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Please Put Your Sexuality Back Inside the Box

"Do you know the difference between a vibrator and a dildo?" Thus reads one of the inspiring queries in Dr. Jennifer A. Gunsaullus' sexual questionnaire "Questions To Stimulate Thinking Outside the Box." If you don't know the answer to this or other intriguing questions Dr. Jenn lays on us, then you can have the distinct privilege of paying the Good Doctor around $75 an hour for her answers.

You see, dear reader, Dr. Jenn is a sociology PhD who's the mastermind behind "Sexuality Outside 'The Box': Integrating Mind, Body & Spirit with Female Sexuality." As an expert in so-called women's studies, the Good Doctor figured that she'd make a few extra bucks from her fellow southern California femmes, to supplement her gigs as an adjunct professor. To this end, Dr. Jenn has devised a series of workshops for sexually benighted hausfraus, which aim at answering such brainteasers as "Do you know how to please yourself?"

Frankly, dear reader, it all makes perfect sense. As she informs us on her informative "website," Dr. Jenn spent her graduate career engaged in intellectual masturbation of the women's studies variety. Why not, then, move on to a more traditional form of self-pleasure?

As such, Dr. Jenn has taken it upon herself to aid her fellow women by bestowing upon them the fruits of her knowledge for a hefty fee. You, your friends, and even your business partners can head down to Dr. Jenn's love den to stimulate yourselves outside the box--and perhaps even the box itself.

To be downright honest, we find this kind of thing mortifying for members of the fairer sex. We mean, come on: Aren't these forays into female sexuality a bit pathetic? If you honestly don't know your vibrator from your dildo, do you really require some chucklehead adjunct professor to enlighten you?

Unsurprisingly, the Good Doctor is a huge fan of The Vagina Monologues, that feculent Eve Ensler production in favor of lesbian statutory rape. Ensler's kind of narcissistic sexual navel-gazing has caught on fire with the upper-middle-class college gals whom women's studies professors deem "the oppressed."

But the narcissistic pseudo-spiritual attachment to sexual pleasure gets even more ridiculous in Dr. Jenn's den. Check out this delightful workshop:

Love Your Body! Body-Image and Photography Do you want to learn how to feel harmonious with your body? Ever considered posing for nude or lingerie photography? This workshop beautifully integrates an exploration of our beliefs about our bodies as women, and challenges women to embrace their bodies and step into greater confidence through posing for elegant and professional photos as a gift to themselves and/or loved ones.

Ah, so Dr. Jenn will lay on you some lame mumbo-jumbo straight out of a graduate seminar and then some boob will take compromising photographs of you. Gee, to whom do we write the check?

For all of Dr. Jenn's blathering about her regard for empowering females, we're willing to bet a hefty chunk of change that she's offering these pathetic seminars because she's married to some fellow who has a real job and who brings home the bacon. That is to say, we'd wager that she's managed to live the perfect pre-feminist bourgeois life that women's studies professors are supposed to disdain. She can talk about cucumbers and K-Y all she wants, but hubby still flips the bill.

(Note: The crack young staff normally "weblog" over at "The Hatemonger's Quarterly," where they are currently making a desperate attempt to shove Dr. Jenn back inside a box.)


Comments (9)

I always thought of it thus... (Below threshold)

I always thought of it thus: A vibrator vibrates. A dildo just sits there looking cocky.

I'd wager she isn't married... (Below threshold)
epador:

I'd wager she isn't married.

Obviously you haven't lived in Berkley or Carmel.

Sounds like a Female version of Leisure Suit Larry or Quagmire to me.

Giggety Giggety Goo!

Ooooh Yeah!

“Do you know the differe... (Below threshold)
James Cloninger:

“Do you know the difference between a vibrator and a dildo?”

2 D batteries

"Do you know how to please yourself?"

Yes.


Do I graduate?

I am sooooo going to change... (Below threshold)
Wanderlust:

I am sooooo going to change my profession, after having read Dr. Jenn's website.

Imagine. A Man teaching "women's studies" to co-ed freshmen, at a university like, say, Berkley.

That is, a straight Man. One of the HeteroNormative variety. One who has been trying to get back into "the box" from the moment he came out of it at birth.

I mean, all you've got to do is practice teaching that stuff long enough to not lapse into giggle fits when you lecture in class, and in no time, I'd bet my last dollar that you'd be literally drowning in p*ssy.

Hey, Fatman, wanna give it a shot? Bet I can be more serious at this than you... :)

/trying not to giggle

More proof that liberals th... (Below threshold)

More proof that liberals think women are stupid. Or more proof that liberal womyn *are* stupid? Well... both.

Look,she's got a Ph.D. in S... (Below threshold)
Corwin:

Look,she's got a Ph.D. in SOCIOLOGY.It's not as if she has job skills or concrete knowledge.I think it's great she's turning to capitalism.

Wanderlust said... (Below threshold)

Wanderlust said

Hey, Fatman, wanna give it a shot? Bet I can be more serious at this than you... :)

I'm down with that. Got the Excursion detailed, laid in a stock of teaching aids (batteries included) and I. am. ready. to. ROCK!

Maybe we should ask Ms Cutl... (Below threshold)
James Cloninger:

Maybe we should ask Ms Cutler (above 4 articles) her opinion on this rather interesting subject. Should be a hoot. Or poot.

To all you little feminist ... (Below threshold)

To all you little feminist girls who would like to try this but are just a little too poor to pay $75 an hour... I would be willing to make the sacrifice, for your benefit, and teach you the differences between a vibrator and dildo first hand if you're willing to show up nude and learn.

Hell, I'll even take some "artistic" photos of you during your learning process.

All for free!!

It's called charity and I subscribe to it.




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