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Wizbang Weekend Caption Contest™

It's Friday, which means it's time for the Wizbang Weekend Caption Contest™. As part of our Katrina fundraising efforts, this week's contest is sponsored by:

billski.gif
The Original Billski Mods, Inc.
Because stock bikes suck....
Custom parts for your metric cruiser.
Visit us at www.billski182.com


Now on to the captioning... Enter your best caption for the following picture:

US actor Sean Penn paddles a boat after the motor failed to start as he made an attempt to rescue stranded people in New Orleans. Penn rescued several people from flooded houses in the city on September 4, before his boat sprang a leak.(AFP/File/Nicholas Kamm)


Winners will be announced Sunday.


Update: Winners announced (click the link to read the winning entries). Comments are now closed.


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» Kerfuffles linked with Dinghies for Relief

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Comments (141)

"Nobody knows the troubl... (Below threshold)

"Nobody knows the trouble Ive seen...
Nobody knows my story...."

Sean Penn, plagued by high ... (Below threshold)

Sean Penn, plagued by high debts and a failing career in movies is shown here in his camouflauged boat sneaking through the streets of New Orleans probing the water for unlooted ATMs.

Tragically their craft sank... (Below threshold)

Tragically their craft sank when Sean Penn mistook the boat plug for a butt plug.

Now that the hurricane has ... (Below threshold)
Wally:

Now that the hurricane has passed, Sean Penn resumes filming of his low-budget imitation of "Pirates of the Caribbean". Captain Jack Ass, anyone?

Despite having days of warn... (Below threshold)
Faith+1:

Despite having days of warning the Sean Penn Emergency Waders were only able to deploy a boat that leaked. An estimated 10,000 Photo Opportunities were tragically missed as S.P.E.W. was unable to find a single person willing to get back in the water. Tim Robbins called for an immediate S.A.G. investigation into the death of the missed Photo Ops.

OK Sean, stop rowing and fi... (Below threshold)
billburz:

OK Sean, stop rowing and fill up the rest of those water bottles. We gotta help the poor ya know.

Sean: "Are you sure this is... (Below threshold)
Moon Monkey:

Sean: "Are you sure this is how George Washington did it?"
First Mate:"That's what it says in the manual. Maybe if you sit on my hand it will be easier!"


"Wow, this would make a rea... (Below threshold)
Jim:

"Wow, this would make a really good picture! Now I wish I hadn't punched my photographer out of the boat for breathing up all my air."

I gotta get Johnny Deep's a... (Below threshold)
JAT0:

I gotta get Johnny Deep's agent - these bayou gigs are killing me! Hey! Was that a gater!

Or

Alright guy’s from the top - ‘row, row, row your boat; merrily, merrily, we go down…’

You know - it's no fun Zippy the Pennhead is too easy

Person on Right (thinking):... (Below threshold)
Rodney Dill:

Person on Right (thinking): "He calls out MARK TWAIN one more time and I'm pushing his sissy ass in."

Sean Penn (thinking): "Dang... (Below threshold)
Rodney Dill:

Sean Penn (thinking): "Dang, I hope I brought enough beads."

Introducing,"Flak-No-Mo"! P... (Below threshold)
Moon Monkey:

Introducing,"Flak-No-Mo"! Pictured is motion picture star "Camo-Boy" proving that noone can be killed dead while wearing "Flak-No-Mo. Another fine product from Ronco.

Greenhouse gas or no greenh... (Below threshold)
Yogurt:

Greenhouse gas or no greenhouse gas, I want a motor next disaster!

Armored against any threats... (Below threshold)
epador:

Armored against any threats from fascist Team America, FAG members search for remants of their Peace Delegation to the fair City of New Orleans last seen at the Convention Center. Unbenknownst to them, a special underwater Team France strike force, taking off time from its Lance Armstrong operations, has sabotaged their watercraft with a few pokes from a corkscrew...


F*$k Yeah!

Mr. Penn, seen here frantic... (Below threshold)
Moley:

Mr. Penn, seen here frantically trying to save his sinking career, I mean boat, was heard screaming "I'M JEFF SPICOLI DAMMIT!"

HEY! I can see myself in th... (Below threshold)
sanity:

HEY! I can see myself in the water.
Don't I look COOL?

Actor Sean Penn provides co... (Below threshold)
dwm:

Actor Sean Penn provides comic relief to New Orleans residents as he attempts to save his own dumb ass during the shooting of the movie version of
"The Confederacy of Dunces".

