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Weekend Caption Contest™ - Kerry Edition

It's Friday, which means it's time for the Wizbang Weekend Caption Contest™. This week there are two contests, one for a Bush photo and one for a Kerry photo.

REUTERS/Brian Snyder US ELECTION


Winners will be announced Sunday.


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Comments (121)

"See, if I put on a little ... (Below threshold)

"See, if I put on a little more makeup and shave my eyebrows, I can deifnitely look like the scary guy in "Pink Floyd: The Wall" movie."

"See, if I put on a little ... (Below threshold)

"See, if I put on a little more makeup and shave my eyebrows, I can deifnitely look like the scary guy in "Pink Floyd: The Wall" movie."

YAY, WHITE SOX!!!!</... (Below threshold)
Rodney Dill:

YAY, WHITE SOX!!!!

Yes, our Boston team has wo... (Below threshold)

Yes, our Boston team has won the race. you know I have always been a fan of the Red Trousers, the way they sail those boats is incredible, of course Theresa and i have a couple of sail boats like i'm sure all of you do...

"I'm so glad they won! I've... (Below threshold)
Paul:

"I'm so glad they won! I've been a Botox fan for years."

Union Worker 1: You votin' ... (Below threshold)
Attwood:

Union Worker 1: You votin' for this retard?
Union Worker 2: Hell no I'm just here for the overtime!

John Kerry, taking the floo... (Below threshold)

John Kerry, taking the floor at a Meeting of the Ents.

"after bringing their leade... (Below threshold)
trappedinmn:

"after bringing their leader back from the dead, the aliens put their evil plot into motion...."

BWAAHAAHAAAHAA! You didn't ... (Below threshold)
Boyd:

BWAAHAAHAAAHAA! You didn't think that having your dream come true would have the payback of your worst nightmare, eh?

The media is completely on ... (Below threshold)

The media is completely on my side!

"If I raise my arms like th... (Below threshold)

"If I raise my arms like this I really do look like Lurch in this light"

Presidential candidate John... (Below threshold)
Kieth:

Presidential candidate John Kerry prepares to catch a football passed to him by Red Sox pitcher Curt Schilling.

"Shit. My pants just split... (Below threshold)

"Shit. My pants just split"..."keep smiling, keep smiling.."

I am Keyser Soze, you dumba... (Below threshold)

I am Keyser Soze, you dumbasses!

"What? A senator walking do... (Below threshold)

"What? A senator walking down the steps? BOOOOO! Bring back the gorilla on a surfboard! Suns suck! Suns suck!"

------------

Every now and then, Kerry's hair will go off to campaign on its own, forcing the senator to wear ballcaps of local origin.

Senator Kerry does his best... (Below threshold)

Senator Kerry does his best clenched-fist salute™ at the Yellowbelly Rally for Yasser Arafat!

Frankenstein's monster wave... (Below threshold)

Frankenstein's monster waves his hands amid the flashing lightning, with the town mob in the background...

Johnny Olson, who's our nex... (Below threshold)
Guido:

Johnny Olson, who's our next contestant?
John Kerry, COME ON DOWWWWWN!
You're the next contestant on 'Your Facts Aren't Right'.

The dim witted villagers we... (Below threshold)
Brandt:

The dim witted villagers were wrong in thinking the Frakenstein Monster had been reformed...

Yes, I'm an idiot too!... (Below threshold)
Dan Thompson:

Yes, I'm an idiot too!

As the speakers began to bl... (Below threshold)

As the speakers began to blare the Vengaboys "We Like to Party", the crowd realized that they had not actually been to a Kerry rally, but at the filming of a new Six Flags commercial.

I'm proud to announce that ... (Below threshold)
chthus:

I'm proud to announce that due to Shilling's ankle and head injuries, Boston has asked me to pitch Game 6 of the World Series.

(Guy on the left say's to w... (Below threshold)

(Guy on the left say's to woman that is ignoring him)
That hat makes him look just like Scott Bakula, He's my favorite character on Star Trek Enterprise

Ladies and Gentleman, as we... (Below threshold)
Roger:

Ladies and Gentleman, as we celebrate the Boston Red Sox victory, we must remember that the St. Louis Cardinals lost under President Bush's regime. He is to blame for their loss. I know because I am The Goose Slayer.

THUMP!Um, Mr. Kerr... (Below threshold)
Lastango:

THUMP!

Um, Mr. Kerry, you were supposed to toss out the First Pitch.

