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Auto Erotica

As I've said before, I really like the Shaggin' Wagon. Partly, it's a guy thing -- it just has so many cool gadgets and features.

1) Automatic climate control. No more fiddling with temperature, vent, and fan settings. I just tell it to keep it just the right temperature (70, 72, 75, whatever I feel like) and it just does it.

2) Heated rear view mirrors. The other day, I was driving to work in incredibly dense fog. I happened to look out and saw my mirrors were almost completely fogged over. I was annoyed, until I realized I could barely make out the inscribed letters spelling out the word "Heated" on them. One quick press of the "F DEF" button and voila -- less than a minute later, crystal-clear vision to the poor saps blown in the dust by the mighty Shaggin' Wagon.

3) Automatic head lamps. It's nice to leave the garage lit up for a moment when I put the car away for the night, but it has its down sides.

A while ago I was giving a friend a ride. The lights came on by themselves, and I couldn't figure out why -- it was a cloudy, but otherwise bright afternoon. Finally, I realized the reason.

"Hey, Dick, my headlights are on."
"Yeah, I noticed, Jay. Why?"
"Automatic headlights, remember? They come on by themselves."
"But it's 3 in the afternoon."
"They're triggered by a light sensor."
"So it's gone bad?"
"Nope. The sensor is on the dashboard, and it's working fine."
"Then why are the lights on? Is it under Mr. Duckie?"
"No, the sensor on the dash is over at the far right -- RIGHT UNDER YOUR BOOK."

He moved the book posthaste, but I found it more amusing than anything else.

Yeah, pretty much all of these things cater to my laziness. But that's just fine with me.

(Certain names have been changed to protect the ignorant.)


Comments (12)

Judging by the attatched ph... (Below threshold)
mark m:

Judging by the attatched photo links....I gotta believe the interior of that woman killer has to smell of......So what's your total of chicks bagged up to in that rig?

But does it have heated sea... (Below threshold)
Just Me:

But does it have heated seats?

I have to admit, when we lived down South I couldn't figure out why anyone would want heated seats.

When we bought my truck a few years ago, it came with heated seats. I would rather crank my own windows up, turn the dial on the radio by hand, and lock each door individually than give up my heated seats.


I'm sorry, but you are seri... (Below threshold)
Sherard:

I'm sorry, but you are seriously not right. A Taurus Wagon is the dream vehicle of my idiot sister-in-law. You should be ashamed to even mention it, nevermind as if it were some kind of prize to behold. LOL!

Your lights should be on al... (Below threshold)
Taz:

Your lights should be on all the time. It seems to be an eastcoast thing to drive around in all sorts of weather with the lights off, you know fog, snow rain & as late into dusk as possible. I've never understood why people don't use the running/day headlights.
My car has auto lights too & I love it; it's a safety feature.

It seems to be an eastco... (Below threshold)

It seems to be an eastcoast thing to drive around in all sorts of weather with the lights off, you know fog, snow rain & as late into dusk as possible.

From having lived 32 years in California and five in Alaska, I can bust this myth. Idiots live in all 50 states.

Just Me: Yes, heated seats ... (Below threshold)

Just Me: Yes, heated seats are one of the great inventions of the 20th century

Jay Tea: The auto lights may run a close second. My Jeep has the auto-lights, and as an added bonus, they also automatically go on whenever the wipers are activated. That is a great feature.

Now, the new things I wish I had are rain-sensing wipers and adaptive cruise control. Oh, and integrated Bluetooth as well.

"Partly, it's a guy thing..... (Below threshold)
Denny Crane:

"Partly, it's a guy thing..."

No, there is no "guy thing" about a Taurus wagon. None whatsoever.

So answer Mark M's question: Have you bagged anything but groceries in that thing?

The heated rear view mirror... (Below threshold)
Peter F.:

The heated rear view mirrors really is a cool sounding gadget. I could really something like that when I go skiing up in the mountains on the weekends.

That, and a .50cal mounted on the hood of my truck to remove slow drivers from the fast lane.

McGhee:

Agreed, but idiots are more prevelant in some states than others. Here in Washington, we have enough idiot drivers to plug the hole in Mt. St. Helens.

I do so miss my 80mph commutes in Texas.

Peter F.I-5 throug... (Below threshold)
Denny Crane:

Peter F.

I-5 through Seattle was the worst traffic anywhere in the late 70's and early 80's. It must be a zillion times worse now. You'll need something bigger than a .50cal on your hood.

I always thought a tank turret would be useful for my mornings on the 405 when I commuted from Palos Verdes to Santa Monica.

Of course, neither weapon would look cool on a white Taurus wagon.

Denny C.:Oh people... (Below threshold)
Peter F.:

Denny C.:

Oh people up here whine, piss and moan about the traffic all the time, but it's really not all that bad—compared to say your former (and likely God-awful) 405 commute! Yeah, at times, it can be bad (like taking 520 or 405 to go to and from Microsoft); and doubtless we need lots of transportation fixes and road widenings.

But...I grew up San Francisco and have been in mind-numbing traffic that would make most Seattlelites go nuts; I've also been LA and New York traffic jams and they blow away SF jams. So Seattlelites complaints about gridlock pale in comparison.

Of course, (and you'll appreciate this as a former Seattlelite) this city thinks the solution to its traffic problems is the Monorail. Trouble is, the darn thing catches on fire; its expansion has been apprvoed and then killed 4 separate times (this last time for a ridiculous financing scheme); then there was this, um, sticky situation that happened not once but twice. The second one was just last Friday. And they just pried the damn things apart the night before last. Now they're a few blocks away and I pass under them every morning to drop my wife off at work.

Good times.

Once you have climate contr... (Below threshold)
George:

Once you have climate control, you can never go
back. Other items in that category are big computer monitors and cable modems.

I relate with you 100% on the car features. Now,
you need 4-wheel drive. That can be addictive, too.
Even if you rarely use it, when you need it, you need it.

I see the topic of traffic ... (Below threshold)
George:

I see the topic of traffic has come up.
Is it my imagination or has traffic doubled in
the past 20 years?

I live in Pennsylvania where the population
has actually decreased. Counterintuitively,
traffic appears to have increased radically.




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