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Another way to tell New Hampshire apart from Florida

I once visited Florida, and I wasn't impressed.

The first thing I noticed was the giant cockroach in the airport bathroom. Some folks insisted it was a "palmetto bug," but I didn't see the distinction.

A while later, I noticed that they had some of the strangest squirrels down there. They were green and hairless. Some folks tried to tell me they were lizards, but I've seen lizards before. These creatures were acting not like lizards, but squirrels -- the spastic bursts of speed, the racing up and down and around trees, all the things us New Hampshirites associate with squirrels.

Just naked and green.

But I've found one more way New Hampshire is different from Florida.

When an 81-year-old driver runs down an 7-year-old kid on a scooter and drags him for half a block before realizing she's got something stuck under her car, we yank her license.


Comments (34)

There's a reason you didn't... (Below threshold)
cirby:

There's a reason you didn't see the normal kind of squirrels when you were down here.

The palmetto bugs ate them.

and you should see what the... (Below threshold)
jdubious:

and you should see what they do to snotty, snarky yankeebloggers, son.

ayup.

Yank her license? Then plea... (Below threshold)

Yank her license? Then please explain the "suspension goes into effect next Monday" crap.

Yeah, you blue staters are all hard on crime. :P

You have to forgive most of... (Below threshold)
Scrapiron:

You have to forgive most of the yankee's. Their brain is frozen. Hundreds of thousands of them have managed to destroy their home states and are now abandoning them and moving south. They are so brainless they move and bring their failed policies and blue state politics with them, which only results in the destruction of another state. For so called progressives they sure manage to stand still or back up when progress is on the line. I see it everyday in our once basic successful but now failed government policies and murder/mayhem imported into our school systems. See Jay, I actually used the word 'most' so each can decide which side of common sense they fall on.

the worst are the detroiter... (Below threshold)
jdubious:

the worst are the detroiters. florida's lousy with 'em. nice folks, but a bit superior about the frozen hellhole warzone wasteland they fled, brown snow flying off their tires, bullets whizzing overhead.

as a native, it gets a little tiresome. and i take it back. the detroiters are at least reasonable, affable folks.

unlike people from a Certain Other State.

Oh yeah, if I wanted consta... (Below threshold)

Oh yeah, if I wanted constant glare, insufferable humidity, hurricanes, giant insects and geriatric politics I'd move to Florida in a heartbeat.

Nothing like an entire state full of people who can't figure out how to operate a paper ballot.

Now, Ken, it's not nice to ... (Below threshold)

Now, Ken, it's not nice to make fun of their electile dysfunction...

J.

You guys do know the differ... (Below threshold)
Paul:

You guys do know the difference between a Yankee and a Damn Yakee huh???

A Yankee is a northerner visiting the south.

A Damn Yankee is one who decided to stay.

Careful! The President's br... (Below threshold)
Palmateer:

Careful! The President's brother is still Governor here, ya know...

Nothing like an en... (Below threshold)
Insomniac:
Nothing like an entire state full of people who can't figure out how to operate a paper ballot.

No, that's pretty much limited to Palm Beach County and its geriatric Democrats.

>and you should see what th... (Below threshold)
Paul:

>and you should see what they do to snotty, snarky yankeebloggers, son.

Don't pick on Jay.

He's never figured out that anyone could post all the stuff he posts about other states about New Hampshire.

Because you know... New Hampshire doesn't have dumb criminal, drunk drivers, stupid politicians or child molesters... Nope, only those other states.

Come now, ken, even you kno... (Below threshold)
jdubious:

Come now, ken, even you know that ballot crack's disingenous. That happened in one county. The one, I might add, with the highest percentage of elderly northerners.

And Jay? I beg to differ.

Constant glare- nope. Sometimes, it's night, albeit only in winter, for like 20 minutes.

Insufferable Humidity- nope. lived in new orleans for the last 3 years. THAT's insufferable.

Hurricanes- See above.

Geriatric politics- Ok, you got us on that one. See opening line.

