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Wizbang Weekend Caption Contest™

It's Friday, which means it's time for the Wizbang Weekend Caption Contest™. Enter your best caption for the following picture:

John Kerry visits a tailgate party in Iowa


Winners will be announced Sunday.


Update: Winners announced. Click on the link to read the winning entries. The contest is now closed.


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» rightlinx.com linked with RightLinx Caption Contest #7 - Hotties Edition

» The Consortium linked with Time for a Caption Contest?

» The Bullwinkle Blog linked with Hokey Smokes! Caption Contest: Week 16

» The Clash of Civilizations linked with Triple C: The Clash Caption Contest 4

Comments (113)

Like...ummm....could you li... (Below threshold)
CZ:

Like...ummm....could you like, have Senator Kennedy autograph this for meeee?

"Really, it'll flush that b... (Below threshold)

"Really, it'll flush that broom right out of your ass!"

Tell me again, girls... (Below threshold)
D:


Tell me again, girls, so I get it right at the pep rally ...... Is it Hawkeyes or Buckeyes?

"Sure, yeah, you're cuter, ... (Below threshold)
FreakyBoy:

"Sure, yeah, you're cuter, and with the beer bong you seem like more fun; but, the gal holding my hand has a nine fugure trust fund."

Hi, I'm, like, a Nursing st... (Below threshold)
guido:

Hi, I'm, like, a Nursing student, y'know, and, like,
everybody tells me that, y'know, you're so full of,like, shit and stuff. So, can I, like, practice
my enema homework on you? Like, I've got a really big test for this on Monday, y'know, and it would really, really, like, help me and stuff.

"Yes, I'm sure Lewinski did... (Below threshold)

"Yes, I'm sure Lewinski didn't just use a penis pump on Bill."

Wow, even that apparent bul... (Below threshold)
guido:

Wow, even that apparent bulge in his pants goes to the left.

First, you rub some Heinz o... (Below threshold)
Bob Jones:

First, you rub some Heinz on this end and shove it up your butt, then have TerRayZa drop a gerbil in this end. You'll never think of a Swiftoboat Vet again. I promise!

John Kerry accepts a used H... (Below threshold)
Tango:

John Kerry accepts a used Hawkeye beer-bong to funnel-feed America’s youth his new agenda.

"Sure, put it in, as long a... (Below threshold)
FreakyBoy:

"Sure, put it in, as long as you're sure no one will be able to tell when I'm talking out of my ass anymore."

I sure hope you ladies aren... (Below threshold)
guido:

I sure hope you ladies aren't Swift Boat Vets.
Because I would hate to have to kick your hot little asses from one side of this campus to the other.

"Don't I know you from Viet... (Below threshold)
Margo Demers:

"Don't I know you from Vietnam?"

"Your car's all gassed up a... (Below threshold)

"Your car's all gassed up and ready to go now sir."
"Uh thanks, just throw that back in the trunk."

"Man, I just love you India... (Below threshold)

"Man, I just love you Indiana Hosers."

Senator Kerry shows off his... (Below threshold)
jim:

Senator Kerry shows off his anal trumpet

A Hawkeye 'researcher' disp... (Below threshold)
Mike:

A Hawkeye 'researcher' display's for Senator Kerry an invention designed to make sure that his '08 positions are heard: The Mega-Procto-Phone.

the 2008 Monica tryouts </p... (Below threshold)

the 2008 Monica tryouts

Tell me again how much your... (Below threshold)

Tell me again how much your worth, cause I really need to get away from Theresa...

Sure Senator, but first,... (Below threshold)
heymike:

Sure Senator, but first, I need to drink-you-pretty.

deep in the jungles of Iowa... (Below threshold)

deep in the jungles of Iowa , Kerry stalks his prey, the young wealthy heiress is most vulnerable when drunk...

This is the wrong bong in t... (Below threshold)

This is the wrong bong in the wrong place at the wrong time, young lady.

Come on Johnny don't be coy... (Below threshold)
Mike:

Come on Johnny don't be coy... You sucked before...

College Democrats offer to ... (Below threshold)

College Democrats offer to help Kerry refill on bullshit before the November elections.

Campus life changed as men ... (Below threshold)
B's Freak:

Campus life changed as men stopped sucking beer bongs after the act became known as a "Kerry's Monica".

I so love voting democrat. ... (Below threshold)
billy:

I so love voting democrat. It, like, set me free. I mean, I can get drunk and not even worry about it. And later, I'll show my tits to everybody...because I'm so liberated. And my sorority sisters call me 'lil hoover because I love to suck cock on the first date, you know, cause I dont believe in having sex before the 5th date - I read that on a feminist blog, ya know. Whew, I'm feeling a buzzed, wanna see my tits? They're so popular at MySpace. You were such a good president, President Clinton. God I love Berkley. See ya.

