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EXCLUSIVE: Draft of Kerry Concession Speech

WIZBANG EXCLUSIVE: Via a "little birdie," Wizbang has an exclusive on the first draft of the Kerry concession speech:

I called the President this morning, and I told that incompetent liar, that the harsh rhetoric was out of hand. This was a time for healing and that we now had to deal with important issues, like the war he mislead us into.


I told him that while we disagreed on his taking food out of the mouths of hungry babies to give it to his fat cat friends at Halliburton, it was time to bring the county together.

We had a good talk about the fact that he killed Christopher Reeve and I how if I were President he'd still be making superman movies.

I told him just because he was dumb and I was smarter than him, I was not bitter about losing the election even though we all knew he stole this one and the last one down in Florida.

We also spoke about how he is dividing America with his harsh rhetoric like "Freedom is on the march" and "We need to support emerging Democracies."

So my friends, this part of our fight is over. But we'll keep fighting the assholes, have no fear. I know they're a bunch of stupid hicks who voted for Bush but now is not the time to talk about that. Now is a time of unity.

So let's work to bring the country together and start the healing process. I told the president he needed to work with us to heal the country. Even if we all know he'll fuck it up like he fucked up Iraq.

Good thing Bob Shrum rewrote it.


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Comments (20)

Anyone hear from Michael Mo... (Below threshold)

Anyone hear from Michael Moore yet?
To George W.:

I know it’s gotta be rough for you right now. Hey, we’ve all been there. “You’re fired” are two horrible words when put together in that order. Bin Laden surfacing this weekend to remind the American people of your total and complete failure to capture him was a cruel trick or treat. But there he was. 3,000 people were killed and he’s laughing in your face. Why did you stop our Special Forces from going after him? Why did you forget about bin Laden on the DAY AFTER 9/11 and tell your terrorism czar to concentrate on Iraq instead?
There he was, OBL, all tan and rested and on videotape (hey, did you get the feeling that he had a bootleg of my movie? Are there DVD players in those caves in Afghanistan?)
Speaking of my movie – can I ask you a personal question before we part ways for good on Tuesday? Why did you and your friends fund SIX “documentaries” trashing me -- but only ONE film against Kerry? C’mon, he was the candidate, not me. What a waste of your time and resources! Sure, I know what your pollsters told you, that the film had convinced some people to vote you out. I just want you to know that that was not my original intent. Funny things happen at the movies. Hope you get to see a few at the multiplex in Waco. It’s a great way to relax.

Ya think Kerry was counting... (Below threshold)
God Bless America:

Ya think Kerry was counting on those last minute electoral votes from France?

Alas, I guess it’s time to stop my daily rants and pithy comments about the hapless Moose and Squirrel. Sad, I had so much more material, ..didn’t even get to the lawyer jokes.

This has been the most exciting and probably the most important election of my life time.
I have many memorable moments and observations.

Here are a few of mine in no particular order.


1.) Rather-gate and the Pajamahadeen

2.) P–Diddy, Apparently Mr. Diddy has no teenagers of his own or he would have realized.
Young people are shonuff gonna show up for free concerts and kewl “Vote or Die” swag.
But stand in line for 4 hours to choose the next leader of the free world? BAHAHAHAHAHa , …attention span, duh !

3.) I found it fascinating that Kerry ran as “I’m NOT Bush” not realizing Bush was going to run AS Bush. . . perplexing isn’t it.

4.) Al Franken (insert any quote here or just repeat his name three times) ..see the misfortune of others IS funny.

5.) Moral Values issues on the ballot. I could concede gay marriage if my fellow Americans so choose, ..never if mandated by liberal judges.

6.) The fatherly spankin` Dick "Jedi Master" Cheney gave to the young padawan trial lawyer in the Veep debate.
If you listen closely you could even hear the echoes, “You don’t want to be vice-president.” . . . “No I don’t” . . . “You want to go home and rethink you life.” . . .“Y-e-s, I do”

7.) “You Know Where I Stand”, GWB at the RNC (I've never felt more proud to be an American)

8.) The utter filth of self loathing disgust Michael Moore felt at 5:00AM Nov 3rd after hearing Florida and Ohio being called for Bush and pounding down two dozen day old 7-Eleven jelly filled donuts. …damn I just made my self a little sick

9.) Zell Miller challenging Chris Mathews to a duel.

10.) Jibjab.com

11.) The mental picture of Carville & Begala manning the phones in a GOTV campaign for some city councilman down in Podunk Mississippi.

12.) The collective “OH SHIT !” coming out of every dank cave and terrorist haven from here to the Hindu Kush.


..can’t wait for Hillary in '08

I called the President t... (Below threshold)
Jim Hines:

I called the President this morning, and I told that incompetent liar, that the harsh rhetoric was out of hand.

