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Wizbang Weekend Caption Contest™

It's Friday, which means it's time for the Wizbang Weekend Caption Contest™. Enter your best caption for the following picture:

Chef Jeff Zellner of Denny's Beer Barrell hoists one of the establishment's record-breaking burgers in the kitchen in Clearfield, Pennsylvania, in May 2005. European lawmakers adopted new laws on food labels aimed at fighting obesity by ensuring that consumers are warned about high levels of sugar, fat and salt in products.(AFP/Getty Images/File/Jeff Swensen)


Winners will be announced Sunday.


Update: Winners announced. Click on the link to read the winning entries. The contest is now closed.


Comments (112)

Anybody want to take bets o... (Below threshold)
Lorie Byrd:

Anybody want to take bets on how many submissions include Michael Moore's name?

We'll call this the "Big Al... (Below threshold)
billburz:

We'll call this the "Big Al". Guess the Carbon Footprint, pre and post eating!

Would you like fries with t... (Below threshold)
Steve:

Would you like fries with that?

After reading the reports o... (Below threshold)
Faith+1:

After reading the reports of a national obesity problem high schooler Josh Bransen said, "Screw the fat police, Super Size Me!"

DRUDGEBREAKING: While excav... (Below threshold)

DRUDGEBREAKING: While excavations at the Hidden Dreams horse farm didn't yield any new evidence of Jimmy Hoffa's remains, new theories have surfaced as to the disposition of the former Teamster.

"...and your Diet Coke will... (Below threshold)

"...and your Diet Coke will be right up..."

(since Steve took the fries caption)

Hmmmm.Michael Moor... (Below threshold)
ed:

Hmmmm.

Michael Moore: Uuuuggggghhhhhhhaaarrrrggghhhhh!

"I will gladly pay you Tues... (Below threshold)
J-Ho:

"I will gladly pay you Tuesday for a hamburger today."

"In Soviet Russia, burger e... (Below threshold)
kev:

"In Soviet Russia, burger eats YOU!!"

So big that I had to have m... (Below threshold)

So big that I had to have my jaw wired back together!

It's called the "Ted Kenned... (Below threshold)

It's called the "Ted Kennedy" burger. If eating it doesn't kill you, you will wish you were dead.

Arteries too soft? We have ... (Below threshold)
Weegie:

Arteries too soft? We have the cure!

Hold the cheese.... (Below threshold)
elvis:

Hold the cheese.

Morgan Spurlock is a pussy!... (Below threshold)
Mike:

Morgan Spurlock is a pussy!

Uh waiter, I thought I told... (Below threshold)
DJ:

Uh waiter, I thought I told you I wanted the large cheeseburger.

One all beef patty, cheese,... (Below threshold)
Jay:

One all beef patty, cheese, special sauce, lettuce, pickles on a... hey! Where are the sesame seeds? I'm sending it back.

The EU sets standards for p... (Below threshold)
Imhotep:

The EU sets standards for portion control, but they failed to control the number of facial piercings in the Chef!

If the fat from the food doesn't kill you, the Hepatitis C from the wait staff will.

WASHINGTON -- Democratic Le... (Below threshold)

WASHINGTON -- Democratic Leader Jerrold (The Waddler) Nadler accepted free Hardees Thickburgers® while that restaurant was trying to influence him on federal food regulations.

He defended the gifts, saying they would never influence his position and was simply trying to learn how his legislation might affect an important home state industry.

"I love the burgers anyways, so it wasn't like being punished," added Nadler, a former competitive eater.

Disciples prepare for Hajj ... (Below threshold)
Tango:

Disciples prepare for Hajj to Graceland with offerings that are said to be pleasing to the deceased King.

Macdonald's unveil's it's n... (Below threshold)
Norm:

Macdonald's unveil's it's new Quarter-Tonner with Cheese Burger. Not available in for Take-Out or Drive-Thru.

You say you can't fit it in... (Below threshold)
pedrovex:

You say you can't fit it in your mouth...thats okay, its a Suppository hamburger.

It's the latest offshore de... (Below threshold)
Mac Lorry:

It's the latest offshore design. The BBC's "Americans are pigs" refrain has gotten a lot of traction.

And now for our Piece de re... (Below threshold)
Ozone64:

And now for our Piece de resistance. Our 10 lb Heart Attack Burger with a side order of Massive Coronary.

and if I think there one of... (Below threshold)
yetanotherjohn:

and if I think there one of Bushitler's little Eichmans, I spit on it before I take it out to them.

