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New Wizbang Midweek contest -- favorite new oxymorons!

Posted by Jay Tea
Published: April 19, 2005 - 11:00 AM

OK, it's Tuesday, so that means it might be time for a new non-caption contest. Or not.

This week, it is. And I'm looking for your best new oxymorons. We're all tired of "Military Intelligence," "Pretty Ugly," "Jumbo Shrimp," and "Permanent Guest Host." It's time for some new ones. Naturally, I'm going to toss out a few just to get the ball rolling:

Evangelical Jew
Microsoft Works
High-Speed Dial-up Connection
America On Line
Moderate Muslim

Get those entries in, and I'll announce the winners Thursday night. If I can. Presuming I don't get struck down sick again.

J.

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Comments (87)

Appellate brief... (Below threshold)

1. Posted by Gary B. | April 19, 2005 11:02 AM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Gary B.:

Appellate brief

1. Posted by Gary B. | April 19, 2005 11:02 AM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Posted on April 19, 2005 11:02

Adult maleI... (Below threshold)

2. Posted by BorgQueen | April 19, 2005 11:05 AM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
BorgQueen:

Adult male


I'll never be tired of that one!

2. Posted by BorgQueen | April 19, 2005 11:05 AM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Posted on April 19, 2005 11:05

I was the target of Jewish ... (Below threshold)

3. Posted by Danny Carlton | April 19, 2005 11:11 AM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Danny Carlton:

I was the target of Jewish procylitizing a while back, so there are "Evangelical" Jews. Not that I begrudge them the right to do so. In fact I found it refreshing that they were excited enough about their own religion to want to share it. If you don't think others would benefit from your religion, why are you in it?

3. Posted by Danny Carlton | April 19, 2005 11:11 AM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Posted on April 19, 2005 11:11

Marijuana Initiative... (Below threshold)

4. Posted by OregonMuse | April 19, 2005 11:12 AM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
OregonMuse:

Marijuana Initiative
Jumbo Shrimp

4. Posted by OregonMuse | April 19, 2005 11:12 AM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Posted on April 19, 2005 11:12

And I'd liike to point out ... (Below threshold)

5. Posted by OregonMuse | April 19, 2005 11:15 AM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
OregonMuse:

And I'd liike to point out that I just made a complete fool out of myself by including an oxymoron that J. specifically said was old hat. Next time I ought to actuallyl read the piece before responding...

5. Posted by OregonMuse | April 19, 2005 11:15 AM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Posted on April 19, 2005 11:15

Friendly fire... (Below threshold)

6. Posted by OregonMuse | April 19, 2005 11:17 AM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
OregonMuse:

Friendly fire

6. Posted by OregonMuse | April 19, 2005 11:17 AM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Posted on April 19, 2005 11:17

Bad sexEfficient Bur... (Below threshold)

7. Posted by RPL | April 19, 2005 11:18 AM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
RPL:

Bad sex
Efficient Bureacracy (sp?)
corduroy suit

7. Posted by RPL | April 19, 2005 11:18 AM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Posted on April 19, 2005 11:18

Near FutureMercy K... (Below threshold)

8. Posted by JIm Price | April 19, 2005 11:19 AM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
JIm Price:

Near Future

Mercy Killing

Fried Ice Cream (I know, I know. I'm reaching)

Biggie Smalls

Hill Valley (Marty McFly's town in Back To The Future)

8. Posted by JIm Price | April 19, 2005 11:19 AM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Posted on April 19, 2005 11:19

Cheap gas.... (Below threshold)

9. Posted by Chuck | April 19, 2005 11:32 AM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Chuck:

Cheap gas.

9. Posted by Chuck | April 19, 2005 11:32 AM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Posted on April 19, 2005 11:32

Airline Food.... (Below threshold)

10. Posted by mesablue | April 19, 2005 11:36 AM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
mesablue:

Airline Food.

10. Posted by mesablue | April 19, 2005 11:36 AM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Posted on April 19, 2005 11:36

Please don't use the word "... (Below threshold)

11. Posted by Ed | April 19, 2005 11:37 AM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Ed:

Please don't use the word "Jew". Its a pejorative. "Evangelical Jew" hurts my ears as well as my Jewish soul.

