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Wizbang Weekend Caption Contest™

It's Friday, which means it's time for the Wizbang Weekend Caption Contest™. Enter your best caption for the following picture:

German Chancellor Gerhard Schroeder (R) signals for the translation as French President Jacques Chirac makes opening remarks at a joint press conference at the Elysee Palace in Paris, March 18, 2005. Chirac met with Schroeder, Spanish Prime Minister Jose Luis Rodriguez Zapatero, and Russian President Vladimir Putin for informal talks about relations between the European Union and Russia. REUTERS/John Schults


Winners will be announced Sunday.

Update: Winners announced. Comments are now closed.


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Listed below are links to weblogs that reference Wizbang Weekend Caption Contest™:

» Conservative Life - General Politics linked with Conservative Life Caption Contest #21

» Powerpundit linked with Chirac And Schroeder

» Smug Monkey linked with W3rd.

Comments (120)

Embrace TyrannyAsk W... (Below threshold)
Matt:

Embrace Tyranny
Ask What's Wrong with Tyranny

Hey! We're missing a monkey over here!

Schroeder: "It's being tran... (Below threshold)

Schroeder: "It's being translated for me and I still have no freaking clue what this French weenie is talking about!:

I have no caption for the p... (Below threshold)
arb:

I have no caption for the photo, but damn, you pick some great shots for this contest!

"Cuz I chiRock tha hizouse,... (Below threshold)

"Cuz I chiRock tha hizouse, ya knizow! West-siiiide!"

"Does this guy not realize he's white?"

Don't look at us. We really... (Below threshold)

Don't look at us. We really don't know what's happening either. But as soon as we can figure out how to take credit for it, we'll let you know.

"What, you think we really ... (Below threshold)
rfp:

"What, you think we really get along ??'

Schroeder: "I can't believe... (Below threshold)
AnonymousDrivel:

Schroeder: "I can't believe it either. The shame is that no matter how many times I show him, he still forgets the universal surrender pose despite his pedigree."

Schroeder: Wow....all i did... (Below threshold)
johnny:

Schroeder: Wow....all i did is ask Chirac here what the best place for the German Army to park its tanks in Paris was, but now he's giving me directions and won't shutup!

"No no no! You put both han... (Below threshold)
metrognome57:

"No no no! You put both hands IN!!!!! you moron!"

Caption - AP Newswire - Sho... (Below threshold)
AnonymousDrivel:

Caption - AP Newswire - Shown here at the E.U. summit, Chirac and Schroeder visually demonstrate the dimensions of their ineptitude.

Schroeder: "I don't unders... (Below threshold)
Pat:

Schroeder: "I don't understand his rationale. I just do what he tells me."

Chirac: "When I was ... (Below threshold)

Chirac: "When I was a JERK..."
Schroeder: "I give up! I can NEVER escape from that damned New York Soda Jerk story of his!"

Chirac and Schroeder argue ... (Below threshold)
AnonymousDrivel:

Chirac and Schroeder argue over the girth and length of Saddam's bankroll.

"Head and shoulders, knees ... (Below threshold)

"Head and shoulders, knees and toes...."

Chirac: "Cause the Boyz in ... (Below threshold)
howard_deans_failed_gay_marriage:

Chirac: "Cause the Boyz in tha Bourgogne are always hard..."

Schroeder: "You mess with the Reich, and we'll punch your card..."

Chirac: He put his arms ar... (Below threshold)

Chirac: He put his arms around me like this!
Shroeder: I thought he needed a hug!

Chirac: "It's ME! ME! It'... (Below threshold)
JM:

Chirac: "It's ME! ME! It's all about ME!"

Schroeder: "What the **** is he talking about?!"

Chirac: "Non. nes pas, when... (Below threshold)
Faith+1:

Chirac: "Non. nes pas, when I said Iraq was a mistake and Bush was wrong I really meant he was doing the right thing. Your simple minds could not properly understand my language."