"Row, row, row your boat ge... (Below threshold)
DD:

"Row, row, row your boat gently down the stream,
Merrily, merrily, merrily Life is but a dream". Another moonbat having difficulty with realty.

"I don't care what's in the... (Below threshold)

"I don't care what's in the water, I said I don't need any shots. I figure if I can survive going down on Madonna all those years, I can survive anything."

Shown here, a forward think... (Below threshold)
Robert:

Shown here, a forward thinking Sean Penn prepositions supplies for the next hurricane by sinking a boatload of water bottles.

"I marked the spot with a red cup" Sean said: "Next time, we will not be unprepared."

ROFL, Laurence's ought to b... (Below threshold)
Rodney Dill:

ROFL, Laurence's ought to be good for dishonorable mention if not an outright win.
:)

That Johnny Depp is a pussy... (Below threshold)

That Johnny Depp is a pussy. I'll show him what a real pirate looks like. Yar!

"And now an action shot, Mr... (Below threshold)
Matt:

"And now an action shot, Mr. Penn... that's it... have the extras look toward the front of the boat... no, the front's the other way, other way... that's it... now you flex... perfect! Got it. Ok, let's get you back here where it's dry and not so smelly."

Or,

I Am Ham

Spicolli's latest performan... (Below threshold)

Spicolli's latest performance piece left critics scratching their heads last week. Billed as an "Uplifting Metaphor for the Party that Cares", the 4 man boat with a crew of three and only one man paddling, promptly sank when the crew didn't bother to learn the first thing about boating.
When asked how this display of incompetence, narcissism and failure was considered an uplifting metaphor, executive producer Karl Rove replied "To whom?" and laughed manically.
Political insider Markos "Screw 'em" Zuniga commented on the performance: "I must study their technique for my next campaign. Their failure makes me look like an amatuer. Red Solo cups! Had I only thought of that in 2003, Dean wouldn't even have lasted into the Iowa primary! I am humbled by Spicoli's ability to self sabotage, and both literaly and figuratively"

Hey Madonna let's see Guy R... (Below threshold)

Hey Madonna let's see Guy Ritchie do this.... please take me back my career is dead...

Sean:come on guys ro... (Below threshold)

Sean:
come on guys row dammit, Saddam is in the house at the end of this street and he has to be saved!

"I'll hum the tune to Ja... (Below threshold)

"I'll hum the tune to Jaws, and then you scream and fall out of the boat. Twenty bucks says Sean craps himself."

1) Guy 1: "Michael row the ... (Below threshold)

1) Guy 1: "Michael row the boat ashore, hallelujah..."
Guy 2: "Dude, that's Sean."

or

2) "Row, row, row your boat, gently down the stream,
If you see a crocodile, don't forget to scream."

"Just sit right back and yo... (Below threshold)
brandc:

"Just sit right back and you'll hear a tale,
a tale of a fateful trip.
That started from this tropic port,
aboard this tiny ship.
The mate was a mighty sailin' man,
the skipper brave and sure."

"Goodbye, Joe, me gotta go, me oh my oh.
Me gotta go, pole the pirogue down the bayou.
Pick guitar, fill fruit jar and be gayo,
son of a gun, we'll have big fun on the bayou."

No, no! Sean, you gotta fa... (Below threshold)
jerseychris:

No, no! Sean, you gotta face the other way, outside the boat!

Sean: “OK, there’s the corn... (Below threshold)
Upset Old Guy:

Sean: “OK, there’s the corner of Relevance and Sheehan. We need to make a turn left there, guys.”

Faded Jeans from "Vibes": ... (Below threshold)

Faded Jeans from "Vibes": $398.95
Body Armor off Ebay: $150.0
Hairstyle by Anthony Pietro: $200.00
Shades by Blades: $80.00

Having your complete cool blown by the fact you didn't know about the drain plug...

Sean Penn navigates his ver... (Below threshold)
Norm:

Sean Penn navigates his very own swiftboat in the dangerous waters of Cambodia looking for missing American war hero John Kerry - AP...

I know I used the checklist... (Below threshold)
jack:

I know I used the checklist...lemme see

Water...check
Munchies...check
Personal photographer...check
Hair products...check
Motor...crap!

Mystic River part Deux!... (Below threshold)
rick13:

Mystic River part Deux!

