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Wizbang Weekend Caption Contest™

It's Friday, which means it's time for the Wizbang Weekend Caption Contest™. Enter your best caption for the following picture:

U.S. Vice President Dick Cheney is seen speaking at a luncheon in New York January 19, 2006. REUTERS/Chip East


Winners will be announced Sunday.


Update: Winners announced. Click the link to read the winning entries. The contest is now closed.


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Comments (141)

MSM manure piles as high as... (Below threshold)

MSM manure piles as high as Howard Dean.

Fully erect it's about this... (Below threshold)
taz:

Fully erect it's about this high.

taz, I was trying to figure... (Below threshold)
Veeshir:

taz, I was trying to figure out some way to say that without being dirty. Good one.


Helen, I've had it up to here with you!

"I knew he was a moonbat, b... (Below threshold)
JAT0:

"I knew he was a moonbat, but it surprised me; Jack Cafferty is only this big in person!"

From his press conference, ... (Below threshold)
JAT0:

From his press conference, Dick Channey acknowledges Helen Thomas in the front row: "Hi Helen. Want to rumble?"

Chenney: (Moonbat edition) ... (Below threshold)
JAT0:

Chenney: (Moonbat edition) "I don't kow how many times I'vd had to remind the President, you just don't greet world leaders with a pat on the head and say how's tricks!"

"We're about this high on T... (Below threshold)

"We're about this high on The David Letterman Crap Meter."

"So, if you put one lie or ... (Below threshold)

"So, if you put one lie or misrepresentation about Judge Alito from the committee hearings on a single piece of paper, it would be this high."

OR

Right Hand - Judge Alito : Left Hand (out of site) ----Insert Name of SJC Dem----

OR

"I'm tellin' you, Swimmer Teddy's bar tab was this fricken' high!"

OR

"If you ask another question that stupid, I swear I'm going to stick my thumb in my eye."

"So I stuck my hand in the ... (Below threshold)
JohnAnnArbor:

"So I stuck my hand in the slot like this, and Howard Dean bit me! Never tease a moonbat in its cage...."

My hair use to be only this... (Below threshold)
BluesHarper:

My hair use to be only this high.

Cheney thought he was prett... (Below threshold)
FreakyBoy:

Cheney thought he was pretty good; but, no one had the guts to tell him his lips moved big time when performing his "talk with the hand of justice" routine.

----Vice Presid... (Below threshold)
BumperStickerist:

----

Vice President Cheney introduces Harvey the Invisible Rabbit as the new Associate Director of Homeland Security

----

Hey, Helen! You're almost ... (Below threshold)
357:

Hey, Helen! You're almost tall enough - wanna Dance With the Stars?

"You put your hand on the t... (Below threshold)
DirtyKufar:

"You put your hand on the top of her head like this and guide it to your lap."

Just picture it. The terror... (Below threshold)

Just picture it. The terrorists are sitting down to dinner and the Predator comes zooming in and blam. Dead Terrorists and burt falafel.

I've had it up to here with... (Below threshold)
Maggie:

I've had it up to here with the Democrats on the judiciary committee.

Guests must be at least 42 ... (Below threshold)
Dave in Texas:

Guests must be at least 42 inches to ride.

It can reach this height, i... (Below threshold)
billburz:

It can reach this height, if you pile up all the Democratic bullshit!

Cheney announces the captur... (Below threshold)

Cheney announces the capture of arch-terrorist Hattan Lic.

Vice President Dick Chen... (Below threshold)
Alex_fs:

Vice President Dick Cheney at Chicago's annual Player's Ball demonstrating the proper deployment of a strong pimp hand.

"I have had it up to her... (Below threshold)
Jim in Missouri:

"I have had it up to here with Algore"

OK, let me go over this aga... (Below threshold)
DaveD:

OK, let me go over this again. Zawahiri is this tall, wears a white turban, 6 inch beard and wire-rimmed glasses. Now get another drone out there and get him this time!

"...As it turns out, the he... (Below threshold)

"...As it turns out, the height for that ride only came to here, so I was able to get on the Mickey's Playland Fun Train after all."

-----Vice Presi... (Below threshold)
BumperStickerist:

-----

Vice President and 22nd degree ninja Dick Cheney the moment after the Japanese shuriken throwing star left his hand.