Schroeder: "Problems with the US? Nein. There are no problems. What problems? I zee noTHING!"

Schroeder: "Eh, I know he c... (Below threshold)
Rodney Dill:

Schroeder: "Eh, I know he can't breath. But don't ask me to give him the Heimlich, that filthy frenchman hasn't bathed."

"The daddy mack'll make you... (Below threshold)
JimK:

"The daddy mack'll make you..."
"...Jump, Jump!"

"Chirac and Chavez expresse... (Below threshold)

"Chirac and Chavez expressed their firendly disagreement on whether UN peacekeepers preferred 'small but losided' or 'so big you need both hands to lift them'"

As Chirac demonstrates the ... (Below threshold)
bullwinkle:

As Chirac demonstrates the proper way to wrap oneself in a white flag Schroder shows the French audience how to raise their hands and wonders how he's ever going to feed that many prisoners.

"Did Herr Chirac say Simon ... (Below threshold)
Hodink:

"Did Herr Chirac say Simon Says or nein?"

Chirac - 'Gerhard, fo shizz... (Below threshold)
OneDrummer:

Chirac - 'Gerhard, fo shizzle ma nizzle... this is how you throw down the hizzle signs dawg....'

Schroeder - 'I thought the only signs you knew were surrender, like this.'

"He touche-d moi!""N... (Below threshold)
Red Fog:

"He touche-d moi!"
"Nein, I-ch did NOT!"
"Wee, YOU did!"
"NO, did nicht"
"Du DID!"
"Did nicht"
"Did"
"Nicht"

Charades was not going well... (Below threshold)
Hermoine:

Charades was not going well for these two.

Two celebrity judges react ... (Below threshold)

Two celebrity judges react to a performance on the reality competition Coddled Despot.

"C'mon Teddy breathe!!!". ... (Below threshold)
Schwerv:

"C'mon Teddy breathe!!!". "Why did someone give him another dinner roll?".


See this Ted Kennedy choking thing works just about anywhere.


Schwerv

Fight No Evil... Fight No E... (Below threshold)

Fight No Evil... Fight No Evil... hey, where's Zapatero?

I give up! He really is a ... (Below threshold)
Bitstream:

I give up! He really is a moron....

Schroder: "I TOLD him he sh... (Below threshold)

Schroder: "I TOLD him he shouldn't have eaten so much. Its not my fault that he feels sick. President Chirac, please go to the bathroom before you throw up on my podium."

Chirac: Yo, check it bleed.... (Below threshold)
Rick13:

Chirac: Yo, check it bleed. Dat Oil for Food deal was the Shizzel! Den Dat Bush PUNK goes an "F's it up for all-ya-all! Man, I don't know!

Schroeder: Yeeah! What's up with That?!

Monkey see,Monkey do... (Below threshold)

Monkey see,
Monkey do.

She had cans like th... (Below threshold)
HeyMike:

She had cans like this and a Di*k like this!

Chirac: "... so den I pop d... (Below threshold)

Chirac: "... so den I pop dat chump-ass bitch wit my Glock, boy-eeee."

Schroeder: "He's doing it again."

"Ech, Bush, he made me kiss... (Below threshold)

"Ech, Bush, he made me kiss is nut sack"

"and he did me with his schlong dats dis big!"

spicy, ooh, aaah, hot & spi... (Below threshold)
dave:

spicy, ooh, aaah, hot & spicy!

Thumbkin and Pinky wait for... (Below threshold)

Thumbkin and Pinky wait for Tallman.

Dale a tu cuerpo alegria Ma... (Below threshold)

Dale a tu cuerpo alegria Macarena
Que tu cuerpo es pa' darle alegria y cosa buena
Dale a tu cuerpo alegria, Macarena
Hey Macarena!

"For rapprochement, I will ... (Below threshold)
Salt Lick:

"For rapprochement, I will simply hug Secretary Rice, just so, and sing 'Thank heaven for little girls, Gigi...'"

