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Do you like mid-day quickies in the rain?

The other day at work, one of my colleagues happened to comment on the Muzak channel -- it was tuned to the Schlocky 70's Station. Unfortunately, he approved of that.

He challenged me to name the Schlockiest 70's Song I could. I did, and he spoke at the exact same time.

The effect was ruined by our naming different songs. I cited "The Pina Colada Song," while he endorsed "Afternoon Delight." He then wanted to debate the issue, but I declined -- I thought they were both horrific, and prolonged contemplation of either, let alone both, would end with me driving ballpoint pens through my ears.

Shortly thereafter, just to mock me, "The Pina Colada Song" (yes, I know the proper title is "Escape," but everyone knows it as "The Pina Colada Song," or more often, "That goddamned Pina Colada Song") came over the office speakers. My colleague cursed us.

There may soon be an opening at my workplace. Two, if they figure out that I'm the one that killed him.

But in the meantime, what's your choice for schlockiest 70's song? The Pina Colada Song? Afternoon Delight? The Night Chicago Died? Muskrat Love?


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Comments (100)

What about "She's Having My... (Below threshold)
joe:

What about "She's Having My Baby," by Paul Anka?

Yuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck.

you're not digging deep eno... (Below threshold)
moflicky:

you're not digging deep enough. these three are infinately schlockier than either of your suggestions.

brown eyes blue (blew?)
you light up my life.
torn between two lovers

in the future, research your topic before offering lame answers

;)

Loving You - Minnie Rippert... (Below threshold)
Rodney Dill:

Loving You - Minnie Ripperton, except when it was played during the one football commercial.

I don't think the Night Chicago Died is quite in the same category as the others.

For some reason I couldn't place Escape, until I googled it, but leave it on the list

lovin' you is easy 'cause y... (Below threshold)
bc:

lovin' you is easy 'cause you're beautiful... la la la la laaaa... la la la la laaaa

"Midnight at the Oasis." W... (Below threshold)
goddessoftheclassroom:

"Midnight at the Oasis." Where do I pick up my prize?

How 'bout "Feelings". I on... (Below threshold)

How 'bout "Feelings". I once saw a whole episode of the Gong Show where every contestant sang or tried to sing this song.

You and your coworker hit o... (Below threshold)
Just Me:

You and your coworker hit on the real problem-it is hard to name just one.

I think Afternoon Delight edges the Pina Colada song, but only slightly.

I would also have to add MacArthur Park (um does anyone think writing a song about leaving a cake in the rain is really good song material?).

Oh, and if Atlantis was written in the 70's (although I think Donovan was more 60's than 70's, but can't remember for certain) that one should make the list-I think you have to be stoned to like that one.

And can we just include the whole Disco genre?

Phil-I-Del-Phia FREEDOM! Or... (Below threshold)

Phil-I-Del-Phia FREEDOM! Or any of Sir Elton's songs where he's claiming to be a streetwise juvie delinquent who rumbles with switchblades.

Well, I have a confession g... (Below threshold)
DaveD:

Well, I have a confession goddess, I actually like Midnight At The Oasis.

What about "Billy, Don't Be... (Below threshold)
Jim Armstrong:

What about "Billy, Don't Be a Hero"? Doesn't just the mention of this "song" make you want to go back in time and slap the DJ who first played this monstrosity? Oh, the humanity!

Seasons in the Sun - Terry ... (Below threshold)
oldowan:

Seasons in the Sun - Terry Jacks

The problem with a contest ... (Below threshold)
Dana:

The problem with a contest such as this is that now, for the rest of the day, one of these songs will be running through my head. UUUUUUUGGHHHHH! MAKE IT STOP.

Why does everyone hate on t... (Below threshold)

Why does everyone hate on the Starland Vocal Band so hard? "Afternoon Delight" was pop fluff but it didn't pretend to be any more than it was.
And let me tell you something - SVB had real talent. Their lead singer tore the head of the song "Maybe" and their version of "Why Do Fools Fall In Love" kicked the butt of the Diana Ross version.

I, too, must confess I like... (Below threshold)

I, too, must confess I like "Midnight at the Oasis," as well as "Afternoon Delight" (the dirtiest clean song--or is that cleanest dirty song?--I've ever heard.

My vote for just one (and not to flog a dead horse, but it's definitely impossible to pick just one) would be "MacArthur Park"...any version of that crappy song.

Though not a 70's song, the... (Below threshold)
DJ:

Though not a 70's song, the one that if I hear in the morning that will stick with me for a week, is 1981's hit by Joe Scarbury, the Greatest American Hero.. gawd, its playing in my head just by thinking about it.. arrggh.

