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Wizbang Weekend Caption Contest™

It's Friday, which means it's time for the Wizbang Weekend Caption Contest™. Enter your best caption for the following picture:

Maureen Dowd at Bar Centrale in Manhattan, with its proprietor, Joe Allen. Photo: Jeff Riedel for The New York Times


Winners will be announced Sunday evening.

Update: Winners announced (click the link to read the winning entries). The bar is now closed.


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Comments (187)

MoDo all dressed up; has wh... (Below threshold)
D:

MoDo all dressed up; has where to go but nobody to go there with.

...never has there been a m... (Below threshold)
Rodney Dill:

...never has there been a more wretched hive of scum and villainy.

Another trailer trash barfl... (Below threshold)

Another trailer trash barfly shows off her red stilettos from Target.

Giving new meaning to NYT<b... (Below threshold)
Rodney Dill:

Giving new meaning to NYT
(Not Your Type)

"I just love this bar, they... (Below threshold)
Big Bob:

"I just love this bar, they put saddlehorns on the stools!"

We caught up with Tom Dasch... (Below threshold)
heymike:

We caught up with Tom Daschle yesterday at his new favorite night spot....

"Drudge would hit it..."</p... (Below threshold)
anonymoose:

"Drudge would hit it..."

VANITY FAIR AD:"You ... (Below threshold)
DaveD:

VANITY FAIR AD:
"You probably don't recognize me without my husband but I'm away from my desk working on a covert assignment for the CIA......" Mastercard. Don't leave home without it.

"Play it, Sam. Play 'As Tim... (Below threshold)
JAT0:

"Play it, Sam. Play 'As Time Goes By'"

See, Dorothy. I told... (Below threshold)
AnonymousDrivel:

See, Dorothy. I told you I'd get your shoes!

"Bartender, I can still see... (Below threshold)
joe:

"Bartender, I can still see straight. Less water, more Everclear in the next one...."

MoDo: The Anti-Viagra... (Below threshold)

MoDo: The Anti-Viagra

Bartender! I'll have a vine... (Below threshold)
Just John:

Bartender! I'll have a vinegar and water.

Much as with the red hourgl... (Below threshold)
Rodney Dill:

Much as with the red hourglass on the Black Widow or the hood of the Cobra, nature provides not so subtle clues that say Stay Away

Though glued to the bar, at... (Below threshold)
Adam:

Though glued to the bar, at least one man will remain in her presence.

Ted Kennedy: "Oh Yeah, well... (Below threshold)
Rodney Dill:

Ted Kennedy: "Oh Yeah, well tomorrow Maureen I'll be sober (for at least half an hour) and you'll still be stupid."

Saddly, her new dress and s... (Below threshold)
justan idea:

Saddly, her new dress and shoes didn't hide her ancestorial genetic relation to the Cat people ( specificly the leopards)

Saddly, her new dress and s... (Below threshold)
justan idea:

Saddly, her new dress and shoes didn't hide her ancestorial genetic relation to the Cat people ( specificly the leopards)

"Hello sailor," Has been ha... (Below threshold)

"Hello sailor," Has been harridan seeking to recapture those halcion days.

The aging hooker looked at ... (Below threshold)
Joe Bonforte:

The aging hooker looked at the john coming in the door. She tried to smile at him, but her makeup had hardened into a mask of infinite sadness...

Fading baracuda on the prow... (Below threshold)

Fading baracuda on the prowl, a few more drinks and I might.

Big feet. Big hands. Red wi... (Below threshold)
FreakyBoy:

Big feet. Big hands. Red wig. Bob wasn't sure, but he'd heard stories about bars like this in the big city.

To quote John Lennon:... (Below threshold)
Guido:

To quote John Lennon:
You can shine your shoes and wear a suit
You can comb your hair and look quite cute
You can hide your face behind a smile
One thing you can't hide
Is when you're crippled inside

You can wear a mask and paint your face
You can call yourself the human race
You can wear a collar and a tie
One thing you can't hide
Is when you're crippled inside

She may still look kinda go... (Below threshold)
Guido:

She may still look kinda good right now, but you can see that she is just about 5 years from completely becoming Helen Thomas in every aspect.

