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Dumb Criminal roundup

I try to limit myself to no more than one dumb criminal posting a day, but today there are two stories, so I'm gonna write about 'em both.

First up is a return contestant. Remember Richard Mullen of Raymond, New Hampshire? He was the Bad Santa who wandered into the Mall at Rockingham Park dressed in a Santa suit and started randomly dropping his pants last December. Well, he got probation for that one. That wasn't enough for him, apparently, so he went to Boston Children's Hospital, where he used to volunteer. That wasn't such a good idea, though, because 1) staffers recognized him as someone who had been fired from that position and given a no-trespass order last December; B) he was walking into the infant ICU; and III) he was carrying a red ballooon and a pack of condoms.

Here's hoping he will be spending a great deal of time as a guest of the Commonwealth of Massachusetts, where he can find lots of new friends to entertain with his pants-dropping routine.

Meanwhile, up here in New Hampshire, I've noticed a recurring theme: if you attempt to rob some New Hampshire stores, there's a fairly good chance the staff will kick your ass. That's what happened when a young couple decided to improve their standard of living and get a better apartment by robbing a convenience store with a shotgun.

(Note to some of my critics: yes, I noted that one of the people who helped take down the idiot crook was named "Khalid Mohamed." And yes, I'm glad to see a Muslim -- well, someone I presume is Muslim -- act heroically. It's one of the reasons I appreciate the stories about how the new Iraqi army is shaping up. It gives me hope for Islam's future.)

So, if you're a masochist and looking for a good old-fashioned ass-kicking, maybe you ought to consider coming to New Hampshire and attempting to rob a store. It seems to be a good opportunity.

On the other hand, if you're just looking to score some easy money, might I recommend you stop just south of the New Hampshire border? Sometimes, I swear that state does everything it can to make people as defenseless and easy victims as they can...


Comments (4)

(Note to some of my crit... (Below threshold)

(Note to some of my critics: yes, I noted that one of the people who helped take down the idiot crook was named "Khalid Mohamed." And yes, I'm glad to see a Muslim -- well, someone I presume is Muslim -- act heroically....)

Anyone who would fault you for that is undeserving of the respect that comes with the word "critic."

Jay, you can write about du... (Below threshold)
fizzix:

Jay, you can write about dumb criminals all you want. The stories are hilarious.

I know you love to take a s... (Below threshold)
Chris:

I know you love to take a swipe at Massachusetts every chance you get, but I find it ironic that you condemn the state for making people as defenseless as possible while talking about two instances where unarmed storekeepers subdued criminals.

Are you suggesting that in Massachusetts unarmed storekeepers are prevented from subduing robbers?

If they're dumb enough to v... (Below threshold)

If they're dumb enough to vote for Kennedy and Kerry, they'd probably help the criminals rob them.




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