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John Cleese for Democratic National Chairman

One of the Democrats' recurring themes is that the Republicans are using Machiavellian tactics. Apparently, they object to people like Karl Rove using Machiavelli's works as a plan book.

But if the Republicans are using Machiavelli for inspiration, the Democrats seem to be using Monty Python.

I have this vision of President Bush going up to Capitol Hill to discuss his agenda.


"Excuse me, I'm here to discuss my policies for the next four years."

"Don't give me that, you snotty-faced heap of parrot droppings!"

"Shut your festering gob, you tit! Your type really makes me puke, you vacuous, coffee-nosed, maloderous, pervert!!!"

"Look, I CAME HERE FOR A POLITICAL DEBATE, I'm not going to just stand..."

"OH, oh I'm sorry, but this is abuse. Didn't you see the 'DU' sign on the door?"

"Oh, I see, well, that explains it."

"Ah yes, you want room 12A, Just along the corridor."

"Oh, Thank you very much. Sorry."

"Not at all."

"Thank you."

(Under his breath) "Stupid git!"

Bush exits, enters room 12A.

"Excuse me, is this where I go to argue for my agenda?"

"I told you once."

"No you didn't."

"Yes, I did."

"Did not."

"Did too!"

"I most certainly did not. By the way, is this for this Congressional session, or did you want this for the next four years?"

"Oh, just the current session."

"Ah, thank you. And I quite definitely did tell you."

"You absolutely did not."

"Did too!"

"Did not!"

"Did too!"

"Look, this is ridiculous. I came here for a good debate."

"No, you came here for a debate."

"A debate isn't just contradiction."

"It can be."

"No, a debate is a connected series of statements intended to establish a proposition."

"Not necessarily."

"No, it isn't!"

"Look, if we're going to have a debate, I must take up a contrary position."

"Yes, but that's not just saying 'No it isn't.'"

"Yes, it is."

"No, it isn't!"

"Yes, it is!"

"Debate is an intellectual process. Contradiction is just the automatic gainsaying of any statement the other person makes."

(short pause)

"No, it isn't!"

"Yes, it is!"

"No, it's not."

"It most certainly can be!"

"Look, I came here to debate my agenda. That doesn't mean that when I say 'there's a crisis with Social Security, and my plan will fix it,' you don't just say 'no, there isn't!' When I say 'we need to fight the war on terror in Iraq', you can't just say 'no, we don't!' You have to come up with rebuttals and counterproposals!"

(brief pause)

"No, I don't."

"Yes, you do!"

(bell rings)

"I'm sorry, this Congressional session is over. Good day."

"That was not the entire session."

"I'm afraid it was."

"No, it wasn't."

* * * * *

I'm sorry, I can't continue. I've lost the humor here. The Democrats are playing this game of simple "whatever Bush is for, we're against," and refusing to put forth their own proposals. It's a big joke.

But the joke is on us, the people. And I'm tired of laughing at our own expense.

J.


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Comments (17)

You are exactly right.... (Below threshold)
Just Me:

You are exactly right.

Half the problem with how Kerry ran his campaign was on a "Bush is bad, I am better, I have a plan, but I am not telling you what it is" platform. I think most people were smart enough to realize he didn't have a plan.

If they want to win elections they have to start saying what they are for, not what they are against.

The problem with your "logi... (Below threshold)

The problem with your "logic"---well, one of several, anyway---is that the Democrats have been rolling over and voting just like the Republicans for years. Perhaps you didn't notice that last November BOTH candidates advocated continuing a for-profit war and massive corporate welfare.

Right Don, push farther to ... (Below threshold)
LJD:

Right Don, push farther to the left. Avoid any temptation to appeal to the middle. Who knows, with that philosophy, in four years the Democratic party may even cease to exist!

Good one, Jay. As much as I... (Below threshold)
Oleg:

Good one, Jay. As much as I supported democrats in the past, they are the most disorganized bunch ever. They agree to disagree, but don't offer any solutions.

Social Security for example. Instead of offering alternative plans they all agree that Bush is an idiot and deny that SS has any problems.

It may very well be that Bush is exaggerating the problem. But anything that Government does by definition is wrong. So we should all start from that premise and always work to improve and move forward.

John Kerry and Howard Dean betrayed those of us who wanted to dilute the centralized Republican government. Next time I have to vote against a Republican, I will vote for a Libertarian.

The Democrats have been the... (Below threshold)
Rod Stanton:

The Democrats have been the "Status Quo" party for 25 years. This is not news. It does explain why their registration advantage was 1.6:1 in 1980 and only 1.1:1 in 04.
A great example of something that is badly broken and needs fixing is Social Security. But the "progressive" people want no changes.

At least you didn't write o... (Below threshold)

At least you didn't write on to the getting hit on the head lessons.

"Hold your head like this and go "waaaaaaaa."

The democratic answer to ev... (Below threshold)
Just Me:

The democratic answer to everything-if the program doesn't work-it needs more funding, if the program works, it needs more money, if it has anything to do with defense, cut the funding.

You've left out the part wh... (Below threshold)
Mike M.:

You've left out the part where W breaks out the Divine Daisy Cutter of Crawford and blasts the Dems to bits.

After counting to three, of course.

Because four is too many, a... (Below threshold)

Because four is too many, and two is not enough (except if one counts immediately to three) and five is "right out."

"This Social Security is de... (Below threshold)

"This Social Security is dead!
" No it isn't!"
"Look, I discovered that the only reason its there is because it had been nailed down!"
"If I hadn't nailed it down, It would have muscled up them budgets and flown off!"
"It is a dead Social Security, it has died and gone to meet its maker! It is a LATE Social Security!"

BUSH IS A WITCH!!He ... (Below threshold)

BUSH IS A WITCH!!
He turned me into a newt!

A newt?

I got better...

What do you do with witches?

BURN THEM!

And what else can you burn?

MORE WITCHES
WOOD!

ah, wood, whats special about wood?

It floats on water....
What else floats on water?

apples! very small rocks! beef gravy! a Nazi!

A Nazi!!

So you're saying, if Bush weighs the same as a Nazi, then he floats on water..... and therefore?
A WITCH!!!

Kevin: I think WE'RE the on... (Below threshold)

Kevin: I think WE'RE the ones holding our heads and going "Waaaaa!"

Maybe Bush and the Republic... (Below threshold)
Mike:

Maybe Bush and the Republicans could reintroduce the "Flsh Slapping Dance" when tangling with Democrats.

The thought of Nancy Pelosi being knocked off a bridge with a large tuna being weilded by Ann Coulter is awe-inspiring.

"Holy Hand Grenades", "King... (Below threshold)
AnonymousDrivel:

"Holy Hand Grenades", "King Arthur's Wisdom on Witches", and "Fish-Slapping Dances"? That's one-two-five, I mean three classics, in two days. Next thing you know, we'll be asking everyone their favorite color.

Dems? Envy-green, naturally. Mine? Blue... no, Aaaaagh!

Sorry Henry,I forg... (Below threshold)
AnonymousDrivel:

Sorry Henry,

I forgot about SS pining for the fjords.

Knights who say, "Ni."... (Below threshold)

Knights who say, "Ni."

Dems who say, "Nay."

Just a coincidence?

Meanwhile, on Social Security, President Bush says, "Now for something completely different."

Just watched the pilot of A... (Below threshold)
James:

Just watched the pilot of American Dad (new show from makers of Family Guy), and perhaps my favorite part is when he gets a newspaper with the headline "Democratic Party Missing, Presumed Dead". So, so true.




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