70's songs, anything by the BeeGees... or Peaches & Herb's '79 hit Reunited.

Do you know the way to San ... (Below threshold)
mark m:

Do you know the way to San Jose...Dionne Warwick. Bralffff.

"She ran calling Wiiiild Fi... (Below threshold)

"She ran calling Wiiiild Fire...

"She ran calling Wiiiild Fi... (Below threshold)

"She ran calling Wiiiild Fire...

Puppy Love by Donnie Osmond... (Below threshold)

Puppy Love by Donnie Osmond. It still nearly makes me puke when I hear it.

WARNING! Projectile vomitin... (Below threshold)
bobdog:

WARNING! Projectile vomiting alert.

Yum-mee yum-mee yum-mee
I've got love in my tum-mee
and

Ogod. Somebody hold my hair back.

Jim Armstrong up there pick... (Below threshold)
D. Carter:

Jim Armstrong up there picked the one I was thinking of: "Billy, Don't Be a Hero". Of course, "Afternoon Delight" is just about equally revolting. The song that really makes me want to reach for a revolver is "Dream Weaver", but I can't remember if that's from the 70's, or if it's 70's-style residual schlock that spilled over into the 80's. "Midnight at the Oasis" is more of a soft jazz tune than a commercial pop ballad, and I'm willing to cut Maria Muldaur some slack because of her rousing "I'm a Woman" shouter. Oh, and one more thing: Cybrludite makes an excellent point about Elton John; I don't know if "Benny and the Jets" was recorded in the 70's or not, but it's one of those songs that makes me want to rip the radio out of the dash and toss it out the window - shabby technique, plodding melody, and the absurd vocal posturing (who does the guy think he is, Joe Turner?).

Someone left the cake out i... (Below threshold)
Bostonian:

Someone left the cake out in the rain
I don't think that I can take it
'Cause it took so long to bake it
And I'll never have that recipe agaiiiiiiin
(key change)AGAIIIIIIINNNNN

Do I win?

HEART-ACHE BY BONNIE TYLER.... (Below threshold)
oliver bush:

HEART-ACHE BY BONNIE TYLER.

"Heaven on the Seventh Floo... (Below threshold)

"Heaven on the Seventh Floor" by some group whose name I have mercifully forgotten, and wish it to remain that way.

One word: Ugh.

I really can't believe that... (Below threshold)

I really can't believe that nobody has mentioned the ultimate 70s song.

"Love Will Keep Us Together."

Captain and Tennille. Co-written by Neil Sedaka, who called it "the most perfect pop song."

Won the Grammy in 1975. Sold a million or so copies.

Whenever "Lovin' You" was o... (Below threshold)

Whenever "Lovin' You" was on, there was one point in the song where all the neighborhood dogs started barking. And sometimes a window would break.

What was up with that, anyway?

"She ran calling Wiiiild Fire..."

AAAUUUUGGGGHHHHH!!!

And the thing is, years later I have forgiven Michael Martin Murphey because now he does cowboy songs.

"Timothy", a charming song ... (Below threshold)
joe:

"Timothy", a charming song about a mining accident and cannibalism.

Too bad "Total Eclipse of the Heart" was in the early 80s or it would be on the list.

"Turn around, bright eyes (Every now and then.....)"

Years ago the Circle Jerks ... (Below threshold)
Ian:

Years ago the Circle Jerks did a "song" called "Golden Shower of Hits" where they strung - in true punk rock style - a montage of crappy song bits together. Many of the songs suggested in this thread are among them: "D-I-V-O-R-C-E", "Close to you" among them too.

I agree with McGehee --- Lo... (Below threshold)

I agree with McGehee --- Lovin You was stomach-turning (in fact, everyt hing Olivia Newton-John did was).

Afternoon Delight was pretty sick too, but you can't argue with the truth of the message.

And I liked Midnight too!

I don't know if schloky is ... (Below threshold)
Doug:

I don't know if schloky is the right term or not, but CONVOY was pretty terrible.Disco Duck was just as bad.

Of course, there's the subc... (Below threshold)
cmd:

Of course, there's the subcategory of "good schlock" versus "bad schlock." Bad schlock is just bad, like Jim Stafford's Spiders and Snakes ('and that ain't what it takes to love me. . .oooh-ooh!") or Melanie's Brand New Key. Good schlock is stuff you sing along with lustily at the top of your lungs, even though you know the song is awful - like Venus by Shocking Blue, or the granddaddy of them all, Blue Swede's Hooked on a Feelin'.