The only thing that honestly, seriously bugs me aboue the out-of-staters is the superior attitude, and that's only from a handful. It's even a bit funny sometimes, because it's almost uniformly completely subconscious.

Paul,The real vers... (Below threshold)
cirby:

Paul,

The real version:
A Yankee is someone from up North.
A Damn Yankee is one that comes to the South.
A F****** Yankee is one that won't go back.

Oh boy, Jay. You opened up... (Below threshold)
George:

Oh boy, Jay. You opened up a can of worms.

This is like CB radio. All you have to do is utter the words "damn Yankee" or "dumb rebel" and it's an instant argument. That really gets those truck drivers going. It can go on for a long, long time.

Come now, ken, even you ... (Below threshold)

Come now, ken, even you know that ballot crack's disingenous. That happened in one county. The one, I might add, with the highest percentage of elderly northerners.

You are right about that, the native Floridians don't seem to be the ones to blame. I take it back.

But the cracks about hurricanes, glare, bugs and humidity still stand!

I lived in WPB for awhile a... (Below threshold)
VagaBond:

I lived in WPB for awhile and you could always count on several senior citizens no longer qualified to drive to mix the gas with the brake pedal several times during snowbird season.

>The only thing that honest... (Below threshold)
Paul:

>The only thing that honestly, seriously bugs me about the out-of-staters is the superior attitude...

(True Story)

A looong time ago a friend worked in one of the first new all glass construction buildings in town. (like in the 70's) The local office had just gotten a gift from corporate headquarters in the form of a Damn Yankee manager who came down to tell all the stupid southerners how to do their job.

There was a hurricane in the Gulf and the Damn Yankee was just appalled that nobody had ever thought to put a net over the building to protect it. So -at the cost of several thousand dollars- he ordered this massive net and had a local crew put screws in the side of the building to hold it.

Local people (who had lived thru a few dozen storms) asked the Damn Yankee what the hell he thought a net would do. Incredulously he said it would protect the building from the hurricane.

Now the kicker was the mesh on the net was well over a foot wide. So even if he thought it would catch flying debris it would have to be pretty big debris… And anything that big pushed by hurricane force winds probably won’t be stopped by a simple net. Not to mention there was enough give in the net to allow it to contact the glass anyway.

No amount of persuasion would convince this guy he was an idiot.

For about 10 years that I know of, every hurricane they'd go put up their net to (as we used to say) try to catch themselves a hurricane.

It was so goofy the locals would go take pictures of it.

why does an 81 yo woman ... (Below threshold)
heymike:

why does an 81 yo woman need to drive???? I hope she does time for ruining a kids life.

I used to live in Ft. Laude... (Below threshold)
Cousin Dave:

I used to live in Ft. Lauderdale, so this doesn't surprise me a bit. I recall one incident of an elderly lady driving her car through the front door of a bank. She insisted that the car had accelerated by itself; further, the bank had sneakily moved the front door to the place where the drive-in was, while she wasn't looking.

Running her license, the police discovered an outstanding warrant on her for failure to appear. The original charge in that case had to do with an incident where she had, through no fault of her own of course, driven her car through a fence and onto a runway at FLL. Her defense was that she wasn't driving that time; her son was. Minor problem: She didn't have a son.

She kept her license.

Palmetto Bugs fly. I lived ... (Below threshold)
Emerson:

Palmetto Bugs fly. I lived in Tampa for two years and there was one on my shoulder when I was brushing my teeth one bright morn. Needless to say I screamed like a leetle gurl.

Palmetto Bugs fly.</... (Below threshold)
cirby:

Palmetto Bugs fly.

They're also armed.

I waslked into a room once, and one of the bastards flew at me, hitting me on the temple. It actually cut me.

I just want to find the guy who's selling them switchblades.

Palmetto bugs are cockroach... (Below threshold)
kbiel:

Palmetto bugs are cockroaches. Worse, they're flying cockroaches. And, in a very rare admission from a Texan, they are generally larger than the cockroaches here in Texas.