I will gladly pay you on Th... (Below threshold)

I will gladly pay you on Thursday for a hamburger today...

The new Alvin Hevesi burger... (Below threshold)
yetanotherjohn:

The new Alvin Hevesi burger. If you can open your mouth wide enough to get a bite of this, you'll have no trouble inserting your foot.

http://www.wnbc.com/politics/9306297/detail.html

You just know that kid spit... (Below threshold)
Takefive:

You just know that kid spit on that burger!

Here's your appetizer Mr. M... (Below threshold)
Tim Murphy:

Here's your appetizer Mr. Moore.

______GUTCHECK_______... (Below threshold)
virgo:

______GUTCHECK_______
__________________BURP!

Percy the Punkster says, "H... (Below threshold)
Charlie Earl:

Percy the Punkster says, "Hey Kos, here's your PETA burger!

"That's a lotta dimp."... (Below threshold)
sentinel:

"That's a lotta dimp."

"Special Orders Don't Up Se... (Below threshold)

"Special Orders Don't Up Set Us."

Here's your sacrificed "Mar... (Below threshold)
Vegas Vic:

Here's your sacrificed "Marine-on- a- bun" Mr. Murtha. Would you like a side of Hypocrisy with you order?

Seconds Mr. Moore?... (Below threshold)
virgo:

Seconds Mr. Moore?

Delivery order to PETA head... (Below threshold)
Robert:

Delivery order to PETA headquarters - It will be there in 30 min or its free.

Johnny Coldcuts, a frequent... (Below threshold)
Rube:

Johnny Coldcuts, a frequent contributor to the Freddy Mercury fan-site "Ace of Spades HQ", seen here being 'fisted' by comedian David Spade in preparation for next month's Cornhole Classic.

"Services Will Be Held Foll... (Below threshold)

"Services Will Be Held Following The Meal."

"Have it your way...but wit... (Below threshold)
Master Shake:

"Have it your way...but with spit!"

Care for some Eminem's with... (Below threshold)
virgo:

Care for some Eminem's with Your burger?

"WARNING: Burger may conta... (Below threshold)
Master Shake:

"WARNING: Burger may contain misplaced body piercings"

He thought having his lips ... (Below threshold)

He thought having his lips staples together was a good idea. But he ordered the megaburger anyway.

Sorry: make that "stapled" ... (Below threshold)

Sorry: make that "stapled" instead of "staples."

"Behold! The PETA Burger."... (Below threshold)
Master Shake:

"Behold! The PETA Burger."

"The Littlest Fry Cook"... (Below threshold)
Master Shake:

"The Littlest Fry Cook"

"And For Sixty More Cents W... (Below threshold)

"And For Sixty More Cents We Can Super Size It!"

Dessert? A ten pound Ex-La... (Below threshold)
Big E:

Dessert? A ten pound Ex-Lax brownie washed down with a 44oz Alka Seltzer Big Gulp.

Free Stents With Every Orde... (Below threshold)

Free Stents With Every Order..

Bud light presents...... (Below threshold)
Faith+1:

Bud light presents...

Thank you Mr. Guargantuan Heart Attack On Plate Burger Maker....

Steak & Shake's new Hot & S... (Below threshold)
Tim:

Steak & Shake's new Hot & Spicey Enormo Burger weighs in at a whopping 2 lbs and is only $1. Can you handle it for just a buck?



*$17.50 with drink

"WARNING>>>>Constructed By ... (Below threshold)

"WARNING>>>>Constructed By The U.S. Army Corps Of Engineers!"

From Pierce Punkster to Al ... (Below threshold)
SILVER BULLET:

From Pierce Punkster to Al Gore: "I've got your global warming right here! Enjoy the special spit sauce!"

In Pennsylvania today, they... (Below threshold)
Rachel Edith:

In Pennsylvania today, they finally found Jimmy Hoffa.

When President Clinton drea... (Below threshold)
Peter F.:

When President Clinton dreams.

Also comes with your choice... (Below threshold)
Peter F.:

Also comes with your choice of string or waffle fries, soda and a side order of Lipitor.

"20,000 calories and 1: an ... (Below threshold)
virgo:

"20,000 calories and 1: an arterie clogging oddyssey."