Say "what?" again, Helen. I... (Below threshold)
JackStraw:

Say "what?" again, Helen. I will hit you with a chop to the throat that will end you. One less insurgent.

There once was a man from W... (Below threshold)
robert:

There once was a man from Wyoming,
with a weapon it was said he could bring.
She was almost this high,
he explained with a sigh.
But too young again, that was the thing.

"Well we know the water in ... (Below threshold)
bcb0225:

"Well we know the water in the Chappaquiddick is about this high so to answer your question, yes Ted could have gotten her out"

Despite the fact they moved... (Below threshold)
DaveD:

Despite the fact they moved Helen to the back row, Cheney still had a tough time being comfortable looking directly at her when answering her questions.

Let me introduce you to my ... (Below threshold)

Let me introduce you to my invisible friend, Mr. Democrat Agenda.

One glance from my Package ... (Below threshold)
Tongueboy:

One glance from my Package of Doom and that catheter, realizing that resistance was useless, glided -- just so -- into my left ventricle.

Walk like an Egyptiannnn... (Below threshold)
Rittenhouse:

Walk like an Egyptiannnnnnnnn.

Yo, Homey. We be chillin ov... (Below threshold)
Lyn:

Yo, Homey. We be chillin over at Halliburton.

...and sometimes, when I'm ... (Below threshold)
Takefive:

...and sometimes, when I'm driving down the highway, I'll stick my hand out the window like this and pretend I'm an airplane. Zoom, Zoom!

I know nuking Iran shouldn'... (Below threshold)
roc ingersol:

I know nuking Iran shouldn't be our first choice but screw it! I'm pushing the button.

"So then I pat Pelosi on th... (Below threshold)

"So then I pat Pelosi on the head, told her to shut the **** up and go get me some coffee..."

...And in conclusion today ... (Below threshold)
Moon Monkey:

...And in conclusion today I just want to comment on Mrs Clinton's Plantation crack: For one thing,the front walls are only about this high,you know what I mean!

You put your right hand in,... (Below threshold)
Former Hostage:

You put your right hand in,
you pull your right hand out...

(in a Bullwinkle voice)<br ... (Below threshold)
Former Hostage:

(in a Bullwinkle voice)
Nuthin' up my sleeve...

Hey Helen...imagine I was m... (Below threshold)
Former Hostage:

Hey Helen...imagine I was making a fist but my middle finger was paralyzed!

"Awwwwww baloney!"(i... (Below threshold)
Former Hostage:

"Awwwwww baloney!"
(in response to another stupid MSM/moonbat conspiracy theory masked as a question.)

Notice the words behind Che... (Below threshold)

Notice the words behind Cheney's head: Lice

MEDIA BIAS

You must be at least this t... (Below threshold)

You must be at least this tall for Dick Cheney to beat the crap out of you.

I once downed a beer thi... (Below threshold)
rdbrewer:

I once downed a beer this tall.

If you stack up all the dea... (Below threshold)
billburz:

If you stack up all the dead Kennedys, and add Ted, they would reach up to here.

Democrats must be at least ... (Below threshold)
Doug:

Democrats must be at least this big to ride the Cheney train!

After realizing that the "p... (Below threshold)
Former Hostage:

After realizing that the "press conference" was going to be nothing more than "reporters" parroting DNC/MoveOn talking points, Cheney plugs in his IPod and does "The Swim" to "Surf City USA"

There are chains,and then t... (Below threshold)
Doug:

There are chains,and then there are Cheney chains;and you know what I mean.

Hillary just doesn't measur... (Below threshold)
Doug:

Hillary just doesn't measure up.

"so I walk in unannounced a... (Below threshold)
right:

"so I walk in unannounced and Gore takes one look and starts jumping around the room shrieking for Gaia to save him. Al's got rabbit genes or something, he was getting this high. I'm just saying, the guy should be in the Olympics."

When asked about a definite... (Below threshold)
junfonic:

When asked about a definite answer to the, "How tall do you have to be to ride the grown up rides," question. VP Cheney declined to give a unambiguous cut height and only answered with a vague, "This High."

"Then I told Gore that I di... (Below threshold)

"Then I told Gore that I didn't think they could stack shit that high"!

