I heard on the radio earlier that Bill Clinton is going to be at our local Barnes & Noble Thursday night, signing copies of his book. I probably won't get out of work in time to attend, but I'm toying with how I could properly recognize this momentous event.
1) Show up in a blue dress, black beret, and kneepads, and say I'd rather have a DNA sample than an autograph;
2) In accordance with recent trends, show up with a meringue pie and nail him with it;
3) Slip him a business card and tell him that if he needs a good lawyer to get his disbarment overturned, I'm his man;
4) Ask him to make the autograph out to "Ray Reggie;"
5) Ask him to make the autograph out to "Juanita Broaddrick."
Again, the odds of me actually being able to get to the signing are negligible, and of me going are non-existent. This is strictly for fun. If you had a chance to attend a Bill Clinton book signing, what would you love to do?
Permalink | E-mail This | Technorati Links | Sphere: Related Content | Digg this! | FARK It!
Filed under:
Humor
Comments (26)
Sign the book..."To: Disap... (Below threshold)1. Posted by -S- | April 26, 2005 8:57 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Sign the book..."To: Disappointed,"
Signed, "Impeached."
1. Posted by -S- | April 26, 2005 8:57 PM |
Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Posted on April 26, 2005 20:57
2. Posted by OregonMuse | April 26, 2005 8:58 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Hire a Chinese guy to show and up demand his "usual cut".
2. Posted by OregonMuse | April 26, 2005 8:58 PM |
Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Posted on April 26, 2005 20:58
3. Posted by bullwinkle | April 26, 2005 9:08 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Take that tobacco spitting Viet Nam vet with you, that should take care of everything.
3. Posted by bullwinkle | April 26, 2005 9:08 PM |
Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Posted on April 26, 2005 21:08
4. Posted by tee bee | April 26, 2005 9:16 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Have my copy dedicated to the wife and children of Vince Foster. How could he refuse? It's for the children!
4. Posted by tee bee | April 26, 2005 9:16 PM |
Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Posted on April 26, 2005 21:16
5. Posted by The Babaganoosh | April 26, 2005 9:20 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Show up, then leave after making a fuss saying that you thought it was going to be Richard Nixon.
Or show up with the copy of his book stuffed in your pants a la Sandy.
5. Posted by The Babaganoosh | April 26, 2005 9:20 PM |
Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Posted on April 26, 2005 21:20
6. Posted by Patriccio | April 26, 2005 9:26 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
I would suggest Bubba read this accurate review of his book.
6. Posted by Patriccio | April 26, 2005 9:26 PM |
Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Posted on April 26, 2005 21:26
7. Posted by Bill from INDC | April 26, 2005 9:36 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Show up in a blue dress, black beret, and kneepads, and say I'd rather have a DNA sample than an autograph;
You would be as a God.
7. Posted by Bill from INDC | April 26, 2005 9:36 PM |
Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Posted on April 26, 2005 21:36
8. Posted by wavemaker | April 26, 2005 9:38 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
The dude's book has been out for nearly a year and he's doing book signings in Manchester NH now?
This sounds like a grudging contractualy obligation, doesn't it?
So treat it as such. Bring the pie.
8. Posted by wavemaker | April 26, 2005 9:38 PM |
Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Posted on April 26, 2005 21:38
9. Posted by SilverBubble | April 26, 2005 9:58 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Offer him a cigar.
9. Posted by SilverBubble | April 26, 2005 9:58 PM |
Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Posted on April 26, 2005 21:58
10. Posted by FreakyBoy | April 26, 2005 10:05 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Ask him if he's "Ron Mexico".
10. Posted by FreakyBoy | April 26, 2005 10:05 PM |
Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Posted on April 26, 2005 22:05
11. Posted by -S- | April 26, 2005 10:25 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Get Al Gore to accompany you and yell, "he LIED to you, he LIIIEEEDDD to you!"
11. Posted by -S- | April 26, 2005 10:25 PM |
Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Posted on April 26, 2005 22:25
12. Posted by jmaster | April 26, 2005 11:02 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Avoid the shower and the deodorant till the signing, put on some big head phones and an iPod (or walkman), and present him with a Parliament CD.
Ask him to sign it “Make my funk the P-Funk, man.”
