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Channeling Democratic Underground

After Pat Robertson had his little bout with verbal diarrhea, I started thinking: WWDUD? (What Would Democratic Underground Do?) How could they turn this into some grand Rove/Chimpy McHitler/Halliburton conspiracy? And after skipping some medications, spinning around really, really fast a bunch of times, and slamming my head against a door frame exactly seven times, I think I have the answer.

It's Iraq all over again, but this time we're doing it RIGHT. It's all about the oil. The problem with Iraq is that the people can get to the wells and the pipelines, and can therefore strike great blows against the imperialists by blowing them up. The Venezuelan oil is mostly offshore, so it'd be easier to keep them away from it.

So the plan was simple: arrange for a couple of assassination plots against Chavez, the Dear Leader of the people. And when they didn't work, let word of them leak out to him, so he can denounce the Great Satan Of The North. Let tensions continue to build until it gets so bad, we have "no choice" but to depose him and "manage" the country (mainly the oil) until "the people" can freely choose the US puppet we want to run the country.

Of course, Halliburton will be needed to come in and help rebuild things after the babykillers in the armed forces blow everything up.

And who will run the other parts of the oil business? Well, there's a whole bunch of people who have been unemployed since Enron went down, and they know a lot about energy.

We'll need a governor to run the country until we decide to let "the people" run themselves again. So, how about someone who already knows how to be a governor over a bunch of Spanish-speaking people? If Jeb doesn't want it, to get him away from the Florida scandals and raise his public profile before '08, then give it to Bill Richardson -- we can make sure it keeps him too busy to run for president himself in -08, and it'll get rid of one of the few Democrats making a stink about undocumented workers.

Hoo boy. After writing that, I need a shower.


Comments (12)

Dammit, man! Now they'll k... (Below threshold)
joe:

Dammit, man! Now they'll know!

And here I thought Pat's co... (Below threshold)
Alex:

And here I thought Pat's comments were the result of yet another of Rove's Jedi mind tricks to deflect attention from Valerie Plame, or Cindy Sheehan, or Natalee Holloway, or ...

Admit it Jay, you plagarize... (Below threshold)
Faith+1:

Admit it Jay, you plagarized that didn't you? You cut and pasted that from one of the cess pools...I just know you did. Admit it DAMMIT!

Otherwise, we are forced to believe you have wallowed too long in their dementia and have been tainted. I'm afraid a shower won't be enough Jay....just not enough....

God you guys are so ... (Below threshold)
B Moe:


God you guys are so 2003.

Halliburton has used there government welfare contracts to steal Navy technology and is developing off-shore oil drilling submarines to sneak in and steal the oil from the people of Venezuela.

The whole thing with Chavez is just a smoke screen to divert attention from the real plot. In reality Chavez is just another Rovian puppet, as should be obvious from the litany of human rights abuses he is guilty of.

Sorry, but there are not en... (Below threshold)
Malibu Stacy:

Sorry, but there are not enough misspellings, ALL CAPS or !!! to make it convincing as DU runoff.

Jay Tea, a simple shower wi... (Below threshold)

Jay Tea, a simple shower with soap and water is not enough. As I learned from watching CSI, use lemons. Literally. The acid in the lemons will cut through that stench and taint.

Hell, I need a shower after... (Below threshold)
fatman:

Hell, I need a shower after READING that.

Dude, Karl said that was on... (Below threshold)

Dude, Karl said that was on super secret background, you're supposed to to go jail to protect that sort of thing...not go posting it on blogs!

I just want to know - when ... (Below threshold)
Sue Dohnim:

I just want to know - when am I getting my Big Jew Money from the Neocon Cabal? This blog commenting gig doesn't put the lamb chops on the table like I thought it would.

Nope, sorry, far too cogent... (Below threshold)

Nope, sorry, far too cogent to be found at DU.

Sue, would you settle for m... (Below threshold)
fatman:

Sue, would you settle for mutton ? (See caption contest.)

I just want to know - wh... (Below threshold)

I just want to know - when am I getting my Big Jew Money from the Neocon Cabal?

Yeah, what she said. We ain't seen dime one of the big-time scratch that the DU dummies and Kos Kidz insist that Karl is throwing around like feathers in a pillow fight. I can only think that every conservative except me is getting a big slice of steaming Rove pie.

OK guys (and gals) it's time to 'fess up and tell me how I can get on the mailing list. I got a family to feed.




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