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New Wizbang Contest: Best Business Names!

This week's Mid-week Wizbang Contest is for the most clever business names. I'm looking for puns, innuendo, and downright ingenious terms. To cite three examples I've seen:

A restaurant outside Baltimore called Cluck-U Chicken; a hair styling salon in Plymouth, NH named Curl Up And Dye; and my favorite used computer store in Salem, NH, MicroSeconds.

Bonus points will be awarded for real businesses, but they do not have to actually exist.

Winners should be announced Thurdsay.

J.


Comments (115)

Yassin's Used Wheelchairs</... (Below threshold)

Yassin's Used Wheelchairs

I've always wanted to own a... (Below threshold)
SamHell:

I've always wanted to own a fried chicken stand in Corpus Christi, TX and call it:

Corpus Crispy

There's a place in Bellevue... (Below threshold)
Ken J:

There's a place in Bellevue, WA called What The Pho. Pho is Vietnamese soup and it's pronounced fuh.

Cluck and Fuck - Brothel se... (Below threshold)

Cluck and Fuck - Brothel servicing chicken.

Powergen ItaliaThe... (Below threshold)

Powergen Italia

They have the wonderfully funny powergenitalia.com domain name.

(Seems they took it down, as to prevent users like me for making fun of them.)

They are an italian battery company.
http://www.snopes.com/business/names/powergen.asp

Ford dealership in Iowa:<br... (Below threshold)
t. z.:

Ford dealership in Iowa:
Dick Withum Ford.

Real

I've seen various examples ... (Below threshold)
dodgeman:

I've seen various examples of this, such as Konner's Kountry Kitchen, with big red lettered KKK on the billboard.

Three stores back home - Di... (Below threshold)
dodgeman:

Three stores back home - Dick's foodstore, Weiner's 5 and dime, and H.E.B., the B. standing for Butt. Dick, weiner, and butt. Great stuff.

There is a nail salon (Chin... (Below threshold)

There is a nail salon (Chinese of course) with the unlikely name of "Get Nailed" -- and no, I don't know if there's a massage parlor attached or not.

"You Can't Beat Wagner's M... (Below threshold)
D Swift:

"You Can't Beat Wagner's Meat" is advertised all over New Orleans.

Vietnamese Dentist Office i... (Below threshold)
TOMO:

Vietnamese Dentist Office in San Jose, CA:

Phuc Lu Dentistry

Is that great or what!

Oh, and by the way, Get Nai... (Below threshold)

Oh, and by the way, Get Nailed is just down the street from a Chinese restaurant: Wan Fu? (complete with question mark).

Not real, but one I'd like ... (Below threshold)
Chrees:

Not real, but one I'd like to see:

Clem's Sushi Restaurant and Bait Shop

A cousin of mine moved here... (Below threshold)
Jim:

A cousin of mine moved here from Greece and started a dental lab. He unfortunately used his initials, hence DK Dental Labs.

2 takeaways in York, Englan... (Below threshold)

2 takeaways in York, England:

Kebabeque

AbraKebabra

How about Goregle, the new ... (Below threshold)
Yogurt:

How about Goregle, the new internet search engine...

Texas Interstate Truck Stop... (Below threshold)
Drew:

Texas Interstate Truck Stop (just read the first letters). Real business. I've got a picture of their sign here (you'll have to scroll down a bit to see it).

Chicken Restaurant - Mother... (Below threshold)

Chicken Restaurant - Mother Cluckers.

Saw a jpeg image of the fol... (Below threshold)
biker babe:

Saw a jpeg image of the following: Big Dick's Halfway Inn. Resort was underneath in very small letters

Leaning Tower of Pizza... (Below threshold)

Leaning Tower of Pizza

Do they have to be intentio... (Below threshold)

Do they have to be intentional?

There used to be a Thai place in Tujunga called the Poo Ping Palace.

The sign may still be there, but the restaurant has long since closed up and gone away. It seems no one wanted to eat there.