Fleet Week! And here come t... (Below threshold)

Fleet Week! And here come the sailors!

Another Saturday night and ... (Below threshold)
Diane:

Another Saturday night and I ain't got nobody ....

who's the skank?... (Below threshold)
moseby:

who's the skank?

Another Saturday night and ... (Below threshold)
Diane:

Another Saturday night and I ain't got nobody ....

After being stuck on that d... (Below threshold)
FreakyBoy:

After being stuck on that damn island with those cretins for twenty-five years, the bitter and no longer youthful Ginger went straight to a bar to get drunk.

(sorry -obligatory MoDo TV/... (Below threshold)
FreakyBoy:

(sorry -obligatory MoDo TV/pop culture reference in above caption)

"Of all the Op-Ed pages in ... (Below threshold)
Matt:

"Of all the Op-Ed pages in all the world, you had to write your tripe on mine."

or

"Chuck the bartender checks for a conspicuous adam's apple before moving in for the kill."

"Aren't you glad the New Yo... (Below threshold)

"Aren't you glad the New York Times hired Mo Dowd instead of Helen Thomas?"

"Eat your hearts out. I do... (Below threshold)

"Eat your hearts out. I don't look a day over 53."

Still hotter than Anne Coul... (Below threshold)
Chris:

Still hotter than Anne Coulter.

Isn't there ONE thoughtful ... (Below threshold)
Yogurt:

Isn't there ONE thoughtful liberal male out there who's not a eunuch?

and the NYT thought that Ju... (Below threshold)
Norm:

and the NYT thought that Judith Miller was their only stool pigeon...this DoDo bird here, thought of as extinct, is sighted at her secret watering hole.

"I'm ready for my close-up ... (Below threshold)
Moon Monkey:

"I'm ready for my close-up Mr. DeMille"...

"Nothing says women's lib l... (Below threshold)

"Nothing says women's lib like black fish-net stockings... Now why isn't anyone buying me a damn drink?"

Bartender: "It seems like o... (Below threshold)
Moon Monkey:

Bartender: "It seems like only yesterday that she was 'eye candy',the best looking broad that came in here. And now,the only thing she's got going for her is that she saved a lot of money with Geico!

Maureen Dowd: The Anti-Coul... (Below threshold)
BluesHarper:

Maureen Dowd: The Anti-Coulter.

"How dry I am....but I'm su... (Below threshold)
JimK:

"How dry I am....but I'm sure you can work around that, right fella?"

The Wicked Witch of the Lef... (Below threshold)
Maggie:

The Wicked Witch of the Left finally got Dorothy's red shoes ... but she still has a "blue state" heart. Now how does she get a brain?

Maureen: When I think back,... (Below threshold)
Moon Monkey:

Maureen: When I think back,I could've had it all...fame,fortune the whole enchilada. But no,I had to fall for Scooter. I'm so bummed.

Maureen Dowd contemplates w... (Below threshold)

Maureen Dowd contemplates who she will attempt to eviserate in her column as she spots Stacy London and Clinton Kelly of "What Not to Wear" advancing on her.

Is that a TANG memo in your... (Below threshold)
CMD:

Is that a TANG memo in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?

"Maybe another drink will a... (Below threshold)
joe:

"Maybe another drink will activate my poison pen..."

"Hey, handsome, that $50 wi... (Below threshold)
Kevin P. Craver:

"Hey, handsome, that $50 will buy you more than TimesSelect, if you know what I mean."

Of all the gin joints in al... (Below threshold)
D. Carter:

Of all the gin joints in all the world, Michael Douglas had to choose THIS one to come to.

Think this is funny?? Well ... (Below threshold)
CZ:

Think this is funny?? Well you try farting through control top panty hose!

Her prospects for the throb... (Below threshold)
Jack in TX:

Her prospects for the throbbing power of the Supreme Court dashed, Harriet decides to buff up a little and try a different path...

