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Digging through the trash bin: poetry blogging, Take 1

Oh, what the hell. Like a couple commenters said, it's not like I get paid for this or anything, and I've always felt I have a target audience of two: me and Kevin, who can pull the plug on me any time he likes. But I'm gonna (metaphorically) push him aside and go for some plain, old-fashioned self-indulgence here.

I first wrote this piece about 15 years ago, but I can't find a copy handy, so I'm re-creating it from memory and taking the opportunity to update it in a couple of places.

J.

Give And Take

The lock snicked open.
She entered the room in silence
And began.

She took her clothes from the dresser,
Her CDs from the rack,
Her toothbrush from the bathroom,
Her Diet Coke from the fridge,
Her crackers from the cabinet.
Then she turned to leave.

A knot clenched my throat.
Not anger, not sadness,
Not guilt, not fear,
But a feeling I did not recognize
And could not describe.
But I forced her name past the knot.

She stopped.

She turned to face me,
Met my eyes,
Then took her key off the ring
And clinked it on the counter.

She turned and left.

I sat alone in the growing dark,
Staring at the key.

JGT


Comments (12)

Bravo! Well done. ... (Below threshold)

Bravo! Well done.

Ick, I know that exact feeling though.

I take everything back that... (Below threshold)
mesablue:

I take everything back that I just posted in the comment thread where you asked permission to do this.

Just kidding.

Very good.

A little dark. A little sad.

Thanks for sharing.

Another please?

What are the lefties to think now that you've gone all sensitive and caring?

I share mesablue's concern.... (Below threshold)

I share mesablue's concern. You're knocking down their bogeyman with this new facet of metro-male.

Wow!What a surprise ... (Below threshold)
Debra:

Wow!
What a surprise to come in to this morning. I was wondering where this came from until I read the earlier post about the "possibility"
I haven't been able to read Wiz as much as I would have liked lately. Somehow they think that I should be working. Go figure...
You have a tender side while still showing the masculine. Very moving. I could almost share the feelings with you. I'm so used to the serious side and the comical side that even though this was heartbreaking it was superbly refreshing.
Please continue to share. It's nice to see a break from politics (not that there's anything wrong with that)
Let me know when you meet with Teddy. I have a few things I'd like to say to him.

Jay, will you sign my boobs... (Below threshold)

Jay, will you sign my boobs? Super.

This is really good, Jay!! ... (Below threshold)
Omni:

This is really good, Jay!! If you're open to suggestions, you might try replacing "Then she turned to leave" with something shorter, like "And turned to leave"... try it, and you'll see what I mean. :-)

Bettern a digital camera fe... (Below threshold)
epador:

Bettern a digital camera fer sure. But it leaves me thinking, why do my women leave me with a lot less subtlety - either throwing objects, invectives or lawyers? Guess I am good at bringing out emotions in people...

Glad your heart has mended a bit. Keep plying and don't keep score.

Awww, Jay Tea has a soft, m... (Below threshold)

Awww, Jay Tea has a soft, mushy side!

Just... don't go Emo on me, OK?

Just the right amount of wo... (Below threshold)

Just the right amount of words to make my imagination fill in the blanks. Well done, Jay.

Seconding what Jim said. I'... (Below threshold)

Seconding what Jim said. I'm not normally a fan of poetry that lacks both meter and rhyme, but this one haunts.

Nice. Her name wouldn't be ... (Below threshold)

Nice. Her name wouldn't be Camille by any chance, would it?

"Thus weary of the world, a... (Below threshold)
McCain:

"Thus weary of the world, away she hies,
And yokes her silver doves; by whose swift aid
Their mistress mounted through the empty skies
In her light chariot quickly is convey'd;
Holding their course to Paphos, where their queen
Means to immure herself and not be seen."

--The Bard




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