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School Daze

Here's some education news you might have missed...

  • An 18-year-old student was arrested at La Crosse Central High School in La Crosse, Wisconsin last week. He's accused of Photoshoping the face of one of the school administrator's face onto a liquor ad parody that shows a man fondling a scantily clad woman. [Channel3000]
  • Henry County, Georgia high school student Alex Davis, 15, is facing similar criminal charges for making a MySpace.com account that implied that Eagle's Landing High School science teacher Robert Muzzillo was gay, and wrestled alligators and midgets. Davis says it was a prank; Muzzillo wasn't laughing... [WSBTV]
  • A 5-year-old boy brought a loaded handgun into a St. Paul, Minnesota elementary school last week. He says he got the gun from a teenage cousin, and brought it to school in his pants because that's how people on TV do it. [KSTP]
  • Parents in Port Washington, Wisconsin are angry and school leaders are promising action in response to a "Heterosexual Questionnaire," approved by two teachers, that asked students questions such as: "If you have never slept with someone of your same gender, then how do you know you wouldn't prefer it?" [JSOnline]
  • A St. Joseph, Missouri high school teacher has apologized for asking students to write about whom they would kill and how they would do it. Michael Maxwell said the request to describe how students would carry out a murder was merely a writing exercise. [Local6]

Feel free to point out others...


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Comments (13)

I love the Hetero Survey. ... (Below threshold)
James Cloninger:

I love the Hetero Survey. I'm gonna fill it out:

1.  What do you think caused your heterosexuality?

DNA, natural selection, and girls with long hair and big breasts.

2.  When and how did you first decide you were a heterosexual?

When a cute girl in my 3rd grade class made my little soldier stand at attention.

3.  Is it possible your heterosexuality is just a phase you may grow out of?

Not unless it involves disco strobe lights, polyester suits, gold chains and "Disco Duck"

4.  Could it be that your heterosexuality stems from a neurotic fear of others of the same sex?

Hell, women are a lot more frightening at times than my dudes at the bar.

5.  If you've never slept with a person of the same sex, how can you be sure you wouldn't prefer that? 

I've never slept with a llama either, but I'm pretty certain I'm not gonna enjoy that. I've never smash a lemon tied to a gold brick on my head either, but I'm guessing it's not in my top ten things to accomplish.


6.  To whom have you disclosed your heterosexual tendencies? How did they react?

To countless women, and they seemed to have reacted QUITE favourably.

7.  Why do heterosexuals feel compelled to seduce others into their lifestyle?

The women I've seduced were quite willing.

8.  Why do you insist on flaunting your heterosexuality?  Can't you just be what you are and keep it quiet?

Yeah, I probably should put away that big flashing neon "I'M A BREEDER AND PROUD" hat back in the closet.

9.  Would you want your children to be heterosexual, knowing the problems they'd face?

You mean like figuring out who to take to the prom? And who is going to make the beer run?

10. A disproportionate majority of child molesters are heterosexual men.  Do you consider it safe to expose children to heterosexual male teachers, pediatricians, priests, or scoutmasters?

You forgot firemen, policemen, grocery clerks, bartenders, ...(the other 14,392 professions edited for space)


11. With all the societal support for marriage, the divorce rate is spiraling.  Why are there so few stable relationships among heterosexuals?

Unfair remote control custody. Oh, someone have numbers on stable homosexual relationships?

12.  Why do heterosexuals place so much emphasis on sex?

I think you mean "why do MEN place so much emphasis on sex?" The answer: 'cause sex is fun. Of course, homosexuals NEVER place any emphasis on sex. The local gay bathhouse is, in actually, a day-care centre.

13. Considering the menace of overpopulation, how could the human race survive if everyone were heterosexual?

The same way it has survived for the past 100,000 years.

14. Could you trust a heterosexual therapist to be objective?  Don't you fear s/he might be inclined to influence you in the direction of her/his own leanings?

It's not my job to psychoanalyze my therapist. That's why I'm paying him/her $200/hr.

15. Heterosexuals are notorious for assigning themselves and one another rigid, stereotyped sex roles.  Why must you cling to such unhealthy role-playing?

Oh, my, Mary, you are in a bitchy mood today. By the way, I want to be the policeman, and you play the $100 streetwalker tonight.

16. With the sexually segregated living conditions of military life, isn't heterosexuality incompatible with military service?  