Fancy that...

-, if you're a Texan you re... (Below threshold)
bullwinkle:

-, if you're a Texan you realize that's the cattle brand for "bar" is there's nothing after it it reads Bar None. Must be 20 of them in Texas. There used to be topless bar there named "-e Naked".

How about the old classic L... (Below threshold)
Louisiana Lad:

How about the old classic Law Firm:
Trick'em, Dick'em & Dunk'em
headed by Richard Nixon, Bill Clinton and Teddy Kennedy?

In Rehobeth, DE "W... (Below threshold)
debra:

In Rehobeth, DE

"Worms and Perms", bait, tackle and hair styling.

Back in the 70's I saw a re... (Below threshold)

Back in the 70's I saw a restaurant in Seattle, I think, called Nuclear Fission Chips.

An actual Chinese resteraun... (Below threshold)
Dave A:

An actual Chinese resteraunt in DC: The Big Wong. (The food is not bad).

T-shirt worn by the Wesleyan ladies crew team back when I was in college (don't know if they still wear anything like it): WESCREW
(I know: not a business - we presume...)

Real restaurant in Georgeto... (Below threshold)

Real restaurant in Georgetown, DC:

Moby Dick House of Kabob

South of Fairbanks, Alaska ... (Below threshold)

South of Fairbanks, Alaska there's a place called "Skinny Dick's Halfway Inn." Not sure if it was established before or after the one Biker Babe submitted.

Skinny's is halfway between Fairbanks and a town called Nenana. I used to dream of starting a newspaper there and calling it The Nenana Republic.

Failing that, I wanted to bankroll a boutique in Montana's capital, if the person running it would name it "Helena Handbasket."

On I-5 in northern Californ... (Below threshold)
OregonMuse:

On I-5 in northern California, getting on toward to the Oregon border, there's an establishment plainly visible from the highway, either a bait and tackle shop or a bar (maybe both!), called the "Basshole". The word is all spelled out, shaped like a fish and the 'B' at the beginning is real small. Subtle it ain't.

Do movie names count? I've... (Below threshold)
OregonMuse:

Do movie names count? I've heard that Pamela Anderson and Anna Nicole Smith are going to be in the sequel to 'The Incredibles' and they're going to call it 'The Inflatables.'

In Hod HaSharon Israel ther... (Below threshold)
Jess:

In Hod HaSharon Israel there's a Chinese restaurant called "Come Soon". It's written in English and in Hebrew phonetically. Pretty good little place.

Curl Up & Dye was taken fro... (Below threshold)
Captain Ned:

Curl Up & Dye was taken from "The Blues Brothers." It's the name of the salon Carrie Fisher's character owns/works in.

Dick's Joint: "Liquor in fr... (Below threshold)
Neal:

Dick's Joint: "Liquor in front: Poker in the back."

There's a store in Dublin, ... (Below threshold)

There's a store in Dublin, Ireland that sells various accessories for your front door. It's called Knobs and Knockers. I think they sell more t-shirts with their name on 'em than actual door hardware.

I have a picture somewhere - wil scan it when I have a chance.

I guess there's one in <a h... (Below threshold)

I guess there's one in Austraila too.

There used to be a salon in... (Below threshold)

There used to be a salon in my hometown called the "Hairport." That has to be the stupidest name I have ever seen.

No, Aaron, the dumbest one ... (Below threshold)
Drew:

No, Aaron, the dumbest one would be one here called "Al's Ratt & Roll Hair Stylist". Might have been a good idea in 1985, but they didn't even open it until 1995.

Used to be a coffee house h... (Below threshold)

Used to be a coffee house here in OKC called "Java the Hutt" & there was a restaurant on a lake near Tulsa called the "Hard Dock Cafe"

I always wanted to own a Tow Truck service called "This Little Piggy"

The Curl Up & Dye was an ac... (Below threshold)

The Curl Up & Dye was an actual salon in Wilmington Illinois, not far from Joliet & Elwood IL and was open for several years prior to the release of The Blues Bros.