Yo! I'm Dick Cheney! Dat me... (Below threshold)
Not a gay cowboy:

Yo! I'm Dick Cheney! Dat means brainy!
My bro Rummy ain't no dummy!
Check my advice, don't mess wit Rice!
Condi needs to get laaiiiddd!!
Yeeeaaahhh Boyyeeeee!!

Wikka! ... Wikka! ... Wikka!

DC in the house and keepin' it real yo!

Hypothetically, even if we ... (Below threshold)
skinbad:

Hypothetically, even if we buried bin-Laden up to his nuts in rubble, he'd still be about this tall.

"Then I put my arm up Swimm... (Below threshold)
Woolly Bully:

"Then I put my arm up Swimmin' Teddy's keester like he was a human sock puppet and did my best Señor Wences.
S'awright!!"

I told our plantation maste... (Below threshold)
Doug:

I told our plantation master Pelosi,to have them stack the cotton this high , so the Haliburton wagons can haul it away.

Cheney's "sign of the devil... (Below threshold)
FreakyBoy:

Cheney's "sign of the devil" isn't what it used to be since the third bypass.

Vice President Cheney pract... (Below threshold)
Todd:

Vice President Cheney practicing his Donald Trump "You’re fired" viper move to quiet the room…

"Actually, just gettin' it ... (Below threshold)
Scotty:

"Actually, just gettin' it up takes a lot out of me. When I'm about to launch the full-scale invasion missle, it sucks so much blood outta my body that I shrink down a few inches. End up about this tall. Strangest thing ever."

"And frankly, I hear Al Gor... (Below threshold)

"And frankly, I hear Al Gore make those kinds of comments and I'm just reminded of how fortunate we are that he didn't get elected in 2000."

I once ate a stack of panca... (Below threshold)
Jim:

I once ate a stack of pancakes this freakin' high! Okay, they were the children of my enemies. Whatever.

Helen, don't make me hit yo... (Below threshold)
Midge:

Helen, don't make me hit you upside the head with my giant boxer boa again. I've had it up to here with you!

If I lie anymore , my hand ... (Below threshold)
mark blahut:

If I lie anymore , my hand will soon be over my head !

I once raised a deficit, TH... (Below threshold)

I once raised a deficit, THIS HIGH.

When angry my junk reaches ... (Below threshold)
Conversative:

When angry my junk reaches about this high. After I wrap it around my waist a couple o' times that is.

"at this point, I executed ... (Below threshold)
blooch:

"at this point, I executed a "split S", and the MIG flew right by me."

DICK CHENEY: "I'm sorry Hel... (Below threshold)
jab:

DICK CHENEY: "I'm sorry Helen. The White House press room will have a new height requirement, from now on. Ha ha ha!"

"Only Illegal Aliens this h... (Below threshold)

"Only Illegal Aliens this high will be allowed in under our guest worker program"

Without using my hands I'd ... (Below threshold)

Without using my hands I'd say I could lift the podium about this high.

"Hey Pat Leahy! I'm pointi... (Below threshold)
Eric:

"Hey Pat Leahy! I'm pointing at you! Read between the lines!"

Dick Cheney demonstrates ho... (Below threshold)
Eric:

Dick Cheney demonstrates how he performs the Vulcan Death Grip.

I'm telling you. I have see... (Below threshold)

I'm telling you. I have seen the devil.

She's THIS high when she stands on her milk crate.

Her name is Barbara Boxer!

Darth Cheney using his Sith... (Below threshold)
Eric:

Darth Cheney using his Sith Lord mind tricks to get information out of terrorists in Gitmo. Andrew Sullivan immediately protested the action as in humane and barbaric, just before getting impaled by Dick Cheney's lightsaber.

"When I say 'Jump,' I usual... (Below threshold)

"When I say 'Jump,' I usually mean about this high -- but it's still recommended that you ask."

"Tell it to the hand!" </p... (Below threshold)
Eric:

"Tell it to the hand!"

--------------Y... (Below threshold)
BumperStickerist:

--------------

Yes, Helen, over Macho Grande

---------------

"...and so I told her: unle... (Below threshold)
JimK:

"...and so I told her: unless you're a petite woman, say less than about this tall, you're not going to ride the Cheney. I don't like those man-beast types. And that's why Janet Reno stopped taking my calls."

" . . . this is my spout . ... (Below threshold)
starboardhelm:

" . . . this is my spout . . ."