Brains? We don't need no s... (Below threshold)
DougR:

Brains? We don't need no stinking brains!

"Sean, if I've told you onc... (Below threshold)
Boog:

"Sean, if I've told you once, I've told you a thousand times, you're not starring in an action-adventure movie."

(cue [i]Dualing Banjoes[/i]... (Below threshold)
CUS:

(cue [i]Dualing Banjoes[/i])

I haven't been to New Orleans ever, but that doesn't look like a real bad part of town where a lot of poor folk needing water live.

Some of these captions are ... (Below threshold)

Some of these captions are pretty funny, personally I'm fond of Wally's...but, with about 40 or so captions in...none are as laugh out loud funny as the original caption provided with the picture: just hover your mouse over the picture to see it (I just noticed that last week...d'uh), I think you need to beat that to win the Billski Mods Caption Contest.

Nothing to see here folks. ... (Below threshold)
dooley:

Nothing to see here folks. Just a little more
SH!T in the water.

The Three Wise Men bearing ... (Below threshold)
Moon Monkey:

The Three Wise Men bearing gifts finally arrive, soon the world will be right again...

WTF?... (Below threshold)
Matt:

WTF?

"Screw you guys. I may be ... (Below threshold)
Sean Penn:

"Screw you guys. I may be a dumbass when it comes to boats, but I'm a big star, and your not...NANANANA! HEY! LOOK A QUARTER! I'm going in!"

Voiceover Announcer</... (Below threshold)

Voiceover Announcer
Coming to theatres this winter:
One man. Making a difference.
Battling the forces of racism and hate.

Voiceover Kathy Bates
Don't you go out dere, Bobby! Dat city is de debbul!

Announcer
Ignoring the danger. Beating the odds.

Voiceover Rob Schneider
You can do it!

Announcer
Sean Penn is Bobby Boucher in
Waterboy 2: The Wrath of Katrina

Penn: UHHHH! What the <em... (Below threshold)

Penn: UHHHH! What the hell, man? UHHH! I mean, they said it was going to be work, but -- UHHHH! -- like I don't work my ass off -- UHHHH! -- getting into character playing all those -- UHHHHHHH! -- dumbass redneck jerkwads who -- UHH! -- don't know Perrier from spit. Hey, Dopey! A little help?

Dopey (white shorts): But I was helpin', Mista Penn. Ya told me ta stop 'cause not everyone was lookin' at you!

THWACK!

Damn, why do I only get the... (Below threshold)

Damn, why do I only get these sh*$*y movies!? It's gotta be like Hillary said, the Vast Right Wing Conspiracy. I dunno, maybe Sheehan can scream a little more and blame Chimpy for my career problems.

"You know Sean, if you hadn... (Below threshold)
bOOf:

"You know Sean, if you hadn't traded my camera to those looters (dumbass looters reference) for this water, I could take some really cool pictures of your stupid ass sinkin'!"

"Only a few hundred ... (Below threshold)


"Only a few hundred yards more and we can rescue Mr. Hand. I still owe him from when I interupted his US History class."


Chris
http://amateureconblog.blogspot.com/

All I need are some tasty w... (Below threshold)
OneDrummer:

All I need are some tasty waves, a cool buzz, and I'm fine... Aloha Mr. Hand!

Fishing for a Career - star... (Below threshold)
allium:

Fishing for a Career - starring Sean Penn


"How will we remember how to find this spot tomorrow?"
"easy, Sean maked a big X on the side of the boat"

Sean Penn's rescue mission ... (Below threshold)
yetanotherjohn:

Sean Penn's rescue mission into the New Orleans to help the Black man from being oppressed by Bush ran into trouble when he 1) got lost in a neighborhood with a median income well above the rest of New Orleans, 2) he found that no matter how high the limit was on his credit card, the gas pumps just didn't recognize how important he was toward world peace, 3) he discovered what the little plugy thingy was for in the boat, 4) while a flack vest without the ceramic pads was much easier to wear, it didn't live up to use expectations, 5) a boat with more actors and personal photographers than crew was not the most efficient means of rescuing people and 6) that he was a "purty boy" and could be made to "squeal like a pig" by a heavyset gentleman with no front teeth named Coo-Coot.

DD gets my vote, because th... (Below threshold)

DD gets my vote, because that's the first thing that popped into my mind!

And now, joining us on NBC live and on site for the Hurricane Katrina Relief Benefit, Sean Penn and the Moonbat River Band.

