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Get your motor running, head out on the highway

Well, I finally did it. I retired the JayTeaMobile this last week, and upgraded to a better class of vehicle than my 11-year-old Cavalier. She'd served me well for a while, but she was getting a lot of problems (including a water pump that was on the verge of spontaneously disintegrating). From what I could figure out, repairs would've been a significant portion of its actual trade-in value, so I bit the bullet and traded her in.

I really, really like my new ride. Plenty of power, yet comfortable, too. Lots of cool electronic toys, including automatic climate control, power everything, and an Alpine 6-CD changer in the rear.

Not to mention that I, as a swinging, single guy, need a car that's a real babe magnet. Something that'll drive all the chicks crazy. And I think I have just the wheels.

Front


Front Quarter


Fender


Rear Quarter


Rear

I'm at the age (37) where I can pretty much write off the hot co-eds. With that in mind, I chose my car to appeal to the lonely soccer moms. (I watch "Desperate Housewives." I know they're out there.)

I'm gonna be paying this one off for a while, but I think it'll be worth it.

The next step is to come up with a name for her. "The Shaggin' Wagon" is my leading candidate, but "Moby Dick, the Great White Whale" has been suggested. Anyone else have any suggestions?


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Comments (38)

Nothing could top "Shaggin'... (Below threshold)
Mark:

Nothing could top "Shaggin' Wagon!"

WHAT WERE YOU THINKIN?... (Below threshold)
DAVE:

WHAT WERE YOU THINKIN?

Woah.Ever take it ... (Below threshold)

Woah.

Ever take it off any sweet jumps?

WOW, it's the Griswold Fami... (Below threshold)
J - Ho:

WOW, it's the Griswold Family Truckster!

What women are looking for ... (Below threshold)
Lew Clark:

What women are looking for is financial stability - that car just screams Financial Stability!!!!!!!!!

LOL I am asuming you nixed ... (Below threshold)
Just Me:

LOL I am asuming you nixed a mini van for gas mileage purposes?

Back when my husband was trying to appeal to the coed set (before we dated and married) he drove a station wagon with the wood panels. Not exactly a cool ride-although he could haul lots of friends around.

All I see is "Chitty-Chitty... (Below threshold)
JAT0:

All I see is "Chitty-Chitty-Bang-Bang!"

Once you get climate contro... (Below threshold)
George:

Once you get climate control, you never go back.

"With a car like that, you ... (Below threshold)

"With a car like that, you must be knee deep in whores." - Fez on That 70's Show

Tea's Baggin' & Shaggin' Wa... (Below threshold)
FreakyBoy:

Tea's Baggin' & Shaggin' Wagon.

(ducks)

I'm gonna have to get reall... (Below threshold)
McCain:

I'm gonna have to get really drunk to appreciate her looks, so as of now I'm chalking the photos up to a bad hair day.

You know I love ya (love yo... (Below threshold)
arb:

You know I love ya (love you)
I need ya (need you)
I want to, got to have you child
Great God in heaven, you know I love you

There is supposedly a "comp... (Below threshold)
tony:

There is supposedly a "company" around Indy that drives a beat up old van that will pick up your pet, take them to the back of the van and clean them up. "The Shaggin' Wagon" is painted on the side.

"The Road Beluga"... (Below threshold)
joe:

"The Road Beluga"

I vote as follows:... (Below threshold)
Mark:

I vote as follows:

DAVE's and Will Franklin's responses are best.

I wonder how many sweet insane jump points you could get with that (mixing video games and movies here)? Come to think of it, another beer might prompt me to conjur up a version of GTA San Andreas featuring Napoleon Dynamite as the main character. Hmmmm....

The soccer moms I know long for the days of Boxters and little Merceds before they had to trade 'em in for the Volvos and Suburbans. Financial security (prudence?) is nice, but evidence that you're whacky enough to blow some on fun and women is also attractive, I've been told.

Jay Tea,Have you suf... (Below threshold)
Steve L.:

Jay Tea,
Have you suffered a recent head injury?

Oh my.In a fit of ... (Below threshold)
Nessie:

Oh my.

In a fit of delusion, you might refer to it as "Partymobile" if so inclined.

Shitty Shitty Wizbang!” see... (Below threshold)
jmaster:

Shitty Shitty Wizbang!” seems best to me.

And here's a little song....


O, you, pretty Shitty Wizbang!
Shitty Shitty Wizbang!, we love you
And, in, Shitty Shitty Wizbang!
Shitty Shitty Wizbang!, what we'll do
Near, far, in our motor car
O what a happy time we'll spend
Wizbang!, Shitty Shitty Wizbang!
Our fine four fendered friend
Wizbang!, Shitty Shitty Wizbang!
Our fine four fendered friend


You're sleek as a thoroughbred
You're seats are a feather bed
You'll turn everybody's head today
We'll glide on our motor trip
With pride in our ownership
The envy of all we survey


O, you, pretty Shitty Wizbang!
Shitty Shitty Wizbang!, we love you
And, our, Shitty Shitty Wizbang!
Shitty Shitty Wizbang! loves us too
High, low, anywhere we go
On Shitty Shitty we depend
Wizbang!, Shitty Shitty Wizbang!
Our fine four fendered friend
Wizbang!, Shitty Shitty Wizbang!
Our fine four fendered friend