Just wanting to keep the facts straight.

During my incareration at t... (Below threshold)
rampage trader:

During my incareration at the Air Force Academy I had the opportunity to get a bottle of Jack Daniels at BEAVER LIQUORS in Avon, Colorado. You can visit their website at beaverliquors.com.

In Beaver Creek, CO (outsid... (Below threshold)

In Beaver Creek, CO (outside Vail) there's a liquor store named... Beaver Liquors.

Great minds thinking alike.... (Below threshold)

Great minds thinking alike...

Not real, but funny, atleas... (Below threshold)
Darby:

Not real, but funny, atleast, I think so being a Taxi Cab Driver:

We Drive You To Drink Taxi Co.

My favorite law firm name -... (Below threshold)

My favorite law firm name - Love & Wills - Lufkin TX (followed closely by Badders Law Firm, same town, Wilder & Wilder, Henderson TX,)
My favorite fabric stores - Prints Charming, Material Girl, - Shreveport LA

If it's nutty names you nee... (Below threshold)
MMM:

If it's nutty names you need, go where the (beer) nuts are. These are names of actual bars within driving distance of where I sit:

Cosmo's Factory (bar or wild hair solon?)
Doc's Dry Dock (an Amish tavern)
Hammer's Landing (do not take THAT seat)
C Who's Inn (Peeping Tom Nights Tuesdays )
Belly Up (.. and boogie down, oh baby)
Why Knot II (w'not sixsh er sheven?)
Walk Her Inn (get her drunk, walk her home)
Three Old Guys Tavern (teeth optional)
Schmidts' Refuge (away from da wife)
My Bar (my beer, my pickled pigs feet,..)
It Ain't Heaven (but the beer is cold)

.. and my fave.....

Fred's Never Inn But Sue Is

A co-worker visiting retire... (Below threshold)
Retread:

A co-worker visiting retired parents in FL took a picture of the Master Bait and Tackle Shop, near Ft. Meyers.

Southeastern Meats: "You ca... (Below threshold)
forrest:

Southeastern Meats: "You cant beat our meats!" Real.
Nail Asia, real.

S&M Body Shop in Houston Te... (Below threshold)
yetanotherjohn:

S&M Body Shop in Houston Texas (They fix cars).

Joe's Septic Service - "You... (Below threshold)
Orange County:

Joe's Septic Service - "You Dump, We Pump"
or... "We're #1 with your #2"

Actual business in Des Moin... (Below threshold)

Actual business in Des Moines, IA:

Beaver Cleaners

(It is a dry cleaner and laundry.)

City Couriers - Nobody Come... (Below threshold)
Orange County:

City Couriers - Nobody Comes Quicker.

It's been a while since I l... (Below threshold)
Chrees:

It's been a while since I lived in Houston, but is the bar called "Richard Head's Bar" still in business? One of my faves.

A bar in Davis, California called "The Library."

"Suds," a Dallas bar/laundromat.

Here in the Midwest we have... (Below threshold)
Rob:

Here in the Midwest we have a gas station chain called the Kum & Go.

Always thought it'd be a better name for a brothel.

The plants in our office bu... (Below threshold)
debra:

The plants in our office building are provided by a company called Rentokil....

Oh yeah- just down the road... (Below threshold)

Oh yeah- just down the road from Beaver Cleaners (a dry cleaner on Beaver Avenue) near the campus of Drake University is Dick Pharmacy (on Forest Avenue.

(So as the saying goes on campus, if you meet a girl on campus that doesn't use Beaver Cleaners, you might end up at Dick Pharmacy.)

No really- they're real. Des Moines, IA. And yes, there are Kum and Go convenience stores in Des Moines too!

A restaurant in Calgary ser... (Below threshold)
Fred Z:

A restaurant in Calgary serving Australian food (whatever that might be) called the All Stray Inn.

