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Weekend Caption Contest™

It's Friday, which means it's time for the Wizbang Weekend Caption Contest™.

Professional Santa Claus performers attend a training day at the 'Ministry of Fun's Santa School' at Southwark Cathedral in London, November 1, 2004. The 'Ministry of Fun,' which provides Santa Claus performers for Christmas grottos, hosted the event for 35 Santas on Monday, with the aim of highlighting and turning around what they claim is a decline in demand for their services during the festive period. REUTERS/Toby Melville


Update: Winners announced. Comments are now closed.


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Comments (107)

- Erm...I'm guessing I made... (Below threshold)

- Erm...I'm guessing I made a mistake and this isn't the audition line for the Victoria's Secrets Christmas catalog....

"But it's equal opportunit... (Below threshold)
Sailorette:

"But it's equal opportunity!"

Ho ho ho. Who wouldn't go?... (Below threshold)
andre3000:

Ho ho ho. Who wouldn't go?

Christmas on MSNBC - "Singi... (Below threshold)

Christmas on MSNBC - "Singing Pundits"
from left to right: Keith Olbermann, Larry O'Donnell, Joe Scarburough, RON REAGAN, Joe Trippi and Chris Matthews.

Crystal blushed as she real... (Below threshold)
Rodney Dill:

Crystal blushed as she realized the contest was which Santa had the best "Ho Ho Ho," not which was the best Santa Ho.

"Putting the 'ho' back in '... (Below threshold)
Jay Tea:

"Putting the 'ho' back in 'ho ho ho!"

J.

"One of these things is not... (Below threshold)
Jay Tea:

"One of these things is not like the others,
One of these things just doesn't belong..."

J.

"Who wants to come sit in <... (Below threshold)
Adam Wood:

"Who wants to come sit in mylap?"

"Alright, which one of you ... (Below threshold)
Rodney Dill:

"Alright, which one of you clowns took the North Pole

"No, I've got a better idea... (Below threshold)
Phil Smith:

"No, I've got a better idea. YOU sit on MY lap, and I'll give YOU a present."

Proving once again, that de... (Below threshold)
andre3000:

Proving once again, that despite being unable to regulate their temperature indoors, women can go bare legged in the harshest of outdoor conditions.

Veronica knew she was going... (Below threshold)

Veronica knew she was going to be the top fund raiser among the charity santas this year.

...and for those of you who... (Below threshold)
The other JD:

...and for those of you who have been REALLY bad...

...and for those of you who... (Below threshold)
The other JD:

...and for those of you who have been REALLY bad...

Some felt that the "don't a... (Below threshold)

Some felt that the "don't ask, don't tell" policy of the Santa's Helper Corps may be in need of further review

PLEASE, tell me her ... (Below threshold)
jmaster:

PLEASE, tell me her beard isn't real.....

when flat-chested girls get... (Below threshold)
moseby:

when flat-chested girls get denied at Hooters....

- ....Oh and Ronni you'll b... (Below threshold)

- ....Oh and Ronni you'll be covering the Rosie O'Donnell Christmas bash....Any questions?

OK Miss, this is when we sl... (Below threshold)

OK Miss, this is when we slide down the chimney. I'll go first.

A song comes to mind. Hmmm... (Below threshold)

A song comes to mind. Hmmm..."One of these things, ain't like the others."

Nothing says "Merry Christm... (Below threshold)

Nothing says "Merry Christmas, boys and girls!" like stiletto heels.

There was the briefest stun... (Below threshold)
Michael Seifert:

There was the briefest stunned silence when the newest Santa asked if the experienced men could give her 'lap sitting lessons'. . . chaos ensued shortly after

"A dozen protestors showed ... (Below threshold)
tony:

"A dozen protestors showed up at the statehouse today, protesting Ohio's new 'Defense of Santa Amendment'."

Cindy Lou Who, who is now 2... (Below threshold)

Cindy Lou Who, who is now 22, joins to Santa Brigade to reclaim Whoville from that foul Grinch.

Nicole Kidman hasn't had he... (Below threshold)

Nicole Kidman hasn't had her fill of 10-year old boys.

Will the real Dick Cheney, ... (Below threshold)
Tom:

Will the real Dick Cheney, please stand up.....