"We're not in Kansas anymor... (Below threshold)
Rachel Edith:

"We're not in Kansas anymore."

why gramma...those are awfu... (Below threshold)
moseby:

why gramma...those are awfully big feet for you...to have!!!

(CAUTION: gratuitous blog r... (Below threshold)
Rodney Dill:

(CAUTION: gratuitous blog reference)

Wizbanged hard and put away wet.

"Would you like to sample t... (Below threshold)
Rodney Dill:

"Would you like to sample the shark, Ms. Dowd?"
"No thanks. Professional courtesy."

Little Red Riding Hood all ... (Below threshold)
stan25:

Little Red Riding Hood all grown up

I know its tough out there ... (Below threshold)
Gene Parkerson:

I know its tough out there Ice Queen, but have you thought about a brain transplant?

I blame Bush.... (Below threshold)
yetanotherjohn:

I blame Bush.

MoDo takes the award for “M... (Below threshold)
robert:

MoDo takes the award for “Male Health” Magazine’s “Scariest Thing to Wake up to” contest. An annual Halloween event, past winners include a transvestite, a horse head and Vlad the Impaler.

“Backlighting and a soft focus…makeup applied with a trowel – this is danger defined”, said an editor.

She thinks she thinks.... (Below threshold)
NJArt:

She thinks she thinks.

"Get up Maureen, your sitti... (Below threshold)

"Get up Maureen, your sitting on Dennis Rodmans' hat."

Where are you Katie?... We... (Below threshold)
Jack in TX:

Where are you Katie?... We need at least two members of the Castrator's Council present for this to be an official event!

"Ok, be confident, you've g... (Below threshold)
Jeff:

"Ok, be confident, you've got the forged NG docs in your purse, you look like a million bucks, you're a smart sexy woman that any of those useless men would be lucky to date. Now, what name was I supposed to use again ... Lucy Ramierez ? Valerie Ramierez, Lucy Wilson ... damn ... Wilson Plame ??? ah to hell with it, Monica Wilson, thats it ... (I'm a spy, its so exciting)"

No, I do not need to see yo... (Below threshold)
SJBill:

No, I do not need to see your ID. Didn't you date my Dad when he ran this bar?

Yo, barkeep, I thought this... (Below threshold)
Tom:

Yo, barkeep, I thought this place was spin friendly?

Sometimes you want to go wh... (Below threshold)

Sometimes you want to go where everybody knows you're lame.

For Spider Vein Removal Cal... (Below threshold)

For Spider Vein Removal Call Us At 1- 800 -555 -VAIN

In the new episode of Showt... (Below threshold)
kmmcgra:

In the new episode of Showtime's erotic hit series Red Show Diaries MoDo stars as ace reporter MoDo, who works the local Neocon bar attempting to bed those tough talking neocons, trying to prove once and for all that they are really chickenhawks…by showing they are afraid to bed the great MoDo……Little does she know the rumor has spread that she has an advanced case of BDS, for which there is no cure….so she is left to chat idly with the bartender ( who is played by Howard Dean)…….

Virginia Dentata - The Wash... (Below threshold)
Weegie:

Virginia Dentata - The Washington Years

"Well Happy Hour's over and... (Below threshold)

"Well Happy Hour's over and still no takers. I guess I have to wait for the beer goggle effect again."

Bartender: "Why the long f... (Below threshold)
FreakyBoy:

Bartender: "Why the long face?"

"Dammit, every time she sho... (Below threshold)

"Dammit, every time she shows up the place clears out. And those damned flying monkeys don't order anything but banana 'dykeries' then giggle and run away. Cripes, look at that mess on the floor! I'm getting too old for this."

This just shows you that yo... (Below threshold)
Jim:

This just shows you that you CAN whitewash a turd, but what you have when that is done is just a whitewashed turd.

"Boy, I sure hope no one in... (Below threshold)
Rodney Dill:

"Boy, I sure hope no one invited Ashlee Simpson."