A dry cleaner called Klever Klad Cleaners. The dissonant 'C' on the last word attracted the eye. Or maybe the owner was an idiot.

In Columbus, OH, there is a... (Below threshold)
atomita:

In Columbus, OH, there is a record store called Magnolia Thunderpussy.

Day Old Sushi Store... (Below threshold)
Aubrey:

Day Old Sushi Store

Sign at a quick stop (gas p... (Below threshold)

Sign at a quick stop (gas pumps and variety) in Richmond Vermont:

"Eat Here And Get Gas"

Pub in Hyannis:Duc... (Below threshold)

Pub in Hyannis:

Duck Inn

Howe, Dewey Cheetham & Good... (Below threshold)

Howe, Dewey Cheetham & Goode, LLP

(not real)

One time in his Dilbert<... (Below threshold)

One time in his Dilbert comic strip, Scott Adams made a joke about a business being named "Uranus Hertz".

Laser hair removal center i... (Below threshold)
Red:

Laser hair removal center in either NY or NJ, cannot remember:

Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow.

How about "Sam 'n' Ella's C... (Below threshold)

How about "Sam 'n' Ella's Chicken Hut"? Or "Loogie's Oyster Bar" ?

There is a women's clothing... (Below threshold)
tongancat:

There is a women's clothing boutique in Half Moon Bay, CA named..."Damsel in a Dress"

There's a place in La Jolla... (Below threshold)
Scott:

There's a place in La Jolla, CA named the Liquor Box. I took a double take on that one and laughed for the next week.

There's a Vietnamese restau... (Below threshold)

There's a Vietnamese restaurant in Huntington Beach, CA called Pho My Man

A-One Laundro-Mutt... (Below threshold)

A-One Laundro-Mutt

(a dog groomers)

There used to be a bar near... (Below threshold)
Amber:

There used to be a bar near Austin, Texas called:

"My Office"

-"Honey, don't wait up. I'll be working late at my office tonight."

IHOP The batter is in the p... (Below threshold)
Stan25:

IHOP The batter is in the platter.

The actual name of this liq... (Below threshold)

The actual name of this liquor store in Murphysboro, Illinois is "Southern Illinois Liquors"... but in big letters on the side of the building, for some reason they chose to abbreviate it:

SO
ILL
LIQUORS

(Yeah, I really want to buy something that advertises the effects like that.)

Another one: visiting Carme... (Below threshold)
OregonMuse:

Another one: visiting Carmel, CA, back in 1980, I found a restaurant called "A Little Pizza Heaven". Good pizza, too.

Two real ones: <i... (Below threshold)

Two real ones:

El Paso Gas.

Sofa King. (With the slogan "Our prices are Sofa King low!)

Even better, imo, than Curl Up And Dye is a fake one from a Simpsons episode: Turn Your Head And Coiff. mheh.

Oklahoma City boasts a flow... (Below threshold)

Oklahoma City boasts a flower shop called "Floral and Hardy".

In my hometown we had denti... (Below threshold)
ginabina:

In my hometown we had dentists named:

Dr. Belcher
Dr. Licking and
Dr. Chulick (pronounced chew lick)

Small town grocery in the m... (Below threshold)
TheEnigma:

Small town grocery in the mid-50s

Dew Drop In

Lawrence, Kansas had a laun... (Below threshold)
Milo:

Lawrence, Kansas had a laundr-o-mat called "777" where you could "Wash the Hell out of your clothes!"

Real place, Columbia, SC in... (Below threshold)

Real place, Columbia, SC in the restaurant district called Five Points... It's a bar (or was... I haven't visited in 6 years) called Group Therapy. Instead of a open/closed sign, it had a sign with 'In Session' and 'Cured'.

Second entry... Strip club located in North Canton, Ohio. Name? 'The Office.'

I don't know if this is tru... (Below threshold)
Darth Servo:

I don't know if this is true or not, but in Los Angeles (of course) there is supposedly a kosher Mongolian restaurant.