Come on, you know the immortal words to this timeless classic - "OOGA CHAKA, OOGA-OOGA-OOGA CHAKA, OOGA-OOGA-OOGA-CHAKA. . ."

Sundown - was just creepy. ... (Below threshold)

Sundown - was just creepy. "Sundown you better take if I find you been creepin round my back stair" What the hell did THAT mean???

Somebodys Knockin - by the blind C&W chick

You can eat crackers in my Bed - Barbara Mandrell. BARF!!!!!!! I'm assuming that crackers was not the name of her 'cat'

Anything by Al Stewart. St... (Below threshold)
Robb:

Anything by Al Stewart. Start with "Time Passages" and go from there.

Oh come on! The Pina Colada... (Below threshold)
MrO:

Oh come on! The Pina Colada Song (Escape) is perhaps the best song ever :) It's my freakin' theme song :)

LOL goddessoftheclassroom - Midnight At the Oasis - yup with timeless lines like "Send your camel to bed" that's gotta be the shlockiest. :)


Many "good" candidates, but... (Below threshold)
Dr B.:

Many "good" candidates, but I'm surprised no one remembered the two most insipid of all- Tie a Yellow Ribbon and Rain Drops Keep Fallin on My Head. And then there is the (dis)honorable mention for worst shameless erzatz ripoff of the R and B style, Rockin Pneumonia and Boogie Woogie Blues. OK, now that all that stuff is playing on my mental tape recorder, will someone, anyone, please, shoot me now?

Geez, I kinda like The N... (Below threshold)
JP:

Geez, I kinda like The Night Chicago Died.

I’ve got to vote for “Disco... (Below threshold)

I’ve got to vote for “Disco Duck” too.

The song is bad enough on its own merits. But it was truly the schlock gift that kept on giving us schlock.

That song launched Rick Dees, and we’ve had to suffer through his other schlock for about 30 years now.

Disco songs shouldn't count... (Below threshold)
Eno:

Disco songs shouldn't count. Clearly the worst song of all time is "Muskrat Love"; especially the keyboard "solo" of the little rats giggling. Everyone on this thread has mentioned some really fantastic work (no one mentioned "Playground in my Mind" by Clint ?? "My name is Michael, I've got a ....)

But "muskrat Suzy and Sam", C'mon!

Disco songs shouldn't count... (Below threshold)
Eno:

Disco songs shouldn't count. Clearly the worst song of all time is "Muskrat Love"; especially the keyboard "solo" of the little rats giggling. Everyone on this thread has mentioned some really fantastic work (no one mentioned "Playground in my Mind" by Clint ?? "My name is Michael, I've got a ....)

But "muskrat Suzy and Sam", C'mon!

Top 5 Worst 70s songs (no p... (Below threshold)
Peter F.:

Top 5 Worst 70s songs (no particular order):

"Afternoon Delight"
"Reunited"
"You Light Up My Life"
"I Can't Smile Without You"
and my personal, all-time WTF-is-this-song-about?:
"Stairway to Heaven"

I'm sure that'll brand me as being a tasteless bastard, but I can't stand that song. Ugh!

Best Songs:
"London Calling"
"Rock 'n Roll High School"
"Once in a Lifetime"
"God Save The Queen"
"Train in Vain"

Yes, two Clash songs.

Thanks for this thread. Now... (Below threshold)
Clay Jarr:

Thanks for this thread. Now I'm going to have this running through my head all afternoon:

Oo, I hear laughter in the rain
Walking hand in hand with the one I love
Oo, how I love the rainy days
And the happy way I feel inside

Oh, if only Neil Sedaka would have been struck dumb before that song was recorded. The world would be a much better place.

Lovin You was stomach-tu... (Below threshold)

Lovin You was stomach-turning (in fact, everyt hing Olivia Newton-John did was)

Oblivia Neutron-Bomb didn't do "Lovin' You," but other than that I can't argue...

Great. Now you've got me th... (Below threshold)
Clay Jarr:

Great. Now you've got me thinking of the other Olivia Newton-whatever song:

But there you are with yours
And here I am with mine
So I guess we'll just be leaving it at this

I love you
I honestly love you
I honestly love you

May God mercifully slay me now. Please.

Of what's been suggested he... (Below threshold)
LDH:

Of what's been suggested here, the only song that would cause me to leap (in dramatic Six-Million Dollar Man-style slow-motion) across the room to change the radio channel as though there were a falling glass vial of deadly nerve toxin about to crash onto a hard wood floor in the presence of my family *and* the heads of state of every nation in the UN Security Council is Seasons in the Sun by Terry Jacks (but maybe that's just me...)

