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I'm no woman, hear me roar...

I was talking with a female friend online recently. She was bothered by a migraine, and said that she gets them practically every month, like clockwork.

I felt sorry for her, but it started thinking about men and women, and our respective burdens. And I have come to a rather unpleasant conclusion -- women have it much easier.

Every month, her hormones run wild and inflict her with migraines, among other troubles. But that's only a few days. Us guys, we have to deal with hormones and their consequences every day of the week. And testosterone can be a bitch -- it started costing me my hair in my 20's, and it ain't coming back.

Then there's the issue of facial hair. For women, it's easy -- if you got it, you get rid of it. If it comes back, you get rid of it again. If you can afford it and really want to, you can remove it permanently. It's black and white.

For us guys, though, it's a never-ending struggle, an overwhelming array of options. Clean-shaven? Mustache? Goatee? Beard? And how long? How styled? I once tried a beard; I have these annoying bald spots at the corners of my mouth where the mustache just refuses to connect, and it looked ridiculous. And no woman can possibly understand the humiliation that entails.

Finally, there's the issue of spare change. It's heavy. If women carry too much spare change, the worst they suffer is a painful shoulder. When us guys carry too much, we run the risk of our pants falling down.

So yeah, I'm sympathetic to women for their burdens. But every now and then, it'd be nice to get some of that sympathy back.


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Comments (41)

Suspenders, Jay.~;... (Below threshold)
-S-:

Suspenders, Jay.

~;-D

Feeling like baiting a few ... (Below threshold)

Feeling like baiting a few feminists, Jay?

I would suggest a belt, but... (Below threshold)
meep:

I would suggest a belt, but suspenders would work better.

I really doubt bitching abo... (Below threshold)
meep:

I really doubt bitching about problems with appearance is really going to bait that many feminists.

Another comment on Jay's woes: I think more men should have facial hair... neatly trimmed, of course. I'm tired of clean-shaven men. They look so baby-faced to me.

meep, maybe you're not fami... (Below threshold)

meep, maybe you're not familiar with how sensitive some of them can be about a t-shirt.

Jay suggesting that his shaving dilemma is somehow akin to "a woman's burden" is sure to pull a few out of the woodwork.

As an aside, I've heard a pessimist defined as someone who wears both a belt and suspenders.

You think spare change is h... (Below threshold)

You think spare change is heavy? Try a couple of c cups. And facial hair? 5 words...legs, armpits, bikini, eyebrows, lip.

Childbirth....Nope... (Below threshold)
LarryA:

Childbirth....

Nope, not me, never, ever. I'm glad to be a man. Don't want to be passing bowling ball sized objects from out of anywhere on my body...

I feel like Larry. Childbir... (Below threshold)
DaveD:

I feel like Larry. Childbirth! Incredibly amazing particularly considering I don't have to worry about doing it.

What Larry said, and second... (Below threshold)

What Larry said, and seconded to include having any large parasites cut out of my abdomen. Just... no thanks.

I think women have it worse... (Below threshold)
RightWingLiberal:

I think women have it worse as far as everyday appearence. They have to put on make up and do their hair just for the grocery store. I usually don't even brush my hair for the grocery store. I'm just picking up some a steak, a 6 pack and a roll of toilet paper.

But I think it's also self imposed. If all women didn't wear makeup men would get over it pretty quick I think. We can only go so long without a rumble in the.. umm "the comfort of a companion" :)

Heh-eh!It's been s... (Below threshold)
jim:

Heh-eh!

It's been said that if parents had to alternate who gave birth, that there'd be no familes larger than three.

Heh,I'm with wonde... (Below threshold)
Mark:

Heh,

I'm with wonderwoman.

And who still carries their change in their pants?

And male baldness is very in these days, so make the most of it, Jay.

Perhaps I'm too indoctrinated. I live with my female fiance, my two daughters, her two daughters, a female dog, female rabbit and two female rats. My female ex-wife also drops by every day. Let me tell ya, when their cycles are in sync (and they are), aaaargh!

I glady put up with all the... (Below threshold)

I glady put up with all the primping, plucking, and pain so long as I don't have to walk around with dangling body parts. I have no idea how you men do it. ;)

"I am sympathetic to women ... (Below threshold)
Drew Edmondson:

"I am sympathetic to women for their burdens." ah...would this explain your sympathy for women who become pregnant by rape or incest having to carry to birth and love this child because abortion is murder?