Dude, for you, we call this... (Below threshold)
Weegie:

Dude, for you, we call this device a "personality installer".

Recipe for disaster:<... (Below threshold)

Recipe for disaster:

2 willing coeds
1 laughing black man
a funnel
John Kerry on camera

"Naaaaaahhhh!!! We use it ... (Below threshold)

"Naaaaaahhhh!!! We use it for Heinz ketchup at campus cookouts!"

"Hey does Teddy know you ha... (Below threshold)
JAT:

"Hey does Teddy know you have is pennis enlarger?"

"Sure, but, could you pour ... (Below threshold)

"Sure, but, could you pour it into a demitasse cup instead?"

"Double soy non-fat latte H... (Below threshold)
Imhotep:

"Double soy non-fat latte HIGH COLONIC for you, sir?!"

"Here, John. Dubya wanted ... (Below threshold)

"Here, John. Dubya wanted you to have this."

Several concerned students ... (Below threshold)

Several concerned students capture John Kerry to force feed the emaciated senator - for his own good.

"We call it a 'swift boat o... (Below threshold)

"We call it a 'swift boat of beer'. Want to try it?"

Tell me you love me or I'll... (Below threshold)
JAT:

Tell me you love me or I'll suck the Pelosi out of you with my beer bong!

Your right. It's not a ciga... (Below threshold)
plainslow:

Your right. It's not a cigar, but your no Bill Clinton either.

Multiple entries in this on... (Below threshold)
Faith+1:

Multiple entries in this one:

1) "Really, sir, your farts do stink and we can prove it."

2) "John Kerry, on the prowl for a younger, hipper trust fund sugar-momma."

3) Kerry: "Which end do I drink from? Never mind, I'll just keep flipping it around."

4) "Sorry, but since Teresa cut my allowance I can't afford both of you."

5) "Hey girls, wanna see my Magic Hat?"

Ok, Ok...so if I do it, I g... (Below threshold)
Jeremy:

Ok, Ok...so if I do it, I get your vote right?

Ahh yes, we used to do beer... (Below threshold)

Ahh yes, we used to do beer bongs back when I was crusing up and down the Mekong running CIA ops against Charlie. Those magical moments are seared, I tell you are seared into my memory.

No Lindsay Lohan the set fo... (Below threshold)
sentinel:

No Lindsay Lohan the set for Herbie Recocked is over there.

"Lindsay Lohan was more tha... (Below threshold)

"Lindsay Lohan was more than pleased to introduce MTV's newest voter registration drive - Vote or Pass Out."

Dang it, Sentinel.... (Below threshold)

Dang it, Sentinel.

"C'mon, Senator...do it for... (Below threshold)

"C'mon, Senator...do it for ME?...I'll give you a Purple HEAArrrtt..."

Kerry in 2008: "I experimen... (Below threshold)

Kerry in 2008: "I experimented with the beer bong, but I didn't swallow."

"Is this heaven?""No... (Below threshold)
takefive:

"Is this heaven?"
"No, it's Iowa!"

If we stick this here, we c... (Below threshold)
Fwarnt:

If we stick this here, we can get even more crap to come out of there.

After tweaking his nose in ... (Below threshold)
FreakyBoy:

After tweaking his nose in a freak beer bong accident, John Kerry submitted paperwork to the Navy requesting a fourth purple heart.

So after inserting this end... (Below threshold)
yetanotherjohn:

So after inserting this end, we put soapy water in the other end and voila, we get all the BS out of the politician.

Sen. Kennedy left this in m... (Below threshold)
yetanotherjohn:

Sen. Kennedy left this in my room, can you return it for me?

No, it's true. I always be... (Below threshold)

No, it's true. I always beer bonged with blondes before I beer bonged with brunettes.

Sen. Kerry proposed his fir... (Below threshold)
yetanotherjohn:

Sen. Kerry proposed his first major piece of legislation yesterday in a move he says will make college "more rewarding for the students and a better value for the parents". Crtics noted while the bill provides the students with the tools, it doesn't provide them with the substance.

You know I think you two de... (Below threshold)
yetanotherjohn:

You know I think you two definately understand me better than Teresa. How would you like a position on my staff.

I think we are about to see... (Below threshold)
yetanotherjohn:

I think we are about to see a bunch of frightened horses.

Who says the democrats in t... (Below threshold)
yetanotherjohn:

Who says the democrats in the senate don't have any ideas?

You look like my daughter. ... (Below threshold)
Robert:

You look like my daughter.

If I were President, you gi... (Below threshold)
SurfinKC:

If I were President, you girls wouldn't have to argue about who gets to use the bong first!