Silly Love Songs (Paul McCa... (Below threshold)
Denny Crane:

Silly Love Songs (Paul McCartney)

Does "Kung Fu Fighting" cou... (Below threshold)

Does "Kung Fu Fighting" count as schlock, or is it just gawd-awful?

Playground in My Mind</i... (Below threshold)
cmd:

Playground in My Mind was Clint Holmes, eno. But hell, since we've already trashed Neil Sedaka and Elton John and faux toughness, I present for your consideration. . .

Bad Blood! ("Bad [Ba-a-d] Blood [Blo-o-od] / The bitch is in her smile / The lie is on her lips / Such an evil child."

"Billy, Don't he a hero" is... (Below threshold)
Brett:

"Billy, Don't he a hero" is a pretty good candidate, "Run Joey Run" is a pretty good candidate (even had a simulated angelic choir). But, based on my painful experiences, I would have to throw in with the others that "Seasons in the Sun" by Terry Jacks is the worst.

Hey, Denny--when did Paul M... (Below threshold)

Hey, Denny--when did Paul McCartney write Silly Love Songs?

All his life (ba-dum-DUM!)

It's true - the mind forget... (Below threshold)
bobdog:

It's true - the mind forgets pain. Thanks for bringing all this up.

Where DID I put that bottle of pink shit, anyway?

Here's one non-qualifier I completely forgot about - Walt Disney's "It's a small world after all". That got stuck in my brain for about three days once. May the waves of nausea be upon you.

Ever see a dog with wings? ... (Below threshold)

Ever see a dog with wings? Linda McCartney.

(You youngsters might not get that one..)

"Here I Am (The One That Yo... (Below threshold)
langtry:

"Here I Am (The One That You Love)" by Air Supply.

Nothing else in the world can inducenear-fatal hypoxia like that crap.

S-A-T-U-R-D-A-Y, NIGHT!... (Below threshold)

S-A-T-U-R-D-A-Y, NIGHT!

S-A-T-U-R-D-A-Y, NIGHT!

S-A-T-U-R-D-A-Y, NIGHT!

I just remembered the Bay City Rollers….

Also, what is that horrible... (Below threshold)
langtry:

Also, what is that horrible Bread song that starts out

"If a picture paints a thousand words, then why can't I paint you"?

If that song was the only one left for a man to seduce a woman, the race would almost certainly die out!

DOG AND BUTTERFLY and MUSKR... (Below threshold)
spurwing plover:

DOG AND BUTTERFLY and MUSKRAT LOVE two realy dumb songs and well WHERE AVE ALL THE FLOWERS GONE? is putrid THE NIGHT CHICAGO DIED was about the st valensday masacure can anyone remember THE PARTIDGE FAMILY with their hit I THINK I LOVE YOU

I'm gonna have nightmares!<... (Below threshold)
OC Chuck:

I'm gonna have nightmares!

Clay Jarr, I once saw the l... (Below threshold)
Bobbert:

Clay Jarr, I once saw the lyrics to "I Honestly Love You" in a book store. It was with sheet music for weddings.

'If we both were born in another place in time, this moment might be ended in a kiss . . ."

Yeah. The perfect wedding song.

langtry, That awfu... (Below threshold)
Laura:

langtry,

That awful Bread song you are referring to was titled "If".

Hands Down - No competition... (Below threshold)
Mickey:

Hands Down - No competition.

Billy Don't be a Hero by Terry Jack.

I will not argue about this!

I vote for "Tie A Yellow Ri... (Below threshold)
Socratease:

I vote for "Tie A Yellow Ribbon", but I grew up in the 70's and try to forget as much of its popular music as I can. It truly was the dust bowl of American musical history.

Sundown is a song about a m... (Below threshold)
Taz:

Sundown is a song about a man comin round for his midnight booty call with an old girlfriend....or some kind of "pimp song". (sorry JT)

"I'm your boogie man, yes I am"
The 70's music sucked then & now.

Easily the worst:D... (Below threshold)
Right of Center:

Easily the worst:

Don't Give Up on Us Baby
by David Soul
Star of Starsky and Hutch

The 70's is a gold mine of ... (Below threshold)
register_allocation:

The 70's is a gold mine of awful songs. Olivia Newton John, Barry Manalow, and a host of one-offs pimped the sappy, saccarine ballad into a nightmare genre that languishes in a well-deserved obscurity.

I gotta second "You're Having My Baby". It's a song about (I swear I'm not making this up) how swell it is that the singer's lover isn't having an abortion.