-I dunno Mr. Peterson, she'... (Below threshold)
Mike:

-I dunno Mr. Peterson, she's kinda scary.

-Woody, the electric chair is kinda scary.

No silly, that's not a web,... (Below threshold)
La Mano:

No silly, that's not a web, those are stockings; said the Black Widow to the barfly.

I'll get the check. You onl... (Below threshold)
King_Air:

I'll get the check. You only have girl money.

"He was a gentleman, Dinsda... (Below threshold)
Malibu Stacy:

"He was a gentleman, Dinsdale. And what's more, he knew how to treat a female impersonator."

Pinch was dismayed when he ... (Below threshold)

Pinch was dismayed when he saw who the escort service has sent to be his "date" for the evening.

A pseduo-Drudge caption..</... (Below threshold)
Faith+1:

A pseduo-Drudge caption..

Since charging to read her articles has turned into a huge financial disaster MoDo has had to resort to wearing fishnets and FMP's to augment her income....Developing.

Hey, you got girlfriend New... (Below threshold)

Hey, you got girlfriend New York? Me so horny. Me love you long time. Twenty dollar.

bartended: For the love of ... (Below threshold)

bartended: For the love of all that is holy, get out of my bar! Can't you see what you're doing to my business.

"is MIKE HUNT There"... (Below threshold)
DSRTfish:

"is MIKE HUNT There"

Softly playing in the backg... (Below threshold)
Doug:

Softly playing in the background,the Jimmy Buffet classic--"Let's get drunk and screw"

Looking for Mr. Goodbar ... (Below threshold)
Doug:

Looking for Mr. Goodbar

Must be Liberal,Ivy League educated,Easily controlled,Pretty on the eyes,{Blind and Deaf are helpful qualifications}Preferably Male{not a deal breaker though}

Bartender: I was kidding ab... (Below threshold)
Dave:

Bartender: I was kidding about the long face. Please let go, you're hurting my hand!

Wearing ruby pumps, Maureen... (Below threshold)

Wearing ruby pumps, Maureen Dowd clicks her heels three times and says, "I wish I were attractive. I wish I were attractive. I wish I were attractive."

Joe Wilson in drag seen at ... (Below threshold)
JAT0:

Joe Wilson in drag seen at the CIA's annual Halloween party!

or

MoDo: "Gee I hope Kevin likes me in this dress!"

Tonight, on FOXWor... (Below threshold)

Tonight, on FOX

World's Angriest Drag Queens

She may very well pass for ... (Below threshold)
waldo:

She may very well pass for 43 in the dusk with the light behind her. My apoligies to Gilbert and Sullivan.

Best example I have seen of... (Below threshold)
CharlieDontSurf:

Best example I have seen of "too much free time".

MoDo narrating for the came... (Below threshold)
kbiel:

MoDo narrating for the camera: And then the bartender said to me, "Would you like...a drink? Nice...ass!"

Bartender: No I didn't, I said "Would you like to get out of my bar before I throw a drink at you and ruin your nice dress, you lying ass?!"

Maureen Dowd stars in the n... (Below threshold)
dooley:

Maureen Dowd stars in the new off-off-off Broadway spectacular... The Vagina Diatribes.

"I have the ass of a 23 yea... (Below threshold)
George:

"I have the ass of a 23 year old White House Intern. Why didnt Bill ever notice?"

She was a redhead, a redhea... (Below threshold)

She was a redhead, a redhead to make a wolf snap his whistle in half and try the next bar down the street.

Stood up again by Paul Krug... (Below threshold)
George:

Stood up again by Paul Krugman.

If I told you you have a ni... (Below threshold)
GeeWiz:

If I told you you have a nice body, would you hold it against me?

"If you want your beer like... (Below threshold)
Weegie:

"If you want your beer like you want your women - cold and bitter with a weak head, you're a Harpy man. And I'm your Harpy woman."

The moment I walked into th... (Below threshold)

The moment I walked into that dive, I knew damn well I should turn away and never look back. Bad news was there, in the shape of a dame. There were only three outcomes if a man tangled with her -- a grave, a prison term, or an op-ed tongue-lashing in the Times.