"Why didn't I think of that?"

“Hey we didn’t steal all th... (Below threshold)
Stan25:

“Hey we didn’t steal all that Oil for Money. Ole Valdimir had his grubby lunchhooks in the pie too.”

Chirac discovers the thumbt... (Below threshold)
D. Carter:

Chirac discovers the thumbtack, while Schroeder feigns ignorance.

Chirac calls traveling, whi... (Below threshold)
D. Carter:

Chirac calls traveling, while Schroeder signals a touchdown (or, "Doesn't anybody here know how to place this game?").

Shroeder: "This damn Frog i... (Below threshold)
Jeff:

Shroeder: "This damn Frog is so fast on the buzzer...who does he think he is, Ken Jennings?

(AP)Paris - Further questio... (Below threshold)

(AP)Paris - Further questions were brought today about the competency of the French and German governments as Jacques Chirac and Gerhard Schroeder attempted in vain to perform the Macarena.

I'm Jacque Chirac bitch!</p... (Below threshold)
Jeff:

I'm Jacque Chirac bitch!

All together now "it's fun ... (Below threshold)
Allium:

All together now "it's fun to play at the Y M C A.."

Had to do a second one...</... (Below threshold)

Had to do a second one...

"If you idiots in the press corps would keep the damn lights off, we could continue this week's 'Shadow Puppet Theatre'."

As captured in this photo, ... (Below threshold)
jmaster:

As captured in this photo, the recent break up of united European opposition to US policy began at the EU leader’s 2005 Superbowl party. While Gerhard Schroeder was in the midst of signaling “TOUCHDOWN!” after a Tom Brady pass was caught in the end zone, Jacques Chirac screamed for an “Illegal Motion” penalty call against the Patriots. French and German relations have been strained ever since.

Chirac: "But, yeeew, wiene... (Below threshold)
MMM:

Chirac: "But, yeeew, wienerschnitzel is so...spicey!"
Schroeder: "Eat a croisant, ya fairy."

I'm P. Diddy, and this is F... (Below threshold)

I'm P. Diddy, and this is Fonzworth Bentley. my trusty manservant.

Chirac: but zee diarrhea...... (Below threshold)
Rob:

Chirac: but zee diarrhea...she is a harsh mistress! I ave no control!
Schroeder: And I'm allied with this buffoon?

Schroeder and Chirac both a... (Below threshold)
JTAO:

Schroeder and Chirac both audition for the role of the Joker in the new Batman move: Jackals of Gotham.

Chirac - 'Papa don't take n... (Below threshold)
OneDrummer:

Chirac - 'Papa don't take no mess.... look, heh, dig this.. Bush didn't cuss, didn't raise a whole lotta fuss, but when we did wrong, Bush beat the hell outta us.... '

Zapatero said HE was going ... (Below threshold)

Zapatero said HE was going to pick up the check!

Chirac: I'm funny how? Funn... (Below threshold)

Chirac: I'm funny how? Funny like ze clown? I amuse you?
Schroeder: Get der fuck outta here.

Shroeder raised his hands i... (Below threshold)

Shroeder raised his hands in jealous disgust as Chirac continued to make suggestive gestures toward the waiter.

Schroeder: Bring it Punks!<... (Below threshold)

Schroeder: Bring it Punks!

Chirac: W3rd!

"Aaaaand . . . scene. That ... (Below threshold)

"Aaaaand . . . scene. That was simply awful. Okay, now Gerhard, now you pretend you're kissing the beautiful woman, and Jacques, it's your turn to pretend to juggle. And this time, really make me believe it."

And our friends over at the... (Below threshold)
rorochub:

And our friends over at the EU still show that they have no clue about the American phenomenon known as the Hokey Pokey

Reactions to proposal that ... (Below threshold)

Reactions to proposal that Germany & France get reduced to one EU Security Council vote.