It's uncategorical
A fuel burning oracle
A phantasmagorical machine
It's more than spectacular
To use the vernacular
It's wizard, it's smashing, it's keen

O Shitty, you Shitty, pretty Shitty Wizbang!
Shitty Shitty Wizbang!, we love you
And Shitty, in Shitty, pretty Shitty Wizbang!
Shitty Shitty Wizbang!, what we'll do
Near Shitty, far Shitty, in our motor car
O what a happy time we'll spend
Wizbang!, Shitty Shitty Wizbang!
Our fine four fendered friend
Wizbang!, Shitty Shitty Wizbang!
Our fine four fendered friend...

Shitty Shitty Wizbang!
Shitty Shitty Wizbang!

Fine four fendered Shitty Shitty friend!

There is nothing I could sa... (Below threshold)

There is nothing I could say that would trump what has already been said.

Were they out of Yugos that... (Below threshold)
Old Coot:

Were they out of Yugos that day?

what kind of pussy gets a s... (Below threshold)

what kind of pussy gets a station wagon?

Is that a chokin' chicken h... (Below threshold)
Mark:

Is that a chokin' chicken hanging in the windshield? Might come in handy if that chick "magnet" turns out to have the polarity reversed.

Heh, and it's a white car, too. Ewwwww.

Mark, that "chokin' chicken... (Below threshold)
Jay Tea:

Mark, that "chokin' chicken" is a genuine fake Beanie Baby that I got almost ten years ago to serve as my car's co-pilot. Mr. Duckie has kept me accident- and ticket-free since then. Do Not Dis The Duck.

(Admittedly, I referred to him as a "punk duck" for a while before I realized he was supposed to be a chick, not a duck, and the Mohawk was a tuft of newborn feathers, but by then he'd already been named.)

J.

You voluntarily bought a st... (Below threshold)
Beck:

You voluntarily bought a statoin wagon? Must be a New England thing.

"Repairs would've been a si... (Below threshold)
Palmateer:

"Repairs would've been a significant portion of its actual trade-in value..."

Are you kidding? You doubled the value of that heap everytime you filled the gas tank!

Lift that sucker up about f... (Below threshold)

Lift that sucker up about four inches and replace the muffler with Cherry Bombs.

If you put "HARRISON" on th... (Below threshold)
-S-:

If you put "HARRISON" on that Ford's tag, I bet you'd get more than a few double-takes.

Or, (if it's a Taurus...can't tell):

"RAGING BULL"....

Or,

"I'M A STEED"


....um...something about the last one makes me laugh aloud, on a Ford wagon, ha.

Go, Jay Tea, car is sweet.

On second thought, "HARRISO... (Below threshold)
-S-:

On second thought, "HARRISON" might get you looks from the non-target audience, I'm now thinking.

I love my Taurus.</p... (Below threshold)
Nicholas:

I love my Taurus.

yeah my buddy brian had a b... (Below threshold)

yeah my buddy brian had a beat up car like that he called the shaggin waggin but he never got laid when he had it. Then he bought a volkswagon Jetta.. and bamn, he got laid.. something is to be said for german cars. Now if you want to appeal to soccer moms, yet still have bragging rights about having a powerful car: http://www.subaru.com/shop/overview.jsp?model=IMPREZA&trim=WRX_SPORT_WAGON

I suggest the Subaru WRX Sport Wagon.
227-hp 2.0-liter boxer engine that does 0-60 in 5.4 seconds. And you can pick one up for 24.5k

That's HOT!... (Below threshold)
Paris:

That's HOT!

personally, I like it. For... (Below threshold)
socks tossed out of bedroom:

personally, I like it. For good or bad, I would not only drive a car like that, I would drive even more conservative stuff. I moved up to minivans before I had a family. The reason? I like cars with lots of space, just in case I get kicked out of my house, I want a place with room for a decent matress. Eventually I want to work up to camper, the highlite of my twilight

I'd rather push a Ford than... (Below threshold)
fatman:

I'd rather push a Ford than drive a Chevy. (but a station wagon???!!!)

Dude. You live in Cow Hamp... (Below threshold)
JD:

Dude. You live in Cow Hampshire, and you got a WHITE car?!?

WTF were you thinking?

I used to have a Taurus wag... (Below threshold)
zipity:

I used to have a Taurus wagon exactly like that. I called it "Shamu"...after the killer whale.

Wow!!! You got the Yahama e... (Below threshold)
frankR:

Wow!!! You got the Yahama engine???? Did I see a DOHC 6 cylinder??? How many miles??? See if you can get this puppy on "pimp my ride" or overhauling!! Seriously, I love fords. Got my son a ZX2 escort. The 4 banger beats my 6 cylinder chrysler sebring convertable. It's really a mazda in Ford clothing.

Does it float?... (Below threshold)
Ted:

Does it float?

The Pale Whale...... (Below threshold)
mesablue:

The Pale Whale...




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