Senator the students were s... (Below threshold)
gmax:

Senator the students were saying you are a douche bag. I dont believe it, cuz this is a douche bag.

"Well, sweetheart, just thi... (Below threshold)
JimK:

"Well, sweetheart, just think of me as a taller, uglier Bill Clinton. *zzzziiiipppppp*

John Kerry - Public Enema N... (Below threshold)
Norm:

John Kerry - Public Enema Number One

A John Kerry supporter shows him the Hugo Chavez Sulphur Eliminator for him to use while delivering his next speech.

"Want to see my Silver Star... (Below threshold)
Hermoine:

"Want to see my Silver Star?"

"In fact, I swallowed the b... (Below threshold)
Brad:

"In fact, I swallowed the beer before I drank it."

It's from our Cattle Breedi... (Below threshold)
Window Dresssing:

It's from our Cattle Breeding Lab but doubles as a beer bong on Saturdays.

John bong silver rides agai... (Below threshold)
914:

John bong silver rides again!

If I were president You wou... (Below threshold)
914:

If I were president You would be using a smarter more intelligenly designed device.

It goes in here then goes r... (Below threshold)
SILVER BULLET:

It goes in here then goes round and round and comes out here as your most brilliant speech before the senate. Which end to insert? I told you but you were looking at my tits. Honest, I wouldn't pull your leg, Mr. Kerry.

That reminds me....you know... (Below threshold)
Rory:

That reminds me....you know I was in Vietnam, and I was going up the Mekgong Delta-it was Christmas time and I woke up with one of those in my.......er,

hat!

I actually voted for a seco... (Below threshold)
914:

I actually voted for a second kegger..before I voted against it.

Beer bongs,broads and Sprin... (Below threshold)
914:

Beer bongs,broads and Springsteen.

Glory Days

I found this in George Bush... (Below threshold)
MyPetGloat:

I found this in George Bush's old dorm room next to a couple of eight balls!

Here Mr. Kerry, take the "I... (Below threshold)
Jack Oneil:

Here Mr. Kerry, take the "I'm going to run and win in 08'" funnel again.

Take me Senator.Ta... (Below threshold)

Take me Senator.

Take me in a fashion reminiscent of Ghengis Khan.

Senator!Is that a ... (Below threshold)

Senator!

Is that a Swift Boat in your pocket, or are you glad to see me?

Like I am so glad you lost.... (Below threshold)
Drew:

Like I am so glad you lost..look how much better Iraq is two years later...

To reach everyone who cares... (Below threshold)
Mac Lorry:

To reach everyone who cares about what you say, speak into this end and put the other end in you ear.

Tiffany Tanner, a biology s... (Below threshold)
work4none:

Tiffany Tanner, a biology student at Iowa, solicits for some of Senator John Kerry's spittle. "I plan on proving once and for all, by DNA comparison, that Mr. Kerry is in fact the illegitimate son of the late actor Fred Gwynne."

"Here you go, Mr. Clinton..... (Below threshold)

"Here you go, Mr. Clinton..."

Betcha can't roll a quarter... (Below threshold)
VagaBond:

Betcha can't roll a quarter down your face into this funnel Mr. Kerry.

It's a model of your spine,... (Below threshold)
Mark L:

It's a model of your spine, Senator.

Kerry to Coed:And yo... (Below threshold)

Kerry to Coed:
And you say you have a trust fund?
How large?
Really?

Well, let me call my divorce attorney, and you keep drinking till I'm pretty.
A hose and funnel will poll better than gin and raisins...

"I sipped but did not swall... (Below threshold)
La Mano:

"I sipped but did not swallow."

"I'm sorry dear was your na... (Below threshold)
vader06:

"I'm sorry dear was your name Monica ?...I think you have mistaken me for another Democratic Politician..."

Some veterinary students mi... (Below threshold)
P. Buynay:

Some veterinary students mistake the communist senator for a bloated horse and suggest the fasted way to get rid of all that hot air.

Senator John Kerry, smiling... (Below threshold)
Patti:

Senator John Kerry, smiling, at last has something to relieve himself without leaving the podium while giving a "brief" speech

A veterinary student mistak... (Below threshold)
P. Bunyan:

A veterinary student mistakes the communist senator from Massachusettes for a bloated horse and suggest the fastest way to get rid of all that hot air built up inside him.

Gosh Senator, you have a fr... (Below threshold)
Jeff:

Gosh Senator, you have a freakishly large head!

Here ya go Senator, you wil... (Below threshold)
Jeff:

Here ya go Senator, you will need this when you are trying to blow smoke up voters asses.