Having gained considerable ... (Below threshold)
Rodney Dill:

Having gained considerable knowledge in the art of "Naughty or Nice" enticements, Lyndie England, chose to apply her new skills toward more gainful endeavors.

At least he's an honest San... (Below threshold)
Iam Doubt:

At least he's an honest Santa!

"Santa Claus is coming to t... (Below threshold)
Eric:

"Santa Claus is coming to town"

Andy Dick loses yet another... (Below threshold)

Andy Dick loses yet another bet with Tom Green.

Coming this December: Bill ... (Below threshold)

Coming this December: Bill Clinton in Bad Santa II!

Ho, Ho, Holy shit Santa had... (Below threshold)
Maddog:

Ho, Ho, Holy shit Santa had a sex change!

Maddog

The outgoing Governor of Ne... (Below threshold)
Teflon93:

The outgoing Governor of New Jersey spiced up the otherwise staid Governors' Christmas Photo Op.

The "Don't ask,Don't tell' ... (Below threshold)
Doug McGie:

The "Don't ask,Don't tell' policy takes hold across all corporate America

Jenna Jameson decides to ma... (Below threshold)
KBiel:

Jenna Jameson decides to make a holiday movie.

"My ass is freezing...!<... (Below threshold)

"My ass is freezing...!

"Vixen! Back to the sleigh... (Below threshold)

"Vixen! Back to the sleigh!"

Yes, vagina, there is a San... (Below threshold)
Jeff:

Yes, vagina, there is a Santa Claus.

Despite having serv... (Below threshold)
MahaRichie:


Despite having serviced her 35 husbands prior to their long global journey,Mrs Claus shows absolutely no symptoms of developing 'bowlegs'.

Silk Stocking Stuffers... (Below threshold)

Silk Stocking Stuffers

"Ok then, do all the Santa'... (Below threshold)
Rodney Dill:

"Ok then, do all the Santa's have the address of their assigned party? Wait a minute. Ok, where is the special order Santa for 15 Old House Lane, Chappaqua, NY?"

"Sex change or no sex chang... (Below threshold)

"Sex change or no sex change! Once a Santa, always a Santa!" Krissy Kringle was heard chanting as they led her away from the annual Santa Convention.

"That's it...will somebody ... (Below threshold)

"That's it...will somebody please tell the French guy to get outta the line..."

The number of female applic... (Below threshold)
Chrees:

The number of female applicants fell once it was explained what the "Mamas" were expected to do in "Hells Santas"

Bad Santa? If you're lucky.... (Below threshold)
Rodney Dill:

Bad Santa? If you're lucky.

Saint Nicole (AKA “The Tran... (Below threshold)
jmaster:

Saint Nicole (AKA “The Tranny Santy”) felt unusually awkward as she attended her first Santa’s meeting post-op. She had worn this outfit many times before, but things were a bit different now.

Her worst fears were realized when, suddenly, the Santa behind her shouted out, “Hey Nicole, where's your sack?”

Coming in December: Nathan ... (Below threshold)

Coming in December: Nathan Lane in La Cage Aux Faux Ho-Ho-Ho!

After giving up his Senate ... (Below threshold)
Barry Dauphin:

After giving up his Senate seat and losing his bid for Vice President, John Edwards decides to earn some holiday money as a Santa's helper.

Okay, now we just need two ... (Below threshold)

Okay, now we just need two more HOs.

What I wouldn't give to be ... (Below threshold)

What I wouldn't give to be one of her elves....

In an effort to draw more m... (Below threshold)

In an effort to draw more males to the holiday shopping experience, Macy's is unveiling a new campaign:

Lap sitting for the kids...

Lap dancing for the dads....

Kool Kitty... (Below threshold)
jhow66:

Kool Kitty

The Ninth Circuit court rul... (Below threshold)
bains:

The Ninth Circuit court ruled today that a San Francisco cross-dressing pedophile wearing non-traditional santa clothes were in the spirit of of santa, and therefore should be allowed. The court refused to address the issue of requiring the man to wear undergarments.

It's a still from the educa... (Below threshold)

It's a still from the educational film "Where Little Elves Come From."

