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Wizbangnews Special Bulletin -- history of genocide revisited

NEW BOOK REWRITES HISTORY OF TORTURE, GENOCIDE
"Hoo boy, did we get THAT wrong" says renowned historian

By Jay Tea
Wizbang Contributing Editor
BOSTON (Wizbang News) - Award-winning historian Stephen Ambrose announced today he will be publishing a new book that completely rewrites the history of torture and genocide over the last thousand years.

"Genocide: Not So Bad After All" will hit the shelves this fall, just in time for the new college year.

Ambrose explains that he drew his inspiration from a most unlikely source.

"I heard what Senator Dick Durbin said, comparing the actions of the United States to those of the Nazis, the Soviets, the Khmer Rouge, and was outraged, as were a lot of other people. But when I started doing some research, I found that Senator Durbin was right after all.

"It turns out that a lot of what we've thought about those events were vastly exaggerated. Stalin, for example -- he was annoyed with the Ukrainians, but there never really was an engineered famine that starved millions. The truth is that they were merely put on a restricted diet -- they were only allowed to eat things such as Baked Tandouri Chicken Breast, Mustard-Dill Baked Fish, Lyonnaise Rice, and Fish Amandine, among others. The rest was just hype.

Ambrose went on. "The Nazis wanted to get the Jews out of Europe, but didn't really have the guts to go through with it. The so-called 'Holocaust' was hype, pure and simple. The reputed "Death Camps" certainly weren't fun, happening places, but they were nothing like history has previously reported.

"Bergen-Belsen? Most famous for keeping Jews awake for 24 hours or more at a time. Auschwitz? The commandant was a bondage freak -- he'd tie up the prisoners in odd and sometimes uncomfortable fashions. Dachau? They'd make the Jews watch while guards would put on tutus and dance on Torahs. Buchenwald? A former meat-packing plant -- the prisoners were stuffed in freezers in their underwear, while the temperature was reduced to about 65 degrees. Ravensbruck? They were forced to listen to Wagner at top volume.

"The worst was probably Treblinka, where they made the Jews sit and watch vile, anti-Semitic puppet shows.

"But the biggest scam were the crematoriums. These so-called 'ovens' were just rooms where they'd herd the Jews and make them stay inside while they turned up the heat until it reached 110 degrees. But the only people who got killed in there were those lynched by their fellow prisoners after they remarked 'at least it's a dry heat.'

"In the end, a lot of those who survived the concentration camps moved to places like Arizona. They found that they had gotten used to the heat, and were uncomfortable in normal European weather."

According to Ambrose, after the war Stalin was incensed at how the Nazis had stolen his idea and improved so radically on it. He decided to take it even further in his efforts to reclaim his genius.

"Stalin saw how much mileage Hitler had gotten out of the whole 'Concentration Camp' myth, and took it one step further. He started with a single prison, where he held about 500 political prisoners, and built a whole fantasy chain of forced-labor camps across the Soviet Union out of it. To help spread the word, he put a whole staff of so-called 'dissidents' on the payroll and had them hype the dickens out of it. Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn put all seven of his kids through college on what Stalin paid him for 'The Gulag Archipelago.'"

But sometimes the hype worked far better than expected.

"Pol Pot actually bought into the hype for a while, and did end up killing a few people before the Soviet Union sent him some advisors with the real story on Stalin and Hitler. He forced two million Cambodians to march out of the cities naked with panties over their heads, but convinced the world they had died in 'killing fields.'"

Ambrose managed to trace the history of this practice back several hundred years.

"I discovered the key to this whole centuries-old scam in, of all places, a Tower Records. In the liner notes to the album 'The Evil That Men Do,' the band Iron Maiden mentioned that the classical torture device from where they drew their name was a myth. There never was a shell with spikes on the inside that people were stuffed into. The original Iron Maiden torture was to put people in rooms and play really loud music. It just never really caught on until the advent of recorded music, though -- it was too expensive to hire real musicians, especially just to annoy prisoners."