Ladies and Gentleman, as we... (Below threshold)
Roger:

Ladies and Gentleman, as we celebrate the Boston Red Sox victory, we must remember that the St. Louis Cardinals lost under President Bush's regime. He is to blame for their loss. I know because I am The Goose Slayer.

If you're a douchbag and yo... (Below threshold)
andre3000:

If you're a douchbag and you know it raise your hands!

Photoshopping FARKers were ... (Below threshold)

Photoshopping FARKers were confused when the original pic was an obviously doctored photo of the presidential candidate's body with the head of an extra from "Dawn of the Dead" wearing a BoSox cap.

"ARISE! Arise my armies of ... (Below threshold)
john:

"ARISE! Arise my armies of the dead! And then go to the polls and vote for meeeeee!"

The NBA- It's FANNNNNNTASTI... (Below threshold)
Tman:

The NBA- It's FANNNNNNTASTIC!!

Ladies and Gentleman, as we... (Below threshold)
Roger:

Ladies and Gentleman, as we celebrate the Boston Red Sox victory, we must remember that the St. Louis Cardinals lost under President Bush's regime. He is to blame for their loss. I know because I am The Goose Slayer.

This hat was not artificall... (Below threshold)
Scrappy:

This hat was not artifically aged! I've had it since I was at the '86 World Series and have been keeping it in a secret compartment in my briefcase...honest!

Sorry for the multiple post... (Below threshold)
Roger:

Sorry for the multiple posts. Seems the mechanism to post an entry was burping.

I've been a fan of the Boto... (Below threshold)
andre3000:

I've been a fan of the Botox since Eddie "Walking Man" Yost played for them.

Is Manny Ortez available? Can someone send Manny Ortez to the stage to celebrate Boston's first victory in the Super Bowl since 1981?

This was for Ed Yost and Ma... (Below threshold)
El Jefe:

This was for Ed Yost and Manny Ortez!

YYYYYY....M..C..A...it's fu... (Below threshold)
dc diva:

YYYYYY....M..C..A...it's fun to stay at the YYYYYY...M..C..A

If only Chris Reeves' widow... (Below threshold)
andre3000:

If only Chris Reeves' widow were here to share this moment with me...

I'm so excited. And I just... (Below threshold)
andre3000:

I'm so excited. And I just can't hide it.

I'm about to lose control and I think I like it!

What's with the bald union ... (Below threshold)
andre3000:

What's with the bald union guy holding a "Women for Kerry" sign? We've finally gone too far.

TOUCHDOWN!!!!!!... (Below threshold)
DragonLady:

TOUCHDOWN!!!!!!

We thank our dark masters f... (Below threshold)

We thank our dark masters for breaking the ancient curse, now we call upon you for victory in this election! AIEE! MY EYES! IA! IA! HAHAHHAHAH! Those that stand here with me shall be EATEN FIRST! IA! IA! Rise, mighty Cthulhu! IA! IA! CTHULU FTAGHN!

...and then the anti-christ... (Below threshold)
moseby:

...and then the anti-christ will appear upon a platform of many heads...and he will covereth up the birthmark burned into his scalp...it is the mark of the beast...it is six hundred and sixty-six....

Kerry: "Finally, the Massa... (Below threshold)
TomAZZ:

Kerry: "Finally, the Massachusetts Orange Sox have won the Super Bowl. Congratulations to Quarterback Manny Ortiz for his excellent.....running."

Nomar! Nomar! Top of the ... (Below threshold)
Michael:

Nomar! Nomar! Top of the world, Nomar! I'm on top of the world!

"And today's guest trashy t... (Below threshold)

"And today's guest trashy trailer-park resident is JOHN KERRY! Welcome to The Jerry Springer Show!"

My personal stylist ROCKS!<... (Below threshold)
andre3000:

My personal stylist ROCKS!

We are going to win!!! GWB... (Below threshold)
Dave:

We are going to win!!! GWB is going down hard!!!

http://tis.goringe.net/pop/pollofpolls.html


Dave (the other one)

We are going to win!!! GWB... (Below threshold)
Dave:

We are going to win!!! GWB is going down hard!!!

http://tis.goringe.net/pop/pollofpolls.html


Dave (the other one)

What? Damn.... they're appl... (Below threshold)
OneDrummer:

What? Damn.... they're applauding that Schilling spice guy and not me? What has he ever done?

Oh, he did, did he? Well, I got a purple heart for less than that......

John Kerry: The Curse Part ... (Below threshold)

John Kerry: The Curse Part II

Hurray. Go Buckeyes!!


