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Introducing the "Keep Harry Connick Jr. Acting Foundation"

A little while ago, dear reader, we first got wind of the fact that Harry Connick Jr. is a featured performer in the American Airlines Theater production of The Pajama Game. Although we, like reasonable people everywhere, have absolutely no interest in taking in this show, we felt great relief upon hearing the news.

And why, you may be asking yourself, is Harry Connick Jr.'s role in The Pajama Game so fortuitous? Are we, the crack young staff of "The Hatemonger's Quarterly," his collective agent? What gives?

Well, actually the answer to those queries is rather simple. Every time Harry Connick Jr. nabs a part as an actor, he has less time for his feculent music. If you ask us, that is reason to hope that Mr. Connick has a more successful career as a thespian than Lawrence Olivier.

For we are music fans, and thus we naturally loathe this dime-store also-ran Sinatra's saccharine fluff. The guy's the musical equivalent of Zima, and we can't stand him.

Now, don't get us wrong, dear reader: We don't think Mr. Connick is really that much of an actor either. In fact, if we recall correctly, we seem to have taken in his performance in some lazy Sandra Bullock vehicle, and he was pretty lousy. We've seen better acting from Joran van der Sloot, for crying out loud.

Yet Mr. Connick the thespian has never made us pine to hit him over the head with a sledgehammer. The fellow's acting chops haven't inspired us to pistol-whip him. His theatrical skills may leave much to be desired, but they seem positively dreamy in comparison to his murderously bad pseudo-jazz.

Already we can hear the protests from pseudo-jazz fans everywhere. "I love Harry Connick Jr.," say our aesthetically challenged friends, "he's a great piano player."

To which we, the crack young staff of "The Hatemonger's Quarterly," reply: You don't know the first bloody thing about jazz, you dolt. If you did, you'd realize that this poor man's Tony Bennett is pathetic.

He plays dull retreads of famous songs that were better when other people played them--50 years ago. He's the guy people who have no culture fall in love with to make it seem as if they are cultured. Anyone who thinks he's a great piano player has never heard Art Tatum, Bud Powell, Oscar Peterson, Cecil Taylor, Wynton Kelly, Red Garland, Andrew Hill, Bobby Timmons, Bill Evans, et al.

In fact, we find the popularity of Mr. Connick's music so irksome that we have officially founded the "Keep Harry Connick Jr. Acting Foundation." In order to aid our worthy cause, all you must do is write us a check. We assure you that all of the money you donate will be used to land Mr. Connick more roles in syrupy films and plays. With your help, we'll keep this retarded Frank Sinatra out of the studio.

Our new foundation's catchy slogan? The "Keep Harry Connick Jr. Acting Foundation": Because His Music Blows Chunks.

(Note: The crack young staff usually "weblog" over at "The Hatemonger's Quarterly," where they are currently burning Aaron Neville in effigy.)


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Comments (18)

The guy just rocked in I... (Below threshold)

The guy just rocked in Independence Day.

As an owner of pretty much ... (Below threshold)

As an owner of pretty much all of the pianist's cd's listed above, please sign me up!

Yeah, his music really, rea... (Below threshold)

Yeah, his music really, really sucks, but he was at the Morial Convention Center right after Katrina before the government even knew what was going on there. For that, he's okay in my book.

Now if only we could find s... (Below threshold)

Now if only we could find someone who wants to cast Kenny G in a play...

Kick the tires and light th... (Below threshold)
von:

Kick the tires and light the fires...

Everyone's entitled to thei... (Below threshold)
Toby928:

Everyone's entitled to their opinion I guess, but most people with no musical taste keep that fact to themselves. ;-)

Connick is a crooner my friend and not a bad one at all. Smooth as a single malt scotch.

Tob

Hmmm.The ... (Below threshold)
ed:

Hmmm.

The guy just rocked in Independence Day.

He was in Independence Day?

I have been following some... (Below threshold)
Moon Monkey:

I have been following some of your posts lately. I wouldn't attempt to read all of what your "crack young staff" offers because your opinions are mostly the collective thoughts of mindless twits.
More than anything else,your commentary lacks any depth of knowledge,class or experience. Consequently,what you guys think of as insightful writing is exactly why there is a generational gap. If left to expound or rant,it would be abundantly clear to all why the young garner little respect when it comes to intellectual capacity.
Why Kevin accepts your vapid commentary and continues to invite your writings is a mystery. And in conclusion,I suggest you submit copy to the folks at Clearasil because you certainly have nothing to say...and you sure can't write.

Connick's performances are ... (Below threshold)
robert:

Connick's performances are uninspired and take music nowhere new. He is mailing it in - a first-round draft bust - opportunity lost. But to do this in New Orleans is a crime.

Compared to, say, Jelly Roll Morton, who helped start the New Orleans music tradition, Connick is nowhere. Jimmy Rushing deserves mention also, for the non-purist. Heck, even Dr. John sometimes goes places nobody expects.

This is one of the curiousities of the music biz, a no-talent hack will become a star while thousands of more deserving languish is bars and garages. go figure.

He was in Independence D... (Below threshold)

He was in Independence Day?

Yeah, he played the fighter pilot who was Will Smith's best friend. He did that Jesse Jackson impression over the com link shortly before going into the battle where he was killed.

Hmmm.Oh yeah that'... (Below threshold)
ed:

Hmmm.

Oh yeah that's right.

What a forgettable performance.

Could you possibly be any m... (Below threshold)
CraigC:

Could you possibly be any more pretentious?

He's the guy people who have no culture fall in love with to make it seem as if they are cultured.

Hello? Irony alert! Phone's ringing. It's for you.

It's true that what he does isn't original, and it's not exactly high art. Horrors. A place for everything and everything in its place. He happens to be quite good at it. But comparing him to those guys is like saying Chuck Berry sucks because he's not Hendrix. And Art Tatum? Next to the word "florid" in the dictionary is a picture of Art Tatum. The guy can't play four measures without an arpeggio. Now, that's annoying.

I'm with CraigC on this one... (Below threshold)
Sheik Yur Bouty:

I'm with CraigC on this one.

You guys sound just like the people who complain about plot holes in a great action movie.

I'd also have to compare you to the Broadway snobs who hate The Phantom of the Opera. Sure, it's not as deep and complex as other 'more serious' Broadway musicals, but it is one of the best introductions to Broadway I've seen. My 7 year old daughters' love Phantom, but I wouldn't dream of introducing them to Broadway via Evita, or Les Mis.

IMNSHO, Connick is easy (and enjoyable) to listen to. Artists like him, who can appeal to people who might not otherwise ever listen to jazz, broaden the appeal of the entire genre and make it more accessible to everyone.

Your 'young staff' needs to get off the crack.

So true. I much prefer Mon... (Below threshold)
Brad:

So true. I much prefer Montivoni; and you should see my collection of Narvel Felts collection.

Wow, who peed in your popco... (Below threshold)

Wow, who peed in your popcorn? OK, he isn't Frankie and he isn't Oscar, but there is a market for him and he pulls in some pretty good bucks. Not everyone has to be a maestro.

"And when everyone is special, then no one is." - Syndrome (The Incredibles)

Mediocrity sells big-time i... (Below threshold)
SJBill:

Mediocrity sells big-time in these here parts. He steals styles, pure and simple, and leaves the chops for others.

I have to agree with Nichol... (Below threshold)

I have to agree with Nicholas. Let's get Kenny G an acting job.

Connick is harmless, even if he doesn't bring anything new to music. Kenny G actually sets music back.

I saw him in Hope Floats.</... (Below threshold)

I saw him in Hope Floats.

Crap floats too.




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