Name? Genghis Cohen.

Sort of related as well now... (Below threshold)

Sort of related as well now that I was thinking of businesses in Columbia SC... There was a shop that serviced hydraulic equipment in town called General Jack & Grease Gun Service. A local band was looking for a decent name and began to appear as General Jack & the Grease Guns.

A Maine company that sells ... (Below threshold)
capitano:

A Maine company that sells predator (coyote, fox, bobcat, wolf) urine for use as a repellant for varmints and pests (rats, raccoons, bunnies, deer) is called...

Leg Up Enterprises.

<a href="http://www.savetz.... (Below threshold)

Edifice Wrecks, Inc., Johnstown, PA (also was the name of a destruction company in Florida)?

Midass Muffler, St. Maarten?

The <a href="http://www.sal... (Below threshold)
Boyd:

The Salt Lick Barbecue Restaurant in Driftwood, TX. I have one of their T-shirts: "You can smell our pits for miles."

Totally Awesome Computers -... (Below threshold)

Totally Awesome Computers - actual business
Bad Ass Coffee Company - A donkey for a mascot (something about a donkey carrying the coffee beans in Hawai)
Brew'd Awakening - yet another coffee shop
Bag Lady Botique - Used clothes store

Should have added this, but... (Below threshold)

Should have added this, but the guy who owns Totally Awesome Computers has 2 other businesses called Totally Awesome Guns and Range and Totally Awesome Flying Sports.

There used to be a sandwich... (Below threshold)
capitano:

There used to be a sandwich shop in a high tech office park in Austin, TX called the

CTRL ALT DELI

I've always wanted to open ... (Below threshold)
Erik:

I've always wanted to open a lunch place called:

Chez What

I'd serve the kind of street (i.e. fast) food you get in Europe - sausage, doner kebab, Belgian Fries (French Fries done right), crepes etc. I'd probably skip Dutch raw or pickled Herring, though.

The Paris Hilton Think Tank... (Below threshold)
McCain:

The Paris Hilton Think Tank
(a no-profit organization)

One I recall from the backg... (Below threshold)

One I recall from the background of a Rocky & Bullwinkle cartoon a long time ago was "Oedipus Wrecks" on a truck with a wrecking ball attached.

law firm: Hissey & Fitz LLP... (Below threshold)
johnny:

law firm: Hissey & Fitz LLP

chinese places: Wok This Way, Wok Around the Clock

Ocean City, Maryland - Moth... (Below threshold)
D-Hoggs:

Ocean City, Maryland - Mother Clucker's
Oxford, Mississippi - Steak and Titties

The Suck and Tuck...liposuc... (Below threshold)

The Suck and Tuck...liposuction and plastic surgery

The Oedipus Retreat...a camp for troubled teens...and mothers

Quivering Bar and Grill...a "real" (well as real as anything gets at burning man) grill who's motto was "Reclaiming virginity through the ritual sacrifice of beer and cattle!"

As long as law firms are fa... (Below threshold)

As long as law firms are fair game, there's always the notorious firm of:

Bain, Dover, and Lovitt.

Real one in Alaske at a dog... (Below threshold)
eric:

Real one in Alaske at a dog grooming shop - "Doggie Style"

Actual hair salon in Jeffer... (Below threshold)

Actual hair salon in Jefferson, Wisconsin:

Best Little Hair House

Hawthorne, CA - Kevorkian P... (Below threshold)

Hawthorne, CA - Kevorkian Pediatrics.

Would you bring your little ones here?

There are two seperate busi... (Below threshold)
Doug:

There are two seperate businesses in Redding Ca.,both hot dog stands.---one called "Fast Weenie" the other " Between the Buns"

There is a Pho place near m... (Below threshold)
Barnabas:

There is a Pho place near my old school called "Pho King". Pho is pronounced "Fuh".