As Lynn proudly stood in th... (Below threshold)
JAB:

As Lynn proudly stood in the cold, December air wishing for the warmth of those pantyhose so hastily fogotten earlier that morning, it was obvious to the entire Macy's Santa brigade that he had finally come out of the closet.

Attending an rally of the A... (Below threshold)
OneDrummer:

Attending an rally of the AFL-CIO Santas in Cleveland, Susie is suprised to hear that the Nutcracker is actually a union recruiting technique.

"Ummm, Mr. Edwards? Yeaaahh... (Below threshold)

"Ummm, Mr. Edwards? Yeaaahhh, it's just that, well, you're really not supposed to be at the Senate Santa Meeting. Oh, by the way, Daschle has your pants out in his Sebring. Merry Christmas!"

All of the Santa's together... (Below threshold)
Ginger Guy:

All of the Santa's together, even with "Santa Teresa", couldn't fulfill John Kerry's biggest Christmas Wish of the year!

You've been a bad boy, GO T... (Below threshold)

You've been a bad boy, GO TO MY ROOM!

"You've been a bad, GO TO ... (Below threshold)

"You've been a bad, GO TO MY ROOM!" as Mrs Claus found Santa watching a "naughty movie"

It's looking alot like Chri... (Below threshold)
Kanati:

It's looking alot like Christmas.............

The Clinton Legacy Aftermat... (Below threshold)

The Clinton Legacy Aftermath: Santa Trades in Reindeer for Interns.

Coming in December: Dustin ... (Below threshold)

Coming in December: Dustin Hoffman in Tootsie Claus!

"Let it show, let it show, ... (Below threshold)
OhioanForBush:

"Let it show, let it show, Let it show!"

A Kerry daughter has been s... (Below threshold)

A Kerry daughter has been spotted amongst the Santas.

kind of adds a whole new me... (Below threshold)
Larry K.:

kind of adds a whole new meaning to "sitting on Santa's lap," doesn't it.

Wouldn't you would like to ... (Below threshold)
Larry K.:

Wouldn't you would like to see this Santa sitting next to the Queen?

Wouldn't you like to see th... (Below threshold)
Larry K.:

Wouldn't you like to see this Santa sitting next to the Queen?

My name is Suha (Arafat) an... (Below threshold)

My name is Suha (Arafat) and I am recently widowed. May I guide someone's sleigh tonight?

Snow White, tiring of livin... (Below threshold)
John:

Snow White, tiring of living in the woods, ups her game in the Arctic north...

Don we now our Gay Apparell... (Below threshold)

Don we now our Gay Apparell....

As the only scottish Santa ... (Below threshold)

As the only scottish Santa in line, McLeary decided to forgoe his traditional kilt for a festive one.

"It just hasn't been the sa... (Below threshold)
Mara:

"It just hasn't been the same since they let women join the corps."

San Francisco's "Thanta Cla... (Below threshold)

San Francisco's "Thanta Clauth Brigade" prepares to invade the city's shopping meccas.

A representative fr... (Below threshold)
MahaRichie:


A representative from NOW trying to infiltrate the all male Santa contigent,suddenly realizes it was a big mistake to take a position at the rear and downwind to the group.

Master Claus was an insecur... (Below threshold)
McCain:

Master Claus was an insecure and rather lonely child. His subsequent meteoric rise through the ranks of rivals to the apex of his profession, despite the early handicaps (or perhaps because of them) represents a triumph of human perseverance. But regardless of all the later success and accolades, one vivid reminder of those early insecurities tormented him each night: this recurring dream sequence in which the aspiring young Santa attends school without his pants.

Libertarians Triumph in Nor... (Below threshold)
McCain:

Libertarians Triumph in North Pole Elections!
1st hooker hits the streets after populist ballot initiative passes.

At Bloomindale’s holiday pa... (Below threshold)
McCain:

At Bloomindale’s holiday party for employees and spouses, our photographer documented that the majority of store Santas really are pathetic, lonely old geezers.

Realizing way too late that... (Below threshold)
McCain:

Realizing way too late that they had misread the help wanted ad, election day poll workers sheepishly report to the city’s north-precinct poll.

Rudolph's dream -- he holds... (Below threshold)

Rudolph's dream -- he holds the reins while Santas pull the sleigh...hey! How'd that get in there?