Hey apron, who said you cou... (Below threshold)
sentinel:

Hey apron, who said you could make eye contact?

MoDo: Don't give me that to... (Below threshold)

MoDo: Don't give me that tone!
Bartender: What tone?
MoDo: That sarcastic contemptuous tone that means you know everything because you're a man, and I know nothing because I'm a woman.
Bartender: You're not a woman.
MoDo: Oh, you bastard!

Is it cold in here, or is i... (Below threshold)
pooky:

Is it cold in here, or is it just me ?

Bartender Frank Calone care... (Below threshold)
Big E:

Bartender Frank Calone carefully edges backwards as he prepares to inform Ms.Dowd that he will have to decline her offer of marraige because well, bartenders have standards too.

Mr. Calone is now listed in critical condition at Roosevelt Memorial Hospital where he underwent emergency surgery to remove a size 5 red stilleto heeled shoe from his rectum. The police have no leads at this time as to the identity of his assailant.

Rule 1 for scoring at the O... (Below threshold)
Rich:

Rule 1 for scoring at the O club during pigs in space night, i.e. Friday is you can always drink them pretty.

To every rule there is an exception.

"They should have cast ME i... (Below threshold)
OC Chuck:

"They should have cast ME in 'Commander in Chief.' I look better than Geena Davis. And make a better president!"

"When I was little, I was a... (Below threshold)
Maggie:

"When I was little, I was a Grimms girl. Not a Hans Christian Andersen girl. I much preferred the more grisly Grimms' fairy tales, where people got hands chopped off and hearts and tongues cut out..."


(Is it legal to use an ACTUAL QUOTE from Maureen Dowd? circa Dec. 30. 2001)

Guy sitting at other end of... (Below threshold)
OC Chuck:

Guy sitting at other end of bar: "Ok the alcohol must be starting to wear off. 15 minutes ago that was Nicole Kidman, now it looks like Maureen Dowd. In another half hour she's probably going to end up being Helen Thomas! I gotta go."

"Maybe if I swallow he'll n... (Below threshold)
DUDACKATTACK!!!:

"Maybe if I swallow he'll notice me?"

An irritated, finger waving... (Below threshold)

An irritated, finger waving, quasi-feminist finally realizes she will never get past a first date with her Love me for my mind, not my body philosophy.

Sadly, she also soon realizes that decades of scowling and natures negative effects have now ruined her fallback plan of Oh all right then, love me for my body.

HBO unveils it's newest ser... (Below threshold)
Chrees:

HBO unveils it's newest series and star of "Lack of Sex in the City"

..."I wonder if this dress ... (Below threshold)
Moon Monkey:

..."I wonder if this dress makes me look fat?"

On the boulevard of broken ... (Below threshold)
McCain:

On the boulevard of broken dreams, she wondered why they all left when she arrived.

http://www.movieposter.com/poster/MPW-7087/Boulevard_Of_Broken_Dreams.html

Old man thought bubble: May... (Below threshold)
Dwight P:

Old man thought bubble: Maybe if I was the last man on earth and she was too...naw...still couldn't do it.

(Bar TV off camera)...<br /... (Below threshold)
Moon Monkey:

(Bar TV off camera)...
...Coming in December of 2026,the show you've been waiting for...WASHED UP OLD WHORE HOUSEWIVES...

Brie wonders pensively,if she's staying with her role too long. "I could get type cast you know",she muses.

She tried to avoid eye cont... (Below threshold)
tacitblue:

She tried to avoid eye contact, but it was no use denying it. The bartender had definately heard her fart.

Maureen Dowd had to seek th... (Below threshold)
tacitblue:

Maureen Dowd had to seek the help of a psychiatrist when her reoccuring dream, in which she seduced a bartending Richard Nixon, wouldn't go away.

"The level of self-loathing... (Below threshold)
tacitblue:

"The level of self-loathing required to write the way I do is incredible", said Ms. Dowd. "Prostituting myself out is the only way I know how to get my head in the right place."