But Jay, you forgot one of the more important lessons of visiting Florida. Stay away from the greenish-brown logs you see floating in the lakes down there.

Yeah, the old-people-drivin... (Below threshold)
jdubious:

Yeah, the old-people-driving threat is, sadly, hard to overstate. check out newsoftheweird.com, for example.

to paraphrase Tim Dorsey, there are basically three indications you're at landfall ground zero. 36 hours out, the skittish ones (and depedning on the size, the wise) take off. Disney shuts down.

24 hours out, the weathermen start shifting like little fiddler crabs up and down the coast, trying to find their own patch of landfall beach.

and at daybreak, the surest, most awful sign, the clincher that you are at point zero:

the surfers show up.
if the surfers show up, get to high ground, leave the pets, the infirm, and children under 6: they will only slow you down. and pray for us poor sinners, because it means that the doom is upon you.

like when theoden-king (or was it denethor) called gandalf "the stormcrow."

Stay away from the green... (Below threshold)
cirby:

Stay away from the greenish-brown logs you see floating in the lakes down there.

PRUs.

Poodle Recycling Units.

Ya’ll forgot our state bird... (Below threshold)
Doug:

Ya’ll forgot our state bird, the mosquito, and our state loonie bird, Katherine Harris.

-pokes his head up from Cal... (Below threshold)

-pokes his head up from California-

what's all that damn racket over there?

Can handle 47 BINGO cards a... (Below threshold)

Can handle 47 BINGO cards all at the same time, can't figure out a simple BUTTERFLY BALLOT?

what's all that damn rac... (Below threshold)
jdubious:

what's all that damn racket over there?

you mind your own damn business, beansprout!

hell, i don't even like people from west of howard avenue. much less those pinkos in st. pete.

I was in line to pay my bil... (Below threshold)

I was in line to pay my bill at a Waffle House one morning when the woman in front of me let out a blood-curdling scream at the sight of a cockroach crawling across the counter.

The embarrassed cashier killed the roach, then said with a weak smile "Well, that's Florida for you."

The astonished woman replied "You even give them names down here?!"

Oh yeah, I forgot to mentio... (Below threshold)

Oh yeah, I forgot to mention all the GIANT MAN-EATING LIZARDS that come crawling out of the golf course lagoons.

That's real nice right there.

Yeah, Jay, I really do like... (Below threshold)
Sal Manella:

Yeah, Jay, I really do like your blogsite, but I just wish you would tone down that New Hampshire is great crap. I grew up there, nice scenery, but seriously, the people {some} tend to be narrowminded and intolerant. Nothing worse than Ignorance bolstered with Ego. Ever see this on the roadside? Genuine NH apples, $20 bucks a bag? How about this bumper sticker? "Welcome to NH, now go home" How about this one on the interstate just over the Mass border. 55mph 55mph 45mph cop 55mph Heres a newsflash: New Hampshire is NOT the center of the Universe. You really do need to go live in another state for a while. EXPAND your horizons.

Heres another way to tell N... (Below threshold)
Phil McCrackin:

Heres another way to tell NH apart from Florida"
Florida doesn't have the State sponsered "Roadkill Auction"

Thats right folks, its perfectly good meat. And the state auctions it off. MmmmGood! "We gots squirrel, turtle, racoon, most anykind of squished critter you want!" AaHuh!! Thats New Hampshu

Thats right Jay, How embarrassing. But so true.

Phil, that happens to be ye... (Below threshold)

Phil, that happens to be yet another point of pride for us, not a mark of shame. I've never attended, but I want to -- just once -- so I can say I've been.

J.

Hey, What is ... (Below threshold)
Cheryl:

Hey,
What is wrong with everyone's bickering back and forth. It is rediculious. Here we all are bickering who is stupid and what not. We have a war going on with our men women and Children fighting for our country and beliefs and for what to come home to see we are all fighting at home. Everyone!!!!!!!!!!! Makes major or minor mistakes. It's called we are all human. Stop fighting and argueing and watch for our men, women and children. Who are trying to help make peace.




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