Massachussetts Senator and ... (Below threshold)
Doug Book:

Massachussetts Senator and Presidential candidate John Kerry celebrates having correctly identified the Red Sox as the baseball team. Confusion with the Patriots had been a longtime problem and campaign concern.

Senator Kerry demonstrates ... (Below threshold)
bullwinkle:

Senator Kerry demonstrates the the French "surrender with attitude' (clenched fists)" maneuver to his cult members at the Boston chapter of Ugly Bald-headed Women for Kerry.

Massachussetts Senator and ... (Below threshold)
Doug Book:

Massachussetts Senator and Presidential candidate John Kerry celebrates having correctly identified the Red Sox as the baseball team. Confusion with the Patriots had been a longtime problem and campaign concern.

Senator Kerry celebrates th... (Below threshold)
DBub:

Senator Kerry celebrates the Boston Red Sox's recent passing of "The Global Test."

In an accidental slip, John... (Below threshold)
Rance:

In an accidental slip, John Kerry's long rumored "Dark Side" is revealed to the public.

The seas of demons parted w... (Below threshold)

The seas of demons parted way for their leader, his fabulous hair covered by the sign of the devil, and the lighting perfectly highlighting his good side.

Living out his life long dr... (Below threshold)
Tripped:

Living out his life long dream, Kerry today started charging up stairs yelling “Adrian” and raising his fists in the air.

I WAS A YANKEE FAN ERRRRR..... (Below threshold)
HOTROD:

I WAS A YANKEE FAN ERRRRR.....I MEAN A RED SOX FAN ERRRRRRRRR I MEAN BOTH.......

I WAS A YANKEE FAN ERRRRR..... (Below threshold)
HOTROD:

I WAS A YANKEE FAN ERRRRR.....I MEAN A RED SOX FAN ERRRRRRRRR I MEAN BOTH.......

Kerry, demonstrating how he... (Below threshold)
Tripped:

Kerry, demonstrating how he played on the monkey bars as a kid, where he continually swung back and forth, back and forth for hours and hours. This brings his whole political career into a new perspective.

Baseball cap and a suit. <... (Below threshold)
andre3000:

Baseball cap and a suit. I'm fricking Rudy Giuliani!

Senatron Kerry to Fenway ve... (Below threshold)
andre3000:

Senatron Kerry to Fenway vendor: "Can I get me a Bosox Cap?"

Tony Robbins, you sexy bitc... (Below threshold)
andre3000:

Tony Robbins, you sexy bitch, thank you for helping me reach my peak performance!

Looks to me like he's makin... (Below threshold)
sploosh:

Looks to me like he's making a big W!!!

There's nothing better than... (Below threshold)
george:

There's nothing better than buckeye baseba...urr... whats that... the B on this hat stands for what...!?

Bow down and worship me ... (Below threshold)
MadLordNad:

Bow down and worship me in abject subjugation mortals!

Bow down and worship me ... (Below threshold)
MadLordNad:

Bow down and worship me in abject subjugation mortals!

And when I crossed that fin... (Below threshold)
tony:

And when I crossed that finish line at the Boston Marathon in 1980, I raised my hands above my head in victory! That was easily the highlight of 1978 for me, running in the 1981 Boston Marathon!

At a UPAT rally in Wisconsi... (Below threshold)

At a UPAT rally in Wisconsin, John Kerry announces his plan to cure hemorrhoids, utilizing only union labor.

Kerry shows his foreign pol... (Below threshold)

Kerry shows his foreign policy plan to enthusiastic dhimmicrats.

The sign you'll never see b... (Below threshold)

The sign you'll never see behind the Hardball crew's live shot: "Johnkerryisadouchebagbuti'mvotingforhimanyway"

Allow me to raise my arms i... (Below threshold)

Allow me to raise my arms in celebratory fashion, which is much the same way I used to carry my trusty M16 over my head when wading chest deep through rice paddies in Cambodia. It's a pose that's seared - seared - in me...

Senator Kerry demonstrates ... (Below threshold)

Senator Kerry demonstrates globally tested surrender technique, as integral phase of his "more sensitive" Cut and Run Campaign.

SEE! I REALLY DO FIST THE W... (Below threshold)

SEE! I REALLY DO FIST THE WOMEN FOR KERRY!

This is what happens when t... (Below threshold)
andre3000:

This is what happens when the Tin Man sweats with his arms in the air. Where's Mary Beth Cahill with the WD-40?