GUNNY SGT HARTMAN: "Are you a peter puffer!? I'll bet you're the kinda guy that would fuck a person in the ass and not even have the goddamn common courtesy to give him a reach-around. I'll be watching you."

Sounds like the Gunny lookin' for a few good men.
  
17a. How can you enjoy an emotionally fulfilling experience with a person of the other sex when there are such vast differences between you? 

Because I would pretty fucking bored dating myself.

17b. How can a man know what pleases a woman sexually or vice-versa?
 
Practice makes perfect.

18. Shouldn't you ask your far-out straight cohorts, like skinheads and born-agains, to keep quiet?  Wouldn't that improve your image?

I'll have to bring up that motion at the next KKK meeting. I'm sure there will be a lively debate.

19. Why are heterosexuals so promiscuous?

Again, I think you mean "men". Do try to keep up.

20. Why do you attribute heterosexuality to so many famous lesbian and gay people?  Is it to justify your own heterosexuality?

You'll have to ask their PR reps that question.
Tom Cruise has some explaining to do, as soon as he clears his body thetans, and cleans up that placenta on his plate...don't you know there are starving kids in Mongolia, for heavan's sake, Tom?!

21. How can you hope to actualize your God-given homosexual potential if you limit yourself to exclusive, compulsive heterosexuality? 

Mutual bonds and T-Bills.

      
22. There seem to be very few happy heterosexuals. Techniques have been developed that might enable you to change if you really want to.  After all, you never deliberately chose to be a heterosexual, did you?  Have you considered aversion therapy or Heterosexuals Anonymous?

1. My penis chose to be heterosexual, did I tell you about that cute girl in 3rd grade?
2. I considered it, but I kept staring at the counselors huge giant tits too much.

So, do I win?

I'd argue that the first tw... (Below threshold)

I'd argue that the first two instances involve protected speech, the latter one not being libelous because it is obviously parody.

Thingz liek thiss arr wie J... (Below threshold)

Thingz liek thiss arr wie Jonnee kant reed.

Our tax dollars at work...<... (Below threshold)
docjim505:

Our tax dollars at work...

James Cloninger,

Funny stuff!

6. To whom have you dis... (Below threshold)

6. To whom have you disclosed your heterosexual tendencies? How did they react?

To countless women, and they seemed to have reacted QUITE favourably.

Oh dream on, sir, you probably got turned down more often than not and ended up being mercilessly towel-snapped in the locker room after PE class.

Admit it, you know I'm right. : )

Wow, photoshopping is illeg... (Below threshold)

Wow, photoshopping is illegal now? Maybe we should call for the arrest of the Code Pink skanks!

Damn funny writting there J... (Below threshold)
Gmac:

Damn funny writting there James. You made my morning.
To bad the carpet munchers didn't have the wit to create something along the same lines because they called in a serious s**tstorm with their incompetent musings.

Referring to calling the te... (Below threshold)
Steve:

Referring to calling the teacher a name...who has NOT called their teacher a name? Are teachers so thin skinned they can't be called a name? If that's so then they are big cry babies who need their mommies to change their diapers.

Worst name I ever heard a t... (Below threshold)

Worst name I ever heard a teacher called was "Teacher."

In my day, we called 'em "Mrs. Jensen," or "Miss Leung," or "Mr. McKenna."

If, y'know, those were their names. Mr. McKenna didn't much care for being called "Mrs. Jensen," now that I think of it.

So maybe "Teacher" wasn't the worst...

I don't understand the firs... (Below threshold)
Socratease:

I don't understand the first two stories. The articles both describe the students as facing criminal charges, but never list the charges. The second mentions "defamation of character", but that's a civil action, not criminal. What criminal charge can you make against inappropriate PhotoShopping of your image? Copyright infringement?

"22. There seem to be very ... (Below threshold)

"22. There seem to be very few happy heterosexuals."

I think they're taking the term "gay" way too literally...

Alex Davis is a moron. I kn... (Below threshold)
James:

Alex Davis is a moron. I know him personally, and I have discovered that he is actually the gay one. There are several times he told me he has made out with guys. Alex is just mad because he can't get with Mr. Muzzillo and hes not gay like him. The news is all wrong + myspace suks :) -James

"The second mentions "defam... (Below threshold)
K:

"The second mentions "defamation of character", but that's a civil action, not criminal."

Apparently, from another story I read, this area has an ordinance against defamation of character.

That law would be unusual be can be made to stick - the courts will uphold laws preventing harassment in various forms.




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