Then there's that one that Lileks was talking about in the Bleat a while back... what was it? "Sometimes when we touch/the honesty's too much". Brrr.... <googles> Here it is: Sometimes When We Touch by Dan Hill. Warning: Truely Awful Lyrics on the other side of the link.

No one mentioned everything... (Below threshold)
metrognome57:

No one mentioned everything by The Captain and Tenille????!????? Gag me with a spoon!

Wow- some great stuff here ... (Below threshold)
Eno:

Wow- some great stuff here guys. Thanks CMD for Clint Holmes, very good. But Brett, I had forgotten (thankfully) about "Seasons in the Sun" I may have to back off of my backing of "Muskrat Love" as the worst ever.

forgot a few really bad one... (Below threshold)
moflicky:

forgot a few really bad ones:
dont' go breakin' my heart - EJ and KKD
precious and few - Climax
gypsys tramps and thieves - she who will not be named.

schlock that rocks:
Lime and Coconut - Harry Nilsson
Midnight at the Oasis (yes, it rocks)

on a related note: saw a single panel cartoon in a magazine once. it had a picture of a man sitting at a piano in a bar, a tip jar on the piano with a note that said:

"Requests: $1.00 Feelings: $10.00"

now THAT'S speaking truth to power!

Kim Carnes - Betty Davis Ey... (Below threshold)
Steve:

Kim Carnes - Betty Davis Eyes - Aaaaaaaaaaaagh!!!!

metrognome57, Jay mentioned... (Below threshold)
Rodney Dill:

metrognome57, Jay mentioned 'Muskrat Love' in the main post for Captain and Tenille.

How 'bout
The Joker - Steve Miller

Since these are Turkey's it... (Below threshold)
Rodney Dill:

Since these are Turkey's its an appropriate contest for Thanksgiving.

not main stream but This is the worst

Socratease and Dr. B. are a... (Below threshold)
D. Carter:

Socratease and Dr. B. are absolutely right: "Tie a Yellow Ribbon". I'm not sure how I could possibly have forgotten that one, unless I had it blanked out through hynosis therapy (which means that . . . It's. Back. Now.) Not only a terrible song, but undoubtedly the inspiration for tying yellow ribbons on trees, telephone poles, fence posts, etc. to mark the absence of loved ones, e.g., troops serving overseas (the troops deserve better than to have their sacrifice commemorated by an instant tradition based on imagery from one of the hinkiest songs in history). Who can forget the sappy lyrics and the staccato background on electric piano? I hope, someday, I will be able to - again.

Just thought of another hor... (Below threshold)

Just thought of another horrid 70's classic:

“Do Ya Think I’m Sexy”


But ya gotta give those seventies folks credit for their lack of inhibitions...

Thank God I had forgotten "... (Below threshold)
Doug:

Thank God I had forgotten " Seasons in the sun", but you guys are right...sickening.

I hate to admit this but I liked at the time some America songs , but always hated their most popular--"A horse with no name" I would change stations immediately.Maybe it was my cheap,tinny, Graco speakers,and my eight- trac.... Ah, good old times

You think that people would... (Below threshold)

You think that people would have had enough of Silly Love Songs.
I look around me and I seeeee it isn't so.
Some people want to build the world with Silly Love Songs.
And what's wrong with that?
I want to know.
So here I go....again.

ARGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

Jerry,That was WAY... (Below threshold)
Denny Crane:

Jerry,

That was WAY too graphic! Now that shit's gonna be on the back of my mind all night. Bleech!

I know, I nominated it. But I really didn't need to relive the words!!!

Oh, but to those of you who are dissing 70's music in general: YOU"RE WRONG! Why? BECAUSE I SAID SO!

Really, there was some great stuff you've either forgotten about, or you relegated it to the 60's or pushed it to the 80's.

To those who dis the 70's, ... (Below threshold)
Denny Crane:

To those who dis the 70's, consider some of these albums/bands:

Sticky Fingers and Exile on Main Steet (Rolling Stones)
Who's Next (The Who)
Cosmo's Factory (Creedence Clearwater)
Fun House (The Stooges)
More than half of Led Zep's work
Virtually all of Black Sabbath
David Fucking Bowie
The Band
New York Dolls
Montrose
Bob Marley
Derek and the Dominos
The James Gang
ZZ Top
Deep Purple
Everything worthwhile from Aerosmith
The Sex Pistols
The Ramones
The Clash
Most of Pink Floyd
Grand Funk Railroad
The Band
Rush
Elton John
Edgar Winter
Johnny Winter
Ted Nugent's good stuff
Queen's best years
Mott the Hoople
Foghat
BTO (yes, I really said that. I just listened to some old vinyl and they were MUCH deeper than I remembered)
Kiss
Siouxie and the Banshees
Pat Benatar
Don't forget all the pre-disco funk bands!
Oh! Alice Cooper!!!!!!!!!