Exactly.

Oops hit post too soon. I m... (Below threshold)
Jim Hines:

Oops hit post too soon. I mean that is exactly how I heard it.

Thanks WizBang. Great Blog. Easy accessible comment section. Carry on.

The morals to be learned he... (Below threshold)
Jeff:

The morals to be learned here:

1. Don’t let your opponent define you.
2. Your opponent has less chance to define you when you know who you are.
3. Having a set of core beliefs is crucial.
4. So is sticking to them. And then telling people what they are.
5. Swift and efficient decision making will defeat belabored over-thinking every time.
6. When you go into a character war, you better bring your sword.
7. When you poke the conservative bear on social issues, the bear bites back.
8. Don’t wind surf in Nantucket in the middle of an election.
9. If you’re trying to look like a regular guy, get the name of the Packers’ stadium right.
10. God doesn’t like it when you pretend to be a Catholic while supporting abortion.

I listened to the concessio... (Below threshold)

I listened to the concession speech, and something struck me.

If this guy is such a leader and wants to work with the President on getting his agenda forward, why isn't he immediately being considered for Senate Minority Leader? Why isn't he pushing for that newly-opened positioned?

Because he's a fraud, folks. He was never the kind of leader he claimed to be, and he lacks the faith of his fellow Democrats.

Welcome to politics. Remember to wash your hands before sticking your finger down your throat.

well said Jeff !...w... (Below threshold)
God Bless America:

well said Jeff !
...with one slight adjustment;

6. When you go into a character war, you better bring your "character".

To call JFK's cry baby spee... (Below threshold)
Rod Stanton:

To call JFK's cry baby speech gracious is just another example of dishonesty in the "mainstream" media. He want to "heal" only if Bush abandons his principles. It was as bogus as Rather's "apology".
The media really think we are dumb!

Kerry tried but could not c... (Below threshold)
Jim:

Kerry tried but could not conceal who he truly is: a traitor and professional anti-war protester. He had it all going for him: a MSM that were in the tank for him, the entertainment industry including Hollywood stars and rock stars, the publishing industry and booksellers, academia and miscellaneous big mouths whom are adored by the schmucks in the MSM. And yet with all that in his favor, Kerry turned out to be a loser.

BTW, Senator Arlen Spector ... (Below threshold)
Jim:

BTW, Senator Arlen Spector is already showing that he'll side with the Democrats when Bush nominates judges to the Supreme Court. He warned Bush not to nominate judges who are "too conservative" or "anti-abortion." In other words, Bush should nominate Liberals.

Draft?!?! Did someone say ... (Below threshold)
IR:

Draft?!?! Did someone say "Draft"?!?!?!

This speech would have been... (Below threshold)
Patrick:

This speech would have been better and G.W. might have understood the easier words.

Obviously a phony speech, y... (Below threshold)
dulce:

Obviously a phony speech, you rotten fabricator! Not a single mention of serving in Vietnam.

What kind of fools do you take us for???

well said Jeff !...w... (Below threshold)
Gail:

well said Jeff !
...with one slight adjustment;

6. When you go into a character war, don't bring all the "characters"
Michael Moore
George Soros
Al Franken
Bon Jovi
The Boss
Dixie Chics
and last but not least,
John Edwards
God, how I'm gonna miss watching the show!

After I voted for George W.... (Below threshold)
moseby:

After I voted for George W. Bush I put a booger on the kerry/edwards button....heh heh

MAN! Why didn't I think of ... (Below threshold)
Paul:

MAN! Why didn't I think of that!

"I was not bitter about los... (Below threshold)
Omni:

"I was not bitter about losing the election even though we all knew he stole this one and the last one down in Florida"

What's scary is that just this sort of thing is being claimed on some liberal blogs; they're unable to grasp that more people voted for Bush because Bush is the better man, and have endless wild theories about how the election results were faked to hide the "fact" that everyone actually voted for Kerry. When will they understand that they're dinosaurs who are so out of touch with real Americans that it's amazing they get ANY votes?

dulce you found me out!... (Below threshold)
Paul:

dulce you found me out!

Great stuff Jeff. I too wou... (Below threshold)
Reed Bates:

Great stuff Jeff. I too would "adjust" lesson 6:
when you go to a character war, things will go better if you go as yourself!

dulce; priceless post! You made my sides ache.

"BTW, Senator Arlen Spector... (Below threshold)
Jumbo:

"BTW, Senator Arlen Spector is already showing that he'll side with the Democrats when Bush nominates judges to the Supreme Court."

*@!# Arlen Specter and the Dem jackass he rode in on. I know him not. I have expressed this sentiment, if not in these words, to Senator Frist. Go and do thou likewise.




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