Sam never felt at home with... (Below threshold)

Sam never felt at home with the rest of the Santa crew...

John Ashcroft's new day job... (Below threshold)
Rus:

John Ashcroft's new day job.

"I never win these contests... (Below threshold)
-S-:

"I never win these contests so I wore a dress instead."

"What a revolting developme... (Below threshold)

"What a revolting development," thought a disgruntled Santa as the male elves leered at the new addition to their ranks. "The missus caught me stuffing this gal's stocking, and I had to come up with an explanation -- so why on earth did I say I was planning to put her on my staff?"

"But I thought coming only ... (Below threshold)
Rodney Dill:

"But I thought coming only once a year was just a Christmas myth."

In her new role Teresa Heinz Kerry was considered to be the life of many a Christmas party. In the end, however, as the gin and raisins ran out she turned into just another aging embittered Santa wannabe.

At the Santa's for an Ohio ... (Below threshold)
Tig:

At the Santa's for an Ohio Recount Rally, one lone Bush Santa stood unnoticed among the crowd.

[I got here a bit late and most of the good gags were already taken ;) ]

Fresh from the demoralizing... (Below threshold)
itismedavid:

Fresh from the demoralizing defeats of gay marriage amendments, Gov McGreevy decided to go "commando" to the annual Santa Thanksgiving Day Ball in hopes of finding a jolly ole elf to lap dance for him.

Time to trim the tree.... (Below threshold)
Sapper6:

Time to trim the tree.

At a recent press conferenc... (Below threshold)
JAB:

At a recent press conference, House Democrats surround Nancy Pelosi as they outline their newest plan for income redistribution.

I have no caption, but I'm ... (Below threshold)

I have no caption, but I'm guessing this is the opening scene from "Christmas Gangbang 2004".

Next on Court TV:Mrs... (Below threshold)
M Shanks:

Next on Court TV:
Mrs. Claus and her eight male neighbors are arraigned on a varity of morals charges for the disgraceful Christmas eve "sex-party" while Mr. Claus ("Santa") was away on business.

Next on Court TV:Mrs... (Below threshold)
M Shanks:

Next on Court TV:
Mrs. Claus and her eight male neighbors are arraigned on a varity of morals charges for the disgraceful Christmas eve "sex-party" while Mr. Claus ("Santa") was away on business.

Santa, I am afraid that I h... (Below threshold)
Michael:

Santa, I am afraid that I have been pretty naughty this year. Don't you think I need a spanking, instead of the just getting coal?

XXX-Mas bukkake!... (Below threshold)
Cybrludite:

XXX-Mas bukkake!

Nothing had been the same a... (Below threshold)

Nothing had been the same at the mall since "William Jefferson Claus" arived.

Suddenly John Edwards reali... (Below threshold)

Suddenly John Edwards realized he'd read the wrong memo......

Totally.Caltechgir... (Below threshold)

Totally.

Caltechgirl gets my vote.

First the glass ceiling, no... (Below threshold)

First the glass ceiling, now the polar cap.

- Ok...next Santa jerk-oof ... (Below threshold)

- Ok...next Santa jerk-oof that pinches my ass gets a knee in the ole Christmas package.....

Ahhhh, the sound of reindee... (Below threshold)

Ahhhh, the sound of reindeer landing on your roof: Fap-fap-fap-fap-fap-fap-fap...

Ho.... (Below threshold)

Ho.

The new leader procl... (Below threshold)
jack rudd:


The new leader proclaimed, "All penises: About Face!"

Pictured here are Donnie an... (Below threshold)
JAB:

Pictured here are Donnie and Marie and The Osmond Brothers at rehearsal for their 2004 Christmas special. Marie is the Santa on the far right.

Mrs.claus has a hard time f... (Below threshold)
dan:

Mrs.claus has a hard time finding the real SANTA

"Let me have your attention... (Below threshold)
Patrick Deck:

"Let me have your attention! The three finalists for the competition are as follows;

ATCHISON, TOPEKA, SANTA FAYE"

Ho! Ho! WTF!?... (Below threshold)

Ho! Ho! WTF!?

Update: <a href="htt... (Below threshold)

Update: Winners announced. Comments are now closed.




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