Comments (23)

I am confused, Stephen Ambr... (Below threshold)
Richard Edmundson:

I am confused, Stephen Ambrose(one of my favorite authors) died of lung cancer last year.

Who are you referring to ?

Beat me to it.... (Below threshold)

Beat me to it.

His most recent book, publi... (Below threshold)
Governor Breck:

His most recent book, published in 2003, "Delicious Braaaaiiins!" isn't very good.

"Filed under: Satire"</b... (Below threshold)
J.M.:

"Filed under: Satire"

That should be a clue...

I'd prefer satire that's co... (Below threshold)

I'd prefer satire that's cogent.

Richard Edmundson said,<... (Below threshold)
DavidB:

Richard Edmundson said,

"I am confused, Stephen Ambrose(one of my favorite authors) died of lung cancer last year.

Who are you referring to ?"

That is scary . . . .

oyster said,<p... (Below threshold)
DavidB:

oyster said,

"I'd prefer satire that's cogent."

I doubt it.

Of course he fails to realize that the satire, while it may have been silly, was a satire of equally silly, possibly stupid, remarks made by one of his liberal democrat heros.

The sad part is I actually ... (Below threshold)

The sad part is I actually read the whole thing and never once doubted someone rewriting history for a college book. Now that's pathetic. Maybe we should cool it on the satire for a while. There's a battle to fight out there... half of the US against the world and the other half.

Cardinal Biggles? Time to ... (Below threshold)

Cardinal Biggles? Time to break out the comfy chair

"But the only people who go... (Below threshold)
sabrina:

"But the only people who got killed in there were those lynched by their fellow prisoners after they remarked 'at least it's a dry heat.'"

That gave away that it was satire - and seriously cracked me up. That's just too funny!

Jay, you should quit trying... (Below threshold)
s9:

Jay, you should quit trying to write satire. You're not any good at it, and if you keep tossing up crap like this piece, then you may find that the few people who find it mildly entertaining are outnumbered by the vast numbers of people who are deeply and powerfully offended by it.

s9, when I want your opinio... (Below threshold)
Jay Tea:

s9, when I want your opinion of my writing skills, I'll...

No, strike that. I don't foresee EVER caring about your opinion of my writing skills.

J.

Well, we'll see next month ... (Below threshold)
gordon:

Well, we'll see next month what these wingnuts constitute as torture when the rest of the Abu Ghraib photos come out.
Fisting a young boy will be merely seen as a genuine attempt to clean his insides out, like a colonoscopy.
At least you've got a month to prepare your excuses, Jay Tea.

ok s9, you've caught my att... (Below threshold)

ok s9, you've caught my attention

what, oh what, in Jay's amusing and pointed piece do you find so "deeply and powerfully offensive?"

[this outta be entertaining]

geez gordonLast I ... (Below threshold)

geez gordon

Last I looked Abu Gharib wasn't in Cuba

though I know for people who believed the Rather memos were real have issues with everyday things, including geography.

And really, DO stop visiting twink sites, ok?

"Last I looked Abu Gharib w... (Below threshold)
gordon:

"Last I looked Abu Gharib wasn't in Cuba"

Thanks for clearing that up, Darleen, it puts everything in a new light now.

Don't look now but I think i saw somebody from Hamas eating cookies in your kitchen.

gordonhow many tim... (Below threshold)

gordon

how many times DID your mama drop you on your head?

Abu Gharib was under military investigation long before the MSM breathlessly delivered up as "just discovered" (hell, the Pentagon TOLD the MSM about the investigation and they collectively yawned) and people have been indicted, prosecuted and sentenced.

So just what excuses need be "thought up" over the cries of "torture" vis a vis Durbin's "Gitmo's Loud music and uncomfortable temps are worthy of Nazis and Gulags!"


Darleen writes: W... (Below threshold)
s9:

Darleen writes: What, oh what, in Jay's amusing and pointed piece do you find so "deeply and powerfully offensive?"