11. Posted by Ed | April 19, 2005 11:37 AM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Posted on April 19, 2005 11:37

Patriotic Democrat... (Below threshold)

12. Posted by Jeff Blogworthy | April 19, 2005 11:42 AM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Jeff Blogworthy:

Patriotic Democrat

12. Posted by Jeff Blogworthy | April 19, 2005 11:42 AM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Posted on April 19, 2005 11:42

Palestinian State... (Below threshold)

13. Posted by Laurence Simon | April 19, 2005 11:43 AM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Laurence Simon:

Palestinian State

13. Posted by Laurence Simon | April 19, 2005 11:43 AM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Posted on April 19, 2005 11:43

Democratic leadership.... (Below threshold)

14. Posted by mesablue | April 19, 2005 11:45 AM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
mesablue:

Democratic leadership.

Resident alien.

Black Russian.

Free love.

Social security.

United Nations.


14. Posted by mesablue | April 19, 2005 11:45 AM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Posted on April 19, 2005 11:45

And the always popular:... (Below threshold)

15. Posted by mesablue | April 19, 2005 11:48 AM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
mesablue:

And the always popular:

Limited Nuclear (nucular) War.

15. Posted by mesablue | April 19, 2005 11:48 AM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Posted on April 19, 2005 11:48

Tolerant liberal (like Jose... (Below threshold)

16. Posted by Jinx McHue | April 19, 2005 11:53 AM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Jinx McHue:

Tolerant liberal (like Joser)

16. Posted by Jinx McHue | April 19, 2005 11:53 AM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Posted on April 19, 2005 11:53

Windows upgrade... (Below threshold)

17. Posted by Laurence Simon | April 19, 2005 11:54 AM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Laurence Simon:

Windows upgrade

17. Posted by Laurence Simon | April 19, 2005 11:54 AM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Posted on April 19, 2005 11:54

Conservative Democrat... (Below threshold)

18. Posted by yetanotherjohn | April 19, 2005 12:02 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
yetanotherjohn:

Conservative Democrat

Fake, but accurate

18. Posted by yetanotherjohn | April 19, 2005 12:02 PM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Posted on April 19, 2005 12:02

New Pope.... (Below threshold)

19. Posted by mesablue | April 19, 2005 12:06 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
mesablue:

New Pope.

19. Posted by mesablue | April 19, 2005 12:06 PM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Posted on April 19, 2005 12:06

Anti-war troop-supporter</p... (Below threshold)

20. Posted by Palmateer | April 19, 2005 12:13 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Palmateer:

Anti-war troop-supporter

20. Posted by Palmateer | April 19, 2005 12:13 PM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Posted on April 19, 2005 12:13

Legally drunk.... (Below threshold)

21. Posted by mesablue | April 19, 2005 12:15 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
mesablue:

Legally drunk.

21. Posted by mesablue | April 19, 2005 12:15 PM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Posted on April 19, 2005 12:15

Sanitary sewer... (Below threshold)

22. Posted by bdankers | April 19, 2005 12:17 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
bdankers:

Sanitary sewer

22. Posted by bdankers | April 19, 2005 12:17 PM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Posted on April 19, 2005 12:17

Motion Picture.... (Below threshold)

23. Posted by Will Franklin | April 19, 2005 12:21 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Will Franklin:

Motion Picture.

23. Posted by Will Franklin | April 19, 2005 12:21 PM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Posted on April 19, 2005 12:21

My all-time favorite:... (Below threshold)

24. Posted by Bruce | April 19, 2005 12:26 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Bruce:

My all-time favorite:

Common-Sense Gun Control

24. Posted by Bruce | April 19, 2005 12:26 PM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Posted on April 19, 2005 12:26

~For those in Washington St... (Below threshold)

25. Posted by lawhawk | April 19, 2005 12:27 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
lawhawk:

~For those in Washington State: Fair Elections
~reformed hippie
~former terrorist
~liberal academic

25. Posted by lawhawk | April 19, 2005 12:27 PM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Posted on April 19, 2005 12:27

Standard deviation... (Below threshold)

26. Posted by Insomniac | April 19, 2005 12:32 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Insomniac:

Standard deviation

26. Posted by Insomniac | April 19, 2005 12:32 PM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Posted on April 19, 2005 12:32

Microsoft Innovation... (Below threshold)

27. Posted by Red Five | April 19, 2005 12:45 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Red Five:

Microsoft Innovation
Sexy Volvo
Sophomore (literally, wise moron)
Stable Market

27. Posted by Red Five | April 19, 2005 12:45 PM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Posted on April 19, 2005 12:45

Shy Blogger!... (Below threshold)

28. Posted by Ranten N. Raven | April 19, 2005 1:02 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Ranten N. Raven:

Shy Blogger!

