummer | October 15, 2004 6:07 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
OneDrummer:

... and then, we had this cute lil houseboy growing up on that plantation... he couldn't have been more than 10 or 11, but he made me an African that day long ago....

38. Posted by OneDrummer | October 15, 2004 6:07 PM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Posted on October 15, 2004 18:07

People always tease John th... (Below threshold)

39. Posted by david | October 15, 2004 6:07 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
david:

People always tease John that he is so tall and they say "I didn't know you could stack sh** that high". Acutally, he is only this much sh** and the rest hot air. But at least he has a plan!!

39. Posted by david | October 15, 2004 6:07 PM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Posted on October 15, 2004 18:07

You put the raisins in t... (Below threshold)

40. Posted by chris | October 15, 2004 6:10 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
chris:

You put the raisins in the Tanqueray and call me in the mo-o-o-orning

40. Posted by chris | October 15, 2004 6:10 PM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Posted on October 15, 2004 18:10

Look, if you elect John, I ... (Below threshold)

41. Posted by OneDrummer | October 15, 2004 6:10 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
OneDrummer:

Look, if you elect John, I swear we'll bring back intern sex to the White House.... I promised John he could....

41. Posted by OneDrummer | October 15, 2004 6:10 PM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Posted on October 15, 2004 18:10

You know, I didn't know tha... (Below threshold)

42. Posted by OneDrummer | October 15, 2004 6:12 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
OneDrummer:

You know, I didn't know that nice Michael J Fox was only this tall either... but Johnny says Edwards will cure him if we're el