Don't make me refer to my iTunes library, or you'll be sorry.

Hey, Denny, you'll get no a... (Below threshold)
D. Carter:

Hey, Denny, you'll get no argument from me. My favorite music is swing and late '40's R&B. The least thing ever done by Count Basie or Erskine Hawkins or Amos Milburn is better than the best thing ever done by anybody on your list. But as they say, de gustibus non est disputandam, or something like that.

D. Carter:I'm a pa... (Below threshold)
Denny Crane:

D. Carter:

I'm a part-time blues guitarist, and my favorite music of all time is probably the blues from the 20's through the late 50's with good stuff also coming from the 60's, 70's, 80's and 90's. I also appreciate the big band stuff, and guys like Charlie Christian and Django Reinhardt are also heros. T-Bone Walker is my absolute favorite.

BUT! I also love rock from its inception to the present. The 70's are currently being overlooked, but they'll be appreciated again. I'm in the process of replacing vinyl from my elementary school and Jr. High days, and I'm remembering how great much of it really was. For those of you into contemporary music, the 70's DID NOT SUCK! (at least not completely)

I was gonna mention that ho... (Below threshold)
epador:

I was gonna mention that horrible song supposedly about being an, ahem, Native American, [complete with mention of tom-toms]but after D Carter's response to Denny Cranes, I figured 'nuff said. But when it comes to all time embarrassing schlock, the winner comes a decade or so later: the first thing to enter my mind was "we are the world" because, as far as I can tell, the artists were actually serious about their message, where all the others mentioned above had at least a little tongue in cheek [if not something else somewhere else].

oooo Denny responded before... (Below threshold)
epador:

oooo Denny responded before I posted!

I enjoyed the 70's in the 70's, and the music that reflected blues sits higher than the rest, but I can't get really excited about most of that pop, or any pop since then. Shoot, I'd rather listen to Gilbert and Sullivan's worst than Tommy.

The Nice, early Cream and early Chicago strike me as memorable stuff; Elton John, ELP and just about anything the Stones did after Satisfaction as truly forgetable or embarrassing, unless you like to spend your time in an altered state of awareness.

Denny,No ar... (Below threshold)


Denny,

No arguments with your list of good music, but I think maybe you missed the theme of this post. Its not about 70’s music in general. Its about specific sucky songs.

I went back and re-read every comment here (painful though it was), and I only saw one single person who dissed 70’s music in general.

I LOVE a lot of music from the 70’s. I think much of it is actually the best of all time. But I have to admit, some of it sucked big time. I’m sure you would agree on a few of the dogs mentioned here.

jmaster,No, I didn... (Below threshold)
Denny Crane:

jmaster,

No, I didn't miss the point of the post. But there were more than one person who lamented the 70's in its entirety (look again).

I, too, used to dis the 70's because I forgot. I would venture that many people who are still trying to forget 70's music have to admit they like more than three or four or five of the items I listed.

But to get back to the original point, I still stand behind Silly Love Songs as one of the worst ever.

Denny,OK, I went b... (Below threshold)

Denny,

OK, I went back and re-read them all again (I really need to get a life).

I’ll grant you two more comments that COULD be considered as dissing all 70’s music, but only if you take a negative interpretation.

But I completely disagree with your opinion of “Silly Love Songs”. I think that song is completely tongue in cheek, and quite possibly a direct slam at John and Yoko.

And even if its not, how can you argue with the lyrics:

“You’d think that people would have had enough of silly love songs

I look around me and I see that isn’t true

What’s wrong with that?”


I mean, really, what’s wrong with that?

I will agree that the part with Paul and Linda exchanging “I love yous” is lame. But I suspect that could also be a direct slam at John and Yoko.

Then again, maybe I am reading too much into the song.…

Schlock is "Muhammad Ali/Bl... (Below threshold)

Schlock is "Muhammad Ali/Black Superman" by Johnny Wakelin and the Kinshasha Band.

The song lends itself perfectly to Saddam's Cousin: "Chemical Ali"

jmaster,You bring ... (Below threshold)
Denny Crane:

jmaster,

You bring up a good point about John and Yoko, and I never considered that. In fact, I've never analyzed the lyrics at all--just took them, and that incipid melody, at face value. I lived with my little sister playing it on the piano ad nauseum and it scarred me for life.

I would have nominated Muskrat Love if Jay didn't mention it first.