Rosie O'Donnell was briefly... (Below threshold)
MunDane:

Rosie O'Donnell was briefly upest as she said she wanted "Peppermint Patty on a bed of lettuce", but the light snack was nice.

PINCUSHION, super-star of t... (Below threshold)
John:

PINCUSHION, super-star of the dwarf-tossing circuit, holds down a regular job in the off season.

... Life takes determinatio... (Below threshold)
scotty:

... Life takes determination. Life takes Visa. Well, guess what? The hospital takes Visa too.

(alternative version of sam... (Below threshold)
scotty:

(alternative version of same Visa commercial)

... Life takes determination. This burger takes life...

As an aside, I ate one of t... (Below threshold)
scotty:

As an aside, I ate one of those monsters a few years ago, back when young and dumb. 6 lbs of beef (uncooked). Took me 41 minutes. Got the T-shirt, etc. Spent the rest of the car trip rubbing my belly and wondering what the hell I was thinking.

But that wasn't the thing. The waitress told me when I was done that the *record* was held by a trucker who ate one in *6* minutes. Then ordered another. Ate it in *30* minutes. Then had a whole apple pie for dessert.

I said "TO Go!"... (Below threshold)
Steve:

I said "TO Go!"

"Constructed By The U.S. Ar... (Below threshold)

"Constructed By The U.S. Army Corps Of Engineers, Some Arteries May Fail."

Be still my beating heart..... (Below threshold)
tarheelcon:

Be still my beating heart...

In order to compensate for ... (Below threshold)

In order to compensate for the lack of cheap labor after the government clamp-down on illegal immigration, McDonalds has resorted to hiring teenage scandinavian midgets.

A burger so big, you can't ... (Below threshold)
LJD:

A burger so big, you can't eat it without some metal shit hanging out of your face.

Yes, Mr. Clinton, from your... (Below threshold)
DOUG BOOK:

Yes, Mr. Clinton, from your wife again. Say, you don't look so good!

Yes, a defibrillator is inc... (Below threshold)
La Mano:

Yes, a defibrillator is included.

Hold the mayo.... (Below threshold)
La Mano:

Hold the mayo.

Introducing my new hamburge... (Below threshold)
Pamela Anderson:

Introducing my new hamburger, "The Tommy Lee."

Michael Moore is sued for $... (Below threshold)
McCain:

Michael Moore is sued for $85 million dollars, plus his lunch.

Burger King introduces a ne... (Below threshold)
McCain:

Burger King introduces a new low-carb burger for the diet-conscious crowd.

Hey Kid, take some good fin... (Below threshold)
TripleHeadedHydra:

Hey Kid, take some good financial advice, bring that thing home and stick it under Your bed! in 6 years or so You can sell it on Ebay as Bin Ladens petrified bowel movement, which was found in the caves of Tora Bora. got it kid! good.

A gift from the DNC to Howa... (Below threshold)
Norm:

A gift from the DNC to Howard Dean. The card reads: "this should keep your big pie hole busy for a while. Now eat till its all done."

"Well, we used to call it t... (Below threshold)
JimK:

"Well, we used to call it the Al Roker. Then we switched it to the Star Jones, but she got skinny too. For awhile it was the Janet Jackson, but you know how that turned out. We're thinking of going back to the original name: The Nicole Ritchie. She wasn't always anorexic you know."

Warning: object in mirror i... (Below threshold)
OregonMuse:

Warning: object in mirror is closer than it appears

"But it looks so unnatural.... (Below threshold)
OregonMuse:

"But it looks so unnatural. And that burger's kinda freaky, too."

Scooby Snack... (Below threshold)

Scooby Snack

"McDonalds presents the bra... (Below threshold)

"McDonalds presents the brand new McDie"

"...and a liter of cola."</... (Below threshold)

"...and a liter of cola."

Oh-Oh!This is sure t... (Below threshold)
Ken:

Oh-Oh!
This is sure to reignite discussions about focal lengths, circles of confusion, and analog vs. digital, auto vs. manual feeblebletzer settings.

And a billion Indians wept.... (Below threshold)

And a billion Indians wept...

Introducing the new Whopper... (Below threshold)
Ed:

Introducing the new Whopper called " The Hillary " burger.

Hi My names Ernie and Im Yo... (Below threshold)
CurlyLarryMoe:

Hi My names Ernie and Im Your busboy!want a burger? I made it myself!OH BY THE WAY im also infected with Hepatitis B.