Maureen Dowd's twin sister,... (Below threshold)
tacitblue:

Maureen Dowd's twin sister, on the other hand, is a whore in the more traditional sense.

Here we see Maureen Dowd an... (Below threshold)
tacitblue:

Here we see Maureen Dowd answering the question raised by the title of her upcoming book, "Are Men Necessary?", with a desperate, pleading "yes!".

I'll have a Rummy and coke<... (Below threshold)
Rob:

I'll have a Rummy and coke

"Well...I don't know how to... (Below threshold)
tacitblue:

"Well...I don't know how to tell you this....Have you ever seen The Crying Game?"

I met her in a club down in... (Below threshold)
tacitblue:

I met her in a club down in North Soho
Where you drink champagne and it tastes just like Cherry Cola
C-O-L-A Cola.

No No... Halloween was last... (Below threshold)
tacitblue:

No No... Halloween was last week.

George Bush doesn't care ab... (Below threshold)
tacitblue:

George Bush doesn't care about dried up old feminists who dress like prostitutes.

"Hey bar keep. Spill a lit... (Below threshold)

"Hey bar keep. Spill a little in the glass this time. And could you flip on the TV? Meet the Press is coming on in 5 minutes."

"If you even THINK 'What's ... (Below threshold)

"If you even THINK 'What's your sign?' at me, your picture will appear at the head of a Sunday article on mid-life impotence!"

This is what I sent Drudge ... (Below threshold)

This is what I sent Drudge last week:

The Grey Lady's Old Maid: Douglas-Dumped Dowd Still Drowning Her Tonsils

Hey... refer to your own http://www.drudgereport.com/dowd1.htm

Limbaugh continued: "It's obvious Maureen Dowd hasn't gotten over her breakup with Michael Douglas who she thinks is a real American president but he didn't do anything but utter the words written for him by Aaron Sorkin and stand where someone director told him to stand and have his hair coifed by somebody who knew what to do, and then he blew it by running off with Catherine Zeta-Jones, leaving Maureen Dowd in the lurch. All she's got now is bourbon for mouthwash, and it's showing on her columns."
"Oh yes... the carpet <i... (Below threshold)

"Oh yes... the carpet does,/b> match the drapes..."

Who ordered the skank on th... (Below threshold)

Who ordered the skank on the rocks?

Smelling fish nearby, ace r... (Below threshold)

Smelling fish nearby, ace reporter MoDo dons appropriate stockings.

Maureen leans over just sli... (Below threshold)
RodgerH:

Maureen leans over just slighty, trying to give the ole' barkeep a little peek, but, alas, just as she leans forward she lets a squeeker escape - leaving the poor ole' barkeep gasping for air.

It's quarter to three, ther... (Below threshold)
ed:

It's quarter to three, there's no one in the place except you and me........

After pushing the bartender... (Below threshold)
itismedavid:

After pushing the bartender out of the way to grab the spot light herself, he kept telling everyone "Fake Butt? Accurate!"

And that's why they call th... (Below threshold)
Allium:

And that's why they call them Fishnet stockings.

The only known cure for bee... (Below threshold)
Peter F.:

The only known cure for beer goggles.

"Bill Buckley tried to hit ... (Below threshold)
Peter F.:

"Bill Buckley tried to hit on me once. I ate with liver with some fava beans and a nice chianti..."

(Official entry, corrected ... (Below threshold)
Peter F.:

(Official entry, corrected from above)

The only known cure for beer goggles? Maureen Dowd.

I'm a lying bitch and he kn... (Below threshold)
Mark:

I'm a lying bitch and he knows it...

"I got nothin'""Ye... (Below threshold)
Nan:

"I got nothin'"

"Yes, Miss Dowd, we know that."

This proposed photograph fo... (Below threshold)

This proposed photograph for May in the Times Select 2006 calendar was rejected and replaced with a striking portrait of Paul Krugman in an tie dye unitard.

MoDo, still looking for Mr.... (Below threshold)
smitty:

MoDo, still looking for Mr. Goodbar.