Shroeder: "He's doing the p... (Below threshold)
crwihfb:

Shroeder: "He's doing the pee-pee dance; if he starts to unzip, don't blame me for the consequences..."

"How the hell do we know ho... (Below threshold)
Jim:

"How the hell do we know how that freaking cowboy is succeeding?"

Chirac: "Je suis omlette... (Below threshold)

Chirac: "Je suis omlette du frommage! Je suis omlette du frommage!"

Schroeder: "Nobody told me that this was a breakfast meeting."

[Note: This caption is based on an old Steve Martin joke from the late 1970s. In case you don't know French, Chirac is saying, "I am a cheese omlette! I am a cheese omlette!"]

do, do do do, do do, do do,... (Below threshold)
RR:

do, do do do, do do, do do, can't touch this! break it down jacquie

Chirac: "Garcon! Gar... (Below threshold)

Chirac: "Garcon! Garcon! Monsieur Schroeder has stolen mah napkin!"

Schroeder: Napkin? Napkin!? I haff no idea vhat he iss talkink about!"

You know, I loved ze Millio... (Below threshold)

You know, I loved ze Million Dollar Baby movie, but I wish they wouldn't put so much damn butter on the popcorn in this theater.

The new hip hop duo - Blacq... (Below threshold)
Eric:

The new hip hop duo - Blacque Jacque Chirac and Fro Shizzle de Schnitzel

Two of the judges on the ho... (Below threshold)
Eric:

Two of the judges on the hottest show sweeping the continent - Anti-American Idol!

Two words - Milli Vanilli</... (Below threshold)
Eric:

Two words - Milli Vanilli

Old Europe is proven releva... (Below threshold)
McCain:

Old Europe is proven relevant through reflection, expression, and self-absorption.

Chirac: Can you bel... (Below threshold)
jack rudd:


Chirac: Can you believe Bush's cowgirl Condoleeza Rice actually shook my hand? Yecch!

Shroeder: Mine too. Waiter! We need washcloths!

Chirac: Wolfowitz ... (Below threshold)
jack rudd:


Chirac: Wolfowitz at the World Bank ?!?

Shroeder: And Bolton at the UN !?! What's next, Swarzenegger at the IMF???

Hey, where is Chavez? We n... (Below threshold)
TheEnigma:

Hey, where is Chavez? We need him for the photograph - "See No Evil, Hear No Evil, Speak No Evil (of Terrorists)".

This American football is c... (Below threshold)
richmac:

This American football is crazy! It's illegal procedure,NO NO Touchdown you IDIOT!

Monsieur Frick and Herr Fra... (Below threshold)
AnonymousDrivel:

Monsieur Frick and Herr Frack, in a tribute to Sting, demonstrate their evening dance routine entitled "Asynchronicity".

In a fit of confusion, Gehe... (Below threshold)
Stan25:

In a fit of confusion, Geherhardt Schroeder and Jacques Chirac throw up their hands and say: ”We surrender to Usmsa bin Laden.”

In a look of utter confusio... (Below threshold)
Stan25:

In a look of utter confusion, Gerhard Schroeder throws up his arms and thinks: “What in the hell is that gutless wonder talking about?”

Chirac: "I wazz juss weeshi... (Below threshold)

Chirac: "I wazz juss weeshing to hug Meez Rice a leedle beet, not to be grabbing zee derriere...."

Schroeder: "Ach.. zo much bollzheet, giff me der rubber gloves for enema now"

Chirac: It IS all about ME!... (Below threshold)
ExRat:

Chirac: It IS all about ME!

Schroeder: What can I do when I have to deal with this idiot?

Monsieur Chirac plays Mahle... (Below threshold)

Monsieur Chirac plays Mahler's 5th on air cello while Herr Schroeder conducts.

During the European Union's... (Below threshold)

During the European Union's First Annual Talk-With-Your-Hands Competition, the French and German entrants protest their loss to the Italians.