The Mafia Concrete Company ... (Below threshold)
Stan25:

The Mafia Concrete Company We make our overshoes to order

I've got a couple real ones... (Below threshold)
Darkmage:

I've got a couple real ones for you.

In Norfolk, VA there used to be a fast-food-ish Chinese restaurant called "The Wok Inn".

There's a pawn shop in Manassas, VA called "Ghengis Pawn"

Somewhere around Northern VA there is an HVAC company called "Stiff Nipples Air Conditioning"

From the Simpsons and memor... (Below threshold)

From the Simpsons and memoriaized by James Lileks: "Sneed's Seed & Feed (Formerly Chuck's)"

And I do believe I saw a sign by the road near Hilton Head Island that invited dinning at the "Squat 'n' Gobble."

Finally, some years ago a local (DC) radio show called a business in (to the best of my recollection) Massachusetts called "Bunghole Liquors."
Maybe that's where Cornholio works now.

My contribution:Ha... (Below threshold)

My contribution:

Halliburgers -- A Cheney-owned fast-food chain in Iraq.

In Denver, there used to be... (Below threshold)

In Denver, there used to be a record store named Gopher Baroque.

There is a bar (known as a hangout for symphony musicians) named My Brother's Bar.

And there is a local disposal company (EDS Waste Solutions) which uses the slogan "Five generations going to waste."

Diesel Fried Chicken<... (Below threshold)
George:

Diesel Fried Chicken

Somehow I think it's closed now...

http://www.sfpoetry.org/images.html

pix at bottom of page

While driving around Ipswic... (Below threshold)
Ed:

While driving around Ipswich, England last summer we noticed a local accounting firm called Manning & Girling (manningandgirling.co.uk). Seems to me the partners ought to offer temporary staffing services as well.

Ocean City, MD has Big Pecker's Bar and Grill (big-peckers.com) and its sister place is called the Brass Balls Saloon & Bad Ass Cafe (brassballssaloon.com)

A salon in Bellevue, WA off... (Below threshold)
EricR:

A salon in Bellevue, WA offering manicures and tanning beds is called:

Tan me, Nail me

Ha! Try not to picture that in your mind!

New Business:THE G... (Below threshold)
thfirstbrokenangel:

New Business:

THE GEEK SQUAD.


ugh


Cindy

A ship recently launched an... (Below threshold)
T.Lung:

A ship recently launched and delivered to Hong Kong owners [therefore maybe a business in that shipowning companies are often single vessel entities] : m.v. Titan Uranus.

Real.

Another Mr. Dick in busines... (Below threshold)
T.Lung:

Another Mr. Dick in business, this time in Sydney or Melbourne Australia - with vehicles proudly bearing the slogan : Dick Polishing Services.

Real.

How about The Edward Kenned... (Below threshold)
Loon:

How about The Edward Kennedy Institute of Advanced Motoring ?

BMC in Houston has an inter... (Below threshold)

BMC in Houston has an internal company eateries. Since this is a comptuer software company, the place is called
Juan's & Z Rose

I thought a better name would have been
Url's

A buddy of mine grew up in ... (Below threshold)

A buddy of mine grew up in Nazareth, PA. He's always said that someday he's going to move back there and open a deli named "Cheeses of Nazareth."

There is a gay realtor in t... (Below threshold)

There is a gay realtor in the Phoenix area whose name escapes me, but whose slogan is:

"John Smith: Puttin the 'homo' in homeowner."

(Obviously not his real name.)

Friend of mine is opening a... (Below threshold)
Ana:

Friend of mine is opening a computer shop for buidling and repairing computers. He didn't like my suggestion for a company name ... FAQ U Computers

Oh well

I have three contributions:... (Below threshold)
Christopher:

I have three contributions:

A tavern in Dubuque, IA called "Whitey's Bar X"

A strip joint in East Dubuque, IL called "The Land of Mint and Honey" owned by a lady whose first name is Mint.

And a Vietnamese noodle joint in Madison, WI called simply, "I'm Here"




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