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Out of the mouths of non-babes

While I have absolutely no talent for singing, I hvae always been blessed with a very flexible voice. I have a remarkable range, from the very deep to the very high. And I've had fun with that gift. On the low end, I can do an almost-passable Louie Armstrong, a frightening Freddie Krueger, and an almost-recognizable James Earl Jones.

And on the higher end, I can make my voice sound quite feminine. Not "Queer Eye For The Straight Guy" effeminate, but average-to-deep typical TV-voiceover feminine.

I've had a bit of fun with that little knack. When I worked switchboard in college, I used to have fun answering friends' extensions with the Freddie Voice -- "and what do you want?" And recently at work, I had a chance to trot out another one.

A very dear colleague from another location called for our fax number. One of my local colleagues passed the call to me, and I leaped at the chance.

"For the HOTTEST faxes around, just dial One... Six-Oh-Three... Five-Five-Five... One... Two... One... TWO."

She burst into laughter, as I'd hoped she would.

As I hung up the phone, though, I noticed one of my bosses was standing next to me.

"Jay, you're disturbing."

Everyone's a critic.


Comments (12)

I think he meant "disturbed... (Below threshold)

I think he meant "disturbed?"

Could be he meant "distribu... (Below threshold)
Cardinals Nation:

Could be he meant "distributing," which is a Class B felony in 17 states and the District of Columbia. Better watch it, Jay.

When I graduated from my Ca... (Below threshold)
Matt:

When I graduated from my Carnegie class a few years ago, my boss stood up and told the assembled multitude that she had always considered me the diversity in her department.

I was rather pleased by that.

I can do a james earl jones... (Below threshold)

I can do a james earl jones, too...circa Star Swars Darth Vader

Jay, does this mean that no... (Below threshold)

Jay, does this mean that now you've given out your fax number, we can fax you stuff now? ;)

I do that sometimes, myse... (Below threshold)

I do that sometimes, myself, Jay. I used to answer the phone at home and work with William Shatner impersonations and, lately, it's been Jim Carrey circa "Ace Ventura: Pet Detective".

Just don't breathe heavy li... (Below threshold)

Just don't breathe heavy like Darth Vader - the boss might get the wrong idea...

"Jay, you're disturbing."</... (Below threshold)

"Jay, you're disturbing."

You must get that at least 2 or 3 times a day.

I cursed out a telemarketer... (Below threshold)

I cursed out a telemarketer once at work around people who thought I wouldn't say sh*t even if I had a mouthful of it.

I've gained a whole new respect from my colleagues. They give me a wide berth in the halls now.

If I had caller ID, I would... (Below threshold)

If I had caller ID, I would have so much fun with this kind of thing. There are certain people that I would just love to pick up the phone when they call and calmly but creepily say, "Hello, Clarice," then hang up. And I'd do it, too.

Probably the most useless i... (Below threshold)

Probably the most useless impression I can do is Garrison Keillor of "A Prairie Home Companion." I think I'm the only person I know in South Carolina who's ever even listened to the show.

Jay, you are disturbed, but... (Below threshold)

Jay, you are disturbed, but I've always held the deep belief that life is MUCH more fun once you've gone crazy AND EMBRACED IT! That being said, Homer Simpson answers my phone most of the time (although Barney takes it some times), and I actually have done the "Hello Clarice" to more than one person (one of them actually named CLARICE!), although my favorite (since I have "personalized" ring tones too), is to not even look at the phone when my mother calls, and just pick up saying, yes mother. That gets better reactions than pretty much any other type of answer.




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