Wanting to reinvigorate slo... (Below threshold)
FormerHostage:

Wanting to reinvigorate slow sales, McDonalds introduces it's newest character incarnation:
"The Extreme Hamburgler"

I got liiiipppsss,... (Below threshold)
FormerHostage:

I got liiiipppsss,
that jingle, jangle, jingle...

Bet ya can't eat just one.<... (Below threshold)
smitty:

Bet ya can't eat just one.

Pork, Who needs Pork...... (Below threshold)
BigBird:

Pork, Who needs Pork...

That'll do til you bring me... (Below threshold)
capitano:

That'll do til you bring me what I ordered -- a 100/100. -- and we will be counting to make sure.

Galahad Peller, great-grand... (Below threshold)
No One of Consequence:

Galahad Peller, great-grandson of Clara Peller, brings an end to her long quest.

-or-

PETA Not-So-Original Movies presents: "Little Shop of Horrors II: White Castle"

Mr. Madden, Heres the Walla... (Below threshold)
virgo:

Mr. Madden, Heres the Wallapalooza ordeurve You ordered! did You want a bucket of gravy with it as well? hmmmphhh$&*&%$$ Oh Im sorry You cant talk with Your mouth full..

Salome asked for his head, ... (Below threshold)

Salome asked for his head, and thus was Mayor McCheese martyred.

Burger King's new Pound of ... (Below threshold)
Pristine Apostle:

Burger King's new Pound of Flesh Whopper, made from fresh panda meat.

"Uh, excuse me no, I said D... (Below threshold)

"Uh, excuse me no, I said DIET coke..."

Wedding souvenir from the A... (Below threshold)

Wedding souvenir from the Arnold/Barr wedding '90...

Try our delicious new "Sand... (Below threshold)
guido:

Try our delicious new "Sandy Berger".
If you can stuff the whole thing down your pants (accidentally, of course), then it's absolutely free!

Denny's Beer Barrel is nami... (Below threshold)
Maggie:

Denny's Beer Barrel is naming its most popular dishes after infamous political figures. First it was "Chili Hillary" and now "Bubba's Burger".

Fear factor challenge: Alri... (Below threshold)
virgo:

Fear factor challenge: Alright Guys You've got 2 minutes to choke down this monster!and chase it down with a pitcher of Beer.
The winner gets $50,000 and a voucher for free gastric bypass surgery.

"Hey, Star Jones? Forget ab... (Below threshold)
Steve Doherty Jr.:

"Hey, Star Jones? Forget about that
'light in the loafers' husband of yours
and come back to the dark side!"

moo... (Below threshold)

moo

Hey Kid, You forgot the Anc... (Below threshold)
virgo:

Hey Kid, You forgot the Anchovies!

Tonight on "60 Minutes", we... (Below threshold)

Tonight on "60 Minutes", we'll go undercover to take a look at what the city of New York did with King Kong.

Cow...It's whats for dinner... (Below threshold)
Doug:

Cow...It's whats for dinner.

The 21st century American A... (Below threshold)
Tom Feral:

The 21st century American Appetizer. AKA The Cow Pie.

Speilberg unveils the new m... (Below threshold)
smitty:

Speilberg unveils the new mothership for "Close Encounters of the Third Kind, Part II".

So thats what "ROSANNE" did... (Below threshold)
virgo:

So thats what "ROSANNE" did with all the whale blubber She had cut off Her derrier.

Mayor McCheese renounces Is... (Below threshold)
virgo:

Mayor McCheese renounces Islam and has His head cut off and served live on Al JaZeera! long live Islam! the religion of Piece 's.

M&M: The Other White Meat</... (Below threshold)

M&M: The Other White Meat

Our Dead Man's Special. Se... (Below threshold)

Our Dead Man's Special. Served with Aces and Eights. Anybody want to sponsor Michael Moore for seconds?

The 6-6-6 Burger... (Below threshold)
Hodink:

The 6-6-6 Burger

Al Gore: "I invented that b... (Below threshold)

Al Gore: "I invented that burger!"

JayTea says "Have this nice... (Below threshold)

JayTea says "Have this nice burger while you wait for us to judge LAST WEEK's caption contest...."

Update</stro... (Below threshold)


Update: Winners announced. Click on the link to read the winning entries. The contest is now closed.




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