Chirac and Schroeder react ... (Below threshold)

Chirac and Schroeder react with horror when the maitre'd tells them that the tablecloth is really the kaffiyeh that Yasser Arafat was wearing when he died.

Axis of Weasel action shot.... (Below threshold)
Al:

Axis of Weasel action shot.

American Idol guest judges ... (Below threshold)
Paul:

American Idol guest judges Jacques Chirac and Gerhard Schroeder comment on the performance:

Chirac: "Aaaariiiight Dawg...major nast props man, like yo homies were down on dat hizzle man, spank dawg."

Shroeder: "Vat? That performance zucked, just another Zionist Billy Joel wannabee"

Somtimes You feel like a nu... (Below threshold)
Red:

Somtimes You feel like a nut. Sometimes You don't.


Chirac: "Thank Heaven for l... (Below threshold)
capitano:

Chirac: "Thank Heaven for leetle girls,...."

Schroeder: "Can I get a frickin' break here, is this anti-Americain Idole or what?"

Chirac: "I thought this is ... (Below threshold)
cole:

Chirac: "I thought this is the way you signaled surrender."

Shroeder: "No, I'm pretty sure it's like this."

"Hand jive.Hand j... (Below threshold)
-S-:

"Hand jive.
Hand jive.
Hand jive, doing that crazy hand jive!"

World leaders respond to th... (Below threshold)
Robert:

World leaders respond to the question, 'How would you carry George Bush's balls?'

Chirac and Schroeder make t... (Below threshold)
-S-:

Chirac and Schroeder make their best attempts to garner the attention of George Soros.

Chirac "Please send this me... (Below threshold)

Chirac "Please send this message: I am not Saddam Hussein. I want to cooperate."

Schroeder "You stole my line!"

With a sicking realization,... (Below threshold)
Stan25:

With a sicking realization, Jacque found just found out that ole Gerhard gave him a wedgie as they were sitting down at the table.

Chirac: "I raked in the mon... (Below threshold)

Chirac: "I raked in the money from Oil-for-Food like this!"

Schoeder: "And I would take the money and throw it up in the air like this! Look at all the money!"

Both: "Ah, hahahaha"

"Klaus, vut ze f**k is Chir... (Below threshold)
George Traylor:

"Klaus, vut ze f**k is Chirac talking about...vut are he-tits?!? Vy vould Kofi rub ze he-tits?"

Yo yo yo, this is how we ro... (Below threshold)

Yo yo yo, this is how we roll, this multilateral confidence building excercise be off the heezy fo' sheezy. C-dog and The Schroed-man gonna be big ballin' all up in this joint. We Old School Europe, rephrazent.

And in the all new European... (Below threshold)
katey:

And in the all new European Union Idol contest, the part of Paula Abdul will be played by the Frenchman, while the part of the nasty Brit will be played by the nasty German.

Why is the frog in a panic ... (Below threshold)

Why is the frog in a panic and surrendering? All I said was we would love to visit France again?

Bobs News Blog

Macarena!Dale a tu... (Below threshold)
Larry Hord:

Macarena!

Dale a tu cuerpo
Alegria Macarena
Que tu cuerpo es pa darle
Alegria y cosa buena
Dale a tu cuerpo
Alegria Macarena
Eh, Macarena!

Schoeder: (after hearing Ch... (Below threshold)

Schoeder: (after hearing Chirac being translated) "Man boobs? I will NOT touch his f*&king man boobs"

Schroeder: "All I'm trying ... (Below threshold)
Maggie:

Schroeder: "All I'm trying to find out is what's the guy's name of first base."

Chirac: "Mais, non, what is on second base."

Schroeder: "I'm not asking you who's on second, who's on first."

Chirac: "One base at a time!!"

(Kudoos Abbott & Costello)

Chirac and Shroeder stumble... (Below threshold)
Deaner59:

Chirac and Shroeder stumble their way through the first excercise at the Donald Rumsfeld You too can be a Kung Fu Master self help seminar.

