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The Sullivan Challenge

Andrew Sullivan in Time Magazine declares 2004 The Year of the Insurgents. Of the eight paragraphs he manages to spend a meager two paragraphs discussing gay marriage.

As one of Sullivan's shticks is to do running awards named after columnists/journalists (the current being Michelle Malkin) it seems particularly fair that I issue The Sullivan Challenge:

There's only 6 paragraphs in the article that don't have a reference to gay marriage, so your challenge it to pick any one of those six paragraphs and rewrite it to add a reference to gay marriage. It's highly likely that you'll have to do some serious metaphor or logic stretching, but that's why it's a challenge - if it was easy anyone could do it. The only rule is that you must address the subject matter of the original paragraph in your rewrite.

I'll gather up the best paragraphs and see if we can get a gay marriage-iery version of the Time piece..


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Comments (13)

Utter irreverance here:... (Below threshold)
-S-:

Utter irreverance here:

E S S A Y
Year of the Stilletos
By ANDOR SULLIVAN


Monday, Dec. 20, 2004

One word wedged together the divorcing principles of 2004: stilletos. It's a strange term — but we've got quite used to it. Think of it as not quite a revolution but more than mere discontent: learning to first walk after you've crawled and then run after you've teetered in your first pair of stilletos is an immense challenge. The dictionary describes stilletos as "a pair of highly torturous foot tools that bend and push your ten toes into one giant wedge, pointing ever upward, together, as one, revolting against gravity, kindness and most especially, the Casual Days Dressing that gay workers nationwide have come to revile bringing war into the boardroom." (O.K., so I made that definition up but just try wearing your first pair of stilletos and you'll swear what I just wrote is true.) Yep, a war that is not a real war, but is a halfway, inconclusive revolt without end, a battle of attrition that polarizes as it goes essentially nowhere, unless the burning question is soon resolved: who will wear the stilletos and who will not? And will they wear Manolo Blaniks?

Editorial Note: Oh My Gosh... (Below threshold)
-S-:

Editorial Note: Oh My Gosh! I spelled 'Manolo Blahniks" wrong! OMG!

In Iraq it had a literal me... (Below threshold)
Sean:

In Iraq it had a literal meaning. Each month the number of attacks on gays and coalition troops went up, after a wildfire revolt in the spring. Slowly, sovereignty shifted toward the Iraqis, but just as slowly, attempts to eliminate resistance to the gay lifestyle seemed merely to move it around. Even after the climactic battle to retake Fallujah in November, violence spiked in Mosul and Baghdad as Iraqi homosexuals clamored for their rights. Progress in reconstruction and political engagement is now measurable, evidenced by plans for the first gay pride parade. Smart observers see flickers of hope in the possibility of elections next month where gay Iraqis can blaze a trail to the voting booths. Resistance by the religious fundamentalists is strong to this new and emerging lifestyle. But the insurgents remain — increasingly organized, angry, yet still distant from any semblance of real power.

This is my first time readi... (Below threshold)
jmaster:

This is my first time reading that piece. It seems so poorly thought out that it really deserves a good fisking. But since I don’t yet have my own blog, I’ll have to settle for a contest entry:

On the Internet, a volunteer army of bloggers escalated their guerrilla war against the mainstream media. They had previously spooked the (now former) executive editor of the New York Times Howell Raines and even the (just as former) Senate majority leader Trent Lott, but when they helped push Dan Rather into early retirement, their real moment seemed to have come. Nevertheless, they stay on the margins — because, like all insurgents, they're about sniping, not governing. Except for certain bloggers, that is. Some bloggers who once appeared open minded and objective, latched on to particular causes like gay marriage. Some of these (now former) volunteer bloggers were easily co-opted, and sold out their objectivity. Curiously (or not), several are now working for the mainstream media.

In the U.S., love of a diff... (Below threshold)
julie:

In the U.S., love of a different and sweaty kind flourished as well. This was a year in which establishments of all kinds were thoroughly rattled yet stayed precariously intact. Remember Rosie O'Donnell? This time last year, she was riding a crest of youthful, newlywed content, determined to change the rules of marriage forever. But the logic of gay marriage is that in the end, it's about fighting power, not gaining it. It lives for the challenge. And so the Rosie moment fizzled in a Sacramento courthouse and the evil hetereo-industrial-war -sex- complex- Establishment endured. Now, Rosie wants to switch sides and date men. So, who here needs to be fixed up?

Hmm. I think I may have vio... (Below threshold)
julie:

Hmm. I think I may have violated the rules. Judges! Let me know so I can resubmit.