MoDo, the cure for the Happ... (Below threshold)
smitty:

MoDo, the cure for the Happy Hour.

She sighed in frustration, ... (Below threshold)

She sighed in frustration, having failed to get anyone to make eye contact. "It's so unfair," she mused. "You turn one guy to stone and suddenly nobody wants to talk to you."

(uh-oh, is she looking over here?)

You'll be a hard luck woman... (Below threshold)

You'll be a hard luck woman, baby till you find your man.

Dowd: "For the last time, I... (Below threshold)

Dowd: "For the last time, I wasn't the lead in 'Rocky Horror Picture Show.'"

"*This* is the guy that lik... (Below threshold)

"*This* is the guy that likes Pina Coladas? eHarmony *sucks*!"

Dowd: "I put the Grrrrrr in... (Below threshold)

Dowd: "I put the Grrrrrr in angerrrrr, baby, YEAH!"

"You can *serve* me, but fo... (Below threshold)

"You can *serve* me, but for God's sake, don't *look* at me."

In a true changing of the g... (Below threshold)

In a true changing of the guard moment, Maureen Dowd watches grimly as fans abandon her at the bar to swarm around Ana Marie Cox, as The Wonkett enters the room.

Damn!, exclaims Dowd. I KNEW I should have been first to use the anal metaphor..

Hoodlumman, this one is for... (Below threshold)

Hoodlumman, this one is for you:

"Why worry about the drapes matching the carpet if you've got hardwood floors?"

(I'll go wash my keyboard out with soap now.)

Everyone has a secret. Maur... (Below threshold)
Charles V:

Everyone has a secret. Maureen had hers. She done this a few times but the excitement was always like her first.

She didn't notice the lady and gentleman in the corner but Hans and Derthy Shionback knew her well. The small camera clicked imperceptively. If this is what they suspected they were going to make a hefty fee from the National Enquirer.

Maureen gazed to the far side of the room. She noticed a blond, impeccably dressed, well groomed, handsome, and well built.

"I wonder if she is available?" Maureen thought. "She really looks butch."

HoodlumMan and Tom Blodgica... (Below threshold)

HoodlumMan and Tom Blodgical,

Its CURTAINS match the CARPET. Not DRAPES!

You have a handle on the significance of the phrase.

But you have totally missed the poetry

jmaster:You're rig... (Below threshold)

jmaster:

You're right. Now, if there is ever a similar picture of Mary Mapes, I'll have something...

BTW, you can write whatever you want about me, just get the name right. That's B-l-o-g-i-c-a-l.

;-)

"Sorry, doll, I run a nice ... (Below threshold)
fooltomery:

"Sorry, doll, I run a nice place here...finish your drink and beat it."

"Just gin tonight, Joe. I'... (Below threshold)
Greg:

"Just gin tonight, Joe. I'll supply the bitters."

Beer goggles anyone?... (Below threshold)
SJBill:

Beer goggles anyone?

Beer goggles anyone?... (Below threshold)
SJBill:

Beer goggles anyone?

NYT: "Bush Appeals to Base"... (Below threshold)
Spike:

NYT: "Bush Appeals to Base"

"Come to MAMA" Bi... (Below threshold)
saltydogg2u:


"Come to MAMA" Big Boy!!!!!

Q: What's the difference be... (Below threshold)
Rodney Dill:

Q: What's the difference between MoDo and the Titanic?
A: Men went down on the Titanic.

Howdy ma'am...why the long ... (Below threshold)
PatMan:

Howdy ma'am...why the long face?

"Damn" thought the hooker a... (Below threshold)
DL:

"Damn" thought the hooker as she watched the john approaching, "Why do all the rich ones turn outr to be Republicans?"

MoDo continues to strike he... (Below threshold)
Maggie:

MoDo continues to strike her Greta Garbo pose, even though she has now broken her silence by putting her personal life up for bids on Amazon.com.

THIS SPACE INTENTIONALLY LE... (Below threshold)
Lindy R. Dole:

THIS SPACE INTENTIONALLY LEFT RANK

"Got my MoDo workin'"...</p... (Below threshold)
Tom M:

"Got my MoDo workin'"...

And here we see in its natu... (Below threshold)
Tom M:

And here we see in its natural habitat, the Red Maned Harpy Vericose maximus. Please keep your hands close to your sides, and don't feed the exhibit.

It was raining outside. The... (Below threshold)
Tom M:

It was raining outside. The kind of night that could wash the truth right off the pages of the New York Times. Just like any other night, really. As I entered the bar she was there. I could tell it was her right away, the hair, the shoes, the attitude. It was clear. Damn NY non-smoking laws.

New York Times columnist Ma... (Below threshold)

New York Times columnist Maureen Dowd looking her best except for the curiously regular varicose veins on her legs.

A typical Saturday Night at... (Below threshold)
Rodney Dill:

A typical Saturday Night at Phil's Oyster Bar, Chappaqua, NY.

"I wasted time, and now dot... (Below threshold)

"I wasted time, and now doth time waste me."

For more on the Shakespearean irony see: "Dowdlerising" Kissinger"

MoDo: "Keep drinkin' big fe... (Below threshold)

MoDo: "Keep drinkin' big fella, I'll be a hottie by last call"

MoDo the Dodo practices Voo... (Below threshold)

MoDo the Dodo practices Voodoo with doodoo.

When Bad Things happen to G... (Below threshold)
JD:

When Bad Things happen to Good Shoes...

Bartender: "Lady, I put yo... (Below threshold)
JD:

Bartender: "Lady, I put your name and number up on the bathroom wall, I even wrote down when you'd be here. Ya want someone to Shanghai ya a man, ya best look somewhere's else!"

See . . .The bitch D... (Below threshold)
Joe:

See . . .
The bitch DO get bitcher.
They've been right (no: correct) all along.

Bartender > Last call!... (Below threshold)
snowballs:

Bartender > Last call!

Dowd > It's only 9:15?

Bartender > And...?

Cheap shot artist by day, c... (Below threshold)

Cheap shot artist by day, cheap shot harlot by night.

"Buy me a drink you misogynist bastard."

Like the way my brain looks in these stockings?

"Barstool Blues" -- Neil Young

Rule #1: Always make sure she's a woman to avoid nasty surprises later.

Looking for Mr. Goodbar II

Don't hate me because I'm c... (Below threshold)

Don't hate me because I'm clueless.

And you thought she just ha... (Below threshold)

And you thought she just had a stick up her butt.

Closing time, o... (Below threshold)
Closing time, one last call for alcohol, so finish your whiskey or beer Closing time, you don't have to go home, but you can't stay here.

I know who I don't want to take me home.

Apologies to Green Day

New York Times columnist Ma... (Below threshold)

New York Times columnist Maureen Dowd looking her best--except that you can't see her chest, her stomach looks flabby, her ass looks massive and her hair is a color not found in nature. But other than that, looking good!

I get picked up by bartende... (Below threshold)

I get picked up by bartenders nearly everyday. That's why I douche with Pine Sol; to pretend I'm outdoors rather than on a slippery barroom floor.

MoDo: "Sloe Screw."B... (Below threshold)
Rodney Dill:

MoDo: "Sloe Screw."
Barkeep: "In your dreams."

Remember how Judy Miller as... (Below threshold)
TGO:

Remember how Judy Miller asked me to give up my seat? Well, I really gave it to her.

Q: What's the difference be... (Below threshold)
Rodney Dill:

Q: What's the difference between MoDo and a barstool.
A: If you absolutely HAVE to, you can eat the barstool.

What's she doing out of the... (Below threshold)
HB:

What's she doing out of the kitchen?

Hey Lady,my drinks aren't g... (Below threshold)
Doug:

Hey Lady,my drinks aren't giving you heartburn.Your tit is in the ashtray.

Update: <... (Below threshold)

Update: Winners announced (click the link to read the winning entries). The bar is now closed.




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