Maureen:That's why... (Below threshold)
Peter F.:

Maureen:

That's why we adjust so often! And you ladies get all bent outta shape when you catch us doing it, too! Like "Stop that! That's disgusting!" or "Is everything OK down there?" Our response, "No, it's not. And that's why I'm moving it around. Look away if ya don't like it." LOL

I have to agree with Wonder Woman, too. Add make-up to the fray every morning and that's as time consuming as men shaving their faces. I'd rather shave.

You keep searching for that sympathy, Jay. You ain't gonna get it...And if you do get it, marry that woman immediately! LOL

But I think it's also se... (Below threshold)
kbiel:

But I think it's also self imposed. If all women didn't wear makeup men would get over it pretty quick I think.

My wife makes great anecdotal evidence for this. I abhor makeup and her skin looks quite nice without it. Yet, she insists that she has to wear makeup, at least on some occassion (work, church, etcetera). After much discussion, I finally got her to admit that she wore makeup for the benefit of other women (basically, social pressure) since she wasn't wearing it for me and she damned sure better not be wearing for some other man.

Maureen,I would ra... (Below threshold)
Mark:

Maureen,

I would rather have parts dangling between my legs from birth, than to wake up at 50 and have them begin to dangle from my chest to my knees. Wouldn't you?

Drew Edmondson,Huh... (Below threshold)
Mark:

Drew Edmondson,

Huh? WTF are you talking about? --do you even know?

I know we should ignore lit... (Below threshold)
JD:

I know we should ignore little shits like Drew, and his ever so insightful comments, but I would like to extend a collective "F*** off" in his direction.

I second JD.What a... (Below threshold)

I second JD.

What an ass.

I am six weeks pregnant wit... (Below threshold)
ClobberGirl:

I am six weeks pregnant with my first child, and I can already tell you, there is no freakin' way men have it harder than women. Feeling nauseous all the time, having to pee every hour, sleeping 8-9 hours and still feeling dead tired? It's so not fun.

As Jenny McCarthy said, if men had to have the babies, Adam and Eve would have beeen the only two people on the planet.

Oh, and guys have better jeans sizes. Guys just have to know their waist size and their inseam and they can find something that will probably fit. Girls have to put up with every clothing designer having a different idea of what "Size 8 Petite" or "Size 12 Long" means. Honestly, it's enough to make you want to scream... So, there. :)

LOL. As one gets older the ... (Below threshold)
Retread:

LOL. As one gets older the body maintenance takes more and more time regardless of gender. Fortunately the eyesight starts to go too so those little details, once so glaring to younger eyes, are much easier to overlook in yourself and your mate.

Girls have to put up wit... (Below threshold)
kbiel:

Girls have to put up with every clothing designer having a different idea of what "Size 8 Petite" or "Size 12 Long" means.

That's just simple marketing. If women would just be honest about their sizes and wouldn't be afraid of actually measuring their inseam and waist, then you could also buy the correct size like men. Heck, there's even an easy way for women to get clothing designers to make their jeans, at least, in sensible sizes: just measure your own waists and buy men's jeans. If even half the women in the U.S. would do that, then nobody would even know what a "size 8 long" is.

Jay,My first baby wa... (Below threshold)
tongancat:

Jay,
My first baby was 10lbs and had a head circum. of 15 in.! He had to be pulled out with forceps, since he was stuck. Almost killed me off! I went on to have two more babies after that experience. There is NO WAY a bald head and a daily woodie can top that.

Tongancat

Drew, you really get the go... (Below threshold)

Drew, you really get the good drugs, don't you?

I've said before -- in passing -- that I'm pro-choice, but squishily. I've also said that the main reason I don't bother discussing abortion is that 1) nobody's changing their mind; 2) nothing new's been said about abortion in about 20 years; and 3) I personally have taken steps to make certain it'll never be a personal issue for me. Further, note that this was filed under "Humor."

Or, if that's a bit too complicated for you, Drew, let me simplify it for you: cram it, asshole.

J.

Mark - what do you think pl... (Below threshold)

Mark - what do you think plastic surgeons are for? LOL

Peter - go on adjusting. It doesn't bother me! Sometimes the girls need fixin' too. ;)

kbiel - your wife is right. Women don't primp for men, they primp for other women. I for one can't go out and be the "hot mess" all the catty b*tches are talking about. And while it can be a pain, primping can also be fun. At least I find it fun on occasion.

Okay folks... lets be clear... (Below threshold)
Synova:

Okay folks... lets be clear here... if men carried babies, only the men who did so would reproduce, selecting for men who were willing to carry and deliver babies. Problem solved.