Kerry finally finds a crowd... (Below threshold)
andre3000:

Kerry finally finds a crowd which agrees with him that "nuance" is an action verb.

Kerry thought bubble: "And ... (Below threshold)
andre3000:

Kerry thought bubble: "And not a pair of pajamas in sight!"

In the Halloween spirit....... (Below threshold)
Matt:

In the Halloween spirit....."IT'S ALIIIIVE!!"

Having heard that pardons w... (Below threshold)
Tig:

Having heard that pardons were to be made available for all Kerry supporters if he was elected, thousands of registered sex offenders showed up to cheer on their candidate.

To an all white audience,K... (Below threshold)
MahaRichie:

To an all white audience,Kerry laughingly demonstrates how he curried favor at the League of Urban Voters Convention,by giving a double Black Power salute...

'W' is for wild card... (Below threshold)
andre3000:

'W' is for wild card.

Kerry's campaign yesterday tried to reverse the spin on the Schilling endorsement. Spokesman David Wade said that if Bush had had his way, the Red Sox never would have won this World Series. When Bush was an owner of the Texas Rangers in 1993, he opposed creation of the wild card berth, calling it "an exercise in folly" to expand the number of teams in post-season play, Wade said. The Red Sox were this year's American League wild card entry.

"This fantastic Red Sox victory is the result of folly?" sniffed Wade. "Not in Red Sox Nation, Mr. President."

Just like home - You're all... (Below threshold)
Diversity for thee...:

Just like home - You're all white!

Ooops - too close to Mahari... (Below threshold)
Diverstiy for thee...:

Ooops - too close to Maharichie's entry, so I withdraw it. I should have read them first.

Andre3000:Please do... (Below threshold)
MahaRichie:


Andre3000:Please do everyone a favor: STOP cluttering the contest with your idiotic entries .You are making a fool of yourself.Turn off the cartoon channel,take a shower, get dressed,and go out and look for a JOB!

Kerry thought bubble: "I ju... (Below threshold)
andre3000:

Kerry thought bubble: "I just know some smart ass is going to put a picture of this in the weekend caption contest."

Matahari, thanks for the su... (Below threshold)
andre3000:

Matahari, thanks for the suggestion. And coming from such an impressive regular as yourself, I will take your comments to heart.

Now if you don't mind blowing it out your ass...

Terry McAuliffe new he was ... (Below threshold)
Rodney Dill:

Terry McAuliffe new he was in for a hellstorm over the next four days as, with the cameras rolling, John Kerry attempted to spell out WOMAN to show he was cognizant of women's concerns. However, when he yelled, Give me a "W" the crowd burst into laughter and applause.

Actually that should be Mca... (Below threshold)
Rodney Dill:

Actually that should be Mcauliffe knew

My name is John Kerry, and ... (Below threshold)
Ted:

My name is John Kerry, and I am yellow!

And as I laid my hands upon... (Below threshold)
Ted:

And as I laid my hands upon him Chris Reeve would have lept from his wheel chair, just like this!

"I supported the Red Sox be... (Below threshold)
troy:

"I supported the Red Sox before I suported the Yankes."

"Before he embarrasses hims... (Below threshold)
D M:

"Before he embarrasses himself more, will somebody please tell the guy in the front row not to stand up every time the Fenway speakers play, 'Go, Johnny, go!' -- they're not talking about him."

Look at me! I'm a thin Mic... (Below threshold)

Look at me! I'm a thin Michael Moore!

Or

After the next few days of hard dirty work, my beloved yellowshirts will become brownshirts!

Hell is on the way! ... (Below threshold)

Hell is on the way!

"Hey, you! Refreshments ven... (Below threshold)

"Hey, you! Refreshments vendor! Gimme a chicken cordon bleu and a magnum of Dom Perrignon!"

"SERENITY NOW!!"... (Below threshold)
Rodney Dill:

"SERENITY NOW!!"

or

"WHO LIVES IN A PINEAPPLE UNDER THE SEA..."

John Kerry is ecstatic afte... (Below threshold)

John Kerry is ecstatic after hearing of Osama bin Laden's videotaped endorsement of the Kerry/Edwards ticket.

Behold! Michael Moore's la... (Below threshold)

Behold! Michael Moore's latest "Cinematic" creation: Night of the Living Dead Meets the Manchurian Candidate!

At a Coalition For ... (Below threshold)
MahaRichie:


At a Coalition For Politically Correct and Mentally Incorrect Adults,Senator Kerry leads a session of 'Simple Simon Says'.
Time after time they all turn out to be "losers"

"Don't you f$%kin' look at ... (Below threshold)

"Don't you f$%kin' look at me! I'll nuance anything that moves!"

