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My "Dear Uncle John" letter

I have a confession to make.

John Kerry is actually an old family friend of mine. In fact, growing up, I knew him as my beloved "Uncle John."

I have a scrapbook I keep of my Uncle John. It has many treasured memories.

One of the oldest items I have is a Christmas card from Uncle John. It's from 1969, when I was barely two years old. I even saved the envelope it came in - I was fascinated by the Cambodian stamp and postmark on it, even at that age.

A few pages later in the book is a postcard from the early 70's. It features the Eiffel Tower on it, and it is signed by "Cmdr. John F. Kerry USNR)." He also sent me the autographs of several North Vietnamese officials Uncle John was good enough to collect for me.

Ah, here's another cherished heirloom. It's Uncle John's number from the time he ran the Boston Marathon. I don't recall the exact year, or his time in running the race, but that's OK. He doesn't, either. And my mother was really happy that he had the number cleaned before he sent it to me, so it doesn't have any icky sweat stains.

And here is a leaf from the time he took me hunting on Cape Cod. I fondly remember crawling through the woods, trying to be as quiet as I could, while Uncle John kept his eye out for our prey. He was just sighting in on a 16-point buck - a trophy prize anywhere, let alone on Cape Cod - when I slipped and my elbow snapped a stick on the ground. The buck started, Uncle John missed his shot, and the buck escaped. He said he wasn't mad, but I could tell he was disappointed.

And here's my ticket stub from Game 6 of the 1986 World Series, where our beloved Red Sox blew their chance to defeat the Mets and break the Curse of the Bambino. Uncle John really had to work to get us to that game - he called in some favors to get out of a charity event in Boston he had promised to attend and we sneaked down on a private plane. He even got his friends at the Boston Globe to cover for him and say he was really there. But Uncle John had promised to take me to the game as a birthday present (I had turned 19 the day before), and he kept his promise. I'll always remember that evening - I think Uncle John nearly cried when that ball went between Buckner's legs, not 30 yards in front of us, costing the Sox the game and the championship.

Uncle John and I drifted apart after he divorced his first wife. It was kind of hard to stay in touch with him - for a while he was living out of his car, and the post office won't deliver to "Silver Chrysler Lebaron parked on J Street." And when he married Theresa Heinz, he suddenly had so many addresses I didn't know where to write him.

I tried to get back in touch with Uncle John a couple years ago. I was unemployed, and hoped he'd use his connections to help me get a government job. I wrote him at his office, but it took forever for him to write back - it was like he was never there, not even to get his mail. And when he did answer, all he sent was a bunch of campaign literature about how many jobs he'd helped create through his work in the Senate. At that point I decided that I would sever all ties with "Uncle John" and do anything I could to hurt him back.

And that's my shameful confession. I understand that Kevin will probably bar me from posting any more here after this, but this has been preying on my conscience for far too long. They say confession is good for the soul, and I feel so much better after coming clean with you fine readers.

J.



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Comments (15)

Well here's to sending him ... (Below threshold)
Rodney Dill:

Well here's to sending him back to your part of the country so you can bond again.

Holy crap the sarcasm is so... (Below threshold)

Holy crap the sarcasm is so thick it's already dripping down my legs.

GREAT!Sad thing is... (Below threshold)

GREAT!

Sad thing is: the Left are so far under the spell of BDS that they don't care that Kerry is a compulsive liar. Worse than Gore, or Bj Clinton.

The ONLY thing about Kerry they are SURE of is that he's a Lefty/Dove/Internationalist at heart.

And that's enough for them - it makes his flip-flops on KYOTO, Iraq, Abortion/judicial appointees, Israel, coalition-building, unilateralism - ETC - meaningless.

Besides BDS, they actually believe that the GWOT will go away if we stop fighting back; as if the GWOT began in March of 2003, and not 1979!
(Completely ignoring the Campaign in Afghanistan which has already yielded a democratic nation with equal rights for women!)

They ignore the 2 million people killed around the world by Jihadoterrorists - in Algeria, the Sudan, Nigeria, Russia, The Phillipines, India and Israel.

What they refuse to accept is that if we don't fight back we lose. If we are on the defensive, we are going to lose.

And if we elect Kerry, we elect a man who has voted for military action only once in his whole Senate career - in 2002, when he voted for the Iraq War.

I assert that this fact makes it abundantly clear why the Left accepts this lying bastard: they KNOW that the vote for the Iraq War wasa phony poltical move ion Kerry's part; they know who he really is: the man who slandered the US military in 1972, and never apologized for it, and rest of his life tryiong to make the Pentagon and the CIA WEAKER.