I have to agree that some of the worst Top 40 songs of all time came from the 70's. And, I am really thankful that I've pushed them so deep into my subconscious that I can't even recall what they were.

But, I can't let those turds destroy the memory of what was really a pretty good musical decade.

And, lets compare the 70's with the last two or three years! In my house I have daughters and step daughters who are 9, 11, 13, and one will be 16 this week. They're listening mostly to old stuff, with only one or two albums from the past 3 years. That's pretty sad, in my opinion--a sad state for music.

Meri Wilson - Telephone man... (Below threshold)
Ken:

Meri Wilson - Telephone man

I went to my apartment on a Monday at one
A-singin' do lolly, lolly shicky bum, shicky bum
Started movin' in it on a Tuesday at two
A-singin' do lolly, lolly shicky do, shicky do
Wednesday at three I called the phone company, singin':
"Hey baby, put a phone in for me"
Thursday at four he came a-knockin' at my door, singin':

"Hey, baby, I'm your telephone man
You just show me where you want it and I'll put it where I can
I can put it in the bedroom, I can put it in the hall
I can put it in the bathroom, I can hang it on the wall
You can have it with a buzz, you can have it with a ring
And if you really want it you can have a ding-a-ling
Because-a hey baby, I'm your telephone man"

Can you believe that? And then he says:

"Now when other fellas call ya tell 'em how it all began"

Well...can you imagine?

My heart began a-thumpin' and my mind began to fly
And I knew I wasn't dealin' with no ordinary guy
So while he was a-talking I was thinkin' up my plan
Then my fingers did the walkin' on the telephone man

Singin' hey lolly, lolly
Hey lolly, lolly
Hey lolly, lolly
Get it any way you can
Right? Ha ha ha, so...

I got it in the bedroom, and I got it in the hall
And I got it in the bathroom, and he hung it on the wall
I got it with a buzz, and I got it with a ring
And when he told me what my number was I got a ding-a-ling

A-singin' hey lolly, lolly
Hey lolly, lolly
Hey lolly, lolly
Just-a doin' my thing

Ha, ha...I've never done anything like this before!

The WORST song ever produce... (Below threshold)
Travis:

The WORST song ever produced in the 70's has got to be "Midnight at the Oasis." Well, that and Steve Millers' "Take the money and run". I mean come on, The word Texas does NOT rhyme with "Facts is".

Was I the only person into ... (Below threshold)
-S-:

Was I the only person into blues and blues&rock&roll in the seventies? I barely recognize any of these titles beyond hearing them in various elevators, although "Midnight at the Oasis" was supposedly "attractive" to some during that time and I just thought it was trash on the radio otherwise.

The Captain and Tenille were appealing (can't explain why) to a lot of children at the height of their popularity...kids would perk up in the car at the start of "Do That To Me One More Time" and what I think it was was the soothing sound of Tenille's voice. Thus, they had family appeal in comparison with the wretched Soapiness otherwise of all the rest. I always perceived DAWN as suspect and wasn't at all surprised when the guy was busted for cocaine (while posing as Mr. Clean). Just saying, too toothy, too-too, just knew there was phoniness there. Thus, their 'music' was irritating to my ear (still is).

I happened to like "The Muskrat (Love) Song" (whatever it was called) but the "Yummy, Yummy...Love in my Tommy" and the "turn around, bright eyes" things were just too much for me. I mean, someone was getting a huge laugh out of those singles, a very well paid one.

Ha, "love in my TUMMY..." <... (Below threshold)
-S-:

Ha, "love in my TUMMY..."

Can't believe my horrible typo, previous.

I was thrilled to see my vo... (Below threshold)
EricR:

I was thrilled to see my vote for all time schlockiest 70's song mentioned in the second of 88 comments!

Let me cast another vote for:

TORN BETWEEN TWO LOVERS by MARY MACGREGOR

I can't believe nobody here... (Below threshold)

I can't believe nobody here has mentioned Gilbert O'Sullivan's "Alone Again (Naturally)":

"Oh in a little while from now
if I'm not feeling anyless sour
I promise myself to treat myself
and visit a nearby tower
and climbing to the top
will throw myself off
in an effort to make it clear
to whoever what it's like when you're shattered
left standing in the lurch at a church..." (gag)

I refuse to read any commen... (Below threshold)
edmcgon:

I refuse to read any comments on this blog. I'm still trying to get the songs from the original post out of my head. :P

The Spong Monkey's are guar... (Below threshold)
Rodney Dill:

The Spong Monkey's are guaranteed to get these songs out of your head.

http://www.rathergood.com/moon_song/

For those of you still thin... (Below threshold)