28. Posted by Ranten N. Raven | April 19, 2005 1:02 PM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Posted on April 19, 2005 13:02

Unholy sacrament (spelling ... (Below threshold)

29. Posted by SilverBubble | April 19, 2005 1:06 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
SilverBubble:

Unholy sacrament (spelling does not count, right?)
Unbiased journalist
Honest liar
Responsible Democrat
Colorful albino
Religious atheist
Jewish pope

I know I'm going to hell for that last one...

29. Posted by SilverBubble | April 19, 2005 1:06 PM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Posted on April 19, 2005 13:06

Technical Support</p... (Below threshold)

30. Posted by Matt | April 19, 2005 1:14 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Matt:

Technical Support

30. Posted by Matt | April 19, 2005 1:14 PM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Posted on April 19, 2005 13:14

Tough titty (redneckism)<br... (Below threshold)

31. Posted by Jetsfan | April 19, 2005 1:16 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Jetsfan:

Tough titty (redneckism)
holy sh*t!
paper plate
non-alcoholic beer
esteemed colleague
good grief!
honest politician

31. Posted by Jetsfan | April 19, 2005 1:16 PM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Posted on April 19, 2005 13:16

Cheerleading Scholarship!</... (Below threshold)

32. Posted by Laura | April 19, 2005 1:16 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Laura:

Cheerleading Scholarship!

32. Posted by Laura | April 19, 2005 1:16 PM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Posted on April 19, 2005 13:16

Non-lethal weaponH... (Below threshold)

33. Posted by wavemaker | April 19, 2005 1:21 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
wavemaker:

Non-lethal weapon

Honest lawyer

Honest politician (?!?)

Simple solution

33. Posted by wavemaker | April 19, 2005 1:21 PM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Posted on April 19, 2005 13:21

Happily Married!... (Below threshold)

34. Posted by itismedavid | April 19, 2005 1:34 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
itismedavid:

Happily Married!

34. Posted by itismedavid | April 19, 2005 1:34 PM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Posted on April 19, 2005 13:34

temporary taxact nat... (Below threshold)

35. Posted by Donna B. | April 19, 2005 1:34 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Donna B.:

temporary tax
act naturally
stand down
Scottish cuisine
vegetarian meatloaf
fresh cheese
crash landing
second best
sports sedan
rap music

35. Posted by Donna B. | April 19, 2005 1:34 PM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Posted on April 19, 2005 13:34

Pygmy Mastodon - Actually a... (Below threshold)

36. Posted by Headzero | April 19, 2005 1:34 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Headzero:

Pygmy Mastodon - Actually a real thing - 'Mastodonis Minimus'. A result of Island pygmyization.

36. Posted by Headzero | April 19, 2005 1:34 PM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Posted on April 19, 2005 13:34

The People's Republic of Ch... (Below threshold)

37. Posted by Steven Taylor | April 19, 2005 1:38 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Steven Taylor:

The People's Republic of China

37. Posted by Steven Taylor | April 19, 2005 1:38 PM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Posted on April 19, 2005 13:38

Liberal ThinktankUN ... (Below threshold)

38. Posted by Guido | April 19, 2005 1:47 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Guido:

Liberal Thinktank
UN Resolution
Fake but accurate
Liberal journalist

38. Posted by Guido | April 19, 2005 1:47 PM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Posted on April 19, 2005 13:47

Anarchist Leader... (Below threshold)

39. Posted by Piper | April 19, 2005 1:56 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Piper:

Anarchist Leader

39. Posted by Piper | April 19, 2005 1:56 PM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Posted on April 19, 2005 13:56

Erectile Disfunction!... (Below threshold)

40. Posted by Rick13 | April 19, 2005 1:59 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Rick13:

Erectile Disfunction!

40. Posted by Rick13 | April 19, 2005 1:59 PM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Posted on April 19, 2005 13:59

Liberal Minded!... (Below threshold)

41. Posted by Rick13 | April 19, 2005 1:59 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Rick13:

Liberal Minded!

41. Posted by Rick13 | April 19, 2005 1:59 PM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Posted on April 19, 2005 13:59

Democratic Underground<br /... (Below threshold)

42. Posted by lawhawk | April 19, 2005 2:02 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
lawhawk:

Democratic Underground

42. Posted by lawhawk | April 19, 2005 2:02 PM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Posted on April 19, 2005 14:02

Found this in an AP article... (Below threshold)

43. Posted by itismedavid | April 19, 2005 2:04 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
itismedavid:

Found this in an AP article:

centrist Democratic think tank.

43. Posted by