No, Mr. Rove only has a sma... (Below threshold)
Fred Z:

No, Mr. Rove only has a small one, about this high when fully erect. Mine is somewhat larger. And stronger.

....and that little son-of-... (Below threshold)
Tom Remington:

....and that little son-of-a-bitch Khatami! He's only this tall. I'm going to ..........

The crap from Bin Laden is ... (Below threshold)
Dan Hall:

The crap from Bin Laden is up to about here now. Almost as high as that pile from Ted Kennedy!

Cheney: "Yes, that's right... (Below threshold)
Dwight P:

Cheney: "Yes, that's right. Ted Kennedy jumped this high off the floor when I told him that I'd seen how many times that he'd Googled porn"

Dick Cheney, still struggli... (Below threshold)
Guido:

Dick Cheney, still struggling to master sign language, inadvertently tells Sen. Patrick Leahy "to hitchhike a ride on a truck himself".

Helen! Yes Mr. Vic... (Below threshold)
billburz:

Helen!

Yes Mr. Vice president, what do you think of Senator Kennedy's opinion of your flawed sexist candidate Alito?

Well Helen, when I look at you, my penis gets this high.


"No, Helen. My RIGHT han... (Below threshold)
Russ from Winterset:

"No, Helen. My RIGHT hand is the one with L-O-V-E tattooed on the knuckles. The tattoo on the back of my LEFT hand depicts Nancy Pelosi doing the Louisiana Lip-lock on my Love Pork Chop. Next question, please."

"After Jacques Chirac made ... (Below threshold)
anonymoose:

"After Jacques Chirac made his speech about using a nuclear response against the state sponsoring a terrorist attack against France, I patted him on the head, just like this. It was just so _cute_."

Once Kim Jong-il gets into ... (Below threshold)
sputnik:

Once Kim Jong-il gets into his high heels, he's about this tall.

Mr. Hat's hanging out in a ... (Below threshold)

Mr. Hat's hanging out in a sauna with Bret Favre.

"You must be this tall to r... (Below threshold)

"You must be this tall to ride the Wild Cheney." Andrew Sullivan immediately ran out to get his heels.

Most of the Press Corps was... (Below threshold)

Most of the Press Corps was mystified by the gesture, but the next day, Terry Moran was capped by the Eastside Crips.

Every time a reporter menti... (Below threshold)

Every time a reporter mentioned Senator Kennedy's attacks on Alito, Cheney interrupted with a hand gesture and "glug glug" noises.

Vice President Dick Cheney'... (Below threshold)

Vice President Dick Cheney's hand at the apex of a subsequent nose dive. The Vice President used the hand gesture to describe the Democratic Party's agenda.

"And you oughta' see it whe... (Below threshold)
SSG Pooh:

"And you oughta' see it when it's angry."

So this reporter, see, I th... (Below threshold)
Tom M:

So this reporter, see, I think he was about this tall, asked me a stupid question. I bit his head off - one bite, see, and reached down his throat, pulled out his heart and fed it to the cat. Now I'm sorry, what was it you wanted to ask?

"I really don't know HOW bi... (Below threshold)
Clioman:

"I really don't know HOW big it gets. Everytime it gets up to about here, all the rest the blood drains out of my upper body, and I pass out."

1) The Force may be strong,... (Below threshold)

1) The Force may be strong, but I'm Dick Cheney beeyatch!

2) When told that Osama bin Laden was still alive, Cheney showed just how much of Osama was still in one piece.

3) Dick Cheney was having fun learning Rumsfeld's martial arts tricks when he realized that he had developed the "floating five point palm-exploding heart technique" and could simply cause journalists to die by moving his hand like so...

"It would take a joint this... (Below threshold)
Glen:

"It would take a joint this tall to get you high enough for the DU forums to start making sense."

"The President must have ju... (Below threshold)
La Mano:

"The President must have jumped this high when I told him that Ted Kennedy had a secret love child twenty-one years ago."

"Throw up your rawk fist,<b... (Below threshold)
John Irving:

"Throw up your rawk fist,
if ya feelin it when I drop this.

Thats the sound when the BOMB hits."