In the U.S., insurgencies o... (Below threshold)
TMarcell:

In the U.S., insurgencies of a different and metaphorical kind flourished as well, not least of which was the throngs of leather-clad, mustachioed heroes who descended on County Clerk offices in Massachusetts and California to end discriminatory marriage policies. This was a year in which establishments of all kinds were thoroughly rattled yet stayed precariously intact, for example, oh, let's say, the cruel, bigoted death grip held on marriage by the slack-jawed, bible-humping Bush crowd. Remember Howard Dean? Well, I do. And you know what?--he's married! Unlike legions of oppressed gay people! This time last year, he was riding a crest of youthful, bloggy discontent, determined to change the rules of politics forever. The only bloggy discontent I get is ridicule for my bear fantasies from that InDC Bill, damnit! But the logic of insurgency is that in the end, it's about fighting power, not gaining it, in the end. It lives for the challenge, mainly in the end. And so the Dean moment fizzled in an Iowa screech, and the Establishment endured. Now Dean wants to switch sides and run the Democratic National Committee, which, at least, makes him smarter than the average bear.

1st three paragraps -... (Below threshold)
King Air:

1st three paragraps -
*************************
One word brought together the disparate events of 2004: insurgency. It's a strange term — but we've got quite used to it. Think of it as not quite a revolution but more than mere discontent; like gay marriage as it relates to traditional marriage. The dictionary describes it as "a condition of revolt against a recognized government that does not reach the proportions of an organized revolutionary government." Yep, a war that is not a real war, a halfway, inconclusive revolt without end, a battle of attrition that polarizes as it goes essentially nowhere.

In Iraq it had a literal meaning. Each month the number of attacks on coalition troops went up, after a wildfire revolt in the spring. Slowly, sovereignty shifted toward the Iraqis, but just as slowly, attempts to eliminate resistance seemed merely to move it around. Even after the climactic battle to retake Fallujah in November, violence spiked in Mosul and Baghdad. Progress in reconstruction and political engagement is now measurable. Smart observers see flickers of hope in the possibility of elections next month with the strong possibility of women in the workplace, gay marriages and other outward signs of enlightened social order to follow soon thereafter. But the insurgents remain — increasingly organized, angry, yet still distant from any semblance of real power.

In the U.S., insurgencies of a different and metaphorical kind flourished as well. This was a year in which establishments of all kinds were thoroughly rattled yet stayed precariously intact. Remember Howard Dean? This time last year, he was riding a crest of youthful, bloggy discontent, determined to change the rules of politics forever. Remember Massachusetts? Its Supreme Court determined gay marriage was constitutionally protected. But the logic of insurgency is that in the end, it's about fighting power, not gaining it. It lives for the challenge. And so the Dean moment fizzled in an Iowa screech, bigoted citizens across the country voted down gay marriage amendments and the Establishment endured. Now Dean wants to switch sides and run the Democratic National Committee.

I tried to keep mine believ... (Below threshold)
Beth:

I tried to keep mine believable (unlike Suzy's hilarious piece!):

In the U.S., insurgencies of a different and metaphorical kind flourished as well. This was a year in which establishments of all kinds were thoroughly fluffed yet stayed precariously intact. Remember Gavin Newsom? Last year, he was riding a crest of youthful, flaming discontent, determined to change the rules of marriage forever. But the logic of insurgency is that in the end, it's about fighting power, not gaining it. It lives for the challenge. And so the gay marriage moment fizzled in an defeat on Election Day, and the Establishment endured. Now Newsom wants to switch sides and have the judges make the laws.

I DON'T CARE IF KEN MELHMAN... (Below threshold)
ASLAN:

I DON'T CARE IF KEN MELHMAN IS GAY..

HE DID A DAMN GOOD JOB AND WON!

SO GET OVER IT! HE MAY BE CELEBATE

AND GAY WHICH IS ACCEPTABLE TO

DOBSON AND EVANGELICALS

Methinks Wizbang has its ow... (Below threshold)

Methinks Wizbang has its own Puce...

the all caps definitely hig... (Below threshold)
tee bee:

the all caps definitely highlight Aslan's vibrant and compelling lack of coherence, along with the ability to be vibrantly incoherant on a number of topics.

OMGosh, Ken Mehlman is GAYY... (Below threshold)
-S-:

OMGosh, Ken Mehlman is GAYYY?!

I have a crush on Ken Mehlman and find his brainy-ness quite attractive.

ASLAN, you might consider coming in from the cold.




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