Had to add some Photoshoppy... (Below threshold)

Had to add some Photoshoppy goodness to my caption...

http://smugmonkey.blogspot.com/2005/03/jacques-is-really-starting-to-lose-it_19.html

Chirac: "...and today, I'm ... (Below threshold)
Alex:

Chirac: "...and today, I'm announcing that I'm coming out of the closet. I'd like to give the whole world a big hug."

Schroeder: "WHAT??? At least I didn't oppose the Iraq war due to being attracted to Saddam!"

Schroeder: Hey no shit, tha... (Below threshold)
Stan25:

Schroeder: Hey no shit, that fish was this big.

Chirac: Yeah right, tell us another one. Now show it to us.

Schroeder: Oh, dear brother... (Below threshold)
Mike:

Schroeder: Oh, dear brothers and sisters, surrender your lives to the UN! Don't let another day go by! Right now he's pleading with you, yes Kofi Annan is pleading with you ... won't you heed his call! The altar is open dear friends! Jacques, lead us again ...

Chirac: I surrender all ... I surrender all! Come to me thou bless-ed dollars, I surrender all.

(Okay, it's funny if you grew up in an evangelical church or if you've seen a lot of Billy Graham crusades on TV.)

President Bush must underst... (Below threshold)

President Bush must understand that we can't go to war on terrorism. We're already fully invested in the terrorism market...

M.C.s 'Retreat' and 'da Fu... (Below threshold)
Ray Midge:

M.C.s 'Retreat' and 'da Funky Fuhrer' toss signs and give mad props to the crowd.

Chirac and Schroeder answer... (Below threshold)

Chirac and Schroeder answer the respective questions, "Where would your heart be if you had one?" and "How fat is your head?"

"One of these men is not li... (Below threshold)

"One of these men is not like the other, one of these men just doesn't belong"

Mein Gott, ou est la spaghe... (Below threshold)
BR:

Mein Gott, ou est la spaghetti !

Me first, me first! Schroed... (Below threshold)
Dougrc:

Me first, me first! Schroeder went first the last two times!!

Moderator: "Who is the big... (Below threshold)
TheEnigma:

Moderator: "Who is the biggest fool in Europe?"

Chirac: "Me, Me, Me"

Shroeder: "I give up, but hey, I do try harder?"

Chirac: "The air, she is n... (Below threshold)
robert:

Chirac: "The air, she is not so clear, no?"

Schroeder: "Don't look at me. Germans never fart unless expressing appreciation for a good meal, which we are not, now, doing."

Chirac: "The Americans. They put something in ze soup. I swear, I never farted before in my life."

Schroeder: "Well, you're pretty damn good at it for someone with so little experience."

Chirac: "Chemical weapons come in all types. .. I've been gassed."

Schroeder: "No idiot, you gassed us!"

Chriac: "Knock, knock"

Schroeder: "Who's there?"

Chirac: "Who's on first"

Schroeder: "Correct."

Chiraq and Schroeder demons... (Below threshold)

Chiraq and Schroeder demonstrate the latest in U.N. approved 'I surrender' poses.

Oh those kooky European Rap... (Below threshold)
Marty:

Oh those kooky European Rap groups. They sure do try hard to get all up in it but they just ain't got the street cred.

Amateur semaphore practitio... (Below threshold)
McTrip:

Amateur semaphore practitioners. For clear communication see a bush.

CHIRAC: "Ahh, ze Hillary C... (Below threshold)
JD:

CHIRAC: "Ahh, ze Hillary Clinton, zat is woman viss whom to deal. Alors, when we "dance," as we say in France, one boob would stay here, but one boob fall to about here."

SCHROEDER: "Ja, but it is okay, for her ass is this wide, so it is all good, no?"

In case you're wondering, y... (Below threshold)

In case you're wondering, yes judging this week is especially hard. I've got my first cut done, and I'll have the winners up Monday morning.

Update: <... (Below threshold)

Update: Winners announced. Comments are now closed.




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