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Hey, it could happen...

With the news of Rafael Palmiero testing positive for steroids and his denying that he ever "knowingly" took the drugs, a lot of people wondered if he had lied to Congress last spring, when he unequivocally denied ever taking them.

I took another tack: I started thinking of possible scenarios where the drugs got into his body without his knowledge. And I think I have a possible solution:

Palmiero is a spokesman for Pfizer on Viagra. I would bet that a little side-benefit of that would be a ready supply of the drug, and we all know what effect THAT has. Imagine that he's been taking that regularly, and as a result has been strutting around the locker room with Little Rafael very prominent.

That could have aroused (sorry) the jealousies of his teammates. In fact, one of his teammates could have been pushed to take action.

One of the common effects of steroids is a shrinking of... um... well, in this case "Little Rafael." One envious teammate could have easily slipped Rafael some steroids without his knowledge.

For the teammate, it's a no-lose situation. Rafael's arrogant strutting will be... er... diminished, and his performance on the field just might be... er... enhanced. At once he becomes more tolerable in the locker room, and the team benefits outside it.

And if he's caught, so what? The team's out of the running anyway.

So, that's my theory. If Mr. Palmiero or his representatives like it and would like to use it, please contact me for Paypal instructions.

(Update: typos corrected)


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Comments (13)

Thin, Jay. Mighty thin.<br... (Below threshold)
OregonMuse:

Thin, Jay. Mighty thin.

Thin, Jay. Mighty thin.<... (Below threshold)
Bill M:

Thin, Jay. Mighty thin.

That's what she said.

Thin for sure. I highly do... (Below threshold)
George:

Thin for sure. I highly doubt Pfizer would be giving drug samples to anybody who wasn't a doctor. It's too risky for a large corporation with deep pockets.

I think a more likely scenario is that Palmiero wasn't taking drugs which he believed would test positive as a banned substance. That is, he knowingly took performance enhancing drugs but was possibly told that they were not banned and/or would not be detected by the current lineup of drug tests that are administered.

He could justify the drugs in such a scenario -- at least, in his own mind. If it isn't banned, it is technically OK. Right? (You decide).
The problem for him is that they were banned.

Thin indeed. It ain't like ... (Below threshold)
mcg:

Thin indeed. It ain't like your winky suddenly shrivels up with the first shot.

Um, how humorless are you g... (Below threshold)
joe:

Um, how humorless are you guys? He's kidding here.

There is a thread (heh) of ... (Below threshold)

There is a thread (heh) of plausibility to Jay's vein (heh heh).

Other steroid-taking, overpaid, thin-skinned (oops) practical jokers using Rafe's flogging (heh heh heh) of the vitamin V to teach him a lesson about his enhanced manhood.

I had to read this twice to... (Below threshold)
spelling nitpicker:

I had to read this twice to be sure.. then a third time to savor it..


TYPO.. sigh... I found one:)

Here's what I think might h... (Below threshold)
Cthawk:

Here's what I think might have happened...it's after a game, Sammy Sosa and Rafael alone in the locker room, a big ol' bottle of viagra, a nice long soapy shower...one thing leads to another and next thing you know...Rafael's sharing Sammy's steroid juice.

Just one more reason to remember, if you're going to play in the mud...don't forget your rubbers.

Cthawk, your fantasy life m... (Below threshold)

Cthawk, your fantasy life must be ... unusual. ;-)

Actually, two problems - yo... (Below threshold)
Not Tony:

Actually, two problems - your Diane Ross doesn't actually shrink from steroids, your Supremes do (I'm at work and that's the nicest way I can think of to put that). Otherwise is an urban legend. Secondly, the particular steroid he tested positive for was stanozolol, which is impossible to take "accidentally" (17 pills or 3 shots a day - accidentally??).

Rafael using steroids? Wha... (Below threshold)
Toby928:

Rafael using steroids? What are the odds of that? As I understand it, only two players in the history of MLB have better numbers after the age of 30 than before. Those two players are Rafael Palmiero and Barry Bonds.** Coincidence?

Tob

** I heard this on ESPN radio FWIW.

JayTea:Yeah, that'... (Below threshold)
Peter F.:

JayTea:

Yeah, that's a pretty flacid theory.

(Come on, work with me, people!)

Jay - you must be smoking s... (Below threshold)
Mark Blahut:

Jay - you must be smoking some fine tea !
Its dumb shit like this that makes me want to
find a better Blog page .
I assume that you are trying to come up with a story to cover up our dumb presidents statement on this subject !
Please - Go have some coolaid , but mix it with water first , straight out of the pack will make you
dumber then you think .




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