I'm not terribly offended by it myself, but I showed it to a friend of mine who doesn't normally read Wizbang! and she was quite offended. She didn't seem to realize it was satire until I pointed out that articles appearing on the front page are filed in categories and this one was labeled as satire. I think she stopped reading when she got to this sentence: "The so-called 'Holocaust' was hype, pure and simple." It was impossible to get her to read any more of it. Once I finally convinced her that Jay was really, really, honestly trying to make a joke, she was even MORE angry and offended by it.

s9, I'm sorry if your frien... (Below threshold)
Jay Tea:

s9, I'm sorry if your friend's feelings were hurt. How, pray tell, did she feel when Senator Durbin likened US forces to Concentration Camp guards, to which this piece was a response?

Jay Tea writes: I... (Below threshold)
s9:

Jay Tea writes: I'm sorry if your friend's feelings were hurt.

I don't think that's a sincere apology.

[Because] Jay Tea continues:How, pray tell, did she feel when Senator Durbin likened US forces to Concentration Camp guards, to which this piece was a response?

I think she understands that Senator Durbin didn't do that. He asked whether U.S. forces should be ordered to do what that FBI report says they have been ordered to do, and whether what they are doing is the sort of thing Americans want to believe is appropriate conduct and treatment of prisoners in war.

Can we both assume from this attempt at satire that you think the U.S. should withdraw from the Convention Against Torture? Why aren't you making a public call for the U.S. Senate to withdraw the United States from this U.N. treaty? What's the matter— can't quite bring yourself to stand up tall and proud for what you think you want to believe? (That's not surprising, considering your other brave stands, e.g. to serve as America's valiant fighting rear guard against fifth column terrorist attacks against the U.S. Strategic Beer Reserve.)

s9: That's a damnable lie. ... (Below threshold)
Jay Tea:

s9: That's a damnable lie. I don't drink at all. Never have -- medical conditions. I've never in my life even had a mild buzz. And although there are many times I could really stand to get stinking, fall-down drunk, I am a complete, 100% teetotaler.

And you've lied about me before. You criticized me for not posting under a pseudonym, and you said I have an advertising supported website. All are demonstrably false, and you've yet to apologize for any of these.

Or do you think that if you keep lying and refusing to admit you lie, eventually people will start to believe you?

If you can't tell the truth about these minor (let fundamental) matters, why should anyone give you any credibility at all about anything?

I eagerly await your next pathetic attempt to change the subject.

J.

Jay Tea:Having bee... (Below threshold)
fatman:

Jay Tea:

Having been there myself, I can assure you that you do NOT want to get "stinking, fall down drunk." Not ever. For any reason. Trust me.

[Good grief, I got redirect... (Below threshold)
s9:

[Good grief, I got redirected back to this relatively old thread, because Jay Tea thinks I lied about him. Okay...]

Jay Tea writes: That's a damnable lie. I don't drink at all. Never have -- medical conditions. I've never in my life even had a mild buzz. And although there are many times I could really stand to get stinking, fall-down drunk, I am a complete, 100% teetotaler.

I never said you were a drinker. I merely pointed out that the personal sacrifices you, so far, seem to have been willing to make in contributing to America's war effort against terrorism is to make sure you are safely posted far in the Rear guarding the Strategic Beer Reserve. In case any of those evil Islamofascists fall off the wagon while they're passing through...

Jay Tea continues: And you've lied about me before. You criticized me for not posting under a pseudonym, and you said I have an advertising supported website. All are demonstrably false, and you've yet to apologize for any of these.

How was my criticism about your not posting under a pseudonym (which, I confess, I don't remember, but that doesn't mean I didn't do it) amount to a lie about you? Is Jay Tea a pseudonym? I did not know that until now.

And, um— dude, you're an editor at Wizbang!, which as I can clearly see in the window I am typing in right now, carries advertisements. One of your sponsors is currently trying to sell me on the idea of some kind of DVD rental kiosk thing.

If those two things really are "demonstrably false," then well— I guess I'll owe you an apology when you demonstrate they're false.

Is there anything else I can do for you on this subject?




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