Sean Penn: "With apologies to Henry Mancini and Johnny Mercer...uh 1, 2, 3..."

"Moon River, wider than a mile,
I'm crossing you in style some day.
Oh, dream maker, you heart breaker,
wherever you're going I'm going your way.
Two drifters off to see the world.
There's such a lot of world to see.
We're after the same rainbow's end--
waiting 'round the bend,
my huckleberry friend,
Moon River and me."

crikey! he's a big one allr... (Below threshold)

crikey! he's a big one allryt!

A picture of a dinghy and a... (Below threshold)
sentinel:

A picture of a dinghy and a small boat filled with three people.

Penn struggles to position ... (Below threshold)
Bob:

Penn struggles to position the stick just so . . . just a little more and it will truly be up his ass.

Sean Penn drove his chevy t... (Below threshold)
Norman:

Sean Penn drove his chevy to the levee only to discover his american pie in the sky dream was covered in fetid waters...

And in the streets: the networks screamed,
then Blanco cried, and Nagin dreamed.
But not a word was spoken;
The church bells all were broken.
And the three men I admire most:
The father, son, and the holy ghost,
They caught the last train for the coast
The day New Orleans died...

Michael Moore: "Quiet every... (Below threshold)
capitano:

Michael Moore: "Quiet everybody. OK, action! "

"Just keep paddling Sean and don't worry about the flak jacket. By the time I'm done editing, I'll have you in buckskins looking like Andy Jackson commanding a dugout canoe."

"You just stay there and ta... (Below threshold)

"You just stay there and take pictures as we establish the mood shot by poleing away from you."

J.

After straining himself bai... (Below threshold)

After straining himself bailing with his kegger cup, Sean Penn was forced to wear a humiliting truss and carry a cane.

In a show of selfless compa... (Below threshold)
MikeB:

In a show of selfless compasion to those currently standed in New Orleans, Sean Penn travels through the flooded streets acting out various skits to comfort those dying of hunger and thirst. Seen here Penn, using an oar as an improvised guitar, pretends to be Bruce Springsteen while nasally chanting, "War.. huh.. Good God y'all".

"Not much further boys; we'... (Below threshold)
capitano:

"Not much further boys; we'll be stopping for lunch at Sodomy Creek."

Colombian drug dealers impl... (Below threshold)
DWC:

Colombian drug dealers implement emergency distribution plan in New Orleans.

Sean Penn's promo video for... (Below threshold)
JAT0:

Sean Penn's promo video for his new film: Crazy Frog along the Bayou! Deeng..Deeng..Deeng!

Sure we brought enough wate... (Below threshold)
plainslow:

Sure we brought enough water? I have a powerful thirst.

In this Greenpeace photo , ... (Below threshold)
Doug:

In this Greenpeace photo , you can see proof of the serious and disgusting toxins released into the waters flooding New Orleans.

All I need are some tasty w... (Below threshold)
Mark:

All I need are some tasty waves, a cool buzz, and I'm fine.

All I need are some tasty w... (Below threshold)
Zippy:

All I need are some tasty waves, a cool buzz, and I'm fine.

"Let's see, water,(check) o... (Below threshold)
DavidK:

"Let's see, water,(check) oars(check), life jackets in boat(check),Personal supplies (check) camera crew (check), biographer (check), new agencies knowing I am here to rescue people (check), room to rescue people in boat(.....I'm screwed).

Sean: 'Turn off the camera ... (Below threshold)

Sean: 'Turn off the camera NOW. I think I split my pants."

"I think we are going to ne... (Below threshold)
Pete Bondurant:

"I think we are going to need a bigger boat"

Commander Penn: "Ah, but th... (Below threshold)
Jeff:

Commander Penn: "Ah, but the strawberries! That's, that's where I had them. They laughed at me and made jokes, but I proved beyond the shadow of a doubt, and with, with geometric logic, that, that a duplicate key to the wardroom icebox did exist. I will prove that Bush is the one that ate the strawberries...he had the duplicate key...I will find that key and finally prove it to everybody"

"From Mystic River to a sew... (Below threshold)
Jerry:

"From Mystic River to a sewage river... finally a a place where I belong"!

"Cut! That's a wrap!"... (Below threshold)
scott:

"Cut! That's a wrap!"

"DOn't worry dudes, my Dad'... (Below threshold)
LJD:

"DOn't worry dudes, my Dad's a TV repairman.... He's got this killer set of tools.....

