SENATOR KENNEDY FILES BILL TO EXTEND AFFIRMATIVE ACTION TO ILLEGAL ALIENS
"We've got to make our illegal aliens look more like America," bloated drunk bloviates

By Jay Tea
Wizbang Contributing Editor

WASHINGTON, DC (Wizbang News) - Senator Edward Kennedy (D-Chivas) today announced he is filing a bill that will extend the reach of Affirmative Action laws to cover illegal aliens.

"Er, ah, for far too long the illegal alien population of the, um, the United States has been completely out of whack with the demographics of the country as a whole. When you, er, look at the breakdown, you will, um, find that Hispanics are grossly overrepresented, while other minorities such as Blacks and Asians are almost completely excluded."

Under Kennedy's plan, the government would begin actively recruiting potential illegal aliens from Asia and Africa to sneak into the United States, while smugglers and employers of illegal aliens would be fined if they provided service to too many Latinos.

"At, um, at this point, we are not looking at setting quotas for illegal aliens, but we are keeping that option open for the future."

When contacted by Wizbang News, a spokesman for Mexican president Vicente Fox said called Kennedy's proposal a "betrayal," and vowed that the Mexican government would take action to oppose the move. "That fat bastard has gotten his last free case of tequila from us."