The Cheney ventriliquisim a... (Below threshold)
yetanotherjohn:

The Cheney ventriliquisim act didn't go over well as critics of the administration said it was clear that his "little pal" was connected to his arm and not a seperate entity. Still the critics were not able to explain how Cheney's little pal was able to speak coherently while Cheney's lips were hardly moving. An anonymous administration source defended Cheney by saying "It was just an ad lib joke by the vice president."

"Hey look, I was only about... (Below threshold)
DUDACKATTACK!!!:

"Hey look, I was only about this tall when I was working on my 5th deferrment.."

Dick Cheney explaining some... (Below threshold)
HankF:

Dick Cheney explaining some exciting new technology in Grummann's latest stealth bomber which allows the plane to detect the scent of falafels, poppy plants and sweat-soaked pajamas in order to fire its missiles.

Helen, sorry, You must be a... (Below threshold)
Faith+1:

Helen, sorry, You must be at least this tall to ride the "Cheney Coaster of Fun".

"And then Air Force One fle... (Below threshold)

"And then Air Force One flew in the air like this: MEEEEEEOOOOOOOWWWWWWRRRRRRRR!!!!!"

Al Gore?...I once saw him e... (Below threshold)
franksalterego:

Al Gore?...I once saw him eat a stack of burritos, THIS HIGH!

Cheney made it clear, in wo... (Below threshold)
Regret:

Cheney made it clear, in words and gestures, that his cynical disregard for the truth, and his obsession with waging war against the rest of the world, has not been tempered by a spate of highly public revelations that his Iraq war, and war on terrorism have been, to date, abysmal failures, which have isolated the United States from virtually every former ally. (h/t Jeffrey Steinberg)

Cheney: "You don't need to ... (Below threshold)
Former Hostage:

Cheney: "You don't need to search this podium"
Press Corps (in a monotone voice): "We don't need to search this podium"
C: "I am not the one you seek"
PC: "He is not the one we seek"
C: "Let me be on my way"
PC: "Be on your way"

"He's about this tall. He w... (Below threshold)
Kevin Haryett:

"He's about this tall. He was last seen playing ball with a dog in the Rose Garden and answers to the name George. If you find him, there is a reward. One last thing. His name is written on his underwear."

After we get through... (Below threshold)
observer:


After we get through with him, Bin Laden will be only this tall!

That is one of the mysterie... (Below threshold)

That is one of the mysteries of our time, but my guess is that the leaders of Iran and North Korea are over compensating for something.

Shoot, you could stack Achmed on top of Kim and they would come up to about here. They have to have a serious shortages that your leaders don't have here, you have seen the picture right?

(see the recent study about men's sizes - The smallest averages were found in India 10.2 cm (3.9 in) and South Korea 9,6 cm (3.7 in).)
DKK

"When the cruise missles fl... (Below threshold)
rightringer:

"When the cruise missles fly over the Iranian countryside, they'll only be about this far off the ground. Isn't that cool?"

This Osama guy really can't... (Below threshold)
MQ:

This Osama guy really can't be much taller than this

For our next planned disast... (Below threshold)

For our next planned disaster, the water will be this high on all blacks.

Cheney employs the old magi... (Below threshold)
Tom:

Cheney employs the old magician's trick. Misdirection with the right hand so the left hand is free to...

Hey, is he even wearing pants?

And when Teddy asked me how... (Below threshold)
Gmac:

And when Teddy asked me how deep was the water in the Tidal Basin I held my hand up and told him, "Just deep enough for Maryjo to drown in."

"So I told Achmed I was fed... (Below threshold)
Jayswash:

"So I told Achmed I was fed up to HERE with all of his whining about torture ... then I hooked the nipple clamps up to the car battery."

What did Willy see in Monic... (Below threshold)
R:

What did Willy see in Monica, she was at least this tall, and her head wasn't even flat?

"To date, Al Gore has his h... (Below threshold)
tundra:

"To date, Al Gore has his head up his butt about this far."

And the Predator drone was ... (Below threshold)
R:

And the Predator drone was flying along like this and then it released the missile, and kaboom!

See this hand? This is my s... (Below threshold)
Bart:

See this hand? This is my shootin' hand.
Steady as a rock, bitches. Steady as a rock.

"The Night of the Sodomizin... (Below threshold)
Brett:

"The Night of the Sodomizing Cougar-Man? Oh, you mean last Thursday. Yeah, the bodies were stacked about this high."

You must be at least this t... (Below threshold)

You must be at least this tall to run the country.