Okay, Senator, you talk int... (Below threshold)
John in CA:

Okay, Senator, you talk into this end, I hook this other end up to the turbine, and the hot air will power our little town (and most of Chicago, too) for the next three years

"Senator...You so funny.... (Below threshold)

"Senator...You so funny...it's designed to recycle bullsh*t from either end!"

"Hey, Mr. Kerry. We want t... (Below threshold)
GrimJack:

"Hey, Mr. Kerry. We want to see if you're really Presidential Material. Pretend you're the President, I'm Monica, and this is a Cigar. And you have to do everything while you talk tough about kicking the Swift Boat Vets' ass on the phone with Theresa!"

Kerry: "No, Really!! This i... (Below threshold)
GrimJack:

Kerry: "No, Really!! This is my lucky funnel. It was given to me by James Bond when I ferried him on my Swift Boat to the heart of China on a super secret mission that President Kennedy sent me on during my tour in Viet Nam. It is seared into my memory, like the figures from Theresa's bank statements. I didn't want to brag about it during my last campaign because I didn't want to be seen as a show off and distract from the issues."

Can I get me an enema here?... (Below threshold)
Spike:

Can I get me an enema here?

Hey, Babe! If you have a co... (Below threshold)
Spike:

Hey, Babe! If you have a couple billion dollars, I'll blow smoke up your ass, too, and then you can be the next Mrs. John Heinz Kerry.

"Just a little farther, Joh... (Below threshold)
mesabi:

"Just a little farther, John", "Have another drink and climb into this nice warm trunk"

Kumbaya karaoke with Kerry.... (Below threshold)
914:

Kumbaya karaoke with Kerry.

"This way you can listen wh... (Below threshold)

"This way you can listen when you're speaking out your a$$."

It's the Beer Bong Deluxe 6... (Below threshold)
tarheelcon:

It's the Beer Bong Deluxe 6000 guranteed to transform you into Senator Kennedy or your money back.

Is this what I have to suck... (Below threshold)
jerseychris:

Is this what I have to suck sxxt through to get the presidential nomination?

"You'll love it, it's almos... (Below threshold)
Andrew Paterson:

"You'll love it, it's almost a full circle!"

Sen. Kerry discloses how he... (Below threshold)
tulaw:

Sen. Kerry discloses how he toots his own horn when not giving a campaign speech.

Gosh no, Darlin, way too sm... (Below threshold)
Nylda:

Gosh no, Darlin, way too small for a sperm siphon.

Deep in Cambodia on Christm... (Below threshold)

Deep in Cambodia on Christmas Day, 1968, Lt. John Kerry relaxes with CIA agents during a rare break in Khmer Rouge fire.

"Sweetheart, I'm no Ted Ken... (Below threshold)

"Sweetheart, I'm no Ted Kennedy, but I'm pretty sure you're supposed to give me the other end."

"Does the beer go in the sa... (Below threshold)
coggieguy:

"Does the beer go in the same end as the Kool Aid? Cheryl?, Shirley? Cindy!"

Come on, John, don't be a w... (Below threshold)
nyemo:

Come on, John, don't be a wuss. George Bush does line of coke with this thang. A coupla beers ain't gonna hurt cha.

"Last time I used one of th... (Below threshold)
La Mano:

"Last time I used one of these, I was in Vietnam, you know. I ended up boating in Cambodia on Christmas. I found a magic hat. Would you like to see my magic hat?"

If You hold it for too long... (Below threshold)
914:

If You hold it for too long dear My perfect DNA will spoil.

You should see My new and i... (Below threshold)
914:

You should see My new and improved mustard dispenser.

...ma prima avea ciascu... (Below threshold)
Kent G Budge:

...ma prima avea ciascun la lingua stretta
coi denti verso lor duca per cenno;
ed elli avea del cul fatto trombetta."

Inferno, Canto XXI, 137-139

("... but first each pressed his tongue between his teeth at their leader for a signal and he made a trumpet of his rear.")

Senator Kerry: "Why yes, I'... (Below threshold)
schulz:

Senator Kerry: "Why yes, I'd love to try your beverage ingestion device. May I recommend a 1962 Saint-Emilion Bordeaux?"

"Well, young lady, we do ha... (Below threshold)
Ingress:

"Well, young lady, we do have a shared interest. Tell me about your other assets."

"Well, yes that was in my t... (Below threshold)
elliot:

"Well, yes that was in my tour busses gas tank, and no I don't know where your gas cap is"

I'm sorry John, but in Chic... (Below threshold)

I'm sorry John, but in Chicago you cant buy 'pate de foie gras' so we figured while you're here...

Update: <... (Below threshold)

Update: Winners announced. Click on the link to read the winning entreis. The contest is now closed.




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