"I am human and I want to b... (Below threshold)

"I am human and I want to be loved . . .
Just like everybody else does . ."

Announcers Voice :... (Below threshold)
Rich:

Announcers Voice :

"This kind of brain damage Stem Cells will never fix."

"I am George Bush..and I approve this message."

I felt so proud to watch th... (Below threshold)
Steve Cormier:

I felt so proud to watch the Sox hit those balls over the Green Munster

I did #2!or ... (Below threshold)
Idris:

I did #2!

or

The crowd reacts to Kerry's statement, "If I have to get it up, believe, I will get it up!"

I am I am I am Superman and... (Below threshold)

I am I am I am Superman and I know what's happening.
I am I am I am Superman and I can do anything.

You don't really love that cowboy you're stuck with now do you?
I know you don't love that chimp 'cause I can see right through you.

I am I am I am Superman and I know what's happening.
I am I am I am Superman and I can do anything.

(with apologies to REM)

I'll be a president of ALL ... (Below threshold)
Branna:

I'll be a president of ALL the people...terrorists too!

I did ask for Swiss cheese ... (Below threshold)
Jeff:

I did ask for Swiss cheese on that cheese steak and I’m proud of it!!

Union workers flock from fa... (Below threshold)
Jeff:

Union workers flock from far and wide to touch the cloak of their master.

"You like me! You really li... (Below threshold)
Rodney Dill:

"You like me! You really like me!
Osama and Arafat you really like me!"
(with apologies to Sally Fields, unless you're for Kerry)

Kerry and crowd:<b... (Below threshold)
-S-:

Kerry and crowd:

"Hell is on the way! Hell is on the way! Hell is on the way! Hell is..."

-- An isolated voice yells out above the crowd --

"CUT! CUT, DAMN IT, CUUUTTT!
That's not in the script!
It's "HELP is on the way..."

Crowd and Kerry fall silent, glance around in pause, then begin chanting even louder:

"HELL IS IN THE HELP! HELL IS IN THE HELP! HELL IS IN THE HELP! HELL IS..."

(Continued)...A lo... (Below threshold)
-S-:

(Continued)...

A lone voice grabs a megaphone and booms out above the crowd:

"HAIL, SATAN!"

(Continued)...A bo... (Below threshold)
-S-:

(Continued)...

A booming clap of thunder bursts forth, a voice fills the atmosphere, from no where in particular, from everywhere especially:

"F.*.*.K....YOU....TOOO!"

Balloons descend, crowd melts into pools on the seats...

"Serving in Vietnam is like... (Below threshold)

"Serving in Vietnam is like being in the Fight Club. Except the first rule of serving in Vietnam is to talk about it incessantly every chance you get."

You know, with this cap on,... (Below threshold)
Jim:

You know, with this cap on, the really cannot tell how much I look like Herman Munster.

Ooops, gotta hide that left neck bolt!

And while we await the Moth... (Below threshold)

And while we await the Mothership, Theresa will start handing out the Kool-AId...

Massachussetts Senator and ... (Below threshold)
Doug Book:

Massachussetts Senator and Presidential candidate John Kerry celebrates having correctly identified the Red Sox as Bostons' baseball team. Confusion with the Patriots had been a longtime problem and campaign concern.

No surprise here - in the o... (Below threshold)
BR:

No surprise here - in the one hand, it's kaka, and in the other hand it's doo doo. And when I win, I promise you, there'll be NO NEW stinky discharges!

Senator Kerry was informed ... (Below threshold)

Senator Kerry was informed today that Senator McCain has reiterated his strong support for President Bush. In a clear sign of late campaign frustration, Senator Kerry said, "Oh yeah? Let's see McCain do this." A spokeswoman for the Kerry camp issued a statement that the gesture was in fact a tribute to Senator McCain, and besides, he has publicly acknowledged his disabilities and is therefore 'fair game.'

"I've wrestled with reality... (Below threshold)

"I've wrestled with reality for 35 years, and I'm happy, Doctor, I finally won out over it."

No more chicken hawks when ... (Below threshold)
Smart Woman:

No more chicken hawks when Bush, Cheney, and Ashcroft bit the dust!! Good bye to big profits, Halliburton. Hello overtime pay for workers and affordable health care!

John Kerry accidentally win... (Below threshold)

John Kerry accidentally wins scariest costume when he forgets to wear makeup and skips daily botox.




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