"Forget that cripple... my ... (Below threshold)

"Forget that cripple... my Oscar fell overboard!"

Now where did I stash that ... (Below threshold)
stan25:

Now where did I stash that bale of pot that I bought last week?

"as the waters in New Orlea... (Below threshold)
INK:

"as the waters in New Orleans start to drain back into the lake we can see more and more of the sewage and dead(careers) floating through the streets."
"however there was a bit of good news today in New Orleans , as horrible actor and part time blow hole Sean Penn has annouced he has checked out New Orleans and there are no WMD's there either.........the streets are safe and we should all go home."

Take me to the river, <br /... (Below threshold)

Take me to the river,
drop me in the water
Take me to the river,
dip me in the water
Washing me down,
washing me down

Coming soon to a Theater ne... (Below threshold)
rorochub:

Coming soon to a Theater near you...You loved Driving Miss Daisy so much that Sean Penn decided to make a sequel...Boating with Miss Katrina.

duuuuude...I'm sooo wasted<... (Below threshold)
heymike:

duuuuude...I'm sooo wasted

(Sean Penn Thought Bubble):... (Below threshold)
Moon Monkey:

(Sean Penn Thought Bubble): "What pisses me off, is knowing that this will probably go on my permanent record. Damn! Maybe I'll catch a break and nobody will see me. Heh,heh,heh..."

Bush sinks Sean Penns boat!... (Below threshold)
M.E.:

Bush sinks Sean Penns boat! CNN reporter, Anderson Cooper,will have eye witness report from citizen who saw Karl Rove slip into nearby limo just moment's before the boat started to take on water.Tune in to CNN tonight at seven as Anderson's investigation continues into this White House effort to sabatoge heroic efforts to save lives in New Orleans.

Quick, duck! Dubya is flyin... (Below threshold)
takefive:

Quick, duck! Dubya is flying over! Aw, don't worry...he isn't close enough to see anything!

Worst rescue ever.... (Below threshold)

Worst rescue ever.

(where's comic book guy?)

Hmmmmm . . . maybe there's ... (Below threshold)
tom fredette:

Hmmmmm . . . maybe there's more to this search and rescue stuff than what we see on CNN . . .

That's the last time I buy ... (Below threshold)
Bill:

That's the last time I buy an outboard from jane Fonda! Anyone got any vegetable oil?

The Democratic Party finall... (Below threshold)
Jonathan Love:

The Democratic Party finally announced their "Plan" for fixing Social Security.

One passenger: "Okay, while... (Below threshold)
OC Chuck:

One passenger: "Okay, while he's not looking, pull that plug and toss it overboard."

Other passenger: "Right, done. This is the stupidest thing I've ever been involved in."

Photographer passenger: "Well, maybe I'll at least get some new photo gigs outta this."

Sean: "Hey, now where did y... (Below threshold)
OC Chuck:

Sean: "Hey, now where did you say those Iranian voters were?"

Dude, all this bottled wate... (Below threshold)

Dude, all this bottled water is weighing us down. Better toss it overboard. Get a picture first, though.

Another Karl Rove plot unle... (Below threshold)
Bob:

Another Karl Rove plot unleashed.

How high's the water, mama?... (Below threshold)

How high's the water, mama?
Five feet high and risin'
How high's the water, papa?
Five feet high and risin'

Well, the rails are washed out north of town
We gotta head for higher ground
We can't come back till the water comes down,
Five feet high and risin'

Well, it's five feet high and risin'

- From the Johnny Cash song Five Feet High and Risin'

A dodo and water full of do... (Below threshold)

A dodo and water full of do-do in the land of Voodoo.

South of the border, down C... (Below threshold)
JAT0:

South of the border, down Cambodia way, LTJG Penn is heard saying: "If I only had my lucky hat!

Sean Penn opens himself to ... (Below threshold)
Chris:

Sean Penn opens himself to ridicule by the thousands of Wizbang posters who were out in the waters of New Orleans rescuing people.

IDIOT IN A BOAT... (Below threshold)
Dave G:

IDIOT IN A BOAT

On tonight's episode of McP... (Below threshold)
DWC:

On tonight's episode of McPenn's Navy: Commander Penn and Ensign Parker steal Captain Binghamton's crack and peddle it to Jap submariners.

"We were somewhere inside N... (Below threshold)

"We were somewhere inside New Orleans when the reality began to take hold..."