For those of you still thinking that the 70s music was not all that bad, let me submit to you the contents of a mix tape that I created some 15-20 years ago. I called it “God-Awful Songs”:

Ring My Bell – Anita Ward (#1 – 1979)
That’s Rock ‘n’ Roll – Shaun Cassidy (#3 – 1977)
Morning Side of the Mountain – Donny & Marie Osmond (#8 – 1975)
Yo-Yo – The Osmonds (#3 – 1971)
A Daisy a Day – Jud Strunk (#14 – 1973)
Speak to the Sky – Rick Springfield (#14 – 1972)
Daddy Don’t You Walk So Fast – Wayne Newton (#4 – 1972)
Makin’ It – David Naughton (#5 – 1979)
I Do, I Do, I Do, I Do, I Do – ABBA (#15 – 1976)
Leave Me Alone (Ruby Red Dress) – Helen Reddy (#3 – 1973)
You and Me Against the World – Helen Reddy (#9 – 1974)
Kung Fu Fighting – Carl Douglas (#1 – 1974)
Save Your Kisses For Me – Brotherhood of Man (#27 – 1976)
Paloma Blanca – George Baker Selection (#26 – 1976)
Chevy Van – Sammy Johns (#5 – 1975)
Run Joey Run – David Geddes (#4 – 1975)
Rocky – Austin Roberts (#9 – 1975)
Get Dancin’ – Disco Tex & the Sex-O-Lettes (#10 – 1975)
He’s the Greatest Dancer – Sister Sledge (#9 – 1979)
Sylvia’s Mother – Dr. Hook & the Medicine Show (#5 – 1972)

Hey!Sylvia's Mothe... (Below threshold)
Denny Crane:

Hey!

Sylvia's Mother wasn't that bad, and the rest of the album was pretty damned good!

Denny: T-Bone Walker! NOW y... (Below threshold)
D. Carter:

Denny: T-Bone Walker! NOW you're talkin'!! Don't know if you're familiar with Memphis Jimmy, but there's a tune recorded by him and a small group in 1947 called "Jimmy's Jump" which features some guitar work that could have fit right into the early rock 'n roll period (not to mention some incredibly propulsive boogie woogie piano, which is my absolute favorite type of music).

I agree that the 70's weren't a total washout; however, a lot of the good stuff took a back seat to the inferior (Steve Miller's "Come On Into My Kitchen" is a great blues piece, but I don't believe it ever got air time).

Denny Crane's point is well... (Below threshold)
Socratease:

Denny Crane's point is well-taken, there was some good music during the 70's. But a lot of it was from bands started in the 60's (Rolling Stones, Jethro Tull), or bands that wouldn't become popular until the 80's or 90's (Aerosmith, Queen), or "progressive" bands that didn't give a damn about being popular (Yes, Emerson Lake & Palmer). The 70's also had the brass rock bands (Chicago, Tower Of Power, Blood Sweat & Tears, Chase), a unique genre I wish would come back. But the stuff that made the play lists of most of the broadcast stations was generally pretty awful.

Too bad Maria Muldar got tarred with the fluff piece "Midnight at the Oasis", she was a halfway-decent blues singer. I still remember a live recording of her singing "Don't You Feel My Leg."

stairway to heaven sucks?<b... (Below threshold)
pamela:

stairway to heaven sucks?
steve miller band sucks?

I find it truly annoying when people blather on about bands or songs that suck. If it's so bad than why even talk about it? Just don't listen to the songs. I especially loved how someone made a whole mixed tape out of "horrific" songs. Why? So you can listen to songs that you "supposedly" think are awful? DOES THAT MAKE ANY SENSE?

Denny: A nic... (Below threshold)
Eno:

Denny:
A nice list of some really good people, but can you say that Mott the Hoople and the New York Dolls are truly representative of the 70's? I almost got canned at the University Radio station for playing sex pistols in 1979. Unfortunately, I'm afraid Tie a Yellow Ribbon, Torn Between Two Lovers and Seasons in the Sun are a little more indicative.

Run Joey Run. Or ... (Below threshold)

Run Joey Run.

Or Heaven on the Seventh Floor.

I used to have all of the K-tel *albums* of these!

I liked Seasons in the Sun.... (Below threshold)
George:

I liked Seasons in the Sun. My first favorite song- I was about 8 years old. The flip side by the way, was far worse. It was called "Put the bone in" and the subject was that the singer was asking the butcher to put the bone in her grocery bag for her poor little doggie.

How about Kung-fu fightin? HA!

Or Knock three times on the ceiling if you want me.

If you have to look this stuff up on the internet then you obviously were not alive in the 70s.




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