All that time I was in an "... (Below threshold)
Doug:

All that time I was in an "undisclosed location" , I was really flying over everyone's homes in a stealth bomber listening in on phone conversations.Once, we flew over the cucoo's nest,er I mean the Kennedy Compound, and those guys wouldn't let me have a little fun and drop a couple tons down on em. It was sure fun fingering the button though and dreaming. Ahh .... good times,..good times.

Then I told my' ol buddy,Ja... (Below threshold)
Doug:

Then I told my' ol buddy,Jack Bauer "Dude,you're going soft on' em now; shake out of it." Then I showed him how to get maximum pain and minimum bruising by raising his hand higher like this before bitch slapping some puke out of his senses.

"Yes. If you've seen the i... (Below threshold)
DJFelix:

"Yes. If you've seen the ice cream photo, my unit is about this long ..."

You must be this tall to ri... (Below threshold)
Rodney Dill:

You must be this tall to ride the Washingtonienne

" 'bout so, Dubya's been sa... (Below threshold)

" 'bout so, Dubya's been saying the next SCOTUS justice is only Alito man."

If all the crap the Democra... (Below threshold)
Candy:

If all the crap the Democrats spewed in a day was piled up, it'd be about this deep!

Vice president Dick Cheney ... (Below threshold)
Builder:

Vice president Dick Cheney accidently whizbanged the podium causing his hand to fly up during a recent speech.Of course he wasn't hurt,but several reporters in the front row will never walk again.

Unfortunately, the Vice Pre... (Below threshold)

Unfortunately, the Vice President misunderstood what the terrorists meant by "talk to the hand."

Various photo captions of s... (Below threshold)
Doug:

Various photo captions of same picture--A.P.Vice president Dick Cheney threatens reporters during speech--NBC Vice president Cheney defends his lunatic positions---ABC Selected not elcted 2nd in command spouts nonsense---CBS Acting President Cheney terrorizes women and children at a recent fundraiser---PBS Giant Dick might be cause of global warming--- FOX Frontrunner for 2008 Presidential race scares the crap out of potential Democrat opponents

"Yo momma she jive high, br... (Below threshold)
Charles V:

"Yo momma she jive high, bro"

1] ''Although she's not kin... (Below threshold)
miss beazley:

1] ''Although she's not king-size, her finger is ring-size. Condi is the girl for me'' [apologies to Gidget]

2] Q: How high is the desk in the Oval office?
A: The height of Monica on her kneepads.
Q: How high does Hillary toss a lamp?
A: The height of Bill in the back of the El Camino w/ the astro turf.

3] There are 7 of them: Sneezy Dopey Nancy Teddy Howie Harry and uuuummm..... Zarkawie

Cheney: "Yo, homey! Wats t... (Below threshold)
OC Chuck:

Cheney: "Yo, homey! Wats the fo shizzle on my Osama dog?"

Barak Obama: "Listen, its enough that Teddy can't get my name straight, but knock it off with the ghetto talk."

"I'd like to send a shout o... (Below threshold)
Rachel Edith:

"I'd like to send a shout out to my lesbian daughter and the Xindi race from Star Trek."

Vice president Cheney illus... (Below threshold)
Tango:

Vice president Cheney illustrates the level of his porn collection. "Some of my early stuff would be worth a lot of money if it wasn't so, mmm aaa, weathered," when asked of content.

Im tired, Kennedy, I'm frea... (Below threshold)

Im tired, Kennedy, I'm freakin' sick and tired of your leftist schlock and your freakin'big forehead is driving me nuts. You wanna shoot five minutes outside?

"About this high... 'cause ... (Below threshold)

"About this high... 'cause my doctor didn't warm up his hands before changing the battery on my pacemaker through the new anal port."

Daily Kos Headline: Chicken... (Below threshold)

Daily Kos Headline: Chickenhawk Cheney Can't Salute!

After I got finished with G... (Below threshold)
jack:

After I got finished with George Clooney, he was wearing his ass about...here.

"Bye-bye Hellen. Yes, tha's... (Below threshold)
JAT0:

"Bye-bye Hellen. Yes, tha's it, just go nice and quiet with those nice gentlemen in the white coats."

Update: <... (Below threshold)

Update: Winners announced. Click the link to read the winning entries. The contest is now closed.




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