You did the motorboat, didn... (Below threshold)

You did the motorboat, didn't you?

You motorboatin' son of a bitch!

"Row row row my boat, <br /... (Below threshold)
JimK:

"Row row row my boat,
bravely wearing my vest
boat's to small
and I'm a tool
but think of all the press..."

Captain Ned of "The Raging ... (Below threshold)
jumbo:

Captain Ned of "The Raging Queen" snarls at his crew, "Arrrghhh, bring me me cabin boy!"

Cap'n Penn, we done sprung ... (Below threshold)
mammoth:

Cap'n Penn, we done sprung a leak !!

Damn you George Bush !! Damn you !!

"When the oar hits your ... (Below threshold)
odrady:

"When the oar hits your eye like a big pizza pie, that Spicolil..."

"Damn Bob Denver!" Sean Pen... (Below threshold)
Kevin P. Craver:

"Damn Bob Denver!" Sean Penn said as his boat sank into the New Orleans ooze, reflecting with a hint of irony that perhaps Gilligan was an example of what NOT to do on the open water.

Row, row your boat into obl... (Below threshold)
muggsyswife:

Row, row your boat into oblivion!

Sean Penn crossing Delaware... (Below threshold)
fooltomery:

Sean Penn crossing Delaware Boulevard

Was this ego trip really ne... (Below threshold)

Was this ego trip really necessary?

The Three Stooges Go to New Orleans, Starring Sean Penn as Shemp!

If he ever gets the motor running, I'll pay the gas if he keeps going until he gets to Canada...and never comes back.

Sean Penn, his publicist, a... (Below threshold)

Sean Penn, his publicist, and toady friend manage, despite the odds, to rescue all the Desani bottled water left in New Orleans last week.

Sean Penn demonstrates why ... (Below threshold)

Sean Penn demonstrates why "Democrat leadership" is an oxymoron - with an emphasis on the moron.

Rub a dub dub, three... (Below threshold)
McCain:

Rub a dub dub,
three men in a tub.

"I was distracted by George... (Below threshold)

"I was distracted by George W. Bush's staggering incompetence!" - Sean Penn, explaining why he forgot to plug his boat.

"Dudes on 'ludes should ... (Below threshold)

"Dudes on 'ludes should not row!"

Uh, Sean, I don't think tha... (Below threshold)
Chistopher Scott:

Uh, Sean, I don't think that crowbar makes a real good paddle.

Sean Penn, desparate to rek... (Below threshold)
RodgerH:

Sean Penn, desparate to rekindle his acting career, sets out to do a modern remake of "Deliverance" (Banjo strum in background for effect)

I have come to deliver good... (Below threshold)
Greg:

I have come to deliver good news to the poor and homeless of New Orleans....I just saved a bunch on my car insurance by switching to Geico!

Quick! Start bailing! You c... (Below threshold)

Quick! Start bailing! You can use these.

Sean Penn demonstrates to M... (Below threshold)

Sean Penn demonstrates to Michael Brown how exactly he was able to get into the city. Mr. Brown writes it down for the next time the National Guard needs directions!!!

Newspaper headline reads:</... (Below threshold)
Robert:

Newspaper headline reads:

SEAN PENN MAKES DESPERATE ATTEMPT TO SAVE JACQUES CHIRAC

Duuuuude, the guy lives in France...not the French Quarter you moron.

(singing) "I've....g... (Below threshold)

(singing)
"I've....got.....a teenie little dinghy!"

Rowing....Rowing.....Rowing... (Below threshold)

Rowing....Rowing.....Rowing down the river

New York Times Press Releas... (Below threshold)
Robert:

New York Times Press Release:

"After hearing reports that this disaster was caused by global warming, Sean Penn has come to Louisiana to save baby seals from the now melting New Orleans Ice Shelf." When asked about his life saving mission Penn was quoted as saying "George Bush doesn't care about baby seals. He let all of the 'black' seals leave but left all of the baby 'white' seals to die. HELP ME AMERICA! Help my save baby seals from George Bush."

. . . If you flood it, t... (Below threshold)
Rodney Dill:

. . . If you flood it, they will come . . .
Exerpt from new Doubleday book, Asshattery for Dummies - (by Rodney Dill, 2005)

My dingy's broken - maybe t... (Below threshold)
Maury Finkelstein:

My dingy's broken - maybe that's why Madonna kicked me to the curb.