That's why the Left love's this lying sack of worms.

I don't know what your talk... (Below threshold)

I don't know what your talking about. Kerry told me that his first cousin, Bill Buckner, never took his eye off the ball, and that the Red Sox won the World Series. I checked with the Boston Globe, and they confirmed it.

Mr. Funny. Very Good. Not... (Below threshold)
Katherine Lambert:

Mr. Funny. Very Good. Not many know about the two years of homelessness. You forgot the crumbs from the stolen cookie business and the lucky hat he gave you along with the collar of his beloved dog in Vietnam VC. Look in your trunk of memorabilia, I'm sure they are there

Thanks Jay.This is ... (Below threshold)
MahaRichie:


Thanks Jay.This is just the sort of humorous relief we need in these anxious times.Please keep it coming!

I've give it at least a 9 m... (Below threshold)
Paul:

I've give it at least a 9 maybe a 9.5

P

The Boston Marathon story i... (Below threshold)
Another Thought:

The Boston Marathon story is clearly a lie; any real marathon runner can see through this fabrication.

Any real amateur marathoner would remember very well their first and only Boston marathon...they would remember every little detail, because it's that big of a deal.

To forget would be kind of like a baseball player not remembering the details of their play in a World Series.

Also, the Boston Marathon just doesn't take anyone who signs up and pays the entry fee; one has to qualify to run the Boston Marathon by running in a lesser marathon in a certain time or under. Right now the qualifying time would be 3 hrs 10 min up to 3 hrs 20 min, depending on how old Kerry would have been around that time. That is extremely competitive for an amateur runner. So for Kerry to have run the Boston Marathon would have implied that Kerry had a history of running and training for marathons...in short, that Kerry would have had a history of being a very credible amateur runner, most likely for at least a few years to reach the qualifying time for the Boston Marathon. So Kerry, if he were telling the truth, should be able to converse about a rather impressive history of amateur running, leading up to the Boston Marathon. Also, someone that dedicated would probably have continued to run at that level for at least the next few years after running the Boston Marathon.

In short, Kerry is a serial liar...

Here in Alaska we have the ... (Below threshold)
Rich:

Here in Alaska we have the Iditarod sled dog race which,of course,is done during the winter months. A funny little commercial for our cable company has their spokesman on a sled during the late summer months explaining that he must be way ahead of the other competitors as he has not seen them in months. It occured to me that maybe Kerry ran the marathon months after it had already finished. What he thought were adoring crowds cheering him on were actually people yelling "hey a**hole get out of the road!!!".

- Sorry. Can't buy the hunt... (Below threshold)

- Sorry. Can't buy the hunting part of your story Jay. Since 1963 the only forested area that deer hunting is allowed is a small 100 acre patch of wood's 10 miles east of "P" town where all the politicians answer to the name of E'ore...

Hunter, all I can say to yo... (Below threshold)
Jay Tea:

Hunter, all I can say to you is it's all true.

J.

- Dayum....I should have kn... (Below threshold)

- Dayum....I should have known. Kerry trumps himself again. A 16 point buck would be like landing a 45 foot great white. What a freekin lier. I'm not sure, but I doubt anyones ever bagged a 16 pointer even down along the Mohawk trail. He's just blowing smoke....

- Here's the North American... (Below threshold)

- Here's the North American record holder as far as I know...12 pt., 38 inch spread, 263 lb whitetail...

- http://members.aol.com/MAC83/news.html -

- I got his 16 pointer, What a total BS artist....

Here in Alaska we have t... (Below threshold)
JFK:

Here in Alaska we have the Iditarod sled dog race which,of course,is done during the winter months.

Rich,

From your post I see you are familar with the Iditarod.

It may interest you to know that back in 1972 I ran the Iditarod and actually won the race with a time just under 8 days. Unfortunately, I was disqualified. Being unaware it was a sled dog race, I ran all the way thinking it was a marathon.

Nevertheless, it was a great race, and I'm proud to have participated in such a historic event.

J.F. Kerry

I wonder if J has JFK's sno... (Below threshold)
Rich:

I wonder if J has JFK's snowshoes from running the Iditarod?

I am sure J will be taken care of by Uncle John. John has a Plan to fund(your money) help for people like J. It will come in as part of his upgraded healthcare Plan(yet more of your money). Also included is the stem cells he will fund(yet even more of your money)to cure the scars on your cerebrum left by the violent head shaking. Finally you will be able to buy pills from the Drug companies(whatever you have left in your pocket),who will charge less because they don't have to finance the research in stem cells...... you already paid it for them in the first place.




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