Then casually walk away, smiling and grooving.
12. Posted by jmaster | April 26, 2005 11:02 PM |
Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Posted on April 26, 2005 23:02
13. Posted by Half Sigma | April 26, 2005 11:07 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Secret service guys have no sense of humor. Keep that in mind, because Clinton still has them around.
13. Posted by Half Sigma | April 26, 2005 11:07 PM |
Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Posted on April 26, 2005 23:07
14. Posted by McCain | April 26, 2005 11:24 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
I would have him sign my cigar, a nice fat 50x6 torpedo.
14. Posted by McCain | April 26, 2005 11:24 PM |
Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Posted on April 26, 2005 23:24
15. Posted by Tom | April 26, 2005 11:31 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Read this to him.
15. Posted by Tom | April 26, 2005 11:31 PM |
Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Posted on April 26, 2005 23:31
16. Posted by The WASP | April 26, 2005 11:51 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Buy 2 books and switch the covers so that he would actually be signing a copy of High Crimes and Misdimeanors by Ann Coulter, then send it to her as a present.
16. Posted by The WASP | April 26, 2005 11:51 PM |
Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Posted on April 26, 2005 23:51
17. Posted by -S- | April 27, 2005 12:07 AM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
EXXXcellent (^^) !
17. Posted by -S- | April 27, 2005 12:07 AM |
Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Posted on April 27, 2005 00:07
18. Posted by Just John | April 27, 2005 7:54 AM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Tell him he wasn't properly appreciated until his successor took over.
18. Posted by Just John | April 27, 2005 7:54 AM |
Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Posted on April 27, 2005 07:54
19. Posted by Danny Carlton | April 27, 2005 8:50 AM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
If I had the opportunity...I'd not go.
I met the slime-wad back in the early eighties when he was governor of Arkansas and made a speech at the college I was attending. I had no dsire to meet him, but he grabbed my hand and shook it as I was heading to class.
I stood about 20 yards from Ronald Reagan once. Now THAT I'm proud of.
19. Posted by Danny Carlton | April 27, 2005 8:50 AM |
Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Posted on April 27, 2005 08:50
20. Posted by trollee | April 27, 2005 9:08 AM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Try #1 - you should be used to that.
20. Posted by trollee | April 27, 2005 9:08 AM |
Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Posted on April 27, 2005 09:08
21. Posted by McGehee | April 27, 2005 12:27 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Buy 2 books and switch the covers so that he would actually be signing a copy of High Crimes and Misdimeanors by Ann Coulter, then send it to her as a present.
Wasp wins.
21. Posted by McGehee | April 27, 2005 12:27 PM |
Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Posted on April 27, 2005 12:27
22. Posted by kevino | April 27, 2005 1:59 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
The rules are that he will only sign his name, you have to buy the book in advance, and you can't carry in anything but the book (i.e. no cigars).
Therefore, I'd pay a group of girls from the local strip club to walk in with copies of his book to sign. Then I'd photograph him leering at the girls and maybe chatting them up.
Thursday night, eh?
22. Posted by kevino | April 27, 2005 1:59 PM |
Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Posted on April 27, 2005 13:59
23. Posted by LouisianaLightning | April 27, 2005 3:14 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Ask him:
"Mr President, since Hillary's book was called Living History, Why wasn't your book called Oral History?
23. Posted by LouisianaLightning | April 27, 2005 3:14 PM |
Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Posted on April 27, 2005 15:14
24. Posted by Rick DeMent | April 27, 2005 3:48 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
You mean he won't sign a copy of a 2000 federal budget spreadsheet, you know the one without any red on it? That's something we won't see again for a long, long, time.
24. Posted by Rick DeMent | April 27, 2005 3:48 PM |
Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Posted on April 27, 2005 15:48
25. Posted by McGehee | April 27, 2005 4:18 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
And about as true as his autobiography, eh Rick?
25. Posted by McGehee | April 27, 2005 4:18 PM |
Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Posted on April 27, 2005 16:18
26. Posted by Ted | April 27, 2005 6:50 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
I'd thank him for balancing the budget and for presiding over the greatest economic expansion in US history.
26. Posted by Ted | April 27, 2005 6:50 PM |
Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Posted on April 27, 2005 18:50