"Where's John Kerry and his... (Below threshold)
Maury Finkelstein:

"Where's John Kerry and his damn Swift Boat when you need him?"

Boating experts agreed that... (Below threshold)
Maury Finkelstein:

Boating experts agreed that had Mr. Penn been willing to heave his ego and his personal photographer overboard, his dinghy might not have capsized.

No caption just a message f... (Below threshold)
Maury Finkelstein:

No caption just a message for Sean: GO fuck yourself

...must be one of them new ... (Below threshold)

...must be one of them new Hot Air Boats...

Sean Pen proves that it's b... (Below threshold)
Chris:

Sean Pen proves that it's best not to actually go to New Orleans yourself and try to help people, because if anything goes wrong you'll be ridiculed by a bunch of right wingers posting from their dry living rooms a thousand miles away.

Hooligans’ Navy is on the o... (Below threshold)
stan25:

Hooligans’ Navy is on the outlook for homes and businesses that have not been looted.

Watch out, the left wing Na... (Below threshold)
stan25:

Watch out, the left wing Navy is out in force

'OK, the bubbles have stopp... (Below threshold)
Rodney Dill:

'OK, the bubbles have stopped, I'm gonna let Madonna float now."

"I think we're going to nee... (Below threshold)

"I think we're going to need a bigger boat."

Behold in wonder at Captain Penn's monomanical pursuit of the great white male (Bush).

From Variety: Oliver Stone has signed Sean Penn for his 21st century, postmodern version of Huck Finn! Rumor has it that screenwriter Harold Pinter has woven no fewer than eighteen conspiracies into a giant rollercoaster of a movie that ends with the public execution of leading members of the GOP to the acclaim of the public and media.

Big Muckety-muck on the Big Muddy.

penn, "The whole idea was t... (Below threshold)
TheEnigma:

penn, "The whole idea was to get a photo-op. I'm not moving until they get the lights and cameras set up. Keep your mouth shut and your eyes open and tell me when they are ready for 'my appearance'"

Spicoli Dips Dinghy in Big ... (Below threshold)
AnonymousDrivel:

Spicoli Dips Dinghy in Big Easy, Madonna Jealous

or

Penn to First Mates: "Yo, Guys! Start dumping the supplies. That ballast is cramping my back and my style!"

or

Dueling Banjos faintly echoing in the distance, Sean Penn masterfully steers his weekend warriors down Cahulawassee Lane.

or, more briefly

"Does anyone hear a banjo?"

or, and keeping with theme,

"Burt brings bows and arrows, I bring a flak jacket. He's offense, I'm defense. And some think he is the smart one?!"

(Sean Penn schemes to make ... (Below threshold)
Robert:

(Sean Penn schemes to make sure that he is given the best dialog.) "I think this floater will do as Jim in my remake of 'Huckleberry Finn'."

Get the fuck out of the way... (Below threshold)
Maury Finkelstein:

Get the fuck out of the way Spicoli and take that piece of shit boat with you. You're getting in the way of the real rescuers. Why don't you go over to the Hyatt and take a few bong hits with Mayor Nagin?

If you must stay, here's some suggestions on what you might do to help:

If you want to search, then you should search for some of the New Orleans police officers that deserted their posts.

Work with officials to help restore power. Handling live electrical wires is dangerous business and to be blunt, you're expendable. I'd rather see a leftist burnout case like you catch 1,000,000 volts than an electrical technician who is adding value to the cleanup efforts.

I heard that you were going to be distributing VHS and DVD copies of some of your past movies to hurricane victims. How nice. Please do not distribute any copies of "Shanghai Surprise." New Orleans has seen enough destruction and distributing a bomb like it would be counter-productive

All I need is a cool buzz, ... (Below threshold)
Todd:

All I need is a cool buzz, some tasty waves, and I`m fine.... Dude where did you get that jacket?..

I can fix it....... (Below threshold)
Todd:

I can fix it....

Sean Penn shouting to the M... (Below threshold)
stan25:

Sean Penn shouting to the MSM: Hey do you think that we could get a Purple Heart, like our hero John F Kerry?

In a caption bubble coming ... (Below threshold)

In a caption bubble coming from just out of the frame: "Hey cher, just what kind of asshole brings an entourage and a personal photographer to a disaster area?"

Update: <... (Below threshold)

Update: Winners announced (click the link to read the winning entries). Comments are now closed.




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