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Noxious Nostalgia at VH-1

As darn near every non-idiot knows, the television is oft called the "idiot box." Interestingly, this sobriquet predates the E! Entertainment Television channel. If you ask us, this means that the boob tube, after the launching of E!, is actually dumber than the idiot box title would imply.

How about knuckle-dragging Troglodytes box? Admittedly, it's not catchy. But at least it helps account for Ryan Seacrest.

Surely one of the most unpleasant irritants to be found on the cable variety of television is VH-1, a network we, the crack young staff of "The Hatemonger's Quarterly," have excoriated before. We wouldn't trouble ourselves to lambaste it again were it not for the fact that this station somehow--magically, we think--gets worse and worse.

After our rip at Harry Connick Jr.'s expense ushered in a few nasty reader responses on this "website," we are loath to take on another example of some Wizbang readers' demotic sensibilities. But we just can't help ourselves: VH-1 is galactically miserable.

It's actually scarcely believable. The folks at VH-1 put up a masterfully horrid lineup of programming one season, and manage to top it with even more pernicious fair the next. How do they do it? Clearly, they have learned a thing or two from Phil Collins.

Perhaps the most irksome thing about VH-1 is its penchant for offering its insipid cultural detritus in the form of lists. Not only does it proffer all kinds of nugatory palaver, it must rank them, as if this somehow made it all worthwhile.

"Top 50 Teen Stars," "Top 100 Heavy Metal Bands"--such is the unpleasant stuff of the geniuses at VH-1. Is anyone in America so stupid that he can't wait until he finds out which heavy metal outfit took 33rd place? Gosh, we hope never to meet that fellow. (We bet he has really nice feathered hair, though.)

But the VH-1ers have finally crossed the line with the latest addition to its feculent programming lineup. The show in question is un-intriguingly called "I Love Toys," or some such. And, as usual, it offers Gen-Xers the opportunity to become soggy with nostalgia, delighting in all the My Little Ponies and He-Men they can fathom.

It also, we should add, offers G-List pseudo-celebrities the opportunity to make dimwitted, cloying remarks about the playthings. For some reason, nearly every one of these dolts is listed as an "actor/comedian" in his byline, and yet we've never seen any of them as actors or comedians.

For example, there's Mo Rocca, who ought to be close to shooting himself for leaving "The Daily Show" with such rapidity. That was a great career move, eh? Ah, so you say Barbie is really cool, Mo? We get it: That means Barbie is not really cool. Good one! Good one! We can't wait until you reprise that gag for the next toy.

Something is really wrong with the program you are watching if you can't wait until Patrice O'Neal gets some camera time. Unlike the obligatory oaf from "The Sopranos" or some reject from "Charles in Charge," Patrice is actually clever.

If only Debbie Gibson could live up to his level of comedic genius.

(Note: The crack young staff usually "weblog" over at "The Hatemonger's Quarterly," where they are currently making snarky, unfunny remarks about an Etch-a-Sketch.)


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Comments (15)

(Utterly irrelevant tripe d... (Below threshold)
mr hoho Matrix-O:

(Utterly irrelevant tripe deleted by editor)

It's nostalgia, though "I ... (Below threshold)
bryanD:

It's nostalgia, though "I Love the 90's (ALREADY??) is pushing it. The "celeb" commentators are inane. There was one show though, called something like "When They Were Nerds". FLAT-OUT HILARIOUS! And the commentators, ex(?)-nerds all, were their own subject: Young John Tesh wearing a bandage over a non-existant wound on his face to impress a girl in class and then forgetting to wear it the next day!!! I laughed so hard I scared the dog!

Only thing I tend to find w... (Below threshold)
Faith+1:

Only thing I tend to find worse than a VH-1 line up is pretenious airs of superiority rants about things that don't really matter. It's a high horse that's boring to read on a subject that's boring to watch. If you guys want to rant on something at least make it a rant on something a bit more meaningful.

Careful Hatemongers, you are starting to fall from mildly humorous to just....well, dull and boring.

Faith+1 sums up my sentimen... (Below threshold)
Starboard Attitude:

Faith+1 sums up my sentiments pretty well, though I would add "and pretentious" to the last line of the comment.

I love not only your observ... (Below threshold)

I love not only your observations but the fantabulous way you string your words together to express them! I wish more people were as loving of English vocabulary and grammar and syntax as you!

You can't be serious, Musli... (Below threshold)
Starboard Attitude:

You can't be serious, Muslihoon!

The piece sounds as though it were written by a troglodyte who just got his first thesaurus--and it's been abused!

"nugatory palaver?" Tell me, what does nugatory add to palaver that was not already there?

"galactically miserable?" Really? A spacial adjective for miserable?

"Pernicious fair?" Come on, even "pernicious fare" would be absurd usage in the context of VH1.

Caveman box as a substitute for boob tube? Please (and why the caps for Trog?)