Alternately, consider the reason that women are often willing to carry more than one child... okay, I'm not counting those few ladies who feel better when they are pregnant, deliver easily, and basically just love it, I'm talking about the rest of us.

It's bad memory. Nothing more.

What do you think all those night time potty trips are for? The hormone spikes? The two days of labor where you get no sleep at all? Besides getting you accustomed to the night time demands of a baby, they are so your memory is just GONE. The pain? Well, sure I remember pain, sort of. I *think* I remember what continent I was on when each of my children were born. It doesn't take long, though, before the pain is an academic sort of memory rather than a viseral one. Another baby? Okay, sounds like fun. ;-)

Anyhow... I thought Jay Tea's post was LOL funny. (Never mind certain commenters who obviously have no sense of humor.)

Mark the chest parts start ... (Below threshold)
Just Me:

Mark the chest parts start to dangle long before we hit 50-as a matter of fact they usually start to go not long after the first baby is born.

After having my first baby, going braless was pretty much out of the question.

WAAH!!! Sympathy is in the... (Below threshold)

WAAH!!! Sympathy is in the dictionary between .... well, you know.

Synova,Having slep... (Below threshold)
Mark:

Synova,

Having slept with my ex-wife when she was pregnant for 18 months, and having been the catcher and cord snipper twice, I marvel at nature. The system is perfect.

Ya see, after the physical torture is over and the episiotomy is tied off, they send you home. The baby sleeps for most of the first day or so, but then the re-programming begins. The sleep deprivation for the first 2, 3, 4 months totally washes your brain and you forget most of the excruciating pain of delivery.

After 14 months or so, you begin to adapt to your new life, and you relish the fact that you can actually take showers, sleep through the night, and start shoving solid foods into your pride and joy. The nipples are not cracked and bleeding anymore, the boobs probably are not going to explode in your office. The mirror is not so cruel (or you've been conditioned to not care). Your old life seems like a distant dream that never really happened. Now, you're rewarded in your new life with a kid that walks, smiles, laughs, and actually gives back and contributes.

Hey, lets have another one! Parental amnesia is amazing.

Mark18 months of p... (Below threshold)
Taz:

Mark

18 months of pregnancy, whoa! I almost thought you were married to an elephant, then I read on...wheew, almost a bad visual.

T

You might want to think abo... (Below threshold)

You might want to think about submitting this one to next week's bonfire... ;)

Monthly migranes are also a... (Below threshold)
Dave:

Monthly migranes are also a symptom of lyme disease. Get tested!

Put that lyme in your cocon... (Below threshold)
epador:

Put that lyme in your coconut and shake it all up, but no spreading that BS here Dave.

Hey, I loved being preggers... (Below threshold)

Hey, I loved being preggers... had four of 'em... all 8-9 lb babes, no meds, just had the doctors catch.

No wonder my geneology chart has families with 6 to 10 kids in 'em.

B*tch, thy name is menopause. I'm peri, and my husband thought when I talked about a "hot flash" that it was perception

Then he touched me and figured we'd be saving on the heating bill this winter with all the heat I can radiate.

Oh, yeah. Exploding boobs.... (Below threshold)
Synova:

Oh, yeah. Exploding boobs. I'd just about forgotten them, too. :-)

Oh, and the famous, "You touch them you die!" warning given in the voice of Gozer.

Restating what Synova said ... (Below threshold)
meep:

Restating what Synova said - if men were the ones who had babies, they'd be women. They'd get the same baby high, and go all gootchy-goo and forget about the childbirth experience within two weeks. And then when they plump up and get really cute, then you start saying "Oh, I want another one!"

Well, that's my experience, anyway. I've got cute kids.

I can appreciate the mustac... (Below threshold)
Wright:

I can appreciate the mustache/beard problem. I grew a beard that came in grey but the mustache was mostly black. It continued black down the sides of the beard, along with a black tuft under the lip that also went stripe-wise down the length of the beard. I thought it was pretty cool until one of my kids told me that I looked like a negative of a skunk.

One word...epis... (Below threshold)
Oh, FTLOG:

One word...

episiotomy

'Nuff said!

Another word (or two) - ... (Below threshold)
Lizzie:

Another word (or two) - severe dysmenorrhea. I've had it since I started my periods and the pain literally incapacitates me for two or three days a month. I have to dose myself up with enough painkillers to knock me out. You try finding an employer who's sympathetic to that!

Hey, how do you get rid of ... (Below threshold)
L:

Hey, how do you get rid of a mustache, if you were a girl? i mean, wi/out the plastic surgeon.




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