Dimwitted and cloying? That's a precarious combination, but I suppose it could be foreced to work.

The masturbatory piece seems to be an incipid excuse to string nugatory syllables together solely for the sake of syllables. VH1's nostalgic lists are far more entertaining and relevant than the Hatemonger's awkwardly verbose tripe--and that says a lot.

To Starboard Attitude and F... (Below threshold)
Elizabeth:

To Starboard Attitude and Faith+1:

Boy, you guys sure take your VH1 seriously. I guess if I spent all my time alone in my mother's basement, I would take offense at a post obviously intended to be humourous. But I guess when your only "friend" is the "boob tube", and when the only person availble to comfort you when you're all alone at 2 am is Mo Rocca (or one of the other inane commentators on those neverending countdown shows), you feel obliged to rush to Vh1's defense. For someone who thinks the THMQ is so "boring", you sure are expending a lot of energy on it.

By the way, nugatory means trifling, and palaver means chatter. What's the big deal?

I hate to thing what your reaction would be if THMQ decided to take on the Soap Opera Channel . . .

Elizabeth,You migh... (Below threshold)
Starboard Attitude:

Elizabeth,

You might want to brush up on your dictionary skills:

Palaver means, "idle chatter."
Idle means, "lacking substance, value or basis."
Nugatory means, "of little or no importance."

Tell me again what nugatory adds to palaver?

Also, I suggest you learn to read more carefully. Who here defended VH1?

The comments were critiques of a juvenile writing effort that was way over its head. More particularly, mine was addressed to Muslihoon who mistook excess syllables for the love of English vocabulary.

After our rip at Harry C... (Below threshold)
CraigC:

After our rip at Harry Connick Jr.'s expense ushered in a few nasty reader responses on this "website," we are loath to take on another example of some Wizbang readers' demotic sensibilities.

No, dumbass, you got one letter pointing out that whoever wrote that post is a pretentious twit who is blissfully unaware of the irony involved in saying that "He's the guy people who have no culture fall in love with to make it seem as if they are cultured.", while declaring that Connick isn't "real jazz."

As for "demotic," I don't think that word means what you think it means. If by "demotic sensibilities," you mean that we consider your writing about as comprehensible as hieroglyphics, that's true.

Muslihoon was being sarcast... (Below threshold)
Madfish Willie:

Muslihoon was being sarcastic. If you read his blog, you'll better understand where he was coming from.

Geez, it seems that rip on ... (Below threshold)
Elizabeth:

Geez, it seems that rip on Harry Connick, Jr. still stings. I guess THMQ needs to dumb down their posts so that you troglydytes (which means primitives, or reactionaries) will shut the hell up. Seriously folks--I find it quite hilarious (which means funny) that HUMOR posts making fun of a lame jazz singer and an inane (which means silly) cable network have gotten your panties in a wad.

I'm almost starting to think that THMQ is responsible for writing these "angry" posts just so they'll have something to make fun of.

I wonder what demotic (popular, common, vulgar) topic they'll take on next . . . the music of Norah Jones? Commemorative plates? Oprah?

BTW, if you want to get technical, the phrase "idle chatter" itself is a bit redundant.

Madfish:That makes... (Below threshold)
Starboard Attitude:

Madfish:

That makes perfect sense--he had me going.

Elizabeth:

"BTW, if you want to get technical, the phrase "idle chatter" itself is a bit redundant."

Ya got that right. But the irritation is not so much that the inherently redundant "nugatory palaver" essentially means "unimportant valueless incessant rapid talking about trivial matter," but the fact that "nugatory palaver" was used for a different reason altogether. Here, "nugatory palaver" says, "look at me!-- I'm trying so hard to be a clever writer with a broad vocabulary, that I lose control and fall flat on my face."

Oh, and BTW, "inane" does NOT mean "silly."

Apparently, Elizabeth, you ... (Below threshold)
CraigC:

Apparently, Elizabeth, you need to bone up on your reading comprehension. I said nothing about the relative worth of Harry Connick, although I did address that in my comment on that post. My point was that the moron who made that post is, and I repeat, a pretentious twit who is irony-impaired.

Are you a regular at their website, by any chance, hmmm? Their lame attempts at being National Lampoon, or whatever it is they're attempting, just show how out of their depth they are.

Elizabeth is probably the a... (Below threshold)
Starboard Attitude:

Elizabeth is probably the author of the noxious piece. Her speculation about my living in my mother's basement were repeated here: http://hatemongers.mu.nu/archives/162941.php

The crackhead young staff at Hatemongers also published my email address, which I believe Wizbang keeps confidential. Not only are they bad writers with nothing to say, but they're thin-skinned and vengeful. Nice going, Hatemonger!

VH-1 exists solely to make ... (Below threshold)
kbiel:

VH-1 exists solely to